Disclaimer: They're not mine. I'm just borrowing them long enough to fix them.
Author's Note: The betas: CineFille, iheartbridges, and Lula Bo, are, as always, stupendous and if I were half as clever as them, it wouldn't have been quite so difficult to edit this chapter.
She feels pathetic. She's told herself that she is tired of sitting at home, tired of pizza. But she's really thinking about Luke and making up reasons to walk by the diner. Most of the time she's brought Paul Anka with her, his walk her reason for being in the middle of town and also a convenient excuse for not actually entering the diner. This time though, she's alone and headed for Teriyaki Joe's to get some dinner, at least that's what she tells herself. But when she approaches the diner, she slows, trying to surreptitiously glance through the windows across the street, and pretending to be interested in the shop windows so that she can linger. She feels like she's in junior high, walking by a boy's locker, hoping he'll notice her. The difference is that she can't decide what she wants this guy to do.
She'd thought they had a handle on everything. She'd been visiting the diner and getting comfortable, getting used to living on her own again, and most of all, getting used to being 'not-with' Luke.
Until she'd run into April and the signals got all confused. He wasn't supposed to welcome her into April's life now, not after separating her from his daughter so completely. And he wasn't supposed to kiss her, not when his eyes still held so much doubt.And she wasn't supposed to like it, and stay awake at night thinking about his lips on hers.
She shakes the thoughts out of her head, firm in her resolve as she turns toward Joe's.
"Lorelai?"
The voice is out of context here on the street, so much so that she has to spin to confirm that it's April speaking behind her. "Oh, hi," she manages. She gestures toward the bike that April is in the process of dismounting. "Are you just getting here?"
"Yeah. I'm doing a biotechnology program this week at the high school, so I couldn't get here until now." She glances at her watch. "Wow. No wonder I'm starving. I need a hamburger, like, now." She turns her bike to walk it across the crosswalk, then looks back toward Lorelai, tipping her head in the direction of the diner. "That's where you're going, right? We can hang out while we eat."
"Well…uh…" She doesn't know how to say no to this girl, who's so confidently earnest. She doesn't really want to say no. She wants to get to know this person who's so important in Luke's life. So she nods, and says hesitantly, "Sure, let's have dinner. That sounds good."
She follows April across the street, waiting while she locks her bike and hanging back as they enter the diner.
She watches a smile spread across Luke's face when he sees his daughter. "HeyApril. You want a…?" His voice trails off when he sees Lorelai, his face surprised. "Lorelai. Hey," he says lamely.
"Yeah, look," April says, pointing back at Lorelai and grinning. "I found her outside and she said she'd eat with me."
"Good. That's good," he says, turning back to Lorelai. "Do you, uh, know what you want? I can get it started right away." He gestures nervously toward the kitchen, but his smile is warm, reassuring, and she returns it.
"Hamburger and onion rings?"
He nods, then turns toward the kitchen. Lorelai is still watching him retreat when April speaks up, "Hey Lorelai, do you watch Project Runway?"
"What?"
"Project Runway. It just seems like something you'd watch, and the new season is starting this Wednesday."
"Oh right. I knew that. I just lost track of when it started up again."
"So, you do watch it?"
"Yeah, I got hooked this past winter." She pauses, furrowing her brow. "Do you watch it?" She wants to think it seems a little girly for Luke's 'science fair/math team' daughter, but then she remembers the birthday party and has to remind herself that April is a teenage girl, after all.
"One of my friends started watching it and she kept talking about it all the time. It was Tim Gunn this and Heidi Klum that, and pretty soon we were getting together every week to watch it." She gives Lorelai a little grin. "I even got my mom hooked."
Lorelai feels her body freeze at the mention of Anna, but she responds with a weak smile. "I can believe that."
"And this week, they're going to have to make stuff using only the things in their apartments. It's like this science team event we did where they just gave us a bunch of equipment and we had to come up with our own experiment and collect data. Almost everyone did some sort of pendulum experiment, because it was such an obvious option, but we measured how the length of the string affected the amount of stretch-" She cuts herself off and glances up at Lorelai, looking sheepish. "I'm babbling."
"No, that sounds cool," Lorelai says, smiling at the girl's energy. She leans in and asks, "So, how did you do?"
"We won, but we did have a former gold medalist on our team," April says, with a nonchalant shrug. "I just can't wait to see what kinds of things they have in their apartments, and how they use them."
Once Lorelai realizes they're back to talking about television again, she chuckles. "It'll be like fashion meets MacGyver. Definitely 'must-see' TV."
Luke brings their drinks, and then a few minutes later, their burgers, but the diner is fairly busy, so he leaves them to chat throughout dinner. As cautious as she feels about getting to know April, as unsure as she is about where her relationship with Luke stands, April's enthusiasm is infectious and she finds herself taken in by it. When April suggests they eat together the next time April's at the diner, Lorelai looks to Luke briefly, and off his encouraging nod, she agrees.
She wants to tread carefully here, to be sure that Luke is genuinely comfortable with her knowing April, and to keep from getting herself too involved, so she doesn't linger over dinner and turns down the pie that Luke offers after she finishes her burger.
She thanks April for suggesting that they eat together and then slides some money across the counter toward Luke, saying, "Bye. Thanks for dinner."
He glances at the bills on the counter and starts, "You don't-" but then he pauses and his shoulders fall as he says, "It's good to see you."
Lorelai smiles in relief, "I'll see you soon." She looks to April and continues, "And I'll see you Thursday, right?"
"Right. And we'll compare notes about Project Runway."
"Project Runway?" Luke asks, a skeptical look on his face.
"It's a reality show about fashion. I bet you'd love it," April teases.
As Lorelai leaves, she chuckles as she hears Luke responding, "I wouldn't count on me watching anything with 'runway' in the title unless it has to do with airplanes taking off. And don't get me started on reality shows."
During the next week, Lorelai is in the diner at least once a day, sometimes just for a quick coffee stop, and sometimes for a meal. She eats with April a few times, at April's invitation, though she always looks to Luke for approval before accepting.
She and Luke are…friendly. He seems genuinely glad to see her, and in some ways it reminds her of the time before they started dating, when they could show concern for each other and share stories about their day, but they didn't have any responsibility toward each other. So, it's almost like that, except that she's not sure they'll ever really be at that level of comfort again. Everything she says now is run through a filter in her brain that keeps her from saying anything too flirty or too heartfelt. Everything is just a tiny bit tense.
And she always pays. Every time.
"They're back," she says, as soon as she hears Rory answer the phone.
"Mom?" Rory asks, sounding confused. "What? Who's back?"
"Your grandparents."
"How do you know? Did Grandma call?"
"No, but it's July 16th. They're due back today and I think I just felt the air shift."
She hears Rory sigh, "Mom…"
"And you know what that means, right? This Friday will be another episode of 'Confessions of a Female Disappointment.' You'll be there, right?" she pleads. "Please tell me that you'll be there."
"Mom, I've got that college newspaper editors' conference this weekend," Rory explains, adding, "I told you about that."
"You did?" Lorelai closes her eyes briefly, but then continues her argument. "Did you tell me it was this weekend? Are you sure that you can't come for a quick dinner? Maybe with good behavior, we can both get out early."
Rory sighs, answering patiently, "Yes, I did tell you it was this weekend, and no, I can't come for dinner at all, because the conference starts Friday afternoon in New York."
"How can you leave me alone like this?" Lorelai wails, playing it out for full dramatic effect. "Sending me into dangerous territory with only my wit and charm to protect me." She grimaces. "Neither of which are at all effective against the likes of Richard and Emily Gilmore."
"Yeah, they're a veritable pack of wolves," Rory says, her tone teasing.
Lorelai quips back, "Sacrificing your mother to the wolves. Where is the love, I ask you?" Rory laughs and Lorelai chuckles in response before sobering and saying quietly, "It's going to be horrible."
"No, it's not," Rory says gently.
"Yes, it is."
Rory sighs. "Okay, I'll give you that, but Mom, why do you have to tell them anything?"
"What? My own progeny encouraging dishonesty?" Lorelai answers in mock outrage. She pauses, then says, "You know nothing good ever comes from hiding things from my parents."
"I know, but what's there to tell? You and Luke are talking again. You're hanging out with April. It's only a matter of time…"
"No," Lorelai says sharply, "don't do that, Rory. It's over. We're…I don't know what we are, but we're not together." Her voice is firm in its emphasis.
"But don't you even want-"
Lorelai cuts in, "It doesn't matter what I want."
"Doesn't it?"
Lorelai swallows hard, and she has to work to keep her voice steady. "I just can't let myself go there. I have to get over it. This is hard enough without getting myself all invested again. Please just believe me when I say that it's over, okay?"
"Okay. I'm sorry, Mom," her words soft and sincere. "I just want you to be happy."
"I know, and I will be." She takes a breath before saying, "Hey, you know what would make me really happy?"
"What?" Rory asks sincerely.
"You coming to Friday Night Dinner this week."
"Nice try, Mom."
The next day, Lorelai debates going to the diner for dinner. By now, she's familiar enough with April's schedule that she knows April will be there, but since she hadn't been explicitly asked to come by, she delays her visit so as not to impose too much.
When she walks in and Luke gives her a welcoming smile, she almost wonders what she'd been worried about.
April turns around at the sound of the bell over the door and says cheerfully, "Lorelai! I'm glad you're here. I was hoping to see you today."
Her greeting is typically friendly, and Lorelai feels the soft warmth of approval wash over her. The more time Lorelai spends with April, the more she finds herself letting down her guard and allowing herself to truly have fun again. At the same time, it doesn't escape her notice how ironic and backwards it is that even as she's growing more comfortable with April, talking to Luke still makes her insides tighten with anxiety.
Luke gives Lorelai a casual nod from the other end of the counter as April gestures for Lorelai to take the seat beside her, starting to whisper before Lorelai has a chance to sit down. "I thought I wasn't going to have a chance to see you before-" April looks briefly around the diner, "Wednesday."
"Wednesday?" Lorelai asks, keeping her voice low to match April's whisper. "Oh, Project Runway, right? Have you heard what this week's challenge is? I can't wait to see if Vincent comes completely unglued." She smiles, amused, but looks up to see April shaking her head.
"No, Luke is taking me to a movie!"
"Oh that's nice," Lorelai responds, her voice returning to its normal volume. "What are you going to see?"
"Mystic Pizza," April answers, her voice decidedly unexcited.
"Oh, that's a great movie! Rory and I have seen it tons of times. Are they showing it at the bookstore?"
"Yeah, and Luke saw it and thought that I would like it, because it's about girls growing up in Connecticut." Lorelai shrugs and nods. "But," April continues, her voice a whisper again, "it's a 'coming of age' film, right?"
"Uh…yeah," Lorelai says, wondering where this is going.
"Meaning kissing, probably sex?"
"Uh…"
"Luke doesn't even like the idea of me liking a boy." She stops for a moment to explain. "I told him I liked this boy, Freddy, and now every once in a while he asks about him, and he tries to be all casual, but I think it wigs him out."
The thought makes Lorelai want to laugh out loud, but April looks so serious that she restrains herself to a small smile.
"See?"
"See, what?"
"He is weird about it. And he wants to take me to a movie where we're going to have to watch kissing-"
"And sex," Lorelai adds reluctantly.
"And sex," April sighs. "I don't know if I can sit next to him while people are kissing, or..." Her voice trails off. "It's going to be weird."
"Oh, it'll be fine," Lorelai reassures her. "And it's cool that he wants to take you out to see a movie."
"I guess," April says slowly. "Hey wait! You should come with us!"
"To the movie? I don't know. Your dad wants to take you to see it."
"Yeah, but he won't mind having you come." She says this with such certainty that it makes Lorelai wonder where April got that idea, but then she shakes off the thought and reminds herself that it's a teenage thing, to sound so sure.
"I don't want to intrude though. Your dad doesn't get to spend much time with you."
"I'm sure it would be okay, but I can ask him if you want."
"Uh…okay," Lorelai says hesitantly.
The words are barely out of her mouth when she hears April call, "Luke?" He looks over at them from the other end of the counter, and she continues, "Is it okay if Lorelai comes with us to the movie on Wednesday?"
Lorelai cringes at the less than subtle question and watches Luke look first surprised, then give a tentative smile, "Sure…okay. If she wants to." He glances toward Lorelai. "Do you…want to?"
She looks him directly in the eye, trying to tell him with her expression how sincere she is. "Only if it's okay with you."
"It's okay. It'll be fun," he says, tipping his head in agreement before turning back to take an order.
She nods and he goes back to working. Lorelai looks over and shrugs at April. "I guess I'm going, then."
"That's a relief. Don't get me wrong. I love hanging out with Luke, but he's really weird about the whole 'guy' thing and with you around, he won't be worrying about me."
Lorelai has only a moment to consider what exactly April means by that statement before she goes on, smiling, "You know, I'm really glad you and Luke are back together. He's been a lot happier since you came back from your trip."
The anxious feeling from earlier clamps down with a death grip on her gut. "Oh, April, we're not…" She pauses and takes a breath. "We're not back together. I'm not sure we're ever…"
"But you're here a lot…hanging out," April insists, her voice is confused but analytical, as though she's arguing facts in a legal case or something.
"I know…we're…friends," Lorelai says, stumbling over the words, "but I did something that really hurt Luke and I don't know…I don't know that we're ever going to get over it."
April frowns slightly, "But he said he was an idiot, that he hurt you, too. And you've been talking, so…"
"He said that?" Lorelai asks, not even hearing the second sentence.
"Yeah."
Lorelai wants to smile, to take a moment to think about what it means that Luke had said that to his daughter, but April has this hopeful look on her face and Lorelai feels compelled to say, "They're just really big, the things that happened, so I don't know…I don't think we can get over them."
April looks at her for a long moment, and then shrugs and says, "I hope you try."
Lorelai can't even begin to make sense of what she's feeling or consider formulating a response, but luckily Luke appears to ask what she'd like to eat. After she orders and Luke walks away to make her food, Lorelai looks over at April and in an attempt to change the subject says, "So do you have any big plans for the week? Your biotech program is over, right?"
A look flickers across April's face that tells Lorelai that April's onto her evasion, but she answers, "Yeah, that was just last week. There's not much going on this week, but my mom and I are going to see my grandmother on Saturday, so we'll be getting ready for that."
"That's cool. Where does she live?"
"New Mexico."
"Wow, that's quite a trip. Hey, Grand Canyon, though, right?"
"Actually, " April corrects, "that's in Arizona."
Lorelai slaps her forehead. "That's right. I'm an idiot."
April shrugs. "I have been, though. It's about a six-hour drive from Albuquerque."
"It must be awesome," Lorelai says, impressed, then adds, "and it'll be nice for you to see your grandmother."
"Yeah," April muses. "I don't get to see her very often, so when I do it's fun to catch up."
Luke brings Lorelai's food, and while she eats she and April continue to chat about the plans for her trip until April has to leave. Lorelai stays for a few more minutes and when Luke refills her coffee, before he turns to replace the pot, she says, "Hey, Luke?"
"Yeah?"
"About the movie…" she starts.
"What?" he asks, his expression turning wary.
"I just," she starts hesitantly, but then the words spill out over each other, "if you don't want me to come, I don't have to. I can come down with something, you know, dengue fever or measles or something."
"You could get dengue fever?" he asks, the corners of his mouth curving into a smile.
"Well, whatever would work."
"You don't have to get sick."
"I just don't want to impose."
"You're not," he says decisively. "Do you want to come?"
"Not if I'm going to-"
"Stop. You're coming. Okay?"
"Okay," she says, feeling chastened, and even more thoroughly confused about where everything stands.
Two days later, the three of them are settled in their seats in the bookstore, and Lorelai is no closer to figuring out what any of it means. It's like a date, except that it's really, really not. She's sitting here next to Luke, seeing a movie, but April is on his other side, and there's that whole 'we're not together' thing hanging out there.
She tries to stay in the background, letting Luke and April whisper, listening to her tease him about trying to figure out what's in the secret pizza sauce. Lorelai hasn't had very many opportunities to see them together, but she can tell that there is an ease to their interactions that's developed even since the birthday party. As much as April worried about being uncomfortable with Luke at a romantic movie, they seem pretty comfortable now, joking and laughing and sharing popcorn, even as both of them make an effort to include Lorelai.
For her part, she makes sure to anticipate certain scenes so that she can conveniently distract Luke by asking for some popcorn, or teasing him with candy. April shoots her grateful glances in response.
When the film pauses and Kirk calls for an intermission, April asks, "Intermission? There's really an intermission?"
Lorelai chuckles, "Well, some call it intermission, some call it the time during which Kirk changes the film reels. It is a good opportunity for a bathroom break, though. And, speaking of which…" Her voice trails off as she points to the bathroom. "I'll be right back."
When she returns, Luke has gone off on a tear about pompous food critics, and April is arguing good-naturedly with him. Lorelai can't help but join in with the teasing, and for just a moment it all feels comfortable, right. Until it isn't. Until she reminds herself that this isn't real.
The whole thing makes her want to cry in frustration, because this, this is all she wanted. To be able to know April and hang out with her. And it makes sitting here awkward and confusing, because she doesn't know what's going on, why she's here.
Most of all, she wants to know why he's letting her share this now.
She's left with all these thoughts throughout the movie and when April excuses herself to go to the bathroom during the second intermission, she struggles to find something to say to Luke.
Finally she gets out, "You and April are getting along well."
He ducks his head a bit when he looks back at her shyly. "Yeah?"
"Yeah." She nods, and gives him a genuine smile. "Seriously Luke, you're a natural."
She can see how hard he's trying not to blush, and it's so adorable that it melts away a little of the tension. He looks down at his hands and says quietly, "Yeah well, you and April are getting along really well, too."
She's not exactly sure how to interpret that, so she stammers, "Are you…uh…okay with that?"
He lifts his head quickly, looking concerned at her tone. He nods slowly, saying, "I'm definitely okay with it."
Relief floods through her and she gives him a small smile in response. He looks like he's about to say something more, but the reassurance she's getting makes her feel a little bold.
"Luke, what are we…what are we doing?"
"What do you mean?" She can see him evaluating, wondering if she's really asking what he things she's asking. She suddenly regrets the question, because too many of the possible answers are painful and hopeless.
She takes a deep breath. "I don't know what anything means anymore. I don't know why I'm here." Her voice falls almost to a whisper, "I don't know why you invite me back to the diner. I just don't know what we are anymore."
"We're…I don't know…figuring it out," he says hesitantly.
"What does that-" Lorelai cuts herself off when she sees April heading toward them. "April!"
Luke just sighs and gives her an anguished look before turning to April to find out if she wants more popcorn. During the rest of the movie, he gives Lorelai questioning looks, but doesn't say anything more.
After the movie, the three of them leave the bookstore and before they get very far, Lorelai gestures in the general direction of her house and says quickly, "I'm gonna go home. But, thanks so much for inviting me. It's a great movie." She turns to April and says warmly, "Have a great time with your grandmother."
"I will. Keep up with Project Runway while I'm gone. We'll have a lot to talk about when I get back," she says with a grin.
Luke snorts and shakes his head, "Stupid reality TV. I can't believe you want to watch people make fools out of themselves."
Lorelai looks over to see April rolling her eyes and they share an amused glance. "There he goes again. He's got a killer reality TV rant," April says, shaking her head.
Luke looks at both of them darkly and Lorelai says to April, "I don't know, I think the sheer awesomeness that is Tim Gunn could bring even Luke over to the dark side of fashion.
She and April share a laugh while Luke glares at them, just seriously enough to make Lorelai wonder if they've gone too far with the teasing. "Well, I should go. Bye, April. Bye, Luke." She watches him for a moment to make sure he's not angry, but even though he looks serious, his eyes are warm when he asks lightly, "I'll see you, right?"
"Yes, definitely," she says airily. "You've got the coffee."
"That I do."
For the next two days, that's all it is – quick stops for coffee. She doesn't leave any time for real conversation, because she's nervous about the unanswered question hanging out there. She thinks she can see from his tentative expression that it's on his mind too.
On Friday, when she starts to leave, he asks casually, "Are you coming by for dinner later?"
"If only I could," she jokes.
"Why? What's going on?"
"Friday Night Dinner," she says ominously.
He nods. "Oh."
"Yeah. My parents just got back from Europe." She grimaces. "They've been there for two months."
"Oh…" he says knowingly.
She swallows, and tries to keep her voice light, "So yeah, not too much fun. And Rory can't come either," she adds with an exaggerated pout.
He smiles, then takes a deep breath and says, "Come by afterwards for some pie." Looking her directly in the eye, he adds, "On me."
The intense look in his eye is just about more than she can take, so she says jokingly, "Well, if your idea of fun is to listen to me complain about my parents…"
He plays along and for that she's grateful. "It's one of my favorite hobbies."
That night at dinner, she manages to hide her left hand for all of forty-three minutes. She'd been hoping to make it further through dinner, to leave the unpleasantness for the end, so that she can slip out and leave her parents with a week to cool down, time to let their disappointment fade.
She makes it through salad, but she finds herself unable to avoid passing food to her mother, who's sitting on her left.
She sees the narrowing of the eyes just before her mother commands, "Let me see your hand."
Lorelai instinctively wraps her left hand in her right and buries both in her lap.
"Why won't you let me see it?" Emily asks suspiciously.
"Mom, don't worry about it," Lorelai pleads.
"I most certainly will worry about it."
"What's wrong, Emily?" Richard asks from the far end of the table.
"Lorelai's hiding her left hand for some reason," Emily answers, then turns to Lorelai. "You're being utterly ridiculous."
Shaking her head in frustration, Lorelai sighs. "Fine." She holds up her hand, displaying her empty ring finger.
"Your ring is gone." Given all the fuss, the surprise in her voice is almost comical.
"I know, Mom."
"Why are you not wearing your engagement ring?"
She says it fast, to get the confession out as quickly as possible, "Because we broke up. Luke and I, we broke up."
"Why?"
"It's complicated."
The response is that hybrid of accusation and whining that her mother does so well. "That's what you always say when you don't want to tell us anything." Emily sniff disapprovingly. "Is this because you didn't want to meet that daughter of his?"
"Her name is April," Lorelai says with a frustrated sigh, "and I didn't not want to meet her. It just didn't work out."
"Lorelai, that's not good enough. Richard, tell her that's not good enough."
Richard obliges, his tone patronizing, "Lorelai, have you really thought this through? You really shouldn't make such a decision on a whim. Certainly 'it didn't work out' is a rather vague reason to end a year-long engagement, don't you think?"
Lorelai gives up, letting out a long breath as she flings her arms to the side before letting them fall into her lap.
"Not if he doesn't want to marry you, it isn't."
"Why on earth doesn't he want to marry you?" Emily asks. "I can't imagine how he thinks he can do better ." There's an odd emphasis in the words and Lorelai marvels that her mother can simultaneously make it sound like neither she nor Luke are worthy of each other.
"Mom!" Lorelai says sharply, anger covering the hurt. "I don't want to get into this right now."
"Well, when?"
"I don't know. How about never?" Lorelai snaps back.
"That's unacceptable."
"Mom, it's my life. Just let me deal with it."
"Because you're dealing with it so well right now?"
"God, Mom." The disappointment and criticism are just as expected. Some of the words are so close to what she'd imagined her parents would say that she feels like she should have ready-made retorts handy. But she's just so tired of all of it that she can't bear to rehash it yet again. Trying to keep the hurt out of her voice, Lorelai pleads, "Give it a rest, okay?"
Richard's voice carries across the room again. "Your mother is only trying to understand, Lorelai. We both are. What possible reason could there be for Luke ending the engagement?"
Lorelai pushes back from the table and stands up. "I'm not talking about this anymore." She walks out of the dining room, and she's made it halfway across the foyer when she hears her mother's footsteps behind her.
"So, what now? You're going to sneak out of the window?"
Lorelai turns to glare at her mother. "No, Mom. I'm not going to sneak out the window. I'm just getting some air."
"This is the same air as in the dining room."
"No, this is less oppressive," she says bitterly.
"Lorelai, your father and I just want to understand." Emily's voice has softened so slightly that Lorelai doesn't trust the compassion she thinks she hears. "You don't spend time with his daughter. You tell me you don't think it will happen, and then you say everything is fine. What are we supposed to think?" She shakes her head in disapproval. "How could you let this happen? Or is it just that Luke is a complete imbecile? He never did seem like a terribly bright man."
More than the insults, it's the attack on Luke that forces her to give in, to open herself to even more scrutiny. She looks down at her foot slipping back and forth slowly on the floor and lets out a breath. "I gave him an ultimatum –asked him to elope - and he didn't take it."
"Whatever possessed you to do that?"
"It was getting to be too much. I couldn't do it anymore." It's taking all of her strength to relive the details without breaking down, to speak without her voice cracking.
"So that's it? You're not even going to try to work it out? I thought you loved this man, or was it just one of your silly infatuations, one of your trivial affairs?"
The anger that bubbles up then, at the very least, turns her grief into rage, which helps stem the tears. "How could you say that? You know I love-"
"Of course you do, God knows why, so explain to me why you're not even interested in trying to reconcile.
Fueled by frustration, the words are out of her mouth before she can stop them. "I slept with Christopher, Mom. Okay, are you happy? Isn't that what you always wanted? To break us up?"
"I most certainly-" Emily pauses, her forehead wrinkled in thought. "So, are you with Christopher now?" Lorelai can't decide if she looks pleased or not.
"No," she says firmly, then drops her voice, "it was a mistake."
"Well, I've never heard that one before," Emily says, the words thick with sarcasm. "Do you two have an arrangement or something? If that's the way that you treat an engagement, perhaps Luke is better off. Honestly Lorelai, it's no wonder you haven't been able to make it work with anyone."
The words sap the rest of Lorelai's dignity and she bites out, "Okay, that's it. I'm done," before moving to get her coat.
"Lorelai, what are you doing?"
"Leaving," she says, pulling on her coat while walking toward the door.
"You can't leave."
"Watch me." Lorelai turns, her voice low and even when she speaks. "Why sneak out a window when I can just walk out the front door? Because I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here and listen to any more of your insinuations."
She makes it three blocks before the tears are flowing so fast she can't see, so she pulls over in the shadow of another monstrosity of a house. She's not sure what's worse – that her mother could say such things to her, or that she's letting herself believe them.
It frightens her when she realizes just how much she wants to prove her mother wrong. To tell her about spending time with Luke and April, tell her about the way he'd kissed her. Or to go to Luke and let him comfort her – to play off the attraction she knows is still there.
Because she's pretty confident that she can make him want her, at least for tonight. It's tomorrow she's worried about, the expression on his face when he realizes what he's done. And she can't take that look, can't bear another rejection, so she goes home and avoids the temptation.
It's a sign of strength, she thinks, that she is able to drive by the diner without even pausing.
To be continued