How Will I Know
Disclaimer: Aye. Uh-huh. Yeah. Ok. Alright. Please? Pretty please? Alright! Fine. Whatever, but- click Hmph… baka. (not really, Rumiko! -) Well, that was the owner of InuYasha. They say I still don't own any rights to it yet, and the future's looking bleak. (Also, I don't really have her phone #, if I did, I'd share--- or maybe sell it. hehe…)
Chapter 17: Kikyo
She groaned and tried to sit up. Something blocked her, and she turned to see what it was. An arm?! The girl looked to the base of the arm and saw Miroku's face. She liked him, she really did, but- well, his arm was a bit -high- on her stomach. She sat up sharply, waking him. When her head cleared, she saw InuYasha sitting on one side of the fire's ashes with Shippou in his lap. Kagome was on the other side, and both had troubled expressions on their sleeping faces. Miroku sighed next to her, now sitting, also realizing InuYasha and Kagome's distance from each other. He hoped they wouldn't be cold to each other for much longer.
InuYasha woke up and upon seeing Kagome's distance and bothered expression in her sleep, he remembered they were 'fighting'. He picked up Shippou by the tail, waking him, and set him down gently on the floor, giving him time to gain his footing. He stood and walked over to Kagome. He nudged her with his foot, waking her, then he began packing up camp, which took a total of three minutes. Soon, everyone was ready to go, and InuYasha led the way through the cave door.
As they stepped outside, Kagome gasped. The landscape sparkled with fresh dew from the rain and the newly risen sun. There were a few dark clouds on the horizon, but they were receding. The morning sky was dotted with light, high white clouds, signaling good weather. The air was crisp and cool, and smelled like fresh rain. She breathed in deeply, and it seemed everything was at peace. Even when she looked at InuYasha, the pureness didn't fade. She could now tell that they just weren't going to speak to each other for a while, pretending to be upset until later tonight, probably. With this scenery, she could stand that, though. She took another deep breath and was interrupted when Sango paused and called back to her.
"Kagome! We're going!"
"Hey, wait for me!" Kagome jogged after them to catch up.
It was midday; most of the dew had dried, and InuYasha and Kagome still weren't speaking to each other. A priestess stood near a shallow pool of water, no bigger than a puddle. She turned to a dragon-like creature amongst the few that circled her. Go now, and bring InuYasha back with you. She watched the creature depart, and smiled. Now that he's arguing with that girl, he should come with me. I need to see if he'll accept my offer.
Kagome stretched, and her backpack threw her off balance. She stumbled backwards, and was caught by a red blur just before she hit the ground. InuYasha stood her up and held onto her, suddenly tensing. Kagome looked up at him, confused. His unease soon got to her, but she found the source. A soul collector drifted into view, and began circling InuYasha. He looked after it, then turned questioningly to Kagome. She nodded as he did, and Kagome dropped off her backpack with Sango.
"I have to go with InuYasha, I'll be back soon, don't worry." Kagome assured Sango and Shippou as she climbed onto InuYasha's back. He began bounding into the forest, after the soul collector. In no time, they were at the clearing Kikyo had chosen this time to meet in. She was standing there, and as soon as she saw Kagome climb off InuYasha's back, her face contorted, but by the time InuYasha and Kagome looked towards her she had composed herself.
"So you've brought the girl." Kikyo said, with obvious displeasure. Kagome moved forward a step to defend her self when InuYasha put his arm out to quiet her, staring straight ahead at Kikyo.
"Yes, Kikyo. I've brought Kagome. If you have a problem with that, then I'll just be going now." He shifted his weight back, backing up his words. Kikyo resigned herself.
"Alright, she's fine. Now tell me, have you decided yet?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"I won't go with you."
"Shame. It's because of her, isn't it?"
"Yes. She's shown me my life has purpose."
As InuYasha continued to dissuade Kikyo, Kagome stood slightly behind him, watching and feeling insignificant. She continued to watch, beginning to feel like she was intruding on a private conversation. Is Kikyo trying to make me feel like this?
"She's given your life purpose?"
"Yes."
"So you won't come, absolutely?"
"No, I will NOT go. I will stay with Kagome, because I want to. Is that all you've summoned me for?"
"… No. I want to know about this girl, Kagome, from your point of view."
Kagome felt more and more uncomfortable, and InuYasha seemed to pick up on this although he never looked away from Kikyo. He reached towards Kagome and grasped her hand comfortingly. It was a small gesture, but it made Kagome feel as if she was necessary, and she began to calm down.
"Well, ask away."
"What do you plan for her in your future?" InuYasha was thrown off, and a slight blush crept up his face until he composed himself again.
"I don't know. Whatever happens."
"I see… what does she mean to you?"
"She's… more than she knows, I'm sure. Kagome means-" He stopped suddenly, as if choking. "Means-" He tried again. "Everything." He finally finished, and Kagome could tell it wasn't what he was going to say.
"You've been turned soft and kind by this girl." Kikyo studied the two of them standing hand in hand. InuYasha shifted slightly more in front of Kagome, almost in a protective stance. As Kikyo remained silent, InuYasha felt the need to fill the silence. He also felt a sudden impulse to leave.
"Kikyo, you can't ever take Kagome's place. She didn't take yours, it just diminished. If that's all, she and I'll be off now." He paused, waiting for a response. Kikyo nodded thoughtfully, and InuYasha left, as tense as Kagome. After they had put a good distance between themselves and Kikyo, they began to relax.
Just before they got back to the meeting place (there was a line of trees separating them from seeing it) InuYasha pulled Kagome around to face him as he stopped. She looked at him, worried.
"Kagome. We need to talk." InuYasha sat at the base of a wide tree; Kagome sat next to him against the trunk. InuYasha sighed, bewildered. Kagome sat, waiting.
"Thank you for bringing me." Kagome said as InuYasha remained silent.
"Yeah, remember, you can't leave me." InuYasha looked up at her from where his chin rested on his arm. She thought she saw the corner of his mouth curve upward, but it seemed like an illusion. "Aren't you wondering about earlier?"
"Hm? Earlier when?"
"When we were talking to Kikyo. Don't tell me you weren't curious to hear what I was going to say?"
"Um… really I just wanted to leave. What you were going to say about what?"
"When Kikyo asked me what you meant to me." InuYasha grumbled, clearly annoyed.
"Oh yeah… what do I mean to you?" Kagome remembered.
"Feh. You first."
"Hey, you're the one that brought it up."
"So tell me what I mean to you, Kagome." InuYasha peered up at her, his eyes sparkling with curiosity. Kagome's breath was taken away.
"You… mean… I don't know. I've never really thought before. Give me some ideas."
"Fine then, I'll go first. Kagome, you mean more to me than I can explain."
"That's not ideas. And if that's how you're going to be, then here goes: You don't know how much you mean to me but I bet it's more than I mean to you." InuYasha sat still, his gaze affixed on the floor. Kagome looked over at him, confused. He looked up, his eyes gleaming, a smile upon his face.
"Never." Kagome was shocked by his expression; it almost frightened her. She comprehended his speech, then leaned back against the tree, smiling. InuYasha returned his gaze to the floor, preoccupied once again. A distressed expression crossed his face: he began thinking of Kikyo and Kagome and the 'fight' the two were going through. Kagome knelt by him and put her arm around his shoulder in a comforting manner. InuYasha warmed up to her, relaxing. After five minutes, Kagome stood.
"Shouldn't we go back now?"
"Yeah… let's go."
The day had passed uneventfully ever since InuYasha and Kagome returned. Ekonika had arrived, her coat slightly singed, but otherwise fine. She'd arrived unceremoniously, just sort of walked up, not noticed by InuYasha or any of the demons. The pony Ekonika walked silently with the group, asking no questions and not being questioned.
Soon, it was night. Everyone settled down in a small hut and laid out their sleeping mats. InuYasha and Kagome remained quiet the rest of the day after briefly explaining the Kikyo thing. They were lost in their own thoughts, and were rarely occupied by anything else. Kagome drifted off into a restless sleep, and soon everyone else followed, except their rests were more out-cold-ish. InuYasha sat at the base of a tree within five feet of Kagome, and watched her drift off to sleep. As soon as her eyes had been closed maybe an hour or two, InuYasha stood and walked out of the hut, making no noise, but pausing when he stepped on a twig that set of a very loud and inconsiderate 'snap' in his opinion. After swiveling his ears around for a minute, he continued walking, a soul collector swirling around him.
Kagome opened her eyes. She thought she heard something… SNAP! … She stayed still, wondering what on earth it could be. After a minute of listening for more sounds, she heard the faint whistle of a soul collector, and brought her head up so quickly that she was dizzy for a moment. In that moment, she saw InuYasha's haiori and his silver hair, glistening from the last quarter moonlight, vanish behind the doorway, and the soul collector turn and move ahead of him to lead the way.
She stood, first angry, then her curiosity weighed out over the growing feeling of wanting to sit him thirty feet into the ground. She followed the faint glow of the soul collector that led her and InuYasha on through the trees. She was careful to not make a sound unless InuYasha would hear, and she didn't know if he'd be angry, embarrassed, sad, or all combined. After what seemed an hour but was probably only fifteen minutes, Kagome came to the clearing. She nearly walked right out into it, but ducked behind a tree and peered around it.
InuYasha was facing Kikyo, and Kagome couldn't see his face; he was facing away from her. Kikyo, if she so chose, could probably look right over InuYasha's shoulder and see Kagome, but she didn't seem to notice Kagome at all. InuYasha was standing opposite Kikyo, at least thirty feet away from her. Four soul collectors swam through the air around Kikyo, occasionally drifting into the forest and returning. A mist filled the surrounding area. InuYasha was the first to speak.
"Kikyo." It was almost bitter, but had a certain softness to it that was barely detectable.
"Now I ask you again, without her influence, will you come with me?" There was a pause, where Kagome held her breath.
"No."
"So, you're firm in your decision? You are breaking away from me and everything we could have?" Kagome could tell Kikyo was wording her speech so it seemed InuYasha was being traitorous. InuYasha! See through her tricks! Kagome pleaded in her mind.
"No, Kikyo, I… I don't know. Kikyo, you're just a friend to me now. I thought I loved you back then. It was just- after I'd been on my own so long, you finally accepted me. That made me think I was in love, but now it's different between me and Kagome. So much different! I wish you could just understand! I didn't love you, Kikyo! If with you it was a flower, then with Kagome it's- I don't know, a meadow-full! Just so much more…" Kikyo glared, clearly upset and angry. She began to move towards InuYasha, an eerie calmness settling over her face to be replaced by a complacent smile. She walked as if she were going to kiss InuYasha and make him forget, or see some false truth. InuYasha stood still, seemingly paralyzed. When Kikyo came close enough that she could touch him, InuYasha whispered a word.
"Kagome…" Kagome wondered for a second if InuYasha knew she was there. He took a step back toward her, and another, never taking his eyes off Kikyo. "I made a promise to Kagome. I won't touch you." Kikyo stopped and InuYasha took a last step back, now only ten feet from Kagome.
"What about the promise you made to me? When you promised to become human with the sacred jewel and I would bring it to you, and we would be together always."
"Kikyo, it was fifty years ago, and you broke your end of the promise. Maybe I would have kept my end otherwise. Now, however: the one I love is Kagome. I won't tolerate you trying to turn me away from her! If I have to, I'll-" InuYasha hesitated for an instant, "I'll put you to rest myself, since you obviously can't be at peace. Leave Kagome and me alone!" InuYasha swiped his hand across the air between himself and Kikyo, as if cutting all invisible strings, with a certain distinct finality. Kikyo's face became grief-stricken, and InuYasha could tell he'd finally hurt her with his words. Her emotions of sorrow soon evolved into a resolve.
"I'll leave, then, if you really love that girl. I'll bear no grudge against you, but she isn't so lucky. I will leave you alone with your beloved," she spat the word distastefully, "and if you should ever change your mind, know that I shall not accept you even if you beg and grovel upon your stomach. I will retire to some village that needs my help, so don't go looking for me either. I don't believe you would have the heart to torture a living dead with some love still in their heart for you by bringing the one you 'love' to gloat and scorn. (A/n- basically, Kikyo's saying 'Don't mess with me by being all lovey-dovey with that girl in front of me.') Now is the last chance I'll give you, and realize this: I'll never be with you again if you choose her, so who is it?"
"Kagome. And, Kikyo, leave. Now. This is also the last time I'm asking you."
Kagome gasped as a soul collector drifted into the forest right next to her. It turned and looked straight at her, then returned to Kikyo, hovering in front of her.
"InuYasha, I will leave, but you and I are no more. I will do you a favor, though," Kikyo grinned, somewhat humorously, "You have company." With that, Kikyo turned and disappeared into the forest. InuYasha watched her go, then comprehended her words.
He spun around to find his 'company' when Kagome, realizing herself caught, stepped out from behind the tree. InuYasha was turned away from her, but he sniffed the air and spun, his eyes wide with astonishment.
"Please, don't be upset, InuYasha. I didn't mean to spy, I was curious of where you were going, and I was worried about you." Her eyes filled with tears of guilt, and InuYasha stood, seemingly frozen. His mind reeled, trying to cope with all the things he wanted to do now; hug her and tell her it was fine; yell at her for following him; turn his back, ashamed of her; kiss her and never stop; pretend it never happened; ask her what she saw; talk with her and get this sorted out; and many other things. His brain seemed to get crammed, and passed off the responsibility to a different section of InuYasha's brain: instinct. Pure instinct, partially demon, partially dog, and partially human.
Kagome watched him stand there as a deer caught in headlights. He spun all the way to face her suddenly, and a flash of red gleamed across his eyes. Kagome doubted it for a moment, then it happened again, this time leaving his eyes with a certain shade of red. InuYasha began to growl, and she realized it was meant to be comforting. He moved swiftly towards her, and when she gasped, scared, he stopped, confused. She relaxed, and tried to see from what she imagined his instincts to be like.
Okay, I'm panicking, and scared, and crying, so he's--- trying to comfort me. I shouldn't be scared of him, it's confusing him. Kagome slowly calmed herself down and InuYasha walked towards her again, this time slowly and somewhat cautiously. She remained calm, and soon InuYasha was right in front of her. He reached out and wrapped his arms around her in such a powerful, smooth, pacifying, and loving mien that Kagome was immediately calmed. His growling lessened, then stopped, and Kagome could tell he was reverting back to his normal half-demon state. His brain began ticking again and he spoke, to comfort her in a more human way. His words were soft and sincere.
"It's all right, Kagome. Kikyo won't threaten you, or us, again." Kagome slowly lifted her arms and placed them in a cautious hug around InuYasha. She suddenly was hugging him truly, holding him for her sake to stay standing and to channel her love. InuYasha returned her vigor, and rested his head upon hers to encompass her in his protection.
"Kagome… I'll protect you, until the very last day, I swear I will…" Kagome's tears spilled over her eyelids in joy.
"InuYasha, I lo-" Kagome lost the courage, "I'm so proud of you, just- I'm so happy. Thank you. Thank you for keeping your promise about not touching her. But- why did you go without me?" InuYasha chuckled.
"Kikyo thought you had spelled me or something. She wanted to talk to me without you around. I also wanted to protect you. I thought she would attack you; you probably saw how bitter she was towards you."
"I saw the whole thing. But I don't see how she could think I was controlling you. I don't even know how to do any spells, I can just fire arrows, and I don't know any spells besides that purifying one."
"You don't know how to control me? But you're doing it now. Every time I get near you, it happens. I have to fight the urge to run over to you and pick you up and kiss you." Kagome stood still, surprised at not just the information, but that InuYasha was sharing with her.
"Why… do you fight it? You don't have to."
"But, Miroku, and Sango, and Shippou…"
"Aww, that's cute!" Kagome exclaimed, reaching towards his ears and scratching behind them. "What a shy puppy you are!"
"Stop treating me like a dog! And I'm not shy…" InuYasha said, brushing away her hands.
"Don't worry; there are worse things that shy, like… perverted. I'll try to stop being so 'controlling'." Kagome giggled. InuYasha laughed with her. Then, because he was still holding her around her waist, he nipped at her hair, catching a tuft and playing like a dog with it. Kagome pulled back and laughed.
"Lay down, puppy!" She commanded, in a fit of laughter. InuYasha abided, and Kagome decided to try roll over. He followed that too. "Si- uh, I mean put your rear on the ground!?" InuYasha sat, and began scratching his ear with his hind foot in what would be an awkward position for most anyone. She laughed again. "I really need to work on not being so controlling, huh?"
"Yeah."
"Shake." InuYasha held his hand up to her, and she pulled him to his feet.
"Now it's my turn." Kagome's breath caught in exhilaration.
"What, then?" She asked.
"You must listen to me, alright? Besides, I'm supposed to be dominant."
"Dominant?!"
"Hey, I'm half-DOG demon. Get over it."
"Fine, what?" Kagome surprised herself with her consent, but to InuYasha it was natural. He hesitated an instant, nervous, then:
"Kiss me."
"Alright."
Kagome seductively stepped up to InuYasha, toying with him. She held her hands behind her back until she was right in front of him. Then, she slowly and delicately lifted her hands and placed them on InuYasha's shoulders. She pushed herself up towards his face slowly, him being that much taller than her, and paused, smiling as if she were playing innocent. InuYasha, at this point, was very much enjoying Kagome's 'show', playing like she was in charge. He would show her…
Kagome was suddenly being smothered with affection in a way that can only be described as excessive. InuYasha had pulled her to him, and now had one hand on the back of her head, the other on the small of Kagome's back. His lips pressed into hers, seductive yet so powerful, and Kagome was quickly overcome. He pressed his lips against hers again after taking a quick break to breathe, and Kagome nearly fainted from lack of oxygen. His lips suckled her tenderly, and she exhaled through her nose, her breath passing delightfully over his delicate sense of smell. InuYasha was enjoying himself; he'd very clearly proved he was dominant now. She wouldn't play any more 'games' with him. He was tired of games, he wanted this; and so much more. He knew this was just the beginning, but he was so enshrouded in his feelings and Kagome right now that it felt like there was no beginning, or end.
By the time he finally stopped kissing her, both were about to pass out, and they wished they would have kept kissing until one or both did so. However, it wasn't the best idea to pass out in the middle of the woods at night, with only a little moonlight to go by. InuYasha rested his head on Kagome's shoulder, his lips pressed against her neck, (but nothing more) and she was sighing into his hair. How he'd wished for this! Now that it was finally real, he couldn't believe it. He sighed in fulfillment for the third time in the past few minutes- or was it hours? -and lifted his head.
"Kagome… let's go back."
I really lost my muse on this chapter--- my inspiration- it's missing. Reviews would help, please! I'm very insecure about my writing, and I need a second opinion, and a third, and fourth and… well, you get the point. PLEASE! Also, I felt rather squishy when writing this chapter- the kiss near the end wasn't at all in the original plan, tell me if you're glad I threw that in there. Oh, and it's Halloween today. I gotta lotta candy. No twizzlers though. I said 'drat' then I ate a Crunch Bar and some Skittles.