Mortal Kombat: Deception Mayhem!
Chapter 7:
The Edenian guard stood outside the entrance to Edenia picking his nose and looking around. Just then, he heard a noise.
"Who's there?" he demanded.
"Just me," said another guard, "Your shift is done."
"Oh, right," said the first guard, "Lost track of..."
Just then, two arrows flew out of nowhere and struck the two guards. Baraka jumped onto the scene.
"WOOT!" he screamed, "This is gonna be easy!"
Mileena sat in the cold dirty cell as usual working on more of her "Love poetry."
"Supper time," said Jade, who approached the cell and pulled a steak out of the usual place.
"Can't you at least give me some steak spice?" asked Mileena, "You know, I may be a savage half-Tarkatan, but that doesn't mean I don't like a little flavour on my food!"
"Fuck you," said Jade, "This place is already over-funded, and now I have to worry about buying you spice? HA!"
Mileena ate the steak while flipping the bird to Jade. Just then, an alarm sounded.
"The fuck is going on?" demanded Mileena.
"This city is under attack!" said Jade, "I gotta go!"
Jade ran out of the prison. Several other guards also left the building in a big hurry. Mileena looked outside her cell window.
"What's going on?" she wondered.
Baraka and his troops ran through the large city slaughtering any soldier who stood in their way. A group of Edenians standing on a watchtower got together and fired a bunch of arrows. Baraka and his men shielded their heads with their elbow blades.
"Kill them," ordered Baraka.
Several Tarkata ran up the watchtower and killed the Edenians there. Baraka continued to make his way through the city. On the other side, were the Seidans, who were in the middle of a battle with several Edenian troops. While the Seidans were not as skilled as the Tarkata, they were better equipped, wearing thick armor and wielding advanced weaponry The Edenians fought well, but the Seidans quickly mowed them down and made their way further into the city.
"Alright," said Tanya, "The palace is where the texts are located. It's just over that hill."
"Excellent," boomed Onaga, "Now, we must find a way in."
As the soldiers approached, a bunch of Edenian troops set up large catapults. Jade was at the front.
"YOU!" said Tanya.
"Tanya," said Jade, "It wasn't enough for you to betray our realm once? We are sooo gonna take you down."
"Ha!" laughed Tanya, "You're pathetic. You'll never succeed! Now, surrender to the Dragon King!"
"Never!" said Jade, "Ready men? FIRE!"
The men loaded the catapult with a heavy boulder and fired. However, they significantly overshot their target.
"Idiots!" shouted Jade.
Onaga's men advanced towards the Edenians and began killing them all one by one. Jade retreated to the castle.
"Listen up," announced Onaga, "Seidans, head straight to the castle! The Tarkata will head right and try to find another way in!"
The soldiers did as they were told. Baraka, however, headed elsewhere...
Meanwhile, the boulder flew across town, straight towards the prison where Mileena was. Mileena, who was still staring out the window, saw the incoming projectile.
"EEEEEK!"
Mileena threw herself to the floor as the boulder destroyed the cell wall.
"I don't believe this..." said Mileena, "I'm free! I'm free!"
Mileena ran out through the hole in the wall. Not realizing she was three stories up, Mileena plummeted to her death...
Nah, just kidding. She landed in a thick bush and survived.
"Ew," said Mileena, "Bugs!"
She rubbed the bugs off her body and began to run down the street, observing the chaos that had taken over the city. Edenian troops were clashing with Seidans and Tarkata, and things were blowing up everywhere.
"The hell's happening here?" wondered Mileena.
Tanya and several Tarkata found themselves st the side of the castle.
"Alright," said Tanya, "Fire the grappling hooks!"
The Tarkata fired several grappling hooks and they all began climbing up. Just then, on the balcony above, a bunch of Edenian guards showed up with large pots.
"We will never let you in!" said an Edenian, "Ready, men?"
The men tipped over the large pots. Instead of boiling oil, Queen Sindel's dirty laundry poured out all over Tanya and the Tarkata. They all fell to the floor, covered in dirty unitards and thongs.
"Oh!" shouted Tanya, "The horror!"
As Mileena continued searching for a way out of the madness, she bumped into an Edenian soldier, who proceeded to knock her down. Using his spear, he slowly lifted her veil.
"Look at her mouth," said the man, "She's one of them!"
"Yes," agreed his partner.
"Huh?" said Mileena, "No! Please no!"
The man was just about to impale Mileena, when a blade suddenly came through his mouth. As the man fell to the floor, dead, Mileena saw Baraka standing behind him.
"Hey!" snapped the other Edenian, You killed my..."
Baraka chopped the man's head off.
"Oh my God!" said Mileena, "Baraka, is that really you?"
"Yes," replied Baraka, "I sensed you were nearby and came looking..."
Mileena hugged Baraka.
"Oh my God! I missed you so much! I spent so many years alone in that dirty cell and you were all I though of! Here, wanna see my poetry?"
"That's very nice," said Baraka, "But unfortunately we're in the middle of something."
"What?"
"No time to explain," said Baraka, "Come with me!"
Baraka grabbed Mileena by the arm and directed her to the location of Queen Sindel's palace. The two hid behind the front gate and watched as Onaga and several Seidan soldiers attempted to break the door open with a battering ram.
"The Royal Palace?" asked Mileena, "What could you guys possibly want here?"
"The ancient texts," said Baraka, "The Dragon King wants to fuse the Kamidogu...Long story."
"The Dragon King?" said Mileena, "I've heard Shao Kahn mention him...He's back?"
"They're never gonna get in that way..." said Baraka, ignoring Mileena.
Baraka pulled out a sponge cake and took a big bite.
"What's that?" asked Mileena.
"I need some energy," replied Baraka, "And you do too...We're going climbing!"
Just then, an Edenian guard showed up.
"You!" said guard, "You're gonna get it!"
Baraka jumped up into the air and tried to slash him down, but he simply whacked Baraka across the head with his staff. Mileena slowly walked up to him.
"Are you okay ma'am?" asked the guard.
"I am," replied Mileena, "But will you be okay?"
Before the guard could do anything, Mileena ripped the veil off her mouth, exposing her horrifying teeth. She charged towards the man and tore his head off with her teeth. Baraka then got up.
"Nice going, girl," said Baraka, "You're gonna have to teach me that!"
"So are we climbing this wall or not?" said Mileena.
"We're never gonna get in this way," admitted Onaga, "Come on men, we have to use our heads!"
"Yessir!" replied the Seidans.
A group of Seidans charged head-first into the door. Within seconds, the door was covered in blood, and the Seidans were lying dead on the floor. Onaga slapped his forehead.
Onaga and the Seidan guards did eventually manage to break down the door, but as soon as they entered, they were greeted by Queen Sindel, and a swarm of Edenian troops.
"Leave my palace!" ordered the Queen, "Or you will pay!"
"Sez you," said Onaga, "Go soldiers, find the texts. I'll deal with this ho!"
The Seidan troops ran ahead and fought off the Edenian troops. Onaga then stood in the middle of the room as Sindel approached him.
"This is gonna be easy," muttered Onaga.
Queen Sindel flew into Onaga. The impact took Onaga by surprise and he found himself flying into the wall at the other end of the room.
"Alright," said Onaga, "I was just testing you...And you passed. Now, I'm gonna kick your ass!"
Just then, the Mortal Kombat movie theme music began to play as Sindel and Onaga readied themselves for another attack. The combatants charged into one another and they both flew up into the air performing Matrix-style moves to each other. After a few minutes of fighting viciously in mid-air, Onaga managed to strike Sindel across the face, sending her flying into a large table. Onaga hovered to the floor.
"YES!" he shouted, "I am victorious! Score 1 for..."
"Think again!"
Sindel stood up and lifted the broken table with her telekinesis (Or whatever the fuck she has) and hurled it at the Dragon King.
"Now, youze gonna pay, sucka!" snapped Onaga.
Onaga fired several fireballs at Sindel, but she bent backwards and dodged them all. (Again, a la Matrix) As soon as Sindel stood upright, Onaga ran up to her and delivered a clothesline to her face. Onaga hovered over her fallen body.
"Yes," he said, "Finally..."
"Ayayayayayayayaya!" screamed Sindel.
She then performed a flare and stood up again.
"Damn it!" yelled Onaga, "I can't take this shit anymore! Just die already!"
"You can't kill me!" said Sindel in an odd high-pitched voice, "I'm Rick James, bitch!"
She then kicked Onaga in the face.
The Seidan troops continued running down the palace corridors, looking for the ancient texts. They suddenly ran into Jade, who was waiting for them there.
"You," said the lead Seidan, holding up his naginata, "Get out of our way, or we'll kill you!"
"Go ahead," said Jade, "Make me!"
She then pulled a huge flamethrower out of her thong and strapped it on. Before the Seidans could do anything, Jade unleashed a stream of fire at them, burning them all alive.
"How do you like your Seidan?" asked Jade, "Medium-rare or well done?"
When all the Seidans were dead, Jade threw the flamethrower away and pulled out a light machine gun.
"I hear some more unwanted guests in the next room," thought Jade, as she ran down the corridor.
Baraka and Mileena managed to climb up the wall of the palace without being detected. They found themselves in a large room on the second floor.
"See?" said Baraka, "The Edenian guards were too busy with Tanya and friends to deal with us."
"Whatever," said Mileena, "Let's just find the texts and become heroes."
"Sweet," said Baraka, "Do you have any idea where they are?"
"Um, I think I heard Jade mention they were in the basement."
"Arrgh! Alright let's go!"
Baraka and Mileena ran around the hallways until they found the stairs leading down. During this time, they had the funny feeling they were being followed...
"Here we are," said Mileena.
"Oh my God!" said Baraka.
The room was enormous. The walls were covered with thick brown stone, which had strange markings etched into them.
"What is this writing?" asked Baraka, "Chinese?"
"Shut up," snapped Mileena, "It's the ancient texts! We found them!"
"Alrighty then..." began Baraka, but his sentence was cut off by the arrival of Jade.
"Well, well, well," began Jade, "What do we have here? A smelly Tarkatan and his dumb half-monster whore!"
"Get out Jade," said Mileena, "You don't have any iron bars this time to protect you from me ripping you apart!"
"True," replied Jade, "But I have this!"
Jade held up her machine gun.
"Shit," said Mileena, "Baraka, run!"
"It's time do die!" announced Jade, in an accent similar to Ahhhnold .
The two ran around the room, dodging the swarm of bullets. Jade simply stood there laughing as Baraka and Mileena searched for cover. All of a sudden, Tanya entered the room.
"SURPRISE!" Tanya unleashed a Karate chop on Jade's head that knocked her to the floor.
Tanya then stepped on the fallen machine gun, crushing it.
"Nice to see you," said Baraka.
"Yeah," said Mileena, "Not a moment too soon."
"My pleasure," replied Tanya, "Hey...I remember you! Aren't you Baraka's girlfriend?"
Before Mileena could answer, the door bust open and Sindel flew right through and crashed head first into the wall, knocking her out.
"Damn," said Onaga, walking into the room, "That bitch wouldn't go down! We fought all over the palace destroying everything, before I finally knocked her out! Hey, who's that? A new member of my crew?"
"Um," said Mileena, "Yes. My name is Mileena, and although I once served Shao Kahn, I ask permission to join the Dragon King and his crew."
"Sure, whatever," said Onaga."
The bad guys all cheered.
"This is gonna be sweet!" said Mileena, hugging Baraka, "We get to work together again, just like the good old days!"
"Yes," said Baraka, "Like the good old days."
"So," said Onaga, "How are we gonna get all these ancient texts back to my palace?"
"Simple," said Tanya, "I'll use my cellphone camera to snap a few pics, then we'll upload them onto your office computer!"
"Damn," said Onaga, "When did I get so behind with all this new technology?"
"When you spent 10,000 years sleeping in a dragon egg?" said Baraka.
"Right," said Onaga, "Let's just take the pictures and go."
At that moment, a bunch of Tarkatan and Seidan troops arrived and tied up Queen Sindel and Jade.
"You'll never get away with this," warned Jade, "You guys will all pay! Especially you, Tanya, for your betrayal!"
"Awww," said Tanya, sarcastically, "I'm so scared. Ha!"
"You had better be!" said Queen Sindel, "Nobody messes with the Queen of Edenia! Our realm may have been attacked many times, but we'll pull through, just as we always have!"
"Alright," said Onaga, "Enough! Get these two out of here! I'm locking them up in my palace dungeon! In fact, I'll lock up every single Edenian authority figure so that no one in this realm will take us down! And then I'll lock up Kurtis Stryker, Reiko, and Fujin, too, just to be safe!"
Everyone just stood there, confused.
"What are you waiting for?" demanded Onaga, "GET TO WORK!"
Everyone did what they were told. All that could be heard was Onaga's menacing laugh. Phase 1 of his plan was complete...He was one step closer to conquering the realms!