Smother Chapter 4: Save Me from Home, a janet evanovich fanfic

I started going over to Mooner's place. He hooked me up with some really good stuff that helped me to lose myself. If I couldn't be myself and I was supposed to be a drone, then I was going to have a good time getting there. No one even noticed. I was happy all the time. On the outside at least. Joe didn't notice the needle marks. He never really noticed anything. As long as I had dinner on the table and I was compliant enough to fuck him then he didn't care. Mooner showed me how to conceal the marks.

I was always stoned. Joe was a cop and he never noticed the amount of drugs being taken in his house. I used my allowance on it. That's right. Allowance. He gave me so much money a week to spend on makeup and shoes and 'shit to make me look good.' Well I spent it on shit to make me feel good. I was disappointed in myself. I knew that Ranger would be disappointed too, but he left. He moved to Miami to be with his daughter.

I think that Tank might have noticed. He saw me at a bar on Stark picking up some merchandise one night. He just looked at me and shook his head.

I got so stoned today that I lost track of time. I forgot to make dinner. Joe was pissed.

"What the fuck did you do all day? This place is a mess! You didn't even cook dinner! Why the hell do I even come home?" He yelled.

"Home?"

"Yeah. Here. This house. Home."

"This house is not a home. You don't care. No matter how hard I tried, you were never satisfied. I think that I am better off alone. You always disappear. Even when you are here this is not my home. By the time you come home I am already stoned. You turn off the TV and you scream at me. I can hardly wait until I leave this place and get you off my case."

"What the fuck? What do you mean? Stoned? You have been using drugs?"

"Didn't notice? I have been using for almost six months Joe."

"Get out of here. Get the hell out of my house Stephanie."

"Where do you want me to go?"

"Anywhere. Take your stash and fucking get out of my home."

"Alright. Goodbye Joe." The stash was the only thing that I took with me. It was in the cookie jar. Huh. It was ironic. The one place Joe never looked and the place that anyone else could have guessed. I went down to Stark and met up with my dealer. He was also a pimp on the side. I was a pretty piece of ass, so as long as I agreed to be his personal piece I was allowed to stay with him and he would keep me dosed for as long as I wanted. When he left after the first night I cried myself to sleep. This was what everyone had turned me into.

Stark Street was no different from Joe's. I wasn't happy and I was stoned all the time. The only difference was that if I fucked up with Jerome he would hit me. It was funny how no one cared to come get me. I saw Lula one day at Sherie's apartment.

"What are you doing here?" She asked me.

"I am here to get Sherie's money from last night. Jerome sent me."

"You workin' with Jerome?"

"She lives with him."

"What happened to you?" Lula asked. There were tears in her eyes.

"I got lost." I replied.

"This is how you find yourself?" She asked.

"No. This is how I forget what it was that I lost in the first place. No one cares anyway. Hell, I heard that Joe is already getting married."

"People care about you Stephanie."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Then how come no one has tried to save me?"

A look of pain crossed her face and she turned and left. I was right. No one cared. I collected Sherie's money and went 'home' to Jerome.

A week later Lula showed up with Tank at Jerome's apartment. I was dosing when they came through the door. There was a look of fury on Tank's face.

"What the hell are you doing to yourself Stephanie?"

"I don't know. You do though. Is this who you went running to Lula. Are the two of you going to save me?"

"We are going to try."

"Why try now Tank? Why didn't you try when you first saw me? Why get all indignant now. You two need to go home and mind your own business. No one can save me now. I am lost forever."

"We are going to get you cleaned up and fed and off of this shit."

"No you aren't. I have to be willing. I don't want to stop. There is no reason to. What do I have to go back to? No one cares about my opinion. Everyone wants me to be someone I am not. Even me. I don't know what I am anymore. I don't think I ever knew."

"You were and still are Stephanie Plum. You are the Bombshell Bounty Hunter of Trenton."

"No. Stephanie was what my mother wanted me to be. I wasn't happy as Stephanie. The Bombshell Bounty Hunter was what the papers wanted me to be. I wasn't truly happy then either. Cupcake was who Joe wanted me to be. I definitely wasn't happy then."

"When were you happy? Who do you want to be?" I was dazed and pretty stoned, but I still knew the answer to that question.

"Babe."

See. Angst. I'm sorry, this story is really annoying me. I have to keep writing it to get it out of my head. That is the only way to do it. This chapter was based off of two songs. Home by Three Days Grace and Save Me by Shinedown.

I'll be coming home
Just to be alone
Cause I know you're not there
And I know that you don't care
I can hardly wait to leave this place

No matter how hard I try
You're never satisfied
This is not a home
I think I'm better off alone
You always disappear
Even when you're here
This is not my home
I think I'm better off alone
Home, home, this house is not a
Home, home, this house is not a home

By the time you come home
I'm already stoned
You turn off the TV
And you scream at me
I can hardly wait
Till you get off my case

Home, home, this house is not a
Home, home, this house is not a home

I'm better off alone

Home, home, this house is not a
Home, home, this house is not a home

I've got a candle,
And I've got a spoon
I live in a hallway
With no doors and no rooms
Under the window sill
They all were found
A touch of concrete within a doorway
Without a sound

Chorus:

Someone save me if you will
And take away all these pills
And please just save me, if you can
From the blasphemy in my wasteland

How did I get here
And what went wrong
Couldn't handle forgiveness
Now I'am far beyond gone
And I can hardly remember
The look of my own eyes
How could I love this
A life so dishonest
It made me compromise

Chorus

Jump in the water
Jump in with me
Jump on the altar
Lay down with me
My hardest question
Too answer is
WHY!!!

Chorus

Some one save me (x3)
Somebody save me
Somebody save me
Please don't erase me