Affections for an Idle Heart

By Zye

I do not own the TMNT characters; we should all know who does (sighs).

An epic story trailing a coupling between Raphael and Donatello; adult theme slash (?) relations

Could a wounded heart ever learn to love again?

'Light in the Shadows' chapter 8

"Ow! Leo what the…" Raphael's voice echoed thunderously through the lair and was abruptly followed by a loud…Crack…thud.

Back in the lab

Donatello jerked his head towards the sudden outburst from down the hall, his startled brown eyes widened with a hint of fear as the lair grew uncommonly silent. Donnie involuntary held his breath and bit his bottom lip, willing to hear his hot-headed brother's voice. Nothing but silence stung his ears….

Michelangelo's mouth gapped open as he stared in the direction of the disturbance then shook his head, "It's probably just another fight," he nervously glanced at Don for some reassurance.

Donnie inhaled sharply and dashed towards the common area with Mike close behind him, "Raph?!" No answer. "Raph," Don called hoarsely and frantically scanned the chamber for any trace of his older brothers.

Mikey scratched his head and wandered throughout the room, "Where did they go?"

Donnie shook his head; "I don't know it's not like them to…" he petrified mid-step as his eyes fell upon a dark liquid spattered on the ground. Don felt light-headed as the color drained from his face, "M…mi...Mikey…" he stuttered and pointed a shaky finger to the spot on the floor that made heart constrict into a tight knot.

Michelangelo cautiously stooped over the dark liquid and timidly probed it with a finger; his horrified eyes suddenly darted to Donatello. Blood, a diminutive trail that lead out of the lair into the darkened passageways of the sewers.

They sprinted out of the lair to search for Raphael and Leonardo. In a blind panic they ransacked various passageways, minutes seemed to take hours. Don suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, "We're never going to find them this way," he concluded and looked around. "Do you have your shell-cell?" he asked Mikey, his own was on his computer desk back at the lair.

"Um, yeah…here but I don't think they're gonna answer n' tell ya where they are," said Mike as he tossed his shell-cell to his brother.

Donnie managed a faint smile and informed his younger brother, "I installed a trackin' program the last time Raph went rogue, hopefully one of them has their shell-cells on them."

Mikey watched Don press a series of buttons and analyze the tiny screen; he grunted impatiently then asked, "Any luck?"

Don made a concerned face then pressed a few more buttons, "Raph's back at the lair according to this," he mumbled. "But Leo is in sector five," he faintly smiled then pointed to his right, "that way."

The pair of trained ninjas instinctually kept silent as they skirted along in the shadows of a narrow passageway leading to sector five. Cautiously they peered into a vast chamber which opened in front of them, runoff rain water pooled at its far side and several main sewer arteries zigzagged along its perimeter which would provide a turtle plenty of cover.

The damp, concrete walls impersonated a low murmur of familiar voices too faint to make out actual words; directed Donnie's keen eyesight towards a darkened corner of the chamber.

Donatello clearly saw his eldest brother's form crossly posed and focused intently on Raphael, who was slumped against the wall, his face buried in his hands. Mike and Don exchanged a wary glance at one another, and then silently crept closer to their brothers. They froze as Leonardo voice sounded sternly, ordering Raphael to…

previously with Leonardo and Raphael

Leonardo smacked Raph hard across the face and brutally twisted his brother's arm behind his back. He seized the ties of Raph's bandana, jerking his brother's head back and growled in a low voice, "If pain is the only way you'll listen than pain is what you'll get! Now quiet." With a sharp kick, he drove his brother face first into the door, and forcefully maneuvered him through the vast maze of sewer tunnels, never relaxing his grip on Raphael's arm or bandana.

Satisfied they were alone; Leo hurled Raphael into a concrete wall; his strong hands braced against Raph's chest, pinning his brother to the wall. Leo leaned in close to Raph and angrily hissed into his brother's face, "I swear if you don't end it with Don now, I'm informing Master Splinter about everything!"

Raphael's eyes narrowed and he shoved his older brother, throwing him back a few paces then took a bold step forwards, "you wouldn't dare," Raph bitterly growled pointing a thick finger at Leo, "Telling Splinter anything would betray our 'Pact' and you ain't exactly innocent Leo!"

Leonardo glared directly into his hot-headed brother's eyes, "I have an obligation to Donatello too and that takes precedence over our arraignment Raphael." He stretched his arms wide out to his side, "You can't possible expect me to just let you do whatever you want to him!"

Raphael shook his head and threw his arms up wildly, "It ain't like that I told you, I wanta be with him and he wants ta be with me so what is your fuckin' problem Leo!"

"You say that every time you do this, Raphael," Leo's body shook with frustration, "but you always freak out and withdraw when they get too close to you." He inhaled deeply to calm himself then continued, "don't you understand how many you've hurt already or are you so selfish that you truly don't care?"

Raph rolled his eyes and snorted, "Whatever."

"He's in love with you!" Leo exclaimed, "and you're going to rip his heart out," he grinded his teeth, "damn you Raphael…think about it!"

He dropped his head slightly and took a deep breath, "Look, it just sort happened," his hand rubbed the back of his neck, "I didn't plan it but damn-it I'm gonna make it work. I really want it to work, Leo." Raphael searched his brother's eyes for the approval he secretly longed for.

"It just happened?" Leonardo's eyes gleamed with suspicion, "Are you honestly tryin' to tell me that you're innocent," he chuckled almost sinisterly and shook his head, "how did it happen, Raphael." He took a threateningly step forward, "tell me did he make the first move or did you lure him to you and lose control, taking what you wanted?" Leo's voice lowered and he raised an eye-ridge, "you stole his innocence, didn't you?"

Raphael's eyes narrowed defensively as he thought...I didn't take advantage of Donatello, did I? I might have…he didn't struggle though…but maybe I did…but he liked it...I did take advantage of him! A sickening whirlwind thrashed against the lining of his stomach and he numbly collapsed backward until his shell pressed against the brick wall. Slowly he receded down the rough, damp surface of the wall and mumbled, "I…I…didn't think I …I never meant too…" his jaw stiffened and he covered his face.

Leonardo rigidly stood to the side of his brother and crossed his arms, "I forbid you to go anywhere near Donatello without me by your side, you are going to apologize for leading him on and end it. Do you understand?"

Raphael's dark brown eyes slowly rose to meet his older brother's eyes, "Leo, I…" he stammered, "I can't…"

Donatello aggressively lunged out of the shadows and bitterly confronted his eldest brother, "Leo you have no right to tell Raphael that! What Raph and I do has nothin' to do with you!"

Leonardo startled and his eyes widened in disbelief at Don's sudden intrusion. Raphael swiftly scrambled to his feet and gawked at Donnie with humiliated admiration. Michelangelo hesitantly revealed himself from behind a bulky aqueduct and meekly grinned, "Well…we're all here now," he guiltily mused in attempt to ease the tension.

Leo quickly composed himself and calmly asked, "Don, how long have you been here and what did you hear?"

"I heard enough," Don stated, then quickly moved to Raph's side and wiped a smug of blood from Raph's face, "don't let him do this," Don pleaded softly.

Raphael withdrew from Donnie and shamefully hung his head, "Leo's right I'm outa control…you were innocent and I…" his brow wrinkled, "I practically raped you," he choked as his eyes swollen with remorse.

"Innocent?!?" Donnie shook his head and gently raised Raph's chin to look into his eyes. He swallowed hard, "I wasn't innocent Raph…I knew what you were doin' when I went to your room that night and…I…I wanted you…so I…I" he squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he confessed, "I sabotaged your lock earlier that day…you're not the one at fault, I am."

Raphael blankly stared at Donatello and processed the new information, slowly his characteristic sly smirk spread across his face, "I never realized you could be so devious Donnie," he chuckled and enclosed his arms around Don middle.

Don glazed longingly into Raph's eyes, "you'd be surprised what I'm capable of," he bit his bottom lip, "when I'm in love."

Leo's eyes darted from Raphael to Donatello repeatedly, "it doesn't matter who is responsible for startin' it; you're brothers…its wrong there is no way around that," he declared with moral conviction.

Donatello's eyes flicked hostilely towards Leo and opened his mouth to respond…

Raphael beat him to the punch, "no Leo we're not technically brothers," their eyes locked, "Don did a DNA test, we have different Y chromosomes…means we have different biological fathers anyway."

Leonardo stared at Raphael in shock; his mouth opened and closed repeatedly without but no sound escaped his throat.

Mikey tilted his head to the side, "you've been hangin' out with Donnie too much Raph," he teased playfully, "brainic Jr."

Don nodded and took Raph's hand, "Leo, I respect you as our leader but Raphael and I do not require your permission or approval in the matter," he paused, "but we would appreciate your acceptation." Don sighed then coaxed Raph back towards the narrow passageway leading back to the lair, "Come on tough guy let's get you cleaned up."

"Not brothers" Leo mumbled almost inaudibly as he stared after his departing brothers.

Yeah kids these days" Mikey put a hand on Leo's shoulder "I know it's a lot to take in but it'll be alright bro," timidly offered to his wary older brother.

Leonardo's body swayed and seemed to go limp, his expressionless face turned slowly away as he stepped backward away from his remaining brother, "yeah, it is," he breathed.

Mike frowned helplessly concerned as he watched Leo lumber down an adjacent tunnel and disappear into the shadows.

back at the lair

Don pressed a damp washcloth to a small laceration on Raphael's lip and shook his head, "I don't understand why Leo would do this?"

Raph stiffened and brushed away his brother's hand, "It's nothin' Don, barely a scratch."

"That's not what I mean," Don's eyes widen mystified, "why would he drag you off into a secluded place and threaten' you into…"

"He has his reasons I guess," Raph interrupted and turned his face away.

A slight twinge of annoyance etched across his olive green face, "Why are you defending him? It's not like you to just look the other way."

"I got my reasons," Raph sighed then casually took Don's hand, "Look you know how Leo is…I guess he was just tryin' to protect you."

"Protect me?" A little offended, Don huffed, "as though I can't take care of myself."

Raph softly chuckled, "Yeah you can handle yourself in a fight alright but…" he frowned and searched his brother's eyes, "you always try to find the good in everybody n' well some guys take advantage of that…guys like me," his gaze dropped to the floor.

Don tucked in his bottom lip and pondered the hidden meaning behind his secretive brother's words after a brief moment he concluded it was favorable not to force Raph to elaborate. "Raph you told me that you didn't want to hurt me n' I trust you. I'm not going to hurt you either," Donnie put his hand on Raph's shoulder and squeezed reassuringly, "I'm not going to leave you."

Gradually Raph nodded then sighed dramatically, "this has been one shell of a day too bad your fantasy got screwed up, I was really getting' into it before the drama queen waltzed in." He looped two fingers under Don's belt and tugged the turtle closer, a sly smirk spread across his face and he gently nipped at Don's neck.

Donnie groaned and resisted for a brief moment, he knew his brother was attempting to evade further discussion about their feelings. However Raphael's persuasive work on his sensitive flesh made it difficult to focus on anything besides how damn good Raph's mouth felt on his skin. His breathing became ragged and he kissed Raph's cheek, surrendering to the implosive desire to touch and be touched.

Attentively Raphael traced the groves of Don's flesh, the conjunction between the neck and shoulders, then slowly worked his tongue upwards to his brother's awaiting mouth. Teasingly he mouthed Donnie's lower lip and leisurely probed his tongue into Don's oral crevice.

Their muscular arms tighten around one another as the kiss intensified; Don shuddered then peeled himself from his brother's mouth. His half lidded eyes playfully bounced along Raph's face and grinned, "what am I gonna do with you."

Raph chuckled, "mmm I can think of a few things," then leaned in to indulge himself with his brother's mouth.

Later that night

A low incoherent mumble escaped from the bed of a trashing turtle, Raph's slumbering facial features mangled with terror. A painful muffled sound erupted from his throat as his body tensed and twisted awkwardly. He arched his back and forcefully exhaled then choked, violently struggling to refill his lungs. With a low groin he abruptly relaxed, panting breathlessly, suddenly he screamed and rolled off the bed onto the cement floor below.

Raphael's body trembled as he rested against the cool damp floor, disorientated from the fall his eyes frantically searched his surround. He was in his bedroom and was relieved to be alone; he closed his eyes and slowly caught his breath. Raph grinded his teeth while he mentally cursed himself and forced the terrifying nightmare to the back of his mind.

Raph stood up, wiped the sweat from his forehead and headed towards the kitchen for something to drink. He fetched a cup and turned on the faucet; testing the water with his finger he waited for it to run cold.

The back of Raph's neck suddenly prickled, and he turned to find Leonardo leaned against the wall staring at him. Raph's eyes narrowed and he turned his eyes intently back to the faucet then growled, "What?"

Leonardo raised an eye ridge, "you're so predictable Raphael the moment anyone says they love you," took a step toward his brother, "and you start wakin' up with nightmares. Let's see now," tapped a finger against his temple, "you've only managed to keep it together for…what…ten days with previous relationship before these nightmares turn that heart of yours cold…How long ya gonna last this time Raph?"

Raphael chugged his water and snapped angrily, "Ah, back off Leo, I ain't gonna let myself hurt Donnie no matter how damn bad those stupid nightmares get n' I don't need you riden' my fuckin' shell either."

Leo studied his hot-headed brother then sighed, "you should've taken' the easy out Raph."

Raph smirked and chuckled, "that ain't my style bro…when do I ever take the easy road." His arms stretched out from his sides and he tilted his head, "besides we ain't doin' anything wrong," his eyes blazed at Leo, "and at least Donnie got someone who knows how ta please a guy."

Leo clenched his teeth and hissed, "you think you're all that, you cocky little bitch, fine; don't expect me to smooth things over when 'you' crush Don's heart…you're on your own with this one." Leo stormed out of the kitchen and slammed the door to his room.

With mixed feelings Raphael watched Leonardo disappear behind his bedroom door then slowly he braced himself against the counter and lowered head in unspoken despair.

Author's note: Only one more chapter to go, thank you for reading so far ;)