Akatsuki: Attack of The Tobi

I don't Own Naruto or Fullmetal Alchemist, yeah. Or Kingdom Hearts. I DON'T OWN A THING YEAH!!!

Chapter 8: Kisame and The Beanstalk

Zetsu's plants have reached farther than the clouds. "Hey guys! I'm gonna go see what Konoha looks like covered in vines!" Sasori called. "WAIT SASORI!! NO!! I THINK WE'RE-" Kisame tried to stop him, he was going to remind them they were on a cliff. But Sasori was stupid today, and walked out the door and one of Zetsu's vines threw him into space.

AT CASTLE OBLIVION

"Hey look! A shooting star! Make a wish!!" Demyx said. "Is it… screaming…?" Axel asked. The friction Sasori was causing set him on fire and he was now screaming through the air. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPP!!!!-" Sasori bashed into a wall at the castle. "OH MY GOD!!" Axel screamed. "MY ROOOOOOM!!" Xemnas (mansex) screamed. "uh oh…" Demyx said. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!??" Xemnas screamed again. "It was… a… shooting… star…?" Axel tried to explained. "SHOOTING STARS DON'T HIT HUGE ASS CASTLED IN THE 5TH DIMENSION!!" Xemnas yelled. "Well, our castle DOES stretch all the way into space, I'm surprised 9 more haven't hit already." Axel said. Suddenly Larxene bashed through the door. "GUYS!! 9 STARS HAVE HIT THE SOUTH SIDE OF THE CASTLE!!" She screamed. "Told you." Axel said. "Aw man… do you have ANY idea what this is going to do our savings…" Xemnas said, angrily. "Hey… wasn't Roxas' room in there?" Demyx said. "DAMMIT!! THAT'S IT I'M LEAVING!!" Roxas screamed, walking into the room. "WAIT!! ROXAS!! DAMMIT!! ANOTHER MEMBER DOWN THE DRAIN!!" Axel yelled.

BACK AT AKATSUKI

"Ok… We're down two members… " Kisame said. "I'm still here…" Zetsu said. "Yeah… Zetsu… you wouldn't be much use to us… so I'm as the unofficial leader, I'm going to have to let you go…" Kisame said. "WAIT- ARE YOU SAYING I'M FIRED!?" Zetsu yelled. "Fired is such a harsh term… but it's the only term we've got. So, Yes, you're fired." Kisame said, point blank. "AW DAMMIT!! WELL YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET ANY HELP FROM ME!!" Zetsu yelled. "You're not helping now, yeah." Deidara pointed out. "But don't worry, we'll visit you… yeah! So don't worry… ok?" Deidara was trying to cheer everyone up, but was failing miserably. "NO. WE. WON'T. Come on Deidara, we have to go find Itachi." Kisame said grabbing Deidara by the ponytail and dragging him away. "GAAAAAAAAAHHHHKKK!!!!" He yelled. " COME ON!!" Kisame screamed.

WITH ITACHI

Itachi was running away from authority, hiding, disguising, etc. when the light spirit came to stop him. "WHERE WERE YOU!! YOU WERE ON A MISSION!" He yelled. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" "Running from the authorities." Itachi responded. " YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PROTECTING OFFICER HUGHES!!" The spirit yelled. Suddenly, a gunshot was heard in the distance. "What was that?" Itachi asked. "Let's go see." The light spirit said, walking towards the noise.

On the ground was a man in a phone booth, a pool of blood all around him. "Who's the dead guy?" Itachi said. "That's the guy you were SUPPOSED TO PROTECT!!!" The light spirit yelled. "Oh… does this mean I won't get the meaning of life?" Itachi asked. "sigh… ok… I have a whole list so… I guess you can do what's next…" The spirit said, taking out a piece of paper. "ok… You're supposed to protect a guy named Roy Mustang… know him?" The light spirit asked. "Oh! You mean the guy who's chasing me!" Itachi cheerily said. "Ok… that's not an option… wait… YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING THEM!! WHAT'VE YOU BEEN DOING!?" He yelled. "Well, first, they arrested me for being crazy…-" Itachi started. "Stop there… I can guess what happened…" The spirit interrupted. "Ok… well… Ah! Here's a simple one… Make sure the Elric brothers DO NOT DIE. Make sure they stay together, and NOT GET SEPERATED. ESPECIALLY IN TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS." The light spirit explained. "Sounds simple enough!" Itachi said.

The Fullmetal Alchemist DVD no. 13 comes out

"Man… they died and got separated. I must suck at this…" Itachi said. "Hey! Itachi… I just got back from Munich… and….. I saw Edward on a train.. and WHAT IS ALPHONSE DOING HERE!?" The light spirit said. "Oh… I sorta… kinda… got "involved" and screwed everything up." Itachi said. "Ok… ok… what was the first thing you screwed up….?" He asked hesitantly. "Well… you know how Winry tried to fix that car? I…kinda rigged it with explosives…?" Itachi explained. "Why did you rig it with explosives!?" The spirit asked, aggravated. "I wanted to see what would happen. Now I know how Deidara feels… (smiles)" Itachi replied. "I also… told the Homunculi where the Elrics were going to hide…" Itachi added. "You told them. W-w hat the hell!?!?" The spirit said. "I thought it was a simple conversation." Itachi said in defense. "When a person… walks up to you and asks… 'where are the Elrics?'… YOU DON'T JUST SPILL YOUR GUTS!! YOU SAY… 'I DON'T KNOW.' SIMPLE AS THAT!!" The spirit was frustrated now. "Ok… third time's the charm. I'm going to send you to make sure that no one on the right side dies… u-n-d-e-r-s-t-a-n-d?" "I think so." Itachi responded. "Good enough. So… you're place is… castle oblivion."

MEANWHILE WITH AKATSUKI

"wow… this is one huge beanstalk…" Kisame said. "yeah… what Gave you the Idea that Itachi would be up here?" Deidara asked. "Oh, I didn't have a feeling, I just wanted to see what it was like here… hey… why are we standing on clouds?" Kisame asked. "Maybe they get thicker as you go, yeah." Deidara suggested. "Hey look! A castle!! Maybe we can loot it and sell the stuff!" Kisame said, running towards the castle. "FEE FI FO FUM-" a booming voice screamed. "yeah, yeah, 'Fee fi fo F#$ YOU'." Kisame yelled, whacking the giant's toe off. "OW!! MY TOE!!" THE Giant yelled. "oh I'm sorry, was that your toe? Let me give you a matching foot!!!" Kisame yelled and sliced the other foots toe off. With that, the giant fell. "Now let's try the hands!!" Kisame yelled, a maniacal look on his face. "No, Kisame, yeah. LET ME HAVE A GO AT IT, YEAH!!" Deidara then blew up the giant's whole body using explosives from nowhere. "That'll teach you how to treat your guests POLITELY. Now don't go anywhere. WE'LL BE BACK TO FINISH THE JOB." Kisame threatened, continuing to the castle.

As they entered the castle, they saw a boy with a golden colored egg in one hand, and the bird that laid it in the other. "Who're you?" the boy asked. "Is that the bird that laid that egg?" Kisame asked. "Y-yes… but answer my question fir-" "give it to us." Kisame interrupted. "W-what!? Why!! My family's poor!" The boy said. "You know who's fault that is? YOU. You came into this world, and now your family's poor taking care of you. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT." Kisame said, getting closer to get the egg. "oh my god… you're right! I should just die!" and with that, the boy shot himself. "Sucker… the reason his family's poor is because they don't have a job! Wimp!" Kisame said, taking the egg and bird and walking off.

As they were walking, they just remembered the giant. "HeEeEyY! We're back!" Kisame said, a glint in his eye. "OH GOD!!" it screamed.

……………………………..

As Deidara and Kisame climbed down the beanstalk, they saw that Zetsu's vines had taken over 70 of Konoha and growing. The remaining people were boxed in a corner, scarred for life. "Well… we missed a lot, yeah." Deidara said.

ME: Well… that was gorier than expected…

KISAME: I feel refreshed now!

DEIDARA: Me too, yeah!

ITACHI: I hope I live!

ME: which reminds me! You can now legally blame Itachi for the ending to Fullmetal Alchemist!