Chapter 8

Because Phoenix loves you.

After spending the rest of the weekend completely alone with his thoughts, his nightmares, and Anka's words, Edgeworth finally knew that he had to do something or else he would go insane. On a whim, Edgeworth picked up the phone in the room and called the only person he could think of calling for a social reason. The phone rang twice before someone picked up.

"Criminal Affairs. This is Detective Gumshoe speaking."

Edgeworth took a second to speak, almost losing his nerve and hanging up, feeling like maybe it was a stupid idea to call anyone like this.

"Detective Gumshoe. This is Edgeworth."

The line went dead silent for a moment, Gumshoe obviously shocked thoroughly.

"M-Mr. Edgeworth?!" Gumshoe said, unable to believe his ears.

"Yes. It is me." Edgeworth replied, feeling very awkward.

"Wow, it's been a while, pal!" Gumshoe said, suddenly sounding quite happy, "When did you come in?"

"On Friday. I'll be staying the week." Edgeworth replied, inwardly amused at how happy Gumshoe sounded.

"I was about to have lunch. Would you like to join me, pal?" Gumshoe asked, sounding hopeful.

Edgeworth almost turned him down since he wasn't very good at these social situations, but he realized that this was exactly what he needed.

"Yes. I'd like that." Edgeworth said, his voice very detached and apathetic, but actually feeling as though a little weight had been lifted off of him.

Edgeworth met Gumshoe at a little French restaurant downtown. When Edgeworth arrived at the restaurant, he found Gumshoe already waiting for him outside. When they were seated and waiting for their orders, finally there was a chance to talk.

"You know, pal, things really haven't been the same since you left. No one in the prosecutor's office now has the same dedication that you had for bringing in the bad guys." Gumshoe said sadly.

"I…see." Edgeworth replied, not knowing what he could say to that, feeling guilty once again for leaving.

"All of us have really missed you. I'm sure even Mr. Wright has missed you. The way that you two went back and forth in court really was something. I don't think court has been as entertaining since you've gone either." Gumshoe said, smiling as he remembered the old days.

"Hmmm…" Edgeworth said, trying to sound noncommittal but really feeling bitter.

"Speaking of Mr. Wright, did you hear? He and Ms. Fey are getting married!" Gumshoe said, thinking this was happy news.

Gumshoe noticed the pained expression that flashed on Edgeworth's face for a split second before it was covered with Edgworth's usual expression of cold steel.

"Yes. Wright has asked me to come." Edgeworth bit out, unable to sound like he didn't care.

"Yeah, Mr. Wright invited me too. So I guess that's why you were staying the rest of the week, huh?" Gumshoe said carefully, quickly realizing that this seemed to be a sensitive topic for Edgeworth.

"Yes." Edgeworth replied shortly, clearly seeming uncomfortable about the subject.

Gumshoe had always wondered what Edgeworth had thought about Phoenix with the way that he used to go on and on about him when they were out of court. Gumshoe was now curious about things and decided to try to find out what he could while Edgeworth was in somewhat of a talkative mood.

It seems like Mr. Edgeworth left because of more than just the results of the SL-9 incident…Gumshoe thought, feeling sad for Edgeworth.

Edgeworth saw Gumshoe looking at him with very sad eyes, and he realized that he must he must be worse at hiding his feelings than he thought.

"Hey, Mr. Edgeworth…what do you think of Mr. Wright and Ms. Fey getting married?" Gumshoe asked, prodding carefully since he was curious.

"Think? What I think about it is of no consequence." Edgeworth said coldly.

"I think it is." Gumshoe said earnestly, honestly wanting to hear what Edgeworth was thinking.

Edgeworth detested being put on the spot like this, but something compelled him to keep talking.

"I…I have nothing to say about it," Edgeworth said disdainfully, letting the silence hang in the air for a moment before he continued, "I can say nothing since this wedding is happening because of me. Because I left. I found this out from Wright's sister, who showed up at my hotel room unannounced a few days ago."

"Oh, pal, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself…" Gumshoe said sympathetically.

Edgeworth realized that he was telling Gumshoe all of this because everything was getting to be too much to hold in and he needed someone to talk to.

"It was foolish of me to expect things to be exactly the same as before I left." Edgeworth said, his lip curling in disgust of himself, "I never even considered what he wanted for a minute…I was always too wrapped up with my own selfish needs."

Gumshoe didn't know how to comfort him since Edgeworth seemed to blame Phoenix's wedding on himself when things were obviously more complex than that. Gumshoe realized now that Edgeworth's feelings for Phoenix ran much deeper than for someone who was just a court rival.

"After three years, the meaning of everything I was feeling was still cloudy, and so I kept running," Edgeworth said with scorn, "All I needed was always in front of me, but I let it slip through my fingers…I was too blinded by my self importance and self struggle to understand it. But finally seeing Wright after my long absence brought everything into sharp clarity. I finally realized I was wrong all along, only to be too late."

Gumeshoe looked thoughtful for a moment and then he spoke.

"You know, pal, its better that you let him know how you feel, since otherwise you'd always wonder…what if…" Gumshoe said cautiously, looking away from Edgeworth for a moment, seeming as though he was embarrassed.

Edgeworth looked at Gumshoe, his eyebrows scrunched in mild surprise, his own problems momentarily forgotten, suddenly grasping that Gumshoe was not only talking about him, but also himself.

"Yes, I suppose that's true…" Edgeworth replied emotionlessly, not knowing what to say.

Suddenly their food arrived, ending their conversation momentarily.

Love without pain or disappointment is only in fairy tales, Edgeworth thought resentfully, feeling as though he'd be alone for the rest of his life.

The days inched by as Phoenix's wedding crept ever closer. Phoenix sat at his desk in his office, finishing up any remaining court papers that had to be done before he took some time off from work for his wedding. He kept unconsciously glancing at the wedding invitation he had ready on his desk to give to Edgeworth. He was dreading this meeting, not wanting to make things harder on either of them, but yet he was desperate to see Edgeworth again.

I don't even know if I want this wedding to happen anymore…first, seeing Miles, and then the whole talk with Anka… Phoenix thought, feeling very unsure of himself, She told me that she thought I was making a mistake by marrying Maya…but, I've made a commitment to her, and so I must follow through.

Phoenix pushed the conflicting thoughts he was having out of his mind and suddenly got up from the desk to give Edgeworth the invitation, knowing that staring at it wouldn't make things easier.

The Gatewater hotel was right across the street from Phoenix's office, so it was a very short walk. Phoenix went up to room 506 and hesitated for a moment before he knocked on the door. In a moment, Edgeworth came to the door and opened it.

"Wright." Edgeworth said softly, almost as if he was surprised to see Phoenix.

Phoenix didn't say anything for a few seconds, just mesmerized by Edgeworth's face, noticing that Edgeworth was looking at him in a very strange, enigmatic way. Finally Phoenix realized that he was just standing there, saying nothing, so he spoke.

"Uhh…I just came by to…give you this…" Phoenix said, hesitantly indicating the wedding invitation he held in his hand.

"Oh." Edgeworth said simply, sounding as though he was disappointed.

Edgeworth slowly reached over and took the invitation Phoenix was holding into his hand, avoiding eye contact with Phoenix, but in the process, he accidentally grabbed on to Phoenix's fingers as well. When Edgeworth touched him, time seemed to stop for Phoenix. He looked into Edgeworth's eyes, Edgeworth's pain and suffering plain to see. Phoenix's whole body just ached to touch him, to make Edgeworth stop hurting. Edgeworth unconsciously seemed to grip Phoenix's hand tighter, making Phoenix's heart beat faster.

Finally, Phoenix weakly pulled his hand back with whatever resolve he had left, leaving only the wedding invitation in Edgeworth's hand. Edgeworth shook his head when Phoenix removed his hand, also seeming to lose himself in this strange moment. Phoenix just decided to get out of there, not able to handle the look on Edgeworth's face.

"Well…I guess…I'll…see you there…" Phoenix said softly, with great difficulty, his guilt about the situation about to overtake him.

Edgeworth turned his face away from Phoenix in anguish, unable to even look at him.

"Yes. I'll be there." Edgeworth replied so softly that Phoenix hardly heard him.

Phoenix tore himself away without another word, not wanting to draw this conversation out any longer.

Edgeworth watched Phoenix leave, pushing the door closed when Phoenix was no longer in the hall. He leaned heavily on the door, suddenly feeling very weak. Edgeworth slowly made his way over to the desk in his room, tossed the invitation on to the desk, and sat down, putting his head in his hands. The emotions coursing through him at this moment were almost too much for him to bear. At the same time, he felt like crying in sorrow, screaming in anger, and collapsing in defeat. He sat at the desk for many minutes, trying to pull himself together.

This is it. The last thing I can do to make up for all of my mistakes is to go to this wedding. I owe him that much…Edgeworth thought, his heart feeling crushed, Come what may to me, I will be there.

Edgeworth strongly resolved that since he caused Phoenix so much pain in the past, fate had decided the appropriate penance.

I know I don't deserve him, so this is a fitting turn end to things. Edgeworth thought scornfully, forcing himself to get up and prepare what he was going to wear to the wedding.