Mortal Kombat: Deception Mayhem!

Chapter 11:

Onaga sat in his office talking to the One Being, who was speaking through the office computer.

"So," said the One Being, "Having fun decoding?"

"Hell, no!" replied Onaga, "You never told me it was this much work!"

"Um, yeah," said the One Being, "I said it many times...You probably weren't listening!"

"Yeah, you're right," said Onaga, "I tend to tune out a lot."

"Well, there'll be no time for that anymore! We must get to work!"

"Sure..."

"First, I have to check my Facebook page. I put this adorable photo of me and I need to see if I got any more comments."

The internet on Onaga's computer suddenly opened and switched to the One Being's Facebook page.

"You have 4,002 friends?" asked Onaga, "That's way more than me!"

"Well," said the One Being, "It really helps your popularity when you're like, the creator of the universe. Damn it, no new comments!"

"Sir," said Onaga, "I'm really concerned for the future of my reign. The opposing armies are getting more powerful and support for me has really been shot after those comments I made on that radio show..."

-Flashback-

"Welcome back to EG Rock, The Music of the Gods," boomed the radio host, "Today we have a very special guest: The new Kahn of Outworld, and soon-to-be ruler of the universe, Onaga! Nice to have you on the show, my lord!"

"Great to be here, Bob," said Onaga, "I needed a little time off, you know?"

Bob chuckled, "So as Kahn of Outworld, what are your plans?"

"I plan to preserve peace and order in the realm, and enforce strict rules upon the denizens of not only Outworld, but of the entire universe!"

"Very ambitious," said Bob, "I know that you have many enemies...Shinnok, for example, has been very outspoken in his dislike of you."

"I'm aware," said Onaga, "But I'm only Dragon. I can't please everyone, you know."

"True," said Bob, "Very true. Now, before we hear from some callers, I'd like to show you this little video made by your supporters in the Netherrealm."

"Great!"

Bob pressed a button on his control panel and a bunch a T.V screen popped up. On it, were a bunch of Oni from the Netherrealm singing and dancing.

"Onaga, Onaga! We all love Onaga! You rule the world, the Universe!

Long live the Dragon King! Better than Shinnok!

We love your horns! We love your armor! We love your tail!

La-dee-dah! La-dee-dah! LAAAAA-DEEEE-DAAAAHHH!"

Bob gave a weird face, so did Onaga.

"Pretend you enjoy it," whispered Bob.

Onaga nodded.

"Wow," said Onaga, "I'm very impressed. You guys are...Great! Er, well done!"

"Those are some Oni, huh?" asked Bob.

"Yeah," replied Onaga, "Those are some real nappy-headed Oni. Yup, nappy-headed."

Bob just stared.

"Whoops," said Onaga, "Did I just say that out loud?"

-End Flashback-

"Damn," said Onaga, "That was political suicide."

The One Being snored.

"Wake up!" snapped Onaga.

"Huh?" asked the One Being, "Oh, sorry. Your story was fucking boring. Anyways, don't worry. Just follow my advice and you'll be alright."

"And what is your advice?" asked Onaga.

Just then, the door burst open.

"Whoops," said the One Being, "Gotta go!"

"No, wait!" said Onaga, "Aw, fuck! Tanya, how many times have I..."

"It's not Tanya," said Mileena, "It's me, Mileena."

"And Baraka," said Baraka.

"What do you two want?" demanded Onaga.

"Sir," began Baraka, "Bo'Rai Cho's armies are getting stronger by the day, and I keep losing men. We can no longer split the army up into little groups and scatter them to areas where we think the opposing armies will show up..."

"Go on," said Onaga.

"We need to take all of Bo's armies and lead them as far away from this castle as possible. Then, I'll take an entire division of Tarkatan troops and ambush them in a particular spot."

"And how will you do that?" asked Onaga.

"Simple," replied Baraka, "Since Bo'Rai Cho never saw Kitana die or fall under your spell, all we have to do his dress Mileena here up like her, and no one will be able to tell the difference. Bo'Rai Cho and his armies will follow Kitana around, and she'll lead them to where I'll tell her to."

"Sounds pretty risky," said Onaga, "Are you okay with this?"

"Yessir," said Mileena, "I am willing to do anything in the name of the Dragon King!"

"Then it's settled," boomed Onaga, "Prepare Mileena. And good luck to the two of you!"

Jade and Sindel sat in the dark, quiet dungeons beneath Onaga's castle, engaging in a "fun activity."

"Go jumpy!" shouted Jade, "Come on! You can do it!"

"Aw come on, Bibo," said Sindel, "Hurry up! You suck!"

"What the fuck are you two ladies doing?" asked Tanya, who was passing by their cell.

"We're racing cockroaches on the prison floor," replied Jade, "Mine's winning!"

"Nuh-uh!" said Sindel, "Look, mine caught up!"

"Fuck!" snapped Jade.

"Um, yeah, whatever," said Tanya, rolling her eyes.

"You know, it gets kinda boring in here," said Sindel.

"Yeah, yeah, save it," said Tanya, "So, Jade, how does it feel to be at the other end of the shit stick?"

Jade gave Tanya the middle finger.

"Aw, whatsamatter?" asked Tanya, "Can't stand being in jail? Weren't you in a jail for the last few years?...Oh wait! Now, I remember! Back then, you were on the outside teasing all the poor inmates, like Mileena. Now, you're trapped! HA!"

"Tanya," said Jade, approaching the bars, "I swear to the Elder Gods, one day, you will get what you deserve!"

"Sure whatever, sister," said Tanya, "Listen, I gotta go get me a pedicure. Unlike you, I actually try to look good!"

"Of course I can't look good, you dumb fuck!" shouted Jade, "I'M IN PRISON!"

Tanya walked away, laughing.

"Now what?" asked Sindel.

"It's time for your daily dose of The Hills," replied a passing guard.

He pulled a remote control out of his pocket and turned on the T.V. in the prison.

"Ah," he said, "Just in time for the Cram session!"

The guard left.

"The Hills?" asked Jade.

"Yeah, Laguna Beach's awful spinoff. Come on, we better just watch it and get it over with..."

Baraka stood inside the small bedroom helping Mileena into her blue unitard.

"It kinda itches," said Mileena, "Thanks for helping me, though."

"Are you sure you're willing to go through with this?" asked Baraka, "I don't wanna put any pressure on you, but if any part of your Tarakatan mouth shows, they will destroy you!"

Mileena smiled. "I'm not scared. I've survived worse..."

Baraka finished tying up the backside.

"How do I look?" asked Mileena.

"You look just like Kitana," replied Baraka, "I just have to tie the veil."

Baraka held up the veil and brought it to her mouth. He suddenly slipped and fell onto Mileena and the two began kissing. Mileena then backed off and began to do a sexy dance.

"Oh," said Mileena, "Help me! The evil Shao Kahn has me locked up in his dirty smelly dungeon! Who will save me?"

Baraka ripped a piece of cloth from his bed sheet and tied it around his head.

"It is I," said Baraka, "Liu Kang! I have come to save you, princess!"

"Oh, Liu," said Mileena, "Take me away from this wretched place."

She then leapt into his arms and continued to kiss him. They eventually flopped onto the nearby bed and...Well, you know.

"Wait a minute," said Mileena, "Do you have your rubber?"

"My what?" asked Baraka.

"Your rubber...I don't wanna catch your gonorrhea!"

"For the last time," began Baraka, "I don't have gonorrhea! I have genital herpes!"

"Oh," said Mileena, "Okay, I can deal with that!"

Before long, they began coitus and Baraka was moaning loudly.

"Shhh..." said Mileena, "Not so loud. Tanya might be listening in."