Akatsuki: Attack of The Tobi

I don't own Naruto, fullmetal Alchemist, anime, video games, OH GOD I DON'T OWN A THING!!YEAH!!

Chapter 7: Return of Zetsu

"Ok, did everyone make it out of the house all right!?" Kisame called. "I think we're missing a few people…" Sasori said. "Yeah I don't see Hidan, Kakuzu or flower-chan anywhere, Yeah" Deidara said. "should we go back for them?" Sasori asked. "NO. It's too late for them now!" Kisame said, in a firm tone. "But they're our friends, yeah!" Deidara yelled. "No, Deidara, they were our friends. Now they are our dead friends rotting in the bowels of hell." Kisame explained. "Well… we still haven't planted Zetsu yet…." Sasori said. "We don't even know if that's Zetsu! It could be any plant!" Kisame said. "Hey! Hurry up and put me in the ground before I die!" A voice out of nowhere said. "Who said that!?" Sasori yelled, looking around. "It's me, you idiot. IN YOUR HAND." The voice said. "OH MY GOD! Zetsu!? Is that you!?" Sasori asked. "What does it sound like retard!?" Zetsu yelled. "Yup, that's Zetsu, yeah." Deidara said. "what happened?" Kisame asked, looking closely at the talking seed. "I managed to place my soul in this seed that was in the ground next to me so I MAY LIVE AGAIN!!" Zetsu explained. "That sounds like something that came out of Fullmetal Alchemist." Sasori said. "Actually, I got the soul thing idea from that show. It's a great show, you should watch it sometime." Zetsu explained. "Yeah, how are we gonna do that …IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!!" Kisame yelled. "Well, are you sure that that's your seed and not something else's?" Sasori asked. "Nope. No way of telling." Zetsu responded.

MEANWHILE WITH ITACHI

"I SWEAR THEY'RE NOT MINE!!" Itachi yelled. He was in the police station of a town called East city. (watch Fullmetal Alchemist, yeah) "Yup, he's crazy." Lt. Jean Havoc stated. "I'M NOT CRAZY!!" Itachi yelled again. "Ok, tell us that story again." Havoc ordered. "Ok, I was in my hometown Konoha, in the land of Fire, when my ally, Tobi, cloned himself and started killing and capturing everyone in his way, and is now probably taking over the world." Itachi explained. "Uh-huh…" Havoc urged him to continue. "Well, he chased us out of our secret base of Akatsuki." Itachi continued. "And Akatsuki is…?" Havoc asked. "We are an evil organization of S-ranked criminals hell bent on taking over the world." Itachi said quickly. "Taking over the world…" Havoc was writing in his notebook. "Ok." CRAP!! I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT!! Itachi screamed in his mind. "I… UH… MEAN.. … GIRL SCOUTS!!" Itachi yelled. "What!?" Havoc yelled, not believing him now. "Uh… NO I MEAN BOY SCOUTS!! NOT criminals, boy scouts. Made of middle aged men that strike the hearts of little children with fear." Itachi said. "O…k. go on…" Havoc said. "Well, we… go on different missions killing people-I MEAN UM- Selling cookies, and… oh god I'm so screwed…" Itachi said. "Yes you are, I'm go gonna have a talk with my superior…" Havoc started inching towards the door. When he was out the door, Itachi ran to the door and realized it was locked. "WAIT!!! WE SELL COOKIES!! COOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Itachi screamed banging on the door.

Sigh… why do I always get the crazy ones? Havoc asked himself as he came through the door. "Colonel Mustang, I have verified that the suspect Itachi Uchiha…" Havoc looked at his clipboard. "… Is completely and hopelessly insane." "I… see. Give me an example, please." Roy said. "COOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! WE SELL COOOOOOOOOOKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!" Itachi's screams could be heard in his office. ON THE TOP FLOOR. "Uh… that's him." Havoc said. "Yeah, put him in the happy hotel." Roy ordered. "And get him to shut up."

"MANGEKYO SHARINGAN!!" Itachi yelled. He melted the door with his eyes and escaped. "STOP!! OR WE'LL SHOOT!!" The guards yelled. Itachi really was going crazy now, because he set all the prisoners free, and killed all the guards. "JAIL BREAAAK!!" They yelled. "SIR!! You know our recent prisoner Itachi Uchiha!? He's escaped-" Feury reported. "WHAT!?" Roy yelled. "-and has taken all the prisoners with him!" He finished. "OH MY GOD!! " Roy was running to the door, with his flame gloves in hand.

WITH AKATSUKI

The next day, Kisame opened his eyes to find the whole house completely covered in vines. "HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN!?" He yelled.

Flashback, yeah.

The Akatsuki had wandered around the forest and eventually (5 and a half days later) found an old shack ready to collapse at the slightest touch. Lucky for them, it didn't fall. Yet. "Ok… so this is where we sleep and plan to get our lives out of the gutter?" Sasori asked. "Ok… let's think sane for about five minutes." Kisame said.

1: Our Ally, Tobi has gone mad with power, and is going TO KILL US ALL.

2: Our friend Itachi has gone on a journey, NOW OF ALL TIMES! When he is the only one who could possibly hope to stop Tobi,

3: Our leader is in the only working hospital getting his BALLS SURGICALLY REMOVED AND NEEDS A REPLACEMENT. (don't ask unless you're over the age of 18. I'm not though…)

4: and the only girl in Akatsuki is presumed dead.

So, to sum it up, WE HAVE OFFICIALLY EXPERIENCED 50 DIFFERENT KINDS OF F#$ED UP. (PANICS. Funny . WATCH IT)"

5: HIDAN AND KAKUZU HAVE GONE MISSING!! Presumed dead. BUT THE POINT IS THEY'RE GONE!!

Kisame said. "Hey guys! I managed to work the TV, yeah!" Deidara said. "since when did we get a TV?" Sasori asked. "Since your FACE ok, yeah!?" Deidara responded, angrily. "Guys… now's not the time to fight…" Zetsu said, coming out of nowhere. "Oh great, now the talking plant is talking." Sasori said sarcastically. "SHUT UP!!" Zetsu screamed. "NO YOU SHUT UP!! IF YOU GUYS WEREN'T SO POOR AND PITIFUL, I WOULD'VE LEFT LIKE ITACHI!!" Sasori screamed. The bickering continued until Kisame finally got a news channel on the TV. "GUYS!! SHUT UP!!" He yelled. They turned their attention to the TV. The news crew was made up of Tobi 1003 to 1008.

Please Keep an eye out for these suspects.

PICTURES OF Kisame Sasori Deidara and Zetsu pop up.

The reward of their capture is $100, 000 Tobi dollars.

KISAME: He has his own currency now. Great.

DEIDARA: Shut up, yeah. They're talking about Itachi.

If you see this man, see the Tobi police immediately. He will be dealt with along with Tobi A and Tobi B for helping him.

Picture of Tobi A and Tobi B show up.

"PLEASE DON'T KILL US!! WE HAD NO IDEA HE WAS ON THE RUN!!"

"SHUT UP!!"

the screen went blank right before the electrical rods came out to shock them.

In other news…

The TV went blank there. "I hate this channel." Sasori said. "TURN IT BACK, ITIOT!!" Kisame yelled, frantically reaching for the remote and changing it back.

The suspects known as Hidan and Kakuzu have also been captured today, and are being Interrogated as we speak.

"Oh those poor guys…" Kisame said. "They're gonna go through hell, yeah." Deidara agreed. "Hey… where's Sasori?" Kisame asked. "Hey guys!! I just re planted Zetsu!" Sasori called from outside of the "house". "hey why is that water glowing green, yeah?" Deidara asked. "Oh I don't know" Sasori said. The feeling of bad luck crept over them. But they quickly shrugged it off and went to bed. (Hay and grass in a huge pile on the floor.)

End Flashback, yeah. (you forgot that this was a flashback, huh?)

"HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN!?" Kisame yelled, waking everyone up. They were very heavy sleepers, because they were tangled up in the vines, thorns poking at their skin, and they were snoring and fidgeting like they were in a soft comfy bed. Of needles. "Sasori, your puppets have been burned to a crisp." Kisame said. "WHAAAAAAAAAATTTT!!!??" Sasori screamed. He was awake now. "Deidara, someone called you unfashionable." Kisame stated. Deidara's eye opened wide with rage. "WHO SAID THAT, YEAH!! I'M GONNA KILL THEM!!!!" He yelled. "Ok, now that you're both awake, you better look at what your sleeping in." Kisame pointed to the sea of vines covering them. "OW!!! THAT HURTS!!!" They yelled. "Funny. Just a few seconds ago, you were sleeping in this mess." Kisame said. "OH MY GOD!!" They yelled again. "Ok… ZETSU!! WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS!?" Kisame asked. "You guys… I can't stop growing…" Zetsu said. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'CAN'T STOP GROWING!?" Kisame yelled again. "What do you think it means, smartass. I. CAN'T. STOP. GROWING." Zetsu yelled back. "Holy god looked at Konoha!" Sasori pointed at the town. "HOLY HELL!!" Kisame said. Konoha has been turned into a battlefield between Zetsu and the Tobi 5 robots.

TBC

ME: LONGEST CHAPTER!!! YEAH!!

REVIEW OR ITACHI WILL NEVER COME BACK!!

ITACHI: You don't decide that!! You can't even control your own story!

ME: shut up!! It's not my fault that Hidan and Kakuzu are in jail, The leader's balls are gone, and the only girl in Akatsuki is missing, and that you HAD to go on some long-ass journey, selling COOKIES!!

ITACHI: yeah, it kinda is.