"Ten years," Lorelai whispered to herself, when she saw that Luke had noticed her. She'd look pretty damn stupid if she continued standing out in front, so she met his eyes and resolutely entered the diner. She marched straight to the counter and took a seat.
"Still have some coffee?" Lorelai asked. Best to pretend that the karaoke hadn't happened, she thought.
"Nope. At this time of night?"
"Oh," Lorelai responded, deflated in spirit as Luke continued his cleanup chores behind the counter.
"Can I get you something else?" Luke asked.
There was a time when you didn't have to ask that, she thought. There was a time when you didn't use that damn customer service tone with me.
"No," she responded after a few seconds. "Not that hungry. Just walked by, looking for a pick-me-up."
Luke took a deep breath, then looked straight at her. "Well, I can make some...take a few minutes." His voice was barely audible as he spoke. "I guess you do need coffee, you looked like you'd had a few up there." He inclined his head towards the door, in the direction of the bar.
Lorelai considered his offer for a second, then stood and grabbed her handbag.
"You don't have to leave," Luke gruffly added. "Pot's ready, clean...coffee'll be up in a few..."
"Ok. Thanks, Luke," Lorelai expressed sincerely as she sat back down at her once-habitual space at the counter. As Luke finished readying the diner for the night, she watched out of the corner of her eye as he drew each blind closed. She propped her elbows on the counter and rested her chin on her clasped hands.
So, she apparently hadn't sung that song to him, Luke thought, otherwise, knowing her, she'd be too mortified to face him.
At least, he continued his silent conversation, she'd finally resumed her diner-going habit. It was about time. Until she'd shown up the other day, he'd forgotten how long it was since she'd been in. Weeks before their actual break-up, he figured, not counting the night of her ultimatum.
"Rough night, huh? This'll perk you up."
Lorelai lifted her head from its resting place on her folded hands as Luke's voice interrupted the silence. He stood, hemming and hawing, holding a mug of coffee in front of her.
"See," she pointed out, smiling wanly, "Tired. Obviously need coffee."
Luke slid the coffee towards her on the counter and turned back to attend to the coffeemaker. Silence reigned as both continued their silence, each acutely aware of the awkwardness between them. He grabbed a dishrag and busied himself once more. Watching him, Lorelai felt self-conscious about being alone in the diner with him, and that thought saddened her. This building was, after all, where they'd shared so many moments. And upstairs...well, upstairs was the place where they'd first made love, where she'd watched Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert while he slept, where he cooked her wonderful gourmet dinners...
Under her gaze, Luke turned back self-consciously. "Something wrong with the coffee? You haven't had any yet..." He skipped a beat before asking, "You take it the same way, right?"
Oh. He was referring to the coffee. Lorelai mutely nodded her head up and down.
"Hope this still tastes good," Luke quietly nodded in her direction.
Lorelai finally took a sip, unsure if she should immediately gulp the coffee down, or take it slow.
"So Rory, she's ready to graduate," Luke continued. "She looked so mature this morning."
Lorelai continued her silence, amazed that he was being so genial when she was the one who broke them up, and she was the one who'd once again made a drunken spectacle of herself.
"Lorelai? Lorelai?"
"Rory! Yes. Graduating on time in spite of what happened..." Lorelai waved her hand between them.
"Yeah." The boat thing, of course. The thing that kept her from marrying him, his mind added.
Lorelai took another sip of her coffee, relieved that he seemed to know what she was referring to without making her spell out the whole story of the rift caused by the boat theft.
For a few moments, it was comfortable.
"She invited me," Luke informed her.
"What?" Lorelai sputtered absent-mindedly, increasingly overwhelmed by the feeling of homecoming that being in the diner in such close proximity to Luke engendered in her.
"She invited me," he clarified, "to Yale. The graduation..."
"Oh yeah. Good," Lorelai said.
"Right," Luke said softly. "Look, Lorelai..."
"Luke, please. Go! You should go. Take April with you, I'm sure she'd love it. If she's here, that is. Really, it's going to be quite the production. Did you hear who the honorary degree muckety-mucks are going to be?" She stopped for a microsecond to finish off the last gulps of coffee in the mug, and abruptly changed the subject. "I...I should get going. It's late...and I'm sure Paul Anka's waiting. He hasn't been used to being alone lately..." Her voice trailed off, embarrassed at having alluded to her late marriage and 'family'.
Great, just great, thought Lorelai. Now I'm using my dog as an excuse. Damn it, she was trying to be friends with Luke, and it wasn't as if they'd never been alone in the many years before they'd first slept together. But that was before she'd gone and married Christopher.
"He'll be fine. You want me to fix a burger for him? More coffee for you, to-go?" Luke helpfully offered.
"Sure. Uh, wait. No. No thanks. It was wonderful, though." Lorelai pushed her mug away from her towards the center of the counter.
Luke inhaled deeply, and turned towards her, standing with hands on hips and seemingly wanting her to leave. But suddenly, Lorelai found that she couldn't--didn't--want to leave. All she could think about was that night: that horrible, terrible night when she issued her ultimatum just yards from where she was seated. And she meant it. But damn it, nothing in her life had felt right since then. She'd married the man she wanted to want, and that didn't work out, because he wasn't the man she wanted. No fancy Parisian restaurant could make her feel as good as this simple diner. No man could make her feel as good as the man she let get away.
And now she was here alone with the man she didn't want to want, yet couldn't stop wanting. It had felt so right when he held her in his arms. It had felt so right when they woke up together. It had felt so right when she walked into the diner and teased him. She just wanted it all to feel right again. And tonight, as she saw him enter the bar, he looked at her and she knew that the song she was singing was right. She wished him love.
Problem was, she wished him her love.
Lorelai involuntarily closed her eyes and remembered what he looked like when they made love.
"Lorelai?"
Yes most of all, it had felt so right when she sang tonight.
Her eyes flew open and met his across the counter. She noticed how tired he seemed; how there was more grey in his stubble than before, and how pale he seemed.
"So, enough about my kid; how are things going with the new April arrangement?"
Poor Luke, she thought. The new custody arrangement with its frequent cross-country flights must be tiring. She knew how he hated to travel; how he was barely able to sleep in 'strange' beds.
"It's tiring, but I get to see her, and that's what counts."
"You look tired, Luke."
"I'm OK. It's April I worry about. What if she doesn't want to leave her friends to fly out here? What if she gets used to not having me around as much as before she moved..." He dropped his gaze, staring at the floor.
"You're her dad," Lorelai stated with absolute certainty, knowing that that fact was all that mattered.
"Yep."
"And you've turned out to be a great dad." Lorelai beamed, sincere in both word and expression. "Such a great dad..."
Luke nodded his appreciation, and Lorelai stood once more, and resolutely stated, "Well, I really am going to get going now," pushing her stool flush against the counter. "Good night, Luke, and thank you." Lorelai reached into her purse for some change.
Luke gently pushed her hand away. "On the house," he shyly explained.
"But I didn't dispense any advice...like I did this morning..." Lorelai explained.
"Well, think of it as a thank you," Luke shrugged. "For the song..." he quietly added.
Lorelai froze.