Affections for an Idle Heart

By Zye

I do not own the TMNT characters; we should all know who does (sighs).

An epic story trailing a coupling between Raphael and Donatello; adult theme slash (?) relations

Could a wounded heart ever learn to love again?

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'Conflicted by Day' (Chapter2)

The morning came with a train wreck of emotions. Raphael had almost convinced himself that he had only dreamed the impious events that took place during the night until he saw his brother's face. Don's nervous attempt to smile as he approached shattered his delusions that nothing happened. Their morning practice was strenuously awkward and his lack of concentration didn't go unnoticed by his older sibling, Leonardo. His mind wasn't focused as they were sparing leaving him vulnerable to Leo's precise strikes, the last one throwing him hard into the stone wall. "What's with you this morning!?!" Leo demanded, lecturing about the importance of staying sharp, taking training seriously blah blah blah… he wasn't really listening. After practice he caught Don's eye briefly as he made a hasty retreat to his lab. He skipped breakfast; he just needed to be alone.

Hot water beat down on Raphael's tense shoulders; he hung his head low allowing it to stream down his tormented face. Now alone, his psyche rapidly spiraled, furiously bombarding his inner defenses. What the hell is wrong with you!! You're such a fucking moron, you knew better! Raph punches the wall hard with his fist. There's no excuse for this! His teeth clench as his throat constricts, shaking his head in a hopeless attempt to stop what was coming. He's your brother you sick fuck what the hell is wrong with you! Raphael's gut wrenched threatening to heave as he staggered backwards, his trembling hands covering his stinging eyes. What have I done…What have I done! Raph collapsed hard to the ground as his heart shattered fully realizing his horrendous behavior. What have I done!?! His body convulsed as uncontrollable sobs burst from his strained frown. Tightly curling himself into a ball he wept silently, utterly broken.

A loud knock snapped him back into reality; he wasn't sure how long he'd been lying under the now lukewarm water. Pull it together he muttered, forcing himself to take deep, slow breaths.

"Come on" whined Mikey from the other side of the door "you've been in there for like forever man!" Raphael half-heartedly toweled himself off as his pesky brother relentlessly pounded on the door. This which normally would have irritated him but he felt empty inside. "Let's go, move it, hurry up….what did ya fall in or something!" screeched his impatient little brother.

Mikey sprang away from the door as it opened expecting a strong reaction from his hot-headed brother. Instead Raphael didn't even look at him as he left the bathroom. "What were ya doing in there anyway" he teased, puzzled by Raph's void demeanor. Mikey, hating to be ignored, smacked his brother's hind-end with his comic book "wake up cranky Raphie!"

Raph sharply turned around to see his obnoxious little brother close the bathroom door, then suddenly opening it again. Mikey grinned sheepishly as he poked his head through the crack in the door, "oh I almost forgot Donnie was looking for ya."

Raphael lingered by the entrance leading to laboratory, he was hesitant to see Don this soon after his emotional breakdown. Ok, pull it together, just be nonchalant maybe we can put this mess behind us, he reassured himself and cautiously peered into the room.

Donnie was at his desk staring intently at his computer monitor, tapping keys now and again. Raph cleared his throat and shuffled into the open doorway. Trying to sound casual, a dreadful alien voice choked forth…"Heard you were looking for me?"

Don immediately spun around in his chair and studied his brother with a concerned look on his face. "You look awful" he exclaimed surprised by his brother vacant appearance. Raph's eyes darted to the floor; this is going to be harder than he had hoped. In an attempt to ease the tension Donnie playfully inquired; "Do I need to write you a formal invitation or were you planning on coming in?"

Raph took a shaky step forward; his mind swirled with his pent up guilt and sorrow, desperately he stuttered, "Donnie about last night…I never meant…I mean…I didn't want to…" his tongue failed as his eyes filled with tears.

Shaking his head, Don leapt out of his chair and pulled Raphael into the room. After a quick glance down the hall he shut the door, securing it with a bolt. Then placing a sympathetic hand on Raph's shoulder, he gazed directly into his brother's misting eyes. "I don't hold you solely responsible for what happened, Raph. So please stop beating yourself up over it."

Raph turned away sharply, his heart beating so fast it felt like it was about to burst, "Did I hurt you?" he whimpered meekly.

Donnie smiled warmly at his brother and chuckled "oh honestly Raphael, I may not have had any previous experience but I had conducted extensive studies regarding the matter. I wasn't completely ignorant of the consequences. I expected it to hurt the first time," his voice trailing off as he became slightly absorbed on his own ratifications. "Now, there is an urgent matter that we need to sort out before we discuss this any further. I want to run a few tests and I need a blood sample from you."

"Urgent matter?" Raph sniffed, mystified by Donnie's decisive perspective. "Blood sample? You can have it all if you want it." he responded cracking a slight smile.

"Oh don't be silly," he mused as he collected the syringe and a glass vial from his work table. "Ok tough guy, take a seat."

As Donnie skillfully pushed the needle into his vein, Raph couldn't help but wonder out loud, "What kind-of tests are you doing anyway?"

"Well Raphael, from a single cell I'll extract a sample of Deoxyribonucleic Acid contained within its nucleus. Next I will use the Restriction Fragment Length Polymorphism technique to digest the sample into variable lengths of fragments, specific sequence patterns to analyze for the presence or absence of certain recognition sites. Then I will compare the information learned from your sample to a sample taken from myself to determine whether or not they are unique. Based on our numerous unprecedented differences, I estimated with eighty percent certainty we are biologically unattached. Now, however, it is urgent to have one hundred percent certainty. Understand?" Donatello glanced up from the puncture in Raph's arm with a quirky smile etched across his face.

Blankly Raph stared at his brother, "ah…huh?"

Donnie laughed heartily at Raph's expression, then proceeded in layman's terms…"It is just a simple DNA test to find out whether or not we are blood related."

Raph couldn't help but grin as he regained some of his fiery spirit, "You are such a geek, why didn't you just say that in the first place. You know I don't speak that techno language." He had never questioned the possibility that they weren't really brothers before…it was a bittersweet concept. "So we might not be brothers?"

"Might not be." shrugged Donnie. "We won't really know until I process and analyze the results." Sensing his brother's concerns, Don lovingly took Raph's hand; "We will always be family Raphael, no matter what the results determine or what we decide to…" Don's voice caught in his throat and he swiftly averting his eyes to the floor.