Mortal Kombat: Deception Mayhem!
Chapter 10:
Mileena, Baraka, and several Tarkatan troops stood in a vast, empty desert waiting for Bo'Rai Cho's troops to show up.
"It's such a nice day outside," said Mileena.
"Yeah," said Baraka, "Nice day...To KILL! Ha!"
"You're always talking about killing and maiming people," said Mileena, "Don't you ever stop and smell the roses a bit? You know, enjoy life more?"
"Oh boy," sighed Baraka.
"I'm serious," said Mileena, "After this battle, you and I should go to the woods and take a nice relaxing walk. We can't always be about killing. We need to get intimate once in a while, too!"
"I completely understand what you mean, Mileena," said Baraka, "That's why my mother never held a relationship for longer than 2 weeks."
As he spoke, Baraka held up his wallet, which contained a photo of his mother. She looked exactly like Baraka, except she was wearing a large pink sun hat.
"Eww," said Mileena, "I mean, awww, that's terrible."
"I know," said Baraka, sniffing.
The two then suddenly began making out. The soldiers in the background winced. One even threw up.
"Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun..." the opposing armies were approaching and singing a retarded chant.
"Sir," said a random Tarkatan, "The armies are approaching!"
"I can see that," said Baraka, as he continued to make out with Mileena, "I'm not blind!"
A bunch of arrows suddenly came raining down on the battlefield. Some of them almost hit Baraka and Mileena.
"That's it," said Baraka, "Nobody messes with us when we're kissing."
Baraka and Mileena each pulled out sponge cakes and took a great big bite.
"CHAAAARGE!"
The Tarkata ran towards the oncoming army and slashed down anyone that stood in their path. Mileena jumped up into the air and impaled two soldiers in the heads with her sai. Meanwhile, Baraka charged a large soldier and attempted to stab him, but the soldier sidestepped the attack, causing Baraka to slip and fall. The soldier picked Baraka up by the legs and began swinging him around.
"Woooooaaahh!" said Baraka, "Holy shit! I can feel the lasagna coming back up!"
The soldier let go, sending Baraka flying through the air and landing head first into the ground. The soldier continued to come after Baraka.
"Spare me," said Baraka.
Mileena slashed down another two men and gave a loud battle cry. Just then, a soldier wrapped his arm around her throat.
"Hey honey," said the soldier in a mocking tone, "This ain't a place for the ladies. Why don't you let me escort you outta here?"
"How about you go fuck yourself?" said Mileena.
She then bit down into his arm with her fangs, causing his arm to tear off. As the soldier screamed, Mileena jumped onto his shoulders and twisted his head off with her knees.
The large soldier bent down and picked Baraka up again, holding his face up to his. He was having lots of fun with Baraka.
"I'm gonna give you the beatdown of your life!" said the soldier.
"Too bad," said Baraka, "'Cause you're the one going down!"
Knives then popped out of Baraka's knees and he stabbed the soldier in the calves by thrusting his legs.
"GAAAH!" screamed the soldier.
Baraka then beheaded the man.
"I'm glad to see this battle coming to a 'head'," laughed Baraka.
Just then, Mileena bumped into Baraka. The two screamed at the same time and pointed their weapons at each other.
"Oh," said Baraka, "It's just you."
"Yeah," said Mileena, "You scared me. Oh my God! You can make blades come out of your legs too?"
"Actually," said Baraka, "It's just for the convenience of this scene. I'll probably lose this ability later on."
"Too bad," said Mileena, "Oh well. Let's go kick some ass!"
The Tarkata fought with all their might and eventually killed all the soldiers. Just two remained and they were running away.
"Mileena," said Baraka, "Do the honours!"
"The what?" asked Mileena.
Baraka sighed, "Throw your sai at them!"
"Oh," said Mileena. She pulled out her sai and tossed them at the two men, killing them.
The Tarakata cheered. Mileena and Baraka resumed their earlier makeout session.
"You're the greatest Tarkatan warrior of all time," said Baraka.
"Thanks," replied Mileena, "I love you."
That night, Hotaru sat on the dirty ground in the middle of the forest as the large campfire burned behind him. He was playing guitar and singing (And he was a little drunk, as well).
"I met a man, he told me a tale,
About a boy whose bread went stale.
Ooooooooooh Yeeeeeaaaaahhh!"
"Jesus Christ!" snapped Zeke, "Can't we go through one night without you getting smashed and acting like a retard?"
"Shut the fuck up!" said Hotaru, "I'm homesick and desperate!"
"Sir," said Zeke, "I can't believe what I'm hearing! You're not that tough-as-nails Seidan Commander that I knew from training camp! Right now, you're a whiny brat!"
"TAKE THAT BACK!" ordered Hotaru.
"No," said Zeke, "I refuse to take orders from you if you're gonna be like that! I'm taking charge from now on!"
"You can't take charge!" said Hotaru standing up, "I am your leader! I AM GOD!"
Zeke just stood there. Suddenly, Hotaru broke down and cried.
"You're right," sobbed Hotaru, "I'm no Seidan Guard! All I did was sleep and eat potato chips during my training exercises! I cheated on my final exam! I bailed out during the simulations, pretending to have been kidnapped by fucking virtual headhunters!"
Zeke's jaw dropped.
"All those things I told you and the recruits during those drills," began Hotaru, "Well, it was all bullshit! There's no hope for us Seidans, even with the Dragon King!"
"That's why you chose to do this mission," said Zeke, "So you can get out of fighting Onaga's battles...And the resistance in Seido."
Hotaru continued crying while nodding slowly.
"But you can't even accomplish this simple mission because you're a fucking burnout!"
Hotaru then pulled out his 'evil contacts' to reveal small blue eyes. He nodded again.
"Great," said Zeke, "I've spent the last few weeks with a bloody coward. A babbling, self-loathing, drunk, coward!"
Zeke then began to grab his things.
"Where are you going?" demanded Hotaru.
"Away from you!" replied Zeke, "I'm not staying here anymore with you! You can go home if you like, but I'm gonna find this Sub-Zero and put an end to this once and for all!"
"NO! You're not going anywhere! That's an order!"
"Fuck off, dickwad!"
"What did you just say?"
"I said get the fuck outta here! I don't take orders from you anymore!"
"GET BACK HERE!"
Hotaru chased down Zeke and tackled him to the floor. Within seconds, the two men were rolling around in the mud, pummeling each other. As the fight got more intense, the men began to roll down a hill - A very steep hill. At first, they continued fighting, but soon after, they lost control and practically went flying through the air.
Hotaru awoke a few minutes later. He stood up and looked around. He saw Zeke lying a few feet in front of him.
"Zeke," said Hotaru, "Zeke? Oh my God!"
Zeke was impaled on a large mutated pointy tree.
"Zeke," said Hotaru, breaking down and crying, "How could I have let this happen? GAAAAH! Damn those mutated pointy tree thingies!"
After a little while of crying, Hotaru approached Zeke and stared down at his face. Hotaru placed his fingers on Zeke's eyelids and gently closed his eyes. He then picked up Zeke's helmet and placed it on Zeke's chest. Still wiping his tears, Hotaru started to make his way back up the hill. Just then, he noticed some strange footprints in the dirt.
"Is that..." began Hotaru, "Ice?"
The footprints had small beads of ice in them.
"That means...Sub-Zero is nearby!" Hotaru glanced at Zeke and remembered what he said before he died, "That's it! I will do it! I will complete my mission and prove myself once and for all!"
Hotaru abandoned all of his stuff and began to follow the footprints. This was it. Sub-Zero was going down!
It was now the following day and Mileena and Baraka continued to battle the opposing armies, though it was becoming increasingly difficult.
"Damn these soldiers," said Baraka, stabbing a soldier, "They are getting smarter each time! I can't keep up anymore!"
"Tell me about it!" said Mileena, "We need more troops!"
"Unfortunately," began Baraka, "All the Seidan troops are currently dealing with a certain issue back at their own realm. So, for now, it's just us Tarkatans!"
Just then, a soldier ran up to Mileena with a large sword. He suddenly stopped.
"Princess Kitana?" asked the soldier, "Is that really you?"
"No?" replied Mileena, puzzled.
"But it looks just like you," continued the soldier, "Bo'Rai Cho has told me so much about you! It must be you!"
Mileena then stabbed the man, killing him.
"That was weird," said Baraka.
"Why?" asked Mileena, "I mean I'm Kitana's clone...It's only normal people get confused."
Baraka thought for a moment.
"THAT'S IT!" shouted Baraka, "I have an excellent idea..."
"Are you sure this is where the Key of Power (Thunder noise) is located?" asked Kobra.
"Yes," said Kabal, "And I am getting fucking fed up of that random thunder noise!"
The Black Dragon trio found themselves in a large castle in Seido, carefully searching for the Key of Power. So far, they have not had any encounters with Seidan guards.
"Now," said Kabal, "I want you two to be extra quiet. I don't wanna get caught."
"Yessir!" shouted Kobra.
"SHHHH!" said Kabal and Kira.
As they walked down the castle, Kobra saw a large candlestick sticking out of the wall. Kobra reached over to touch it. A large hole suddenly opened up in the wall.
"Aw sweet!" said Kobra, "A secret passage!"
"Damn it!" said Kabal, "What part of 'Don't touch' don't you understand?"
"What?" said Kobra, "Now we can take a shortcut!"
"We don't know what's on the other side," said Kabal.
"So?" said Kira, "Let's find out!"
"Oh, alright," said Kabal, "But if I see one beheaded skeleton or some other scary shit, we're leaving!"
The three headed into the passage. When they emerged at the other end, a swarm of Seidan guards were waiting to greet them. They all pointed naginatas at the Black Dragons.
"Well," began Kabal, "That was really smart."
"Sweeeeet," said Kobra.
The others looked at him like he was crazy.
"I was just looking at that painting over there...Real creepy...We're screwed aren't we?"