Mortal Kombat: Deception Mayhem!

Chapter 13:

On a park bench just outside of a small village, a short skinny man in a brown t-shirt and tall, muscular man in a blue t-shirt sat, staring into each other's eyes.

"I love you so much, snigglebums," said the skinny man.

"I love you, too," said large man.

They suddenly began making out. Just then, Hotaru jumped them from behind a bush.

"HA!" he shouted, "I've got you now, Sub-Zero!"

"Woah, woah!" shouted the skinny man, "What the hell are you doing? Who are you?"

"Sorry," said Hotaru, "I just saw your friend's blue shirt and I thought..."

"Did you say Sub-Zero?" asked the big man, "'Cause I think we saw him before, right Drahmin?"

"Um," said Drahmin, "I don't know...Refresh my memory, Moloch."

"He came by before and asked us for directions to the Sanazar forest," replied Moloch.

"Sanazar Forest?" asked Hotaru, "Shit! That's right outside of Onaga's palace. That bastard led me in one giant circle!"

"Sorry to hear about that," said Drahmin, "Why are you looking for him anyways?"

"He's an enemy of the Dragon King," replied Hotaru, "And he must be captured for his crimes."

"Cool," said Moloch, "You should take some of these, then!"

Moloch held out his hand, in which there were several small capsules.

"What are these?" asked Hotaru.

"Flashbangs," said Drahmin, "You whip one of these babies to the floor, and it'll blind anyone in range for a few seconds!"

"Sweet," said Hotaru, "Where did you find these?"

"That joke shop over there," said Moloch, pointing to a nearby shop, "Two dollars a pop, heheh."

"Right. Well, thanks! Sub-Zero, here I come!"

Hotaru resumed his search.

"Good," said Drahmin, "He's gone. Now where were we, Snigglebums?"

The two continued to make out.

Mileena sat on her throne at Bo' Rai Cho's base as servants fanned her and gave her a foot massage. It had only been a couple of days since she assumed the guise of Princess Kitana, and she was already living the high life.

"Servant!" shouted Mileena.

"Yes princess?" said a servant.

"I need a pedicure," replied Mileena, "Is it possible to schedule an appointment today?"

"Let's see," said the servant, pulling out a blackberry and looking through it, "You're pretty much booked today."

"Aww," said Mileena, "Alrighty then, cancel my hair appointment."

"Yes ma'am."

Just then, another servant entered the room.

"Princess Kitana," he said, "We must know when to initiate our next attack on the Dragon King."

"Um," said Mileena, "I don't know. Can you please bother me again in like, 10 minutes?"

"Ma'am," said the servant, "If we don't strike, those Tarkatan soldiers will eventually come for us!"

"Don't worry, as long as I'm here, Baraka won't..."

Mileena's eyes widened.

"Everybody leave!" she shouted.

"But..."

"LEAVE!"

The servants obeyed. Mileena stood up and began pacing.

"I can't do this," said Mileena, "Not as long as my lover continues to pledge allegiance to Onaga. He's my enemy! But how can I leave my post as Princess? I loooove being Princess!"

After a few minutes, Mileena came to a decision.

"I have no choice..." she whispered, "I have to kill Baraka!"

Mileena rushed out of the room. Before the servants could stop her, or figure out why she left, Mileena was long gone. She ran across Outworld back to Onaga's castle.

"BULLSHIT!" shouted Johnny Cage.

"No, Johnny!" said Onaga, "We're playing Black Jack, not Bullshit."

"BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!" continued Johnny.

"You fucking slaves are hopeless," said Onaga, "I can't even get Jax to finish that game of Jenga! JAX! For the last time, put the damn blocks away, We're not playing anymore!"

Just then, Baraka entered the game room.

"Sir," said Baraka, "I'm concerned. Mileena has been missing for days. I think she's in danger!"

"Uh-huh," said Onaga.

"You don't even care!"

"Of course I don't! I barely know Mileena. What difference does it make if she's dead?"

"I'll tell you: She's my everything! She's my life! The air that I breathe...My greatest love! I can't think of anymore cheesy things to say!"

Onaga nodded.

"Mileena may not be important to you, but I'll have you know I have not heard from my 10th division either. And I know for a fact that you need my army to defeat the enemies."

"Alright," sighed Onaga, "I'll let you go out and search for them. But you'll have to leave someone in charge of the army while you're gone!"

"Fine then," said Baraka, "You there!"

A passing Tarkatan guard entered the room and approached Baraka.

"What's your name?" asked Baraka.

"Leo," replied the guard.

Baraka took off his armor and placed it onto Leo.

"You're in charge while I'm gone! Say, has anyone ever told you that you look just like me?"

Leo shook his head.

"Well," said Baraka, "You do. Now, run off and do whatever!"

"Yessir!" Leo did as he was told.

"Now sir," said Baraka, "I'm off to find my troops and Mileena. See ya!"

Baraka left.

"Yes, yes," said Onaga, "Oy, Jax! Take those blocks outta your ears!"

Kabal, Kobra and Kira opened the door of Havik's house and entered the living room.

"Ah," said Havik, who was chugging down a hamburger slurpie, "Long time, no see! Welcome back. Had a fun adventure, I presume?"

"Hell no!" snapped Kabal, "We got captured, jailed for two days, chased around and nearly killed by some resistance movement, which, by the way, you didn't even warn me about!"

"Oh yeah," said Havik, "The Seidan Revolution...That's what I was forgetting to tell you. My bad."

"Right," said Kabal, "Well, here's your stupid key. Now, can we go back to Outworld?"

"First," began Havik, "I must test the key out."

"But you said..."

"I lied. This key doesn't have anything to do with Onaga. All it does is unlock this."

Havik pointed to a small brown chest.

"And that is..." said Kabal.

"Only the greatest treasure known to man," said Havik as he inserted the key and opened the chest.

As the chest slowly opened, the Black Dragon gathered up to get a look inside. There was nothing inside except for...Bags of Doritos?

"Doritos," said Kabal, "We risked our lives for Doritos?"

"Yeah," said Kobra, "What gives?"

"These aren't just any Doritos," said Havik, "These are 'Nuclear-Nacho' variety, the spiciest chips in the universe!"

"Oh! Oh!" said Kobra, "Let me try one!"

Kobra put a chip in his mouth.

"Meh," he said, "They're not so...AAAAAHHHH! OOOOHHHH! THE PAAAIN!"

"Damn," said Kira, taking a bite, "They sure pack a punch."

"And to think," said Havik, "I found this baby on the side of the road in Outworld. It must fallen out of a Seidan delivery truck while it was passing through."

"Unbelievable!" shouted Kabal, "Do you realize how stupid this is? WE'RE WASTING OUR TIME AND EFFORT ON FUCKING CHIPS!"

"Geez," said Havik, "Calm down. With that thing on your face, the last thing you want is an asthma attack!"

"Please," said Kabal, trying to calm down, "Just take us to Onaga's palace."

"Alright," said Havik, "But first, I must talk to you in private, Kabal."

Kabal and Havik stepped outside.

"Whatever this is," began Kabal, "I'm not doing anymore favours for you. I'm done!"

"It's not that," said Havik, "I evaluated your recruits' performances during training and..."

"And?"

"They are both exceptional combatants. The only problem is that as a team they do not work well together."

"What are you talking about? They're like siblings!"

"Yeah, siblings that don't get along! Their mindsets are just too different; Kobra is strong, but lacks discipline. Kira is calculating, but an extreme risk-taker. In the face of danger, they would hold each other back. As the leader of this new Black Dragon, it is up to you to fix this problem by deciding which of the two to keep, and which one to eliminate."

"And how do I decide which one leaves?"

"Easy. It's the answer to almost every problem in this entire franchise...Mortal Kombat."