Mortal Kombat: Deception Mayhem!

Chapter 12:

Bo'Rai Cho, Li Mei, and a group of monks gathered outside their base of operations training and preparing for an upcoming battle. In the distance, they saw a female figure getting closer.

"Modelling, Li Mei?" began Bo, "I'm not saying it's a bad gig but there are other ways of making money in this extensive market..."

"Hey," said Li Mei, "Who's that?"

"Attention," shouted Mileena, who approached Bo and Li, "I have come to lead your army to victory against the Dragon King!"

"Can it be?" asked Bo, "Yes! Princess Kitana! I thought you were..."

"Killed and resurrected under the control of the Dragon King?" said Mileena, "Hell no! I am alive and well. I was just, um, on a spiritual journey of some kind..."

"Excellent," boomed the fatass, "We are all honoured to have you in charge again!"

"Yes," said Mileena, "Now, we must prepare, for I have a special attack planned. We will all head to Onaga's palace, and kill him there!"

"But," said Li Mei, "Isn't that too dangerous, Princess?"

"Um," said Mileena, "No, because all his troops are...Somewhere else right now. Just trust me, okay? We can do this"

"We trust you," said Bo, "Are you ready men?"

The crowd cheered.

"Let us begin the attack!" announced Mileena.

Obviously, Mileena was not planning on leading them to the castle...Quite the contrary. She was leading them away from the castle into a dark forest where a large horde of Tarkatan soldiers will ambush them. We'll see how this plan turns out later...

Kabal, Kobra and Kira sat in the jail cell, thinking about what a disaster this whole mission was.

"Jesus Christ," said Kobra, "Is there anyone in this fanfic who hasn't ended up in jail?"

"You know," said Kira, "We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you!"

"Hey!" snapped Kobra, "You're the one who wanted to go in!"

"I just wanna smack you so bad right now!"

"Shut the fuck up!" ordered Kabal, "This is no time for arguing!"

"Well," said Kira, "There's nothing else for us to do now, so we might as well argue!"

"You're right," said Kabal, "Carry on."

"Actually," said Kobra, "I'm not in the mood anymore."

"Me neither," said Kira.

After a few minutes of silence, Kobra broke the ice.

"So," said Kobra, "How did you get involved with the Black Dragon in the first place?"

"What's it to you?" said Kira.

"You saw how I got in," began Kobra, "But I wasn't around to see you."

"True," said Kira, "Well, my story begins after I got out after my third stay in prison. I was doing some odd jobs to make money..."

-Flashback-

Somewhere in a cave in Afghanistan, Osama Bin Laden stood in front of a white screen as a cameraman filmed.

"Attention Americans," announced Osama, "I am planning an attack on your beloved nation as we speak. It will be even bigger than 9/11. I will strike you all so bad...Line?"

"Damn it!" said the cameraman, "We rehearsed this for so long!"

"I know," said Osama, "But I've been too busy with other things!"

"We don't even have an attack prepared, so I don't know why we're making all these videos."

"I told you, I'm working on one!"

Just then, about 3 terrorists walked into the cave along with a small man with long, baggy robes and a turban that concealed much of his face.

"And who is that?" asked Osama.

"This man..." began one of the terrorists.

"I," interrupted the small man, "Am Adid-Zenir Jabar. I come from...Far away."

"State your business here!" ordered Osama.

"I have come with weapons," said Adid, pulling out a large black suitcase, "I believe you will enjoy these."

Adid opened the suitcase. Osama and the terrorists looked inside.

"These weapons are incredible!" said Osama, pulling out a submachine gun, "I will pay you very well for this!"

"Um," said Adid, "Can you please pay me in American dollars?"

Osama raised an eyebrow, "What for?"

"I..." began Adid, "I have an important mission there, and I must buy some supplies, if you know what I mean..."

"Ah!" said Osama, "I see! Get him the American money!"

"But sir," said a terrorist, "We were saving that for our trip to DisneyWorld!"

"Too bad," said Osama, "This man here deserves it more than us! Go to America, Adid, and make us all proud!"

"I will," said Adid, accepting a suitcase full of money, "So long, and nice doing business with you!"

As Adid began to leave, a terrorist accidentally stepped on his long cloak, pulling it off and revealing Adid's undergarments: A tight, black tank top.

"Hey!" said a terrorist, "This man...HAS BOOBS!"

Osama yanked the turban off of Adid, revealing long red-hair and a feminine face.

"Whoops," said Kira.

"This is no terrorist," said Osama, "This is a woman! An AMERICAN woman!"

"Actually," said Kira, "I was born in Canada."

"She must be one of those femme fatales," said a terrorist, "Like in those American spy movies!"

"Spy?" said Osama, "Kill her! Don't let her get away!"

3 of the terrorists pulled out assault rifles and began firing. Kira quickly picked up the large black suitcase and blocked the shots with it. As the terrorists reloaded, Kira tossed the heavy suitcase with all her might at one of them, decapitating him. She then picked up a gun from the suitcase and began firing. Only, there was no ammo.

"Shit!" snapped Kira, "That's what I was forgetting!"

She instead charged the men and impaled one of them. The other pulled out a sword and tried to slice Kira, but she blocked with the gun before ramming it into his throat. The cameraman then pulled a knife and charged her, but she simply jumped into the air and landed behind him, where she snapped his neck. Frightened, Osama attempted to dig into his supply bag to pull out a grenade. Kira noticed what he was doing and she immediately picked up the cameraman's knife, which she hurled at Osama's hand.

"Terrorize this," said Kira.

"GAAAH!" screamed Osama, clutching his damaged hand.

"You stay the hell out of America," warned Kira.

Shaken and exhausted, Kira grabbed the cash and walked out the cave slowly. Outside, she ran into a masked man.

"Who are you?" demanded Kira.

"I am Kabal," said the man.

"Kabal?" said Kira, "Is that supposed to be Middle-Eastern?"

"Actually," began Kabal, "I'm half British, half-...Aw fuck this shit! Listen, will you join the Black Dragon?

"Hmmm," said Kira, "I heard of them. They're international criminals right?"

Kabal nodded.

"And there ain't much left of 'em, correct?"

"Just me right now," replied Kabal, "But you'll see, it'll get better in time."

"Sure," said Kira, "I'll join your team, just as long as I don't have to dress up."

The two shook hands.

-End Flashback-

"Wow," said Kobra, "Exciting stuff."

"Shhh..." said Kabal, "Someone is coming."

"Alright," said an oncoming guard, "It's time for your trial."

The guard began to open the cell.

"Guys," whispered Kabal, "I have a plan to escape from here!"

"Come on," said the Seidan Guard impatiently, "Move your fucking asses! Hurry up!"

"Geez," said Kabal, "What's the rush? Why do you have be so mean?"

"Because," replied the guard.

"Because," said Kabal, "You try to look tough to impress everyone right? You hide behind this false image of a tough, angry guard."

"Shut up," ordered the guard as he escorted Kabal, Kira, and Kobra out of the cell, "Just shut the fuck up!"

"Well," said Kabal, "If you're looking for that promotion to Seidan commander or whatever, then you should just be yourself. Trust me, I was like you your age...Only when I did my own thing did I actually go somewhere."

"How so?" asked the guard.

"Let me tell you a story...Once upon a time, there was a man who worked on a farm. Everyday..."

Kobra suddenly grabbed a nearby candlestick and slammed it down on the Seidan guard's head, killing him.

"The fuck?" said Kabal.

"What?" said Kobra, "That was the plan, right? You distract the guard while one of us kills him?"

"Actually," began Kabal, "I had something way more complex and convoluted in mind, but...Eh, I guess that worked."

For the next few hours, Kabal, Kobra, and Kira ran around the castle, navigating corners, and sneaking past Seidan guards. I could sit here all day, describing their little adventures, but I have a life to get to, so I'll just skip to the part where they find the Key of Power.

"Whew," said Kobra, "That was insane! What an adventure!"

"One for the ages," said Kabal, "I'm just glad we finally found the damn key!"

"Yes," said Kira, "Now we can grab it and leave."

The three entered a small room with thick stone walls and a small pedestal in the centre where the key stood. Kobra approached it and carefully picked it up.

"Don't drop it," warned Kabal.

"What?" Kobra dropped the key.

"Idiot!" shouted Kabal, "I said DON'T drop it!"

Normally, when a key falls, it makes a "Ding!" noise, but being the Key of Power, it made a noise similar to an Elder God taking a huge dump.

"Shit!" snapped Kabal, "I bet the whole universe heard that!"

"Come on," said Kira, "We gotta get outta here!"

Dozens of Seidan guards poured into the room. The trio desperately crawled into a small hole in the corner. When they emerged, they found themselves in the main hall

"Let's go!" ordered Kabal, "The main door is just up ahead!"

Just then, more Seidans entered.

"Shit!" said Kira, "These guys are fast!"

The trio ran (In slow motion) towards the door, while being chased down by guards.

"Why are we running so slow?" asked Kobra.

"I don't know," said Kabal, "We better pick up the pace!"

They eventually made it to the door. Unfortunately, it was locked.

"We're screwed..." said Kabal.

Just then, the doors swung open, knocking down the Black Dragon trio. The Seidans stopped in their path. At the door, stood an army of angry-looking people. Their leader was a tall, black man with dark glasses. His right-hand man was a short, balding samurai.

"Oh, no!" said the lead Seidan guard, "It's the resistance!"

"That's right, foo!" said the leader of the resistance, "I am Darrius, and with my partner Dairou, I plan on leading this army in the biggest revolt in Seidan history! Now, take us to the king!"

"He's on vacation now," said the Seidan guard.

"WHAT?" shouted Darrius, "Dairou, I thought you said his vacation already passed."

"Geez," said Dairou, "I made a little mistake. Big friggin' deal!"

"Well," said Darrius, "It doesn't matter. We'll just kill you all and then wait until the king gets back, so we can ask him to step down!"

The resistance cheered.

"Um," said Kira, "Darrius, right? Yeah, so are you the bad guys or the good guys?"

"Well," began Darrius, "That all depends...If you were a Seidan soldier right now, we would seem like the bad guys. But, we feel like we are making a positive change in this realm, so we see ourselves as good guys!"

"Oh..." said Kira.

"But," said Kobra, "What about a neutral party who has nothing to do with this revolution?"

"Well," replied Darrius, "That depends on how you view our methods. We're fighting a corrupt government, so we're like good guys."

"But," interrupted Dairou, "We did blow up several structures, so many see us as terrorists."

"It also depends on what realm you're from," said Darrius, "Most Chaosrealmers support us..."

"Listen," said the Seidan guard, "We don't have all day! Are we gonna kill each other or not?"

"Alright!" yelled Darrius, "Resistance, here we go!"

The resistance army cheered loudly as they stormed the castle and began slaughtering the guards.

"VIVA LA REVOLUTION!" shouted Darrius as he decapitated two Seidan guards.

"HIYA!" yelled Dairou, as he impaled two guards.

Amidst all the chaos, Kabal, Kobra, and Kira managed to crawl their way out of the castle.

"Whew," said Kabal, "That was a close one."

"Seriously," said Kira, "You have the key?"

"Damn, I forgot it inside," replied Kabal.

Kobra and Kira just stared angrily at him.

"Ha!" laughed Kabal, holding up the key, "Kidding! Now, let's find that portal and get the fuck outta here!"

Mileena, still disguised as Kitana, lead Bo Rai Cho's troops into a dark forest far from Onaga's castle.

"This place is creepy," complained Li Mei.

"Are you sure this is the way to the palace?" asked Bo.

"Oh," said Mileena, "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing..."

Dozens of Tarkatan soldiers stood in the trees watching the army as they entered the forest. When Mileena gave the signal, they all jumped down and began to fight. By the end, they were all dead...And by "They" I mean the Tarkata.

"Gentleman," shouted Bo, "We are victorious! And with few casualties!"

Everyone cheered. Mileena, who had been hiding in a bush during the whole battle emerged to see the good guys celebrating. All she could do was shake her head in disbelief.

"Princess," said Bo, "On behalf of the entire army, I thank you for your leadership!"

"Wha?" Mileena was sure that they would have eaten her alive for leading them into a trap.

"By leading us here," began Bo, "You have allowed us to free this forest from Tarkatan control and eliminate another threat to peace!"

"Um, you're welcome..." said Mileena.

"ALL HAIL PRINCESS KITANA!" shouted Bo' Rai Cho.

"ALL HAIL PRINCESS KITANA!" shouted the army.

At first Mileena did not know what to do. But then, it suddenly hit her - She was in control of the most powerful army in Outworld. A big smile came upon her face...