Mortal Kombat: Deception Mayhem!

Disclaimer: I do not own Mortal Kombat or the Numa Numa meme.

Chapter 1:

"Woot!" screamed Tanya, "You go, girl! Show Mr. Muscles who's boss!"

"Fuck off!" said Hotaru, "Jax is gonna take this one!"

The two villains sat in the main room of the palace, watching Kitana and Jax, who were both ressurected and under Onaga's spell, wrestle each other. Kitana was winning.

"Ha!" said Tanya, "Looks like you're gonna have to fork over 50 bucks, biatch! Better luck next time!"

"Bitch!" said Hotaru, "I demand a rematch! You rigged this one!"

"Like hell I did!"

Just then, Onaga burst into the room.

"The hell are you two doing?" he demanded, "I left you in charge of the palace for 10 fucking minutes and you've practically sent this place to hell!"

"Sir," said Tanya, standing up, "Uh, we were just um..."

"The next time I catch you fooling around with my servants, I will have you locked up in my dungeons where you'll be forced to watch reruns of Laguna Beach!"

"Goddamnit!" said Hotaru, "You can't be serious! That's cruel and inhumane!"

"Enough!" boomed the Dragon King, "You have an important job to do right now!"

"What is it, sir?" asked Hotaru.

"Here's a hundred bucks," Onaga pulled out a few twenties, "Go buy some groceries! And so help you if you buy the low-fat yogurt!"

Hotaru grabbed the money and ran out of the palace.

"So," said Onaga, "Have you gathered any info on the Kamidogu? I still need to find out how to fuse them together!"

"The amulet?" suggested Tanya.

"This piece of shit doesn't say how it works!" said the Dragon King, "I need some real instructions."

"Sir," said the Edenian, "I promise you I will find out what we're supposed to do!"

"You better," said Onaga, "The One Being is counting on us..."

Kabal, Kira and Kobra walked through the thick forest in the middle of Outworld, searching for Havik's hideout in the Montoon Valley.

"I don't understand," said Kobra, "Who the fuck is this Havik guy and what does he have to do with us?"

"For the last time," began Kabal, "He's the man from Chaosrealm who healed my wounds and convinced me to go kill Mavado. We are seeing him because he has an important favor to ask of us in return for helping me."

"I'm tired and hungry," said Kobra, "And I've got calices on my calices. Can we rest?"

"Dammnit!" snapped Kabal, suddenly stopping, "You are my new Black Dragon recruits. You are supposed to be formidable, powerful warriors, not a bunch of whiny brats! Speaking of which, where the hell is Kira?"

Just then, they heard a scream. Panicking, Kabal and Kobra ran to the top of a large hill where they thought Kira was in danger.

"Kira!" said Kobra.

"What's wrong?" demanded Kabal.

Kira was not in danger at all - Her "scream" was merely a battle cry and she had just finished killing a large snake with her bear hands (Yes, I meant "Bear" hands, not "Bare").

"Jesus Christ," said Kobra.

"See?" said Kabal, "That's the kind of recruit I want working for me!"

"But that's not fair!" said Kobra, "It's not my fault that she's a 'she-man' and I'm just a regular man!"

Kabal sighed and shook his head.

"Fuck this shit," said Kira, lighting up a cigarette, "This Havik guy better have some people for us to kill. I haven't had any real practice in a long, and I'm itching for a good fight."

"Patience," said Kabal, "Our time to strike will be soon."

He then smiled behind his mask.