Mortal Kombat: Deception Mayhem!
Author's Note: Kobra is wearing his 2nd costume (The one with the hoodie) in case you don't get the later reference.
Chapter 4:
Mileena sat in her cold damp cell, working on her little diary...
"Day 12,890," began Mileena, "Or something like that. I am fed up. The food all tastes the same now - Though that may be because I always eat the same thing. And I haven't seen the light of day since...This morning when the prison guards took me out for my daily exercise. But I smell terrible, and I'm going insane here, especially since I'm all alone..."
"Who the fuck are you talking to?" asked Jade, who walked up to the cell door.
Mileena approached the bars.
"For your information, bitch," began Mileena, "I was working on my diary."
"What diary?"
"On the floor, with this crayon I found. Um, yeah, but the janitor cleaned up here recently so it's all gone...I've decided to just continue anyway!"
"You're fucking insane," said Jade.
"Who's fault do you think this is? HUH? HUH?"
"Yours, you fang-toothed whore! You tried to kill Kitana and take over Edenia!"
"Just leave me alone..."
"Whatever. I just can't wait to see that traitor Tanya in here with you... See ya, Jaws!"
As Jade left, Mileena approached the window of her cell and looked outside.
"Oh, Baraka," said Mileena, "How I miss you. You were the sweetest person I have ever known and you always knew how I felt. Oh, where the hell are you?"
She began to sing:
"Baraka, my sweet little Tarkie...How your fangs gleam in the bright morning sun,
And your blood-stained elbow blades make the enemies run.
And..."
"HEY!" said a voice from a nearby cell, "SHUT THE FUCK UP, BITCH! I'M TRYING TO READ HERE!"
"Yeah," said another voice, "Can't I jerk off in peace?"
"I'm trying to recite my love poetry here!" snapped Mileena, "You guys have no respect for how I feel!"
"YOU SUCK!" said the first voice.
Mileena sat in a corner and began cursing under her breath.
Onaga awoke the next morning in his massive bed. As he got out of bed, he yawned and scratched his ass with his large fingernails. He made his way to the bathroom and washed himself in a shower that wasn't that was way too small.
"Grrr," he growled, "When I find the guy who designed this bathroom, I'm gonna kill him."
After finishing his shower, Onaga put on his unnecessarily large armour and headed to the kitchen for a delicious breakfast prepared by his servants.
"The fuck?" said Onaga, "Hard-boiled eggs again? I wanted Mini-Wheats!"
"Sorry sir," said a servant, "We're fresh out."
"Great," Onaga knew this was going to be a long day.
Later that morning, Onaga held a meeting in the main room of the palace.
"Alright," said the Dragon King, "Is everyone here?"
There was Tanya, Hotaru, and Baraka.
"Damn," said Onaga, "That's it? Anyways, Baraka, tell me of your progress!"
"Great, sir!" announced Baraka, "I've intercepted another two armies last night!"
"Excellent!" boomed Onaga, "Now, what's this business with Sub-Zero?"
"Sir," said Hotaru, "I ask your permission to seek him out. He is a terrorist who has committed many heinous crimes against you and I feel it is my duty to find him and preserve the peace and tranquility you hope to bring to this land!"
"I love your enthusiasm!" said Onaga, "Baraka, why can't you be more like this guy?"
"What the fuck are you talking about?" asked Baraka, "I do way more work than this bozo here!"
Hotaru then stuck his tongue out at Baraka.
"Oh, that does it! I'm gonna give you a beating and a half!"
Baraka cracked his knuckles.
"ENOUGH!" shouted Onaga, "I've had enough of your bickering!"
Tanya then snickered.
"The hell are you laughing at?" demanded Onaga, "You still haven't found the code that will help fuse the Kamidogu!"
"Sir, I'm trying..." said Tanya, lowering her head, "It's really fucking hard."
"Up until now, you have made a great team member," said Onaga, "But recently, you've failed to accomplish anything I asked you to do! I'm doubting your abilities as a leader..."
"But sir!"
"If you don't shape up, I'm gonna have you fired! And by 'fired', I mean 'burned alive'! That goes for all of you, understand?"
"Yessir!" said everyone.
"Dismissed," said Onaga.
Everyone left the room.
"Hey," said Baraka to Tanya, "You look shaky, what's wrong?"
"Um," said Tanya, "I just received a death threat! What the hell am I gonna do?"
"Don't worry," said Baraka, "We'll find the answer soon enough. I'm busy now, but later I'll take you to Outworld tavern where I'll buy you some drinks and we'll relax..."
"Thanks, I guess."
Kabal, Kira and Kobra continued their long trek across Outworld. They began climbing a bunch of mountains.
"Now," said Kabal, "Watch out, because there are many dangerous creatures here. If we're not careful, we could get eaten!"
"I'm not afraid of no creatures," said Kira, "Come on, bring it on ya bastards!"
"Ha!" said Kobra, "I'm not scared either!"
"OH MY GOD!" shouted Kabal "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?"
"EEEEEK!" squeaked Kobra.
A monstrous bear-like creature emerged from a cave and approached Kobra.
"Hold still," said Kabal, if you don't bother it, it won't harm you!"
"It's sniffing me!" said Kobra, shaking.
"Oh God!" said Kira, "He's wet his pants!"
"Get in the fetal position!" ordered Kabal.
Kobra did as he was told. Just then, the creature picked Kobra up by the hood and began swinging him around violently.
"WOOOOOAAH!" shouted Kobra, "I think I'm gonna be sick!"
The creature then started slamming Kobra into the floor.
"Fuck, man!" said Kobra, "I can't take this anymore!"
"That's it!" said Kabal, "We're going hunting!"
"It's about fucking time!" said Kira.
Kabal dug in his travelling sack and searched for a shotgun while Kira pulled out her dragon teeth and charged the beast.
"AIAIAIAIAIA!" shouted Kira, as she jumped onto the creature and drove her knives into its back.
As the creature howled in pain and dropped Kobra, Kabal nomad-dashed up to it with a shotgun in hand. He quickly shot it in the face, killing it.
"Wooo!" cheered Kabal, "Another job well done! Great work, Kira!"
"Don't mention it, dude," said Kira, lighting a cigarette.
"Are you okay?" Kabal asked Kobra.
Kobra, who was lying on the floor, his hoodie torn up, covered in blood, drool, and bruises, looked up at Kabal.
"Yeah," he said, "I'm fine..."
Kobra then passed out.
"Fuck," said Kabal, "I'm not carrying him. Not good for my weak heart! Looks like we'll be setting up camp here."
"Fine by me," said Kira, "What are we eating?"
"Hmmm," said Kabal, staring at the dead monster that lay a few feet away from him.
Tanya sat on the small stool pouting and thinking about what Onaga said. Baraka, who was drunk, was spinning around on the stool next to her.
"Daaaamn," said Baraka, "I think I'm gonna be sick!"
Baraka barfed in his empty beer mug and placed it onto the table.
"Whatsamatter?" asked Baraka, "Why you so glum?"
"Because," began Tanya, "I'm a failure at serving the Dragon King. I thought that this would be a great opportunity for me."
"It still is," said Baraka.
"I never even wanted to join in the first place...All I really want to do is return to my realm, Edenia. How did I get into this in the first place?"
"Oh! Oh!" Baraka raised his arm, "I remember!"
-Flashback-
Tanya drove down the long desert road searching for Shang Tsung's palace. She had just received his call, and now she had to see the Deadly Alliance to receive further objectives. The only problem was that the palace wasn't there...
"Where the hell..." began Tanya, "Oh my!"
Tanya stopped the car and stepped out. In the very location where the palace once stood, was a pile of rubble. Tanya approached the rubble and began searching through it.
"What is all this?" asked Tanya, "Damn it Shang! You better not have given me the wrong directions!"
Tanya searched through the rubble pile some more. Everything was completely destroyed. The pillars, the golden staircase, the beautiful front gate, and even the large platform where the Soulnado stood were all gone. Surprisingly though, the air hockey table remained intact. As Tanya began lifting a giant rock, she saw the staring face of a dead mummified soldier.
"EEEEEK!" screamed Tanya.
Tanya ran away from the palace and headed back into her car. She drove as far away from the palace as she could before suddenly hitting the brakes.
"Wait," thought Tanya, "If the Deadly Alliance are dead, that means I'm free. I could do whatever the hell I want!"
Tanya had long desired to return to Edenia, even though she was banned there for allowing Quan Chi and Shinnok in, and then later betraying Liu Kang. Tanya missed the realm's natural beauty and low sales tax. She then made up her mind: She was going to find a way to get back into Edenia at all costs, even if it meant murdering that heartless bitch, Jade.
As Tanya pondered, she spotted someone in the distance. Believing him to be a lost traveler, she got out of the car and approached him.
"Hey," began Tanya, "You lost?"
The man turned around and pointed his elbow blade at her. It was Baraka, whom Tanya had previously worked with during Shinnok's invasion of Edenia.
"What do you want?" he demanded.
"N-Nothing," replied Tanya, "W-Wait, I know you! Didn't we work together once?"
"I am Baraka," said Baraka, "Servant of Onaga! Oppose him and you will feel my blade"
"Who?"
"Goddamnit!" said Baraka, "Have you been living under a rock or what?"
"I've been travelling the realms, enforcing the will of the Deadly Alliance!
"Ha! The Deadly Alliance has been dead for over a month now. Yup! Destroyed by Onaga, the now-resurrected Dragon King and new Kahn of Outworld!"
"Say whaaaat?"
"Hey," said Baraka, "Why don't you come work for Onaga? I'm sure you'd make a great servant!"
"Er, I don't know..."
"It's that or you die."
"Can't argue with that, can I?" Tanya laughed nervously.
The two shook hands.
"Now," said Baraka, "Before you begin, take these."
Baraka handed her two small contact lenses.
"What are these?" asked Tanya.
"These," said Baraka, "Will turn your eyes white, so that you look more evil."
"Sweet," said Tanya, putting them on.
As her eyes turned ghostly white, Tanya belted an evil laugh with Baraka joining in soon after.
-End Flashback-
"Good times," said the drunken Baraka, as he continued spinning around his stool, "Good, good...WOAH!"
He then fell off and passed out. Tanya simply stared at her drink and sighed. Just then, a random man approached the bar.
"Hey," said the man, "Is this the Bailey's I ordered?"
Tanya shrugged. The man chugged the glass, not realizing it was full of Baraka's puke.
"Spicy," he said, placing the glass back down, "Hey, can I interest you in some brochures?"
"Of what?" asked Tanya.
"I'm a travel agent," said the man, "How would you like a nice vacation in Seido, or perhaps beautiful Edenia?"
"I'd like that," said Tanya.
"Oooh," said the man, clutching his gut, "I don't feel good...Be right back!"
He then dropped his brochures and quickly ran to the bathroom. Tanya picked the Edenian brochure up off the ground and skimmed through it. One of the images caught her attention.
"That's it!" said the Edenian.
"Whaaat?" asked Baraka, lying drunk on the floor.
"I found the ancient texts!"