Akatsuki: Attack of The Tobi
I don't own Naruto.
Chapter 15: Zombies… lots of them…
AT BLUE BASE
BANG BANG BANG
"What's that?" Tucker said. "I don't know but it's really pissing me off…" Kisame said. "I… think it's coming from the basement…" Kakuzu said. "We have a basement?" Zetsu asked. "Whatever! Someone just check it out!" Church said. "I'll do it. God, I'm the only one who does work around here anyways…" Kisame murmured as he walked down the hall. "Tobi.. what're you doing!?" Kisame asked. "Me and Caboose are working on a new cloning machine!" Tobi answered. Kisame was angry. Very angry. I'm serious. Steam was coming out of his ears and Eyes. So much so it burned his eyes. "GAAAH!!! MY EYES!!" Kisame screamed. He grabbed Samehada, whacked Tobi and Caboose once, and went to the machine to finish the job. "DIEEE!! YOU. MUST. DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…ha…ha… oh god…" Kisame yelled. "LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU. IF YOU WANT TO CLONE YOURSELF, GET A GIRLFRIEND." Kisame announced. "uh…Kisame-san, You're eyes are still on fire." Tobi said. "What- AAAAAAAAAHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! OH GOD!! OH GOD!!" Kisame screamed. "Here! Use this!" Tobi said, handing Kisame a bottle of… "GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! TOBI YOU IDIOT!!! YOU GAVE ME GAAAAS!!!" Kisame yelled. "I don't give you gas, BURRITOS give you gas. And Tacos. And Chili. Mmmmmmmm chili." Tobi said. "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT YOU IDIOT!!" Kisame yelled, before completely blowing up.
MEANWHILE, WITH ZETSU
"Ahhh what a nice, beautiful…-" BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) "…painful… day." Zetsu said, before passing out.
"WHAT THE HELL!? HALF THE BASE IS GONE!!- what smells like fish sticks?" Church asked. He walked down the hall towards the smell to find Tobi, Caboose, and a… fried Kisame. "Tobi!! What the hell did you do!?" He yelled. "Tobi gave Kisame gas and exploded." Tobi answered calmly. "WHAT!?" Church yelled. "Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi said. "NO!! TOBI A COMPLETE RETARD!! YOU SHOULDN'T OVERDO IT WHEN FEEDING PEOPLE MEXICAN FOOD!!" Church said. "What? No no! Tobi gave Kisame-san The kind of Gas you feed cars! While his eyes are flaming!" Tobi explained. "Tobi, don't give people gasoline when they're on fire. Give them water. That's the number 1 rule here. And stop saying 'san' after our names. You're American now! Speak English!" Church said. "Ok!" Tobi saluted and ran off. "That's not gonna last long…" Church said. Suddenly, Zetsu burst through the door. "WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON!?" He yelled. "Tobi tried to… clone himself… I had to stop him!" Kisame said. "At the price of your Samehada?" Zetsu asked. "What?" Kisame asked again. "Half of your sword is gone." Zetsu pointed to the remaining half of Samehada. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN YOU TOBI!!!! DAMN YOU!!!!!" Kisame screamed.
AT RED BASE
Deidara and Hidan were tied to the bathroom floor, an army of toothbrushes and toothpaste…s? teethpastes!? WHATEVER. Anyway, they were there because HIDAN WAS RIGHT. End of story. "HEEEEEEYYYYYY!!! HEEEELLPPP!!! ITACHI!? SARGE!? DONUT!? Maybe not Donut, but GRIFF!? ANYBODY!?" Hidan and Deidara yelled. "Do you hear something?" Simmons asked. "Nope. Ignore it." Itachi said, turning a page in his magazine. "Maybe we should check it out…" Sasori said. "No. Me and Sarge are the leaders of this team, and we'll decide when we check things out.
………………………………………………….
"Let's Check it out." Sarge said. "sigh… fine." Itachi said, throwing his magazine away. The book was "How to Bring Peace To World Wars for Dummies." On the cover, it had the … dummy… dude and in the background, people killing each other. "Hidan? Deidara? You in there?" Simmons called through the bathroom door. OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! DON'T DO THAT!!! STOP POKING ME!!! ITACHI!! WHY DOES YOU TOOTHBRUSH HAVE A KNIFE ON IT!?!?" Hidan yelled. "Uh… self defense?" Itachi said. "IT'S A BATHROOM!! WHY WOULD YOU NEED A-" Hidan started. "CAN WE PLEASE GET HELP NOW!?" Deidara cut in. "What do we do?" Sasori asked. "JUST GET IN HERE AND START SHOOTING!!!" Hidan and Deidara yelled. They barged in the door. They only saw a bunch of toothbrushes and TEETHPASTES on the floor, completely lifeless. "……..They were alive I swear." Hidan and Deidara said in unison. "Deidara, you were my former partner and best friend. I should support your ideas, but then I'd look like a total idiot. So I won't." Sasori said. "Why'd you have to point that out?" Itachi asked. "I like hearing myself talk." Sasori said.
AT BLUE BASE
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! KISAME!! I THOUGHT YOU STOPPED THEM!?" Zetsu yelled, running away. "I THOUGHT DESTROYING IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH!!" Kisame yelled back. "TOBI HAD A SPARE!!" Tobi cheered. Tobi Zombies were overrunning Blue base. The whole Blue team was running towards Red base. "What's that!?" Griff said. "IT'S THE BLUE TEAM!! THEY'RE GONNA ATTACK!!" Sarge yelled. "NO WAIT!! LOOK BEHIND THEM!!" Sasori pointed behind the screaming team. "NOOOOOOO!!! NOT AGAIN!!!" Deidara cried. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" All the former Akatsukis yelled.
KISAME'S CORNER
KISAME: Hello! And welcome To Kisame's Corner! You may have a few Questions about the story so far like, "WTF!? ZOMBIES!?" and such. We will get to that question in the middle of out show! See ya!
KISAME: Yay!! I can eat again!!! I had about… 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…! WOW!! Ok, ok first one is…
Kisame, How come even though Zetsu calls Tobi a good boy only once, How come it became his catch phrase?
From: purplenekomata
Good Question. And it will Get an answer. Just not from me.
TOBI: Tobi says he's a Good boy because… Tobi's a good boy…? Right Zetsu-san?
ZETSU: I'm starting to think otherwise…
TOBI: Eh!?
KISAME: moving on.
Q#1: How Stupid Is Kisame? (I'm sorry; I'm kinda stupid too…"
KISAME: I'M NOT STUPID!! (Shakes camera) ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!
TUCKER: HEY HEY!! WATCH THE CAMERA!! I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THAT!!
KISAME: AAARRRGGGH!!! (Throws camera to ground)
TUCKER: NOOOOOOOO!!!
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE STAND BY…
KISAME: Sorry about that folks! Next.
Q#2: And How do you think Itachi will kill- I mean, bring Akatsuki back together?
KILL!? WHAT THE HELL!! ITACHI!!
ITACHI: Uh… (I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!?) I can… explain…?
KISAME: BULLCRAP! Next Question!
Q#3: and how do you think Tobi looks under his mask?
FROM: Arxilla Uchiha
Well….. judging on how TOTALLY SCREWED UP THE MAN'S FACE WAS WHEN HE ANSWERED THE DOOR!! I'd say… it's probably the giant octopus that lives in the author's locker.
ME: THAT'S SCIENTIFICALLY UNPROVEN!!
KISAME: next!
Kisame, what is your shoe size?
From: lilly-kun
Well, my shoe size is… (Looks in shoe) 9 and a half or 10. I AM A GROWING SHARK!!
If Kisame had a choice of who would be your best friend?
Best Friend… if I had a choice… that would be…-
ME: ME!! BECAUSE KISAME HAS NO CHOICE!!
KISAME: it's an IF question. So IF I had the choice, who would I IF pick!? OK!?
Me: OH.. WHATEVER.
Kisame: Spongebob Squarepants! We were friends for a year… until I left… for Akatsuki.
SPONGEBOB: (SB laughs) HI KISAME!!
KISAME: OH MY GOD!! NEVERMIND!! ITACHI'S A GOOD FRIEND ALREADY!! GOD WHAT A HORRIBLY DEFORMED FACE!!
SB: O.O ……………. (cries)
KISAME: uh…. NEXT
What is your Favorite Food and Why?
From: FearTheFan
My favorite food is….. Sushi! Itachi let me try it, but never told me…
ME: They're made of Fish.
KISAME: WHAT!?( barfs out food) NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I'M SORRY!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ME: geez Kisame, you'll live. Kisame? Kisame!? KISAME!?
KISAME: …………………………..
ME: uh…. Next.
How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
However much it can take. NEXT QUESTION!!
Who do you think would win in a fight between Naruto, Deidara, and a 15 foot tall talking rubber chicken?
From: Kage no Kyuubi
Hmmm… those are some differences… Deidara would miss his target and hit innocent bystanders, Naruto WOULD hit innocent bystanders, and the rubber chicken has the advantage of being rubber… so… I'd say the rubber chicken.
Ok, time for the Zombie answer.
KISAME: People, I have a question for you. What is your Zombie Plan? Or, rather, what is your plan for when the Zombies come and kill everyone you know and love? I'm going back to Bikini Bottom, where my Mom… was. Zombies can't swim can they?
ME: If they were champion swimmers in their … 'livelier' years.
KISAME: Well… let's just hope that none of them are champion swimmers then… (looks out window) (sees a Zombie in water swimming like a pro) Uh oh…..
ME: ok… well… anyway, I'm going to Alaska. Where if the Zombies come to eat me, they'll freeze their asses off.
GRIFF: HEY YOU STOLE MY ZOMBIE PLAN!!
ME: WHATEVER!! LIKE IT MATTERS!! Anyway, isn't the point getting away from the monsters?
GRIFF: …………………… YOU STOLE MY ZOMBIE PLAN!!
ME: sigh,… ARE YOU GUYS BRAIN DAMAGED!?
GRIFF: YOU WANNA START SOMETHING!?
ME: MAYBE!! LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE… BITCH!!
GRIFF: (opens door) AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
(Zombies grab for his brains)
GRIFF: THE WARTHOG'S OUT BACK, ROAD TRIP!!!!
(everyone runs for car)
ME: HEY HEY HEY!! AUTHORS FIRST!!
ALL: awwwww!!! You suck!
GRIFF: (takes driver's seat)
ITACHI: (mans machine gun)
SASORI: (rides shotgun)
ME: (Shoves Sasori inward and takes seat.) WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THEY KILL YOU ALL!! SEE YA!!
KISAME: WHAT!? HEY!!
ME: WAIT!! WE FORGOT DEIDARA-SENPAI!!
(drives back)
(hits Deidara while backing up) DEIDARA: WOAH!!
ME: Sorry, PUT HIM IN THE TRUNK!
DEIDARA: WHAT!?
GRIFF: there is no trunk.
DEIDARA: EH!?
ME: ok… Sasori, cling to the bottom of the machine gun. (throws Sasori behind Itachi
ITACHI: watch out. It'll be hell on the road.
ME: (scoots over) Ok, Now DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE!!!
Kisame: WHAT DO WE DO NOW!?
Sarge: I HAVE A PELICAN IN THE-
(blues take off in the pelican) SEE YA BITCHES!!
SARGE: shit… Ok people, IN THE ATTIC!! MOVE MOVE MOVE!!!
(runs)