Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi
I don't own Naruto, RvB, or any other… whatever…yeah. ok. we clear. Ok. GOOD!? GOOD.
Chapter 16: Resident Evil: Akatsuki version
WITH GRIFF AND THE OTHERS
"Wow, a graveyard!! Perfect place to be when ZOMBIES are taking over the world!!" The author yelled at griff. "Look If you got a problem with HOW I DRIVE then leave!" Griff yelled back. "FINE I WILL!!" The author ripped a dimensional hole in the air and went back to her world. "Sorry Deidara-senpai! I can't take you back to my world or you might
A: get you killed by fangirls or
B: Screw everything up!"
"As If things aren't already screwed up enough already, yeah!" Deidara said. "Bye!" The author was gone. "Do I still have to cling to the bottom of the machine gun?" Sasori asked. "YES!!" Everyone yelled. "Ok, I'm going to go look for survivors. Sasori, man the machine gun. They're Tobi zombies, right? So… no big deal…right?" Itachi said. "Yeah… you do that. We'll just be 50 miles away, waiting to hear your scream of death and our signal to RUN LIKE HELL." Griff said. "Yeah… thanks. Well. I'm off!" Itachi waved back and walked away. "Isn't that towards the graveyard?" Sasori asked. "Yup." Griff answered.
WITH THE LIGHT SPIRIT.
"so light spirit, How's your client going?" A fellow spirit asked. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! WAAAAAAH!!! WHY!!! WHY HIM!! HE'LL DOOM US ALL!!!" The light spirit called. "Who!?" the other spirit asked. "ITACHI UCHIHA!!!" the light spirit wailed. "HIM!? HAVE YOU SEEN HIS RESUME!?" the other spirit yelled. "GAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! I'M STARTING TO GET AN IDEA!!" the light spirit yelled. "Ok ok. Look at this picture." The spirit said, holding up a photo. It had Itachi kicking a policeman in the balls, smiling at the camera. "Ouch…" The light spirit said. "Yeah. Now we're all DOOMED. Thank you Light Spirit!! WHOOP DEE DAMN DOO!!" The other spirit said, walking down the hall.
WITH ITACHI:
"Man I've been wandering in this graveyard for hours!! Where are all the living people!?" Itachi said. All of a sudden, a zombie came up and yelled. Then Itachi shot it. "AAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!" the zombie yelled then died. "I said LIVING dumbass." Itachi said as more Zombies rose up. "Oh… " Itachi murmured. Lots of screams and gunshots were heard that day.
WITH KISAME AND THE OTHERS
"Ok… WHERE THE HELL ARE WE!?" Kisame yelled. "Well, instead of YELLING MY EAR OFF you could TRY LOOKING AT THE SIGNS!!" Zetsu yelled back. " 'Raccoon city'… Why does that sound so familiar?" Donut asked, flipping a page in his Gamers magazine. "Where'd you get the gamers Magazine?" Kisame asked. "Found it off some dead guy. Anyway, 'Raccoon City' is where Resident Evil 2 and 3 take place." Donut said, reading the magazine article. "Isn't Resident Evil that Zombie Game?" Zetsu asked. "Yes! In fact, I managed to find a newspaper with the front page article that says 'The Dead Walk'. That doesn't sound good…" Sarge said. "HEY SARGE !! HEY!! HEY!! OVER HERE!!". Donut said. "What is it donut?" Sarge asked. "I see people over there. HEY OVER HERE!!!!." Donut said. "THOSE AREN'T PEOPLE DONUT THOSE ARE ZOMBIES!!!!" Kisame yelled. "RUN!!!!!" Simmons yelled, and everyone started running…deeper into the city for some reason screaming their heads off. "Hey!! To the police station!!" Kisame said. "Good Idea Kisame! WHERE THE F#$ IS IT!?" Simmons yelled. "Uh… THERE!! FOLLOW THAT BLUE-COLORED ZOMBIE!!" Kisame yelled, pointing at the staggering figure. "Kisame, just because it's wearing a police uniform doesn't mean it'll lead us to the police station." Zetsu pointed out. "But it's tight in front of it, Look!" Kisame pointed to the nearly crumbling building beside the zombie. Then somebody rapidly shot the Zombie. "ZETSU!? WHAT THE HELL!?" Kisame yelled. "What? We found the police station!" Zetsu said defensively. "But he had the only key!!" Kisame argued. "So? We could just pick it up!" Zetsu said. "But you must've shot the key while you were going RE 4 ON THE POLICE…ZOMBIE!!" Kisame said, waving his arms in the air to prove his point. "Well, we'll never know if we don't try-" Zetsu started. "The key's broken." Simmons said, holding up the key. "And he wasn't even a Zombie." Everyone looked angrily at Zetsu. "H-hey!! Buddies!! W-we're all friends… huh?" Zetsu held up his arms. "Now put down the guns and…" "Zetsu. You're our friend. Which is why you're going to be the new key!" Kisame flashed a smile. "…how…?" Zetsu said.
"1…2…3!" Sarge yelled. They were using Zetsu as a battering ram for the door. They ran for the door, Zetsu sideways in their arms. "AAAAAAHHHH!!!" Zetsu screamed. It didn't work. "OK!! WE GET IT!! THE DOOR'S METAL!! STOP IT!!" Zetsu pleaded. "Ohhh no. We're going to keep doing this again, and again, and AGAIN, Until We get it right!! NOW KEEP RAMMING!!" Kisame ordered. They all rammed Zetsu in the door. Again. Until there was a huge dent shaped like Zetsu. "GOOD!!IF WE KEEP RAMMING IN THE SAME SPOT, WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET THROUGH!!" Kisame cheered. "No, if you keep trying, I'M GONNA DIE!!" Zetsu screamed. "……………. AGAIN!! THIS TIME MORE FORCE!!" Kisame yelled. "RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH-" They were heading for the door, when suddenly, Hidan, who was in the front, said, "I'M TIRED!" and let go of Zetsu. He plunged for the ground. "WOAH!!" Zetsu said. "DUDE!! WE NEED YOUR HELP!! THERE ARE ZOMBIES HEADED THIS WAY!!" The leader yelled. "THERE ARE ZOMBIES IN THERE TOO!!" Hidan yelled. "LOOK IN THE WINDOW!!" Hidan pointed to the window looking inside. There were Zombies. Some looking at the dent in the door, some drinking beer. But either way, there were Zombies. "THERE WAS A WINDOW!?" Zetsu yelled, getting his head out of the dirt. "You didn't know?" Kisame asked. "WHAT ABOUT YOU!?" Zetsu yelled. "Oh, we were using your head for fun." Sarge said. "YOU SUCK!!" Zetsu screamed. "If you insult me you insult the whole red army!" Sarge yelled. "GOOD!! YOU ALL SUCK!!" Zetsu yelled. "OH THAT'S IT!!" Sarge said, shooting Zetsu. "OH MY GOD YOU SHOT HIM!!" Kisame said. "You wanna be next!?" Sarge threatened. Kisame slowly shook his head. "Then stop complaining Blue-tard!!" Sarge said. "OOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!! DAMMIT!! IT HURTS!!!" Zetsu yelled. "Well Duh! You just got shot in the gut at point-blank range with a shotgun OF COURSE IT'S GONNA HURT!!" Hidan yelled. Then they charged into the police station, guns blazing.
WITH ITACHI … AND THE REST
"Woah Itachi… what happened- AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" Deidara yelled. Zombies were chasing after Itachi. He jumped on the machine gun, pushing Sasori off the vehicle. "WHAT THE- NOOOOOOO!!!" Sasori screamed. "SORRY DUDE!! IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!!" Itachi said as they were driving off. "HOW DOES THAT WORK!?" Sasori yelled. "Uhhh… BRRSHH!! I'M SORRY SASORI!! WE'RE BREAKING UP!! BRSH!!!" Itachi said. "WE'RE NOT EVEN ON A RADIO!!" Sasori yelled. Then they were gone.
"Sasori's getting swarmed be Zombies!!" Itachi said. "No duh! You put him there! Yeah!" Deidara said. "Hey… how long has it been?" Itachi asked. "Uh… I dunno… couple hours?" Griff said. "How's the gas?" Itachi asked again. "Great! It's on 'E' for… engulfed… with gas?" Griff said. (credits to Jimmy Neutron). "WHAT!?" Itachi yelled. "YOU IDIOT!! IT'S EMPTY!!" Deidara yelled. "There's a gas station over there!" Griff said, pointing at the building. Then looking at the Zombies overflowing through the windows. Complete with Zombie rappers. "ew…" Itachi said. "Are those Zombies… rapping…?!?" Deidara asked. "I DON'T KNOW!! JUST GO GO GO!!!" Itachi yelled. "HEY LOOK! THE POLICE STATION!! THEY MIGHT HAVE WEAPONS!!" Itachi said, running towards the other building. "Wait a second… people have been here…yeah." Deidara said. "What makes you say that?" Griff asked. "Because THERE ARE PEOPLE HERE!!" Deidara yelled, pointing at the fire in the middle. "ITACHI!! YOU'RE HERE!!" Kisame said, running towards him. Itachi held up a gun. "We're still on separate teams asswipe." Itachi said. "Does that really matter-Hey hey, get that thing out of my face…" Kisame said, pushing the gun away. "Anyway, where's Sasori?" Hidan asked. Itachi pointed out the window. You could see Sasori dancing with The Zombies, trying desperately not to raise suspicion… failing miserably. "Oh… well… I'm sure the gods will help him in his time of-" Hidan started. The Zombies right then attacked Sasori and used him as a battering ram to get into the police station. A Sasori-shaped dent in the door was seen. "Wow… You bring bad luck to everyone you talk about." Kisame said. Then suddenly the blues crashed on the zombies… and Sasori. "WHAT THE HELL I THOUGHT WE HAD A FULL TANK OF GAS!!" Kakuzu yelled. "WELL GAS DOESN'T GROW ON TREES LIKE MONEY IN YOUR WORLD!!" Tucker yelled back. "THE HELL IT CAN!!" Kakuzu said "I'll plant a gas tree and rub it in your faces!!" "Shut up!!!!!" Church and Tex Yelled. "OWWWWWWW" Sasori said somehow surviving getting crashed on and used as a battering ram on a metal door. "BLUES!! IT'S TIME TO SETTLE OUR DIFFERENCES!!" Sarge announced. This is turning out as I'd planned! Itachi thought. "I SECOND THE MOTION!!" Itachi yelled. "-ONE LAST FIGHT TO THE DEATH!!" Sarge said. WHAAAAAT!?!? Itachi shouted in his mind. "I THOUGHT HE MEANT PEACEFULLY!?" Itachi asked. "THAT'S JUST LIKE ITACHI!! ALWAYS EXPECTING TO FIGHT!! NOW I'M INSPIRED!! FIGHT!!" Kisame yelled, ignoring Itachi's previous statement. "YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Everyone yelled, rushing into battle. All of a sudden, a nuclear warhead hit. "AAAAAAAHHHH!!!" they screamed.
BOOM
KISAME'S CORNER
KISAME: Hello. This is a recording on a video tape. This means, that
A: I'm being attacked by ravenous Zombies, or
B: I got hit by a nuclear missile, or
C: A combination of both.
Either way, I've looked at your questions, and am about to answer them now.
If Tobi's a good boy, Why's he in Akatsuki?
From: purplenekomata
Uh… we needed an equal number of Members so…
KNOCK KNOCK
What the-
ITACHI: Kisame, what are you doing in here? (looks at camera) "Why is Tobi in Akatsuki…" I can answer that! Kisame you idiot. He's here because we need someone who would do ANYTHING to get in. Actually, he's more of a pet than a member! He never does anything right either! He's always screwing around, Zetsu's even regretting bringing him along! The only reason he found this place is because he followed Zetsu 's huge head! HAVE YOU SEEN HIS HEAD!?
KISAME: Itachi… Tobi's right there!
ITACHI: hold on I'm on a roll.
KISAME: that's the problem! Tobi's right there! AND LISTENING!!
ITACHI: Yeah whatever. And Zetsu was Badmouthing Tobi just now!
TOBI: (looks like he's being punched with every insult)
ITACHI: He even said Tobi WASN'T a good boy! Heck, He's not even a ninja!
TOBI: WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! (runs out crying.)
ITACHI: Aww man! I feel like an ass now…
KISAME: You're feeling bad about making Tobi cry and not about KILLING YOUR OWN FAMILY!? WHAT THE HELL!?
ITACHI: My logic is VERY different from yours, Kisame. Killing a clan of highly-trained ninja is one thing. Making a little retarded boy cry is another!
TOBI: WAAAAH!!!
KISAME: oh god… next Question.
If you still had The HDTV from KISAME'S FIRST FEW DAYS AT AKATSUKI, what would you do and do you think the outcome of the other chapters would be different?
From: FearTheFan
Ah, the good ol' days… I remember when the fan girls nearly killed everybody…
ITACHI: GOOD TIMES!? THEY SHOWERED ME WITH YAOI PICTURES WITH ME AND MY BROTHER!!
KISAME: Are you still here!? GET OUT!!
Well, anyway, If We still had the HDTV, I'd be a fat hobo sitting on the couch watching it constantly until I was human. That would never happen.
ITACHI: BOY IS THAT TRUE!! Believe it or not, Kisame's The second most lazy person I know! (1st Shikamaru)
KISAME: really!? I didn't know that!
ITACHI: Well you do now! And Tobi, don't get me started-
KISAME: (whispers) He's right there… (Points To Tobi)
ITACHI: …………OK THAT'S ALL!! BYE!!!
(turns off camera)
KISAME: NO WAIT- NOOOOOOOOO-
(static)