Akatsuki: Attack of the Tobi

I do not own Naruto, yeah. Partly because I'm waiting for The Tobis to put me to death yeah.

Chapter… whatever: The apartment

"HEY ZETSU!! GUESS WHAT!? WE'RE NEIGHBORS NOW!!" Kisame yelled across the street. "GAAAAAAHH!!" Zetsu yelled. He was practically planted in their backyard. "What are we gonna do about Zetsu, yeah?" Deidara asked. "Well, for one thing, I'm a tree now." Zetsu said. "SINCE WHEN, YEAH!?" Deidara yelled. "Since Ino planted me in the yard. Anyway, I don't think you can pull me out… My feet turned into roots and if you pull me out, I might die. SO STOP TRYING KISAME!!" Zetsu yelled. Kisame was holding a chain saw but put it down in disappointment. "So… Zetsu, you must have a pretty good view of the area… what do you see?" The leader asked. "Well, I see… ITACHI BEING A TOTAL ASS AND EATING A FEAST WHILE HIS FRIENDS ARE BROKE!!" Zetsu observed. "Well… Aren't we screwed?" The leader said. "Hey… has anyone seen… our mystery member? She-I MEAN!! It hasn't spoken in a while…" Kisame said. "She's not here…" Hidan pointed out. "SHE'S AT TOBI'S PALACE!! EATING WITH ITACHI!!" Zetsu informed. "Have you ever noticed that whenever you look at the castle, you somehow see a part of our old base?" Kakuzu said. "THAT IS OUR BASE!! THE BASTARD!!" Zetsu yelled.

"Uh oh… I just remembered… I left some sugar and drugs in my room… If Tobi got a hold of it, Lord knows what would happen…" Zetsu said. All of a sudden, A window broke where Zetsu's room used to be and A swarm of Tobi crawled out of it. "AW DAMMIT!! THEY FOUND IT!!" Zetsu yelled. "It's too late… they're already here…" The leader said. "EVERYONE!! IN THE HOUSE AND LOCK THE DOOR!!!" Kisame yelled, heading for the door. "WAIT!! WHAT ABOUT ME!?" Zetsu screamed. "Don't worry, yeah!! It'll be all right, yeah!!(to Kisame) He's not gonna make it, yeah." Deidara assured. "What was that last part?" Zetsu asked. "Nothing, yeah!" He replied. "Ok… Is everyone here!?" Kisame called. "Leader." "here" "Deidara." "Yeah." "Zetsu." "AS IF I HAVE A CHOICE!!" "Ok… Kakuzu." "Here" "Sasori… Sasori? SASORI!? Ok… Maybe he's just being quiet… yeah, that's it! Anyway, Hidan… HIDAN!!" There was a pounding at the door. "LET US IN!! WE WANT TO LIVE!!!" Hidan and Sasori yelled through the door. Kisame made a motion to the door. "NO KISAME!! IT'S TOO LATE FOR THEM NOW!!" The leader said. "BUT THE TOBIS ARE 50 MILES AWAY!! THEY CAN STILL MAKE IT!!" Kisame said. "NO, KISAME." The leader urged. "They'll be happy knowing that they took one for the team." He said saluting. "BULLCRAP!! LET US IN!!" Sasori yelled. The Tobis were very closer now.

Sasori and Hidan were slammed to the window. "CAN WE COME IN NOW!?" Hidan complained. But Kisame closed the blinds. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone gathered in the center of the room. When It was quiet, they opened the window to let Sasori and Hidan in. "NEXT TIME…. OPEN THE WINDOW!" Sasori said, walking in. "The next time I need a sacrifice to the gods, You're going to be the first to go." Hidan said. "I have just been informed that the Tobis have not conquered all of Konoha! I'm speaking to that half right now!!" The leader announced. But through the Phone they heard screams and "Tobi's a good boy!!" from the other end. Everyone had wide eyes. "A moment of silence for our once living Allies…" The leader said solemnly.

WITH TEAM 7

They heard a rumbling sound. "Hey… do you guys hear something?" Kakashi asked. "No-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" They screamed as the swarming, drugged Tobis mauled them and went on their way. Team 7 later found themselves in the dungeon.

WITH TEAM 10:

They are in the dungeon.

WITH TEAM GUY

They were the first ones to go to the dungeon.

WITH TEAM 8

"Shino… I blame you." Kiba said. They were also in the dungeon. "Oh sure, blame the 'Bug boy' For everything!!" Shino accused. "G-guys… don't fight…" Hinata said. "GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU KIBA!!" Shino yelled. "BRING IT ON!!" Kiba yelled back. "Uh oh…" Hinata said.

BACK TO AKATSUKI(or what was left of it…)

"Ok… Everyone ok!?" Kisame called. "Zetsu!? You still intact!?" "Nothing but a few broken branches representing my arms… no… biggie…" Zetsu said. "How are Sasori and Hidan?" "They… are a little angry, yeah…" Deidara reported. "WOAH! WHERE'D YOU GET THAT HUGE BLACK EYE!?" Kisame asked. "Yeah… Sasori is REALLY angry…yeah." Deidara said. "I… see…" Kisame said.

WITH ITACHI

"So… you're a girl…" Itachi asked the mystery member. "Is that a problem?" She asked. "Uh… not really…" Itachi responded. "Hey!! Itachi-san! That was some party!" Tobi yelled. All the Tobis stared in their direction. "Shhhhhhhhhhhh!! Tobi!!" Itachi said, putting on his mask. "Uh… Tobi's a good boy!!" Itachi said. "OH!! Flower-chan's here too! HI!" Tobi said. "Tobi… you're an Idiot." She said. "They're not buying it… "Itachi said. "RUN!!" Itachi yelled, pulling flower-chan with him. They soon arrived at the new Akatsuki Residence. They followed the huge-ass Zetsu plant. "HEY LET US IN!!" Itachi called slamming on the door. "Who is it?" Kisame said. "YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS!!" Itachi said. "Oh, it's the traitor… You see Itachi, there two types of people in this world… Those who follow Tobi, and Those who don't. We, Don't. You, Do." Kisame said, enjoying this. "Kisame… You ass." Itachi said through gritted teeth. "Until you prove worthy, you have to stay out there." Kisame said. "BUT HOW!!" Itachi yelled. "Oh… going through the initiation… again." Kisame said. "Oh no… no no no… Not that." Itachi said. "What's the matter? Scared?" Kisame taunted. "NO!!..." Itachi said too quickly. "Then…" Kisame held up a pink dress. "A pink dress? Lemme guess, I have to wear that for the whole day…" Itachi predicted. But then Kisame held up a unicycle. "A… Unicycle? I have to ride that? Well, it's not that bad." Itachi asked. "Don't be so happy yet… you have to eat the unicycle. That's only two of the three trials. Complete at least two of them and you pass." Kisame explained.

"Oh, by the way, they are all different for each person." Kisame said. "What's the third trial?" Itachi asked. "Oh… it's…" Kisame started. He held up a puppy. "You have to kill this." Kisame said. "Oh… that would be easy." Itachi said. But was soon proven wrong by looking at how cute and innocent it was. "Oh… COME ON!!" Itachi yelled. "Killing my whole clan was one thing… but they were all middle-aged people! This is a puppy!!" He whined. "Too bad… unless you want to be captured by Tobi…"Kisame said. Ok… It's either I eat the unicycle.. or kill the puppy…. God I wish that there was a DIFFERENT trial than this… Ok!! I'm going to eat the unicycle!! First even!!" Itachi thought.

"HEY!! HE'S ACTUALLY GOING TO DO IT, YEAH!!" Deidara said. Everyone was watching. He started with the wheel. It went downhill from there. He almost threw up on the first gulp. "WHERE HAS THIS UNICYCLE BEEN!?" Itachi asked. "Kakuzu didn't want to buy one, so he got it out of a dumpster." Kisame said. Amazingly, Itachi completed the Unicycle eating trial. He was looking like… something in between a hangover and barfing. "Ok, time to wear the dress or kill the puppy." Kisame said. Itachi threw up. "ZOMG!" The whole unicycle came out. "Woah… yeah." Deidara said. "Ok… you obviously aren't man enough now to kill the puppy. Here… Just take the dress. "But Itachi refused the dress and ate the puppy. That's right, ATE. "OH MY GOD!! YOU ATE THE FREAKIN PUPPY!! Ino's not gonna like this…" Kisame said. "Don't worry… you'll get it back…" Itachi said before passing out. Welcome to the Anti-Tobi force… Itachi." Kisame said. "We should really change that name…" "Shut up, Hidan." "Well… knowing that she's a she… we'll let it slide…." Kisame said.