A/N: This is from April Fools, but it was written as a "look what his family's doing" kind of oneshot for you guys up-to-date with this story as well. Hope it makes you laugh!

Five Point Exploding Toilet Technique

Isshin sauntered haughtily down the street, an unlit cigarette drooping from his lips. A couple of toddlers frolicking in the grass ran in front of him and he tiptoed around them with stud-muffinly tenderness and winked at a young boy following after them, exhausted from babysitting for his parents. He pointed his index finger at the kid, and cocked his hand with a gun motion before smoothly melting away into the crowd. He sniffed the air and smelled the gunpowder wafting across the hill. Ah, the fireworks were near!

Yuzu watched her dad stumble over two small children and a young boy apologize with an embarrassed tone as the older man laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. She smiled with amusement and noted how, though they seemed not to like each other much, Ichi-nii and their rather eccentric father seemed very much alike in at least that one characteristic Kurosaki male gesture. Her elbow knocked against her small canvas bag, toppling it over as she withdrew three large bento for the family from a heating rack. She sighed noting that Ichi-nii's bento wasn't included. He had been late in returning home and was missing the festival…

Kon muffled his outraged cry as the demonic little girl elbowed him in the face. He rubbed his cheek pathetically, whimpering about being left behind by Nee-san and that brat of a carrot-top that always seemed to latch onto her. He peeked out from the side of the bag, his ears twisting into his signature little horns and snickered quietly to himself as he hiked up the bag and waddled after Isshin, who retreated into the distance, swaggering like a clumsy PI. That man had smooshed, pounded, grinded, and prodded Kon more times than the plush little toy could count. As he shook the small box in his hand, listening to the sweet sound of paper shavings rattling inside, he tiptoed through the unsuspecting crowds, backpack acting like the cheap bush trick he had often seen on dinnertime cartoons, waiting impatiently for Yuzu to finish the dishes, plop him down on her shelf, and fall asleep so he could escape for the night. He never thought he'd actually get a chance to try the innovative sneaking technique, but his chance to test it out was finally in his grasp. He smirked. Vengeance was sweet for the little mod-soul. Wake up and smell the gunpowder, old man!

A small, pink shoe attached to a giggling infant flattened Kon's flexible little body, sounding his squeaker. He grumbled curses, his fist popping out of one of the small buckled pockets on the front of the small satchel. He picked himself up, straightened his tail and ran with resounding squeaks towards Isshin's retreating figure. If he didn't hurry, it would be too late.

Isshin looked lazily about himself and leaned against the cinderblock wall of the men's room, his foot pushing against the surface, hand deep in his left pocket. He pulled the cigarette from his mouth and shoved it in his breastpocket before turning toward the entrance to the bathroom with a sly grin, his sunglasses making it quite hard to see at night (fashion before sensibility, my friend, fashion before sensibility). He waited coolly for one of the bathrooms to become unoccupied and inspected his reflection in the mirror.

Kon abandoned his captor's small bag and ran around the corner, ammo in hand. As someone left one of the stalls, heading to the sink, he slid dramatically under the door, ripping open the packaging of his precious little helpers.

As Isshin pushed open the stall door and turned to face the toilet, hands on pants, he noticed that there was no toilet paper to be seen and, with a frustrated grunt, stepped out of the stall.

Kon sighed with relief when the Kurosaki man left the stall and came out from behind the porcelain basin. He lifted the toilet seat quietly and began placing his little snappers, gently setting the seat back down and scurrying from the vicinity, narrowly dodging a large, thick-necked man's foot as he swung around the doorway.

Isshin nodded smoothly at the man who entered as he pulled the stall door open and surveyed the space with secret agent precision (The name's Bond, Isshin Bond, he thought to himself.) and sauntered over to a shelf rowed with several rolls of toilet paper. He turned to see the larger, much more irritable and red-faced man begin to open the door to his stall.

"Excuse me, sir, but I wouldn't go in there if I were you," he said suavely, pulling his glasses dramatically from his face. The other man halted and grunted aggressively. It was hard to tell, but it seemed he was trying to boost his image, his wink sending mixed messages.

"What's it to you?" he said with a strained voice that left the impression that his neck's impressive diameter was constricting his windpipe. Isshin gulped.

"I was just about to use it," he said, keeping his voice calmly challenging. The other man snorted derogatively.

"Cheh, like I care. Thanks for the toilet paper, chum," he sneered, grabbing the roll from Isshin's hands and slamming the stall door shut. The row of stalls shuddered with the jolt and Isshin sighed, put his sunglasses back on and waited for the next stall to open with his usual wall-reclining posture. He began to hum to himself quietly.

A loud crackling and popping sounded from inside the larger man's stall resounded with an echoing sense of doom as the monster of a man yelled, tumbling out from behind the door, his pants around his ankles. Isshin couldn't help but give in to a fit of tittering until the beast's eyes turned on him.

"You set me up," he seethed, rounding on the Kurosaki siblings' father. Isshin laughed nervously, inching his toe out of the bathroom before racing around the corner. A few seconds later, he could hear his pursuer come charging like a steam engine from the restroom.

"COME BACK HERE YOU TWERP," the other yelled. Isshin stuck his tongue out at him and fled quickly, grateful for his geek-like speed. As he was engulfed in the crowds, only barely being able to perceive the other man's head over the crowd searching with the sense of a crazed bull, Isshin slid onto the picnic blanket that had been spread out so neatly in front of his girls' tent and smashed Yuzu's khaki bag over his head. Something squeaked from inside as he held it tightly over his face like a paper bag.

"Dad…what's wron –"

"Just playing hide and seek with some children, dear. Pretend you don't notice me," he lied nervously, hiding behind her form, his sunglasses askew. She shrugged with a smile and continued to prepare their bento for a late dinner.

Kon fought for air, smashed against Isshin's head. He cursed the childish man's spawn silently, hoping they'd get chocken pox and attempted to ignore the repulsive smell of too much cologne. He glared at the snapper that fell onto his nose, teasing him about his failed attempt at yet another Kurosaki revenge. The backlash had become so cruel, he wouldn't even be able to see the fireworks which began to sound in the distance with cheers and applause. Managing to cross his arms, he promised himself never to do that again.

A/N: Hope you liked it! Oh! And please if you have any idea for Kon pranks, let me know! I've only gotten one suggestion, but I need more if I want my April Fools series to continue. I want them to be silly things you all want Kon to be thwarted doing!