Disclaimer: So you have to be a witch to morph into a dragon. Who knew there were rules? Anyway tomorrow shall be my last attempt and I am planning the biggest heist in history. Prepare thyselves...

Now onto the Meat and Potatoes

Lizzie

Unconditional Love

As luck would have it, everyone was awake when Stabler and Cragen returned. They had congregated in Stabler, Cragen, Benson and Novak's room and were discussing breakfast plans. Novak gave them a thankful look when Stabler and Cragen entered.

"Thank God! You almost got left behind. We're starving."

Cragen, who had been pulling his jacket off, stopped. "Then let's get some food now. Anyone know if London PD is paying for our meals this week?"

No one was sure so they decided to eat cheap. As they headed for the Underground, Cragen kept glancing at Stabler. He didn't want to suggest that he and Benson go somewhere alone for breakfast but the detective seemed a bit slow on the uptake. When Cragen had said soon, he meant today. Deciding to let Stabler take things at his own pace, he broke the silence.

"What's everyone thinking for breakfast?"

Something light such as bagels, had been Novak's idea but pancakes or toast and eggs had been voiced by Benson at the same time. The situation was perfect for Cragen to drop a hint without being overzealous.

"We could split into two groups, I guess."

"I'll take Liv for a big breakfast." Stabler seemed to have taken the hint. He didn't seem annoyed or grateful. His statement betrayed nothing.

"Pancakes sound gre…" Fin's voice trailed off when Cragen coughed gently. Taking the hint from his captain, Fin changed his sentence. "great but a muffin sounds even better."

Stabler looked a bit relieved and he gestured toward a local greasy spoon establishment. Benson cast Fin a strange look but followed her partner up the street.

"I thought you loved pancakes, Fin?"

Fin glanced at Cragen, who hoped his detective would pick up his ESP message, begging him to lie gracefully.

"I do but a blueberry muffin sound pretty good right now."

Benson shrugged and Cragen gestured to the Underground. "Shall we? I know a great place we can go."

As the five of them set off, Cragen chanced one last look back at Benson and Stabler's retreating backs. They weren't speaking at the moment but Cragen hoped that would change snoon.

Breakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreak

"That was strange of Fin," Benson muttered as she sat down with her pancakes, eggs, and bacon and taking a big bite. "e uvs anaches."

Stabler snickered and took the seat across from her. "Translation, please. I don't speak Mouthfullinese."

Benson rolled her eyes and swallowed. "I said he loves pancakes."

Stabler knew that his moment had come. He looked at Benson, trying to gauge how she would react. Would she yell at him that she was simply doing her job? Would she speak to him again?

"Not sure but this is better." Stabler's voice trailed off at the end of this sentence. It was now or never. "Actually, I'm glad he opted for a muffin because there's something I wanna talk about."

Benson's expression became concerned and she placed her fork back on the table. She couldn't think of what Stabler would want to talk about so badly that it couldn't be said infront of the rest of the squad.

"Are you okay, El?"

When Stabler shook his head, Benson's look worsened and she seemed to pale a bit. Suddenly she knew where this was headed. Stabler was feeling guilty about the situation. Deciding that she had to set her partner straight and let him know there was nothing to feel guilty about, she reached across the table and put her hand on his forearm.

"I'm fine, Elliot. Everything'll pass with time. Don't worry. You couldn't have done anything different."

That was all Stabler needed. Benson thought he was upset with himself for not finding her sooner. While this was partially true, it wasn't what he was most angry about. He pulled his arm out from under hers and she retracted looking confused.

"Liv, I'm sorry I couldn't act sooner but the person I'm pissed at isn't Yaburov."

Benson's expression darkened. "I hope you're not pissed at Ulmer because…"

"No," Stabler interrupted. "You're the one I'm pissed at. You, Olivia!"

Benson sat back, her expression confused. She could have anticipated Yaburov or even Ulmer, but herself...She hadn't see that coming.

"What the hell are you on about, Elliot?"

Stabler couldn't stop himself. He'd opened the can of worms and now he had to explain everything.

"You just couldn't go somewhere and stop being you for a bit, could you? Why did you stop when that girl jumped?"

Benson's expression had gone from pity to confusion to anger in less than a minute. She cheeks had turned a light shade of pink and her body had tensed up. "I can't just stop being who I am, Stabler."

Her partner sat back. Calling him Stabler was never a good sign.

"I know you can't so why should I? FYI, I was headed for the hotel when I saw a group congregated. I stopped to find out what was up. It was only for two seconds, El, and I overheard Ulmer saying no one was around to do a rape kit. London SVU wasn't there so I volunteered. It was only to get started until the Medical Examiner arrived. I'd seen enough rape kits over the years that I knew the basics."

Stabler's temper had risen during her spiel. This might have been partially true but not all of it. Benson had been thanked for helping and than asked to leave.

"After you were asked to leave, you couldn't just stay down. You had to return to the police the next day and pry further."

Benson's face was as red as Stabler's by now. She was no longer bothering to keep her voice down and their food lay forgotten.

"I was hoping they'd found the guy."

Stabler clenched his fists but managed not to slam them on the table in frustration. "And that's the problem, Liv. You couldn't stay away!"

Benson was suddenly on her feet and leaning across the table. In her haste to stand up, her chair and tipped over and crashing on the floor but she didn't seem to notice. The restaurant manager was standing a few feet away and kept glancing at the arguing pair and his other guests.

"It was an open case." Benson's voice carried throughout the resturant. "Could you have walked away?"

"No," Stabler was on his feet as well, although his chair remained upright. "I wouldn't have gotten involved in the first place, Benson!"

"I told you..."

"That they didn't have anyone to do a rape kit. I know this, Liv! Damn it, you're missing the point!" Now they were shouting at each other and Stabler knew they were seconds away from getting kicked out. Trying to keep his voice calm and collected, he continued.

"What do other units do when they get a rape case? They call us. You shouldn't have been allowed on the scene. They should've called their SVU and had them come in. You just saw a case and wanted to get involved. You don't really know how to do a rape kit properly. You just kinda know what to scrub. Why stop, Benson? You were having such a great time in Europe. WHY THROW IT AWAY FOR A CASE THAT WASN'T EVEN YOURS?"

Stabler's attempt to bring the situation back to a civil nature had failed. By the end of his last sentance, he was yelling again.

"I HAD TO, ELLIOT!" Benson's voice was loud and slightly high pitched. Stabler could see the tears of frustration forming in the corners of her eyes.

"EXCUSE ME!" Benson and Stabler both stopped shouting and turned to face the small man who owned the restaurant they were disturbing.

"Thank you," he muttered, his voice calm, before continuing. "You're ruining the atmosphere for my other guests. Please pay and leave."

Stabler and Benson were both in fighting moods but decided not to cause a scene. They quickly paid up, tipping extremely well, apologized and left. They walked up the street in silence, finally choosing a seat on the sidewalk.

"What d'ya mean you had to, Liv?" Stabler's voice was calm. Benson hadn't had to do anything but his gut told him that she meant something different.

"Elliot, I completely screwed up my last few cases. First with those young men and than little Danielle…" Benson didn't seem to have the ability to put a coherent sentence together right now. "Not only that but my brother got in the way and I caused another rape in that case, not to mention the rape he committed himself. I've been screwing up so much lately, El, that I had to prove to myself that I'm still a good cop."

Stabler's anger was ebbing away quicker than it had come. He hadn't had the first clue that the past few weeks had been troubling her a great deal. How could he have not seen this? He knew her better than anyone. He should have known.

"Liv, that last case wasn't your fault and the problems with your brother are natural. You wanted family and all you have is that asshole. No one blames you for what happen, Liv. You're a good cop. Don't let two bad weeks and one asshole compromise your good judgment. You're one of our best…and you know it."

Benson had tears streaming down her face by this point. She was leaning forward with her arms wrapped around her legs. She said nothing and Stabler decided that the time had come to decrease the tension. He looked his partner up and down. She'd shed the dingy nightgown and was wearing pants and a shirt and that looked familiar.

"My stuff looks good on you but it's a bit big, isn't it?"

Even Benson smiled at this. After she'd woken up, she had taken a hot shower but didn't feel like pulling back on the only outfit she currently had. Novak hadn't brought anything with her, so she found Stabler's bag with the one change of clothes he had bought in Latvia.

"I'm going shopping later today for something to wear home. I called Ulmer and he knew a lady at the station who kept a pair of tennis shoes around in case of an emergency. They're a bit small but not painful. They'll do until tomorrow."

They sat in silence for several minutes. To Stabler's relief, it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. He didn't feel the need to say anything more so they just sat, watching the cars pass by on the wrong side of the street. It was the first time Stabler had been intrigued by it.

"I'm sorry, El."

Stabler turned to look at his partner. She wiped the tears from her face but didn't meet his eyes. "I'm so damn sorry about what I did to you."

Stabler wanted nothing more than to assure her everything was okay but he didn't. He wanted to hear what she had to say. He wanted an apology and he hated himself for it.

"Why couldn't I save that little girl, Elliot? Why?"

Stabler immediately knew his partner wasn't talking about the current case or even Yaburov in general. She was talking about the case that had sent her to Europe in the first place.

"Why'd I hesitate? I had a clear shot and I didn't take it. Why?"

Stabler thought back to the case that was still open. He had been away looking in on another case when he'd received word that the perp from their most pressing case had been spotted. Stabler had told Cragen that he would meet Benson there only to find out that his partner had been sent ahead with orders to wait for Stabler and backup. She'd done exactly that and now a small girl was dead:

Olivia Benson parked her car and got out. She had changed into jeans and a sweater in her hope to blend in. She was to observe their perp while waiting for her partner and other officers.

"Under no condition are you to try and take this guy out on your own. Am I clear, Olivia?"

Those had been her exact orders from Cragen. Their perp, Aaron Coots, was currently buying a magazine from a local seller so Benson decided to catch up on her Glamour, a magazine she'd never glanced at. He kept throwing looks in her direction but Benson hadn't thought anything of it. His eyes ran up and down her frame and she assumed he was checking her out. She had looked up from her magazine and their eyes had met. He gave her a smile and headed in her direction. She'd returned both the magazine and the smile. Aaron Coots had stuck his hand out to her, which she had shaken as they exchanged names.

After several minutes of conversation and flirting, Coots had invited her back to his place for a drink. She'd accepted and they began heading in the direction of his apartment. When he'd opened the door to the building, he had turned back to her.

"Are you spoken for, Olivia?"

Benson struggled to hide her disgust. Deciding that she might get an opportunity to investigate his apartment without a search warrant, she shook her head.

"Not yet, anyway."

The sound of sirens quickly approaching helped calm her a bit. She wasn't a fan of being undercover, especially if it meant flirting with a perp. Coots had leaned down closer so he was face to face with her.

"Not even by Detective Stabler, Detective Benson?"

Benson had barely had time to react. Coots already had his gun in hand. Deciding not to draw attention to himself by firing a gun. He went to strike her on top of the head but Benson ducked and the butt of the gun made contact with the back of her head. The force of his blow had caused her to fall down the stairs and land in a pile at the foot.

Once her vision had stopped blurring, she had raced into the apartment, gun drawn. She'd been ordered to wait for Stabler but screw orders. This guy knew what they were up to and it might be too late for Danielle Hills if she waited.

She rushed up the stairs, taking them two at a time, and kicked open Coots's apartment with ease.

"C'mon, Aaron, don't make this difficult." Benson was still reeling from the pain in the back of her head and busy berating herself for not jumping on him at the newsstand. While the evidence they had was weak, it wasn't useless. They could have gotten more after interrogation.

Coots was a suspect in a child pornography case where the perp murdered his victims after two or three pictures and movies to keep suspicion to a minimum. Danielle Hills, a five year old who had been abducted from her school, had already been found in one picture and one movie so they knew her time was running out.

Benson made her way into the living room and quickly checked the corners. There was another door that led to another room. Benson nearly had her hand on the knob when Coots pulled it open.

"Why don't you leave and tell your buddies that I'm gone?"

Coots had entered the room. In one of his hands he clutched a gun, in the other a small girl. She had curly red hair and bright green eyes. She looked terrified. "Unless you want me to waste the kid."

Benson lowered her gun and raised her other hand, palm up, gesturing for Coots to stop. "Okay, let's talk. First, put Danielle down."

"Don't think so, bitch." With this, Coots threw the gun, hitting Benson in the face, much in the same way she would use a book against Yaburov three weeks later. Her eyes clouded and had to clear before she could pursue. Officers would be storming the place at any moment so he wouldn't take the main exit. He'd probably gone down the fire escape. Picking up her gun, which she had dropped when Coots's gun hit her in the face, Benson entered the living room and her eyes quickly fell on the open window leading to the fire escape. Cursing, Benson climbed out the window right as she heard, "police," being yelled from the entrance.

"He got away," Benson yelled back before sprinting down the stairwell.

"That you, Liv?" Benson didn't answer Stabler's question but continued down the stairs. She began to look left and right down the ally, hoping for a clue as to where Coots had gone. The clue made her stop cold. There, at the end of the ally sticking out from underneath a tarp, was a wave of red hair. Muttering a prayer, Benson hurried over and pulled the tarp back.

Benson had seen hundreds of victims over the years but children always disturbed her. Danielle hadn't suffered in death. A broken neck had kept her out of pain but that didn't help. Benson knelt down beside her and covered the girl's body with the tarp.

"Liv! Everything okay?"

Benson bit on her lip to keep from crying and turned to face her partner, who was standing at the top of the fire escape with half a dozen officers behind him.

"The girl's dead, Elliot. Might wanna call CSU."

While the other cops had gone to work, Stabler watched Benson. She was wiping the sweat from her forehead and pacing. She kept touching the back of her head and her left eye was swollen shut. It would be black in the morning. Stabler had descended the escape and went over to his partner.

"Why don't we head back to One Police Plaza? You need an ice pack."

Aaron Coots had never been caught. No one had seen anything and Benson had been seconds too late. She seemed shaken at first but by the time she'd had a cup of coffee and sat in the Crib with ice packs on her eye and head, she seemed in better spirits. Three days later she'd been off to Europe.

"Liv, you couldn't have done anything more. If you'd waited, who knows what woulda happened. We'll find that bastard some day and put a needle in his arm, just like Yaburov."

Benson was crying completely now and Stabler wished he kept kleenex in his pocket since she didn't seem to be carrying any.

"I just…I'm just so sorry. I just had to know. I had to know I'm not useless."

That was enough for Stabler. He dug in his pocket and pulled out the receipt from their breakfast and handing it to his partner.

"Here, not quite as good as kleenex but it'll get the job done."

Benson took it and wiped her streaming eyes and nose.

"Thanks, El."

Stabler stood up, wanting to get out of the gutter. His eyes went down to Benson, who was still trying to stop crying.

"It's just Simon..."

At this, Stabler sat down. Benson hadn't mentioned her brother since the incident. She had finally seen him for what he was and she seemed to snap back. She hadn't sought much counseling but it seemed she wanted to talk now.

"What about Simon, Liv?"

Benson didn't look at him but pressed on.

"I thought that my day had finally come, El. I thought I'd found a relative who might love me. He made me compromise my good judgment and values, as you said. I questioned the victim like she was the perp, something I thought I'd never do. It took overwhelming evidence to convince me he was the man we were looking for. I added extra victims to a case because of that compromise. I hesitated with Coots and little Danielle died. I just thought I'd finally found someone to care about me and love me unconditionally. I was wrong. I'm alone just like I always was and always will be."

Benson wasn't crying anymore. Her sadness seemed to be beyond tears. She had shed her tears for Simon and what could have been. Now she was just getting this bottled up information off of her chest.

Stabler found the almost uncontrollable urge to hug her and convince her that she was wrong in every aspect. But his anger had also returned. For once, he decided that anger should win over pity.

"C'mon, Liv, what about me? I've always been there for you just like you're always there for me. You don't need some pig headed rapist for a brother when you've got me. I care about you and love you unconditionally. Only that would make me fly halfway around the world with little to no evidence backing me up. And it's not just me, Liv. Munch, Fin, Cragen, we all care for you. Casey, George, M.E. Warner back home, everyone's been so worried about you. You're the only one who's ever doubted your abilities, Liv. You've always had my confidence and you always will."

Benson showed emotion regularly but she wasn't a touchy feely type person so when she threw her arms around him, Stabler sat there in shock for several seconds before hugging her tightly to him.

"Even after this?"

Without breaking the hug, Stabler repeated her last question, only as a statement. "Even after this."

"Thank you," she whispered quietly in his ear but didn't break their embrace.

"Forgiveness is the final form of love."

Reinhold Niebuhr (He also wrote the Serenity Prayer, which is one of my favs)

Author's notes: Okay that was a little more cheese than I was originally planning but I decided that no one will become a diabetic after reading this so I'm safe.

There's only one actual chapter left and than a Epilogue that picks up two months later. I promise that I won't make you wait two months though:)

Till tomorrow night...