Affections for an Idle Heart
By Zye
I do not own the TMNT characters; we should all know who does (sighs).
An epic story trailing a coupling between Raphael and Donatello; adult theme slash (?) relations
Could a wounded heart ever learn to love again?
Reflections of Yesterday (Chapter 5)
Raphael's sudden withdrawal instantaneously punctured Don's unguarded heart like someone had driven a thousand nails into it and mercilessly squeezed until he could barely draw a breath. His first agonizing heartache cut surprisingly deep; however, Donnie has never been the kind-of turtle solely driven by his emotions. His endeavors, regardless of how trivial or significant, were almost always deliberate and meticulously premeditated.
Don took a moment to study his brother; Raphael was, for lack of a better word, beautiful. His trembling body gleamed from perspiration, highlighting his muscular form in the faint light …his breathing was labored and rigid…his face lowered and turned slightly away…his expression betrayed his unconfirmed vulnerability …simply beautiful.
Self assured, Donnie warmly embraced his reluctant brother and tenderly kissed his cheek. He felt Raphael's muscles tense momentary than relax while he gently coaxed his weary brother down beside him. When Raph was securely cradled in the nook of his arm, Donnie softly whispered in his ear, "Just stay with me tonight."
Raphael swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded solemnly then closed his eyes as Donnie softly traced his facial features. A voice from within roared for him to bolt, detach before it was too late; but Don's gentle strokes sent warm, fuzzy sensations pulsing through his body and numbed his instincts. Drowsy, he murmured "Is this really happening?"
"I hope so" whispered Donnie and lovingly kissed Raph's forehead. Gradually his brother drifted into an uneasy sleep and Donnie's attention shifted to his internal frustrations. He rationalized that he had been foolish with his ideal concept of romance.
His brother had been 'single' for almost a year, so naturally he assumed Raphael was available. Donnie realized now that he had seriously underestimated his brother's emotional scars; the lingering residues from his heartbreak are painfully unavoidable.
Donnie felt a bitter stab in his heart when his thoughts turned to her, Raphael's X-girlfriend. True, Raphael is temperamental and difficult at times, but he had tried so passionately to forge a lasting relationship with her. She didn't have to leave him so cruelly; her sudden departure changed him somehow…he was dispirited…bitter… discouraged...solemn...withdrawn… and angrier than usual.
Strange as it may be, Raph's brief love affair was how Donnie was alerted to his own desires for his hot-headed brother. He had stumbled across the couple as they were engaged in a passionate kiss, at his discovery a bolt jealousy surged though his body. Don was envious (?) for Raphael's affections towards her. He didn't fully understand the intense emotions at the time and consciously suppressed them. However, primitive urges can not be ignored indefinitely; instead they tend to fester beneath the surface and ignite unpredictably.
Late one night while he worked in his lab, Don heard a faint distant groan. Concerned he followed the sound to Raphael's bedroom door. He listened intently to the ragged breathing and soft moans reverberating through the closed door, he swallowed hard as sharp twisting sensations rippled through his body…his heart started to pound and his breathing became erratic. When the moaning ceased, Donnie found himself pressed against the door feverously aroused.
Donnie vaguely recalled the events afterwards; he stumbled to his room and laid awake fantasizing about Raphael. The following day, his conscience vainly attempted to halt the inconceivable scheme set in motion by his primitive impulses. Driven by the overpowering pressure surging underneath, Don cautiously approached Raphael's room and sabotaged the lock on his door.
During the night Donnie was again outside Raphael's bedroom door, his heart was pounding hard, he knew he was taking an uncalculated risk interrupting his hot-headed brother. Raphael has always been dangerously unpredictable…he was near panic when he entered the dark room…what he received was more than he had ever dared to hope for.
Raphael, clearly in a rem cycle of sleep, jostled slightly and tucked himself tighter against his brother. His body relaxed as a faint smile crossed his peaceful face and, barely audibly, he exhaled, "Donnie."
Donnie smiled brightly when it dawned on him that Raphael was dreaming about him. He gently kissed the sleeping turtle beak and softly whispered "I love you Raphael." Donnie fell asleep determined to show Raph what real love is.