Mortal Kombat: Deception Mayhem!
Chapter 8:
Days after the Edenian invasion, Hotaru and his sole partner Zeke sat on the freezing cold ground in the arctic-like valley somewhere up north, shivering and trying to warm themselves up by the ridiculously small fire.
"Sh-sh-shit!" snapped Hotaru, "It's f-f-f-freaking f-freezing and I j-j-just w-want t-t-t-to kill m-myself right n-now..."
"Geez," said Zeke, wrapped up in a sleeping bag, "I've felt colder before. And besides, you're the one who chose to do this mission. You were all like 'I gotta preserve peace and order and stuff!'"
"Y-yeah," said Hotaru, "B-b-but this sh-shortcut w-w-was y-y-your idea!"
"It's not a shortcut!" snapped Zeke, "It's the only way to cross Outworld safely without having to go through the Living Forest!"
"F-f-for the l-l-last time, th-those t-trees w-w-won't eat you! It's a bloody m-m-myth!"
"Whatever you say boss!" Zeke turned over and attempted to sleep.
"That's it," said Hotaru, pulling out a cellphone, "I'm calling!"
"Who?"
"Anyone! I'm just so desperate right now! I'm cold and my 'evil contact lenses' are dry and freezing!"
"Why do you even wear those things? You're head is under a helmet like, 90 percent of the time!"
"Shut up!"
Hotaru began to dial the number. After a few rings, Tanya, who was at the palace working on the computer (Decoding texts and whatnot) picked up.
"Ee-yello?" said Tanya, "Dragon King Home offices...How may I help you?"
"Tanya?" said Hotaru.
"Hotaru? Why are you calling?"
"I need to talk to somebody! I'm so cold and I'm scared I might not make it through the night!"
"Listen, the phone we gave you was for emergencies only! Do you know what the long distance charges are?"
"This is an emergency, dammit! I..."
"No it's not! What are you doing now, anyways?"
"Sitting in the snow, freezing my ass off."
"True. True."
Just then Baraka walked into the office where Tanya was working.
"Hey Tanya," said Baraka, "WAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZUUUUUUP?"
"WAAAAAAAAZZZZZZUUUUUUP?" said Tanya, with her tongue sticking out.
"Huh?" said Hotaru.
"Here, Baraka," said Tanya, "Pick up the phone!"
"Hey Hotaru," said Baraka, "WAAAAAAAZZZZZZZUUUUUUP?"
"WAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZUUUUUUP?" said Hotaru.
"Yo Zeke," said Hotaru, "Come here!"
He grabbed the phone.
"WAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZUUUUUUP?" said Zeke.
"WAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZUUUUUUUP?" said Tanya.
"WAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZUUUUUUUP?" said Baraka.
Just then, Onaga walked into the office.
"WAAAAAAAAAZZZZZUUUUUUUP?" he said in his very deep and awkward voice.
"WAAAAAAAAZZZZZZUUUUUUP?" said Baraka and Tanya.
"WAAAAAAAZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUP?" said Hotaru and Zeke over the phone.
Baraka and Onaga suddenly left the room and Zeke went back to sleep. It was just Tanya and Hotaru on the phone again.
"So what are you doing?" asked Tanya.
"Just sitting in the snow, freezing my ass off," replied Hotaru.
"True. True."
Kabal, Kobra and Kira finally arrived at the location of the mystical portal.
"So," said Kobra, "This giant thing is gonna take us to Chaosrealm where Havik lives?"
"Yup," replied Kabal.
"You never told us the Montoon Valley was in another dimension!" snapped Kira.
"Yeah," replied Kabal, "My bad."
"What are we waiting for," said Kobra, "Come on! Let's go!"
"Before we travel into Chaosrealm," began Kabal, "You must know that the only way to cross the portal is to fight off a representation of your greatest adversary!"
"Like?" said Kobra.
"Well," said Kabal, "We'll soon find out!"
The three headed onto the large platform. Kabal approached a large control panel and began to press random buttons.
"Can't quite get this thing to work," he muttered.
"Allow me," said Kira, kicking the machine with her steel-toe boot.
"Ah," said Kabal, "Thank you!"
The whole place began to light up. A giant orb appeared in the middle of the platform and a light blinded the trio for a few seconds. Just then, three shadowy figures stepped out of the light.
"Our adversaries," announced Kabal.
In front of Kabal, stood the late Mavado, leader of the Red Dragon. In front of Kira, stood Hsu Hao, servant of the Red Dragon. In front of Kobra, stood a...Chimpanzee?
"Sir," said Kobra, "Is this some kind of joke?"
"No," said Kabal, "That's your adversary. Now, fight him!"
Kira giggled. "He's kinda cute."
"Yeah," agreed Kobra, "He is..."
Suddenly, the chimp leapt into the air and clung onto Kobra's face.
"AAAAHHH!" screamed Kobra, "Get this fucker off of me! He smells like poop and rotten eggs!"
"He just wants to dominate you!" said Kabal, stricking Mavado down, "Don't let him!"
Kobra then ran into a wall several times to get the chimp off of his face. Kobra braced himself and ran at extremely high speed into the wall. The chimp jumped off of Kobra's face at the last second, causing Kobra to crash into the wall and fall to the floor, barely conscious. The chimp just stood there, clapping his hands and sticking his tongue out.
"Damn chimp," muttered Kobra.
Kabal and Kira managed to kill their adversaries. Kobra was still struggling with his monkey.
"Come on," said Kira, "We don't have all day!"
"Yeah," said Kabal, "Hurry up!"
"This fucker's invincible!" said Kobra, "ARRRGH!"
Kobra angrily picked up the chimp and tossed it into the air. As it came down, Kobra punted it, sending it flying over the ledge and into the surrounding ocean.
"Okay," said Kabal, "Are we done here?"
"I just have to pee," replied Kobra.
Kabal sighed.
Baraka sat on the large balcony staring into the empty lot that surrounded the palace. Just then, Mileena showed up. She was no longer wearing the tattered prison clothes, but the tight, revealing purple/black costume we all know and love, as well as a long purple veil over her mouth.
"Nice day, huh?" said Mileena.
"Yup," replied Baraka.
Mileena sat down next to Baraka. There was an awkward silence for a few minutes.
"Listen, Baraka," began Mileena, "I never got the chance to thank you for this beautiful outfit you gave me."
"My pleasure," said Baraka, "I couldn't stand seeing you in those prison rags."
Mileena just stared.
"Um," said Baraka, embarrassed, "I mean, you look beautiful no matter what costume you wear, it's just that those clothes were so dirty and you must have felt, um, itchy, or something..."
"It's alright," said Mileena, "I know what you mean. Thanks you so much for saving me and accepting me into your team. You know, during my time in jail, you were the only person I ever thought of..."
"Really?" said Baraka, "I mean, of course! And I was always thinking of you!"
"Awww, how sweet!"
"Can I see some of your poetry?"
"Oh my God! Of course!"
Excitedly, Mileena pulled some papers out her, um, pocket. She began to read.
"Down, down, down, the enemy goes,
There he stands Baraka, my hero!
How graceful his movements are, how strong his will is,
And how I love the way he charges through enemies, tearing off their limbs and watching them as they slowly writhe in pain and die, and then he rips their heads off and chews out their eyeballs with his big manly Tarkatan teeth and then..."
"Um," said Baraka, "How about you read me another poem..."
"My pleasure," said Mileena.
Mileena cleared her throat and pulled out another paper.
"Baraka, Baraka, with his dick so large..."
"Okay," said Baraka, "I think I've had enough for today!"
"What's the matter?" asked Mileena, "Don't you love my poetry?"
"It's not that," said Baraka, "It's just I'm a little tired right now."
"Fuck you!" snapped Mileena, "You don't love me anymore!"
She then ran to the edge of the balcony and began to cry and wail.
"Eep," thought Baraka, "What have I done?"
He then ran up to her.
"Listen," Baraka said, "I love your poetry and I love you. I'm really sorry if I offended you. Please don't cry!"
"But you won't listen to me," said Mileena, still crying.
"I love you more than anything in the world," said Baraka, "I'm just still trying to adjust. I spent the last few years unsure of your fate. I guess I just kinda came to accept the worst. But now that you're back, I'm glad! And I know just how much you love me. I don't need to hear your poetry to realize that!"
"You mean it?"
"Yup!"
"I guess it is quite an adjustment to make...I mean, every time we're together, we get pulled apart in the end."
"Not this time, baby!"
The two then brought their, er, "lips" together and began to kiss and lick each other's faces with their long, slimy Tarkatan tongues. It wasn't long before they found themselves lying together in bed.
"OH YEAH!" moaned Mileena, "OH YEAH!" GIVE IT TO ME!"
"Aw baby," said Baraka, "Yeah, you're a dirty girl."
Just then Tanya entered.
"The fuck are you doing?" she demanded.
"Jesus Tanya," said Baraka, "Ever heard of knocking?"
"This is MY ROOM!" said Tanya.
"Yeah, I know," said Baraka, "I like it 'cause it has a bigger bed."
"Listen," continued Tanya, "When you two are done, can you please come see me in Onaga's office?"
"Yeah, yeah," said Mileena, "Just get out!"
"Right," said Tanya, closing the door, "I have to stop barging in on people all the time..."
"Now what?" asked Mileena.
"I don't know," replied Baraka, "I'm kind of turned-off right now."
The two just lay there for a while.
"Hey!" said Baraka suddenly, "How about you finish reading me that poem about my dick?"