Akatsuki: Attack of the Tobi

I don't own Naruto

Chapter: 17: Back To Basics

WITH ITACHI

"Oh God… Oh man… I'm alive… I'M ALIVE!!! EAT THAT DEATH!!" Itachi yelled. "Where the HELL am I!?" Itachi heard a siren. "Itachi!! Come on MOVE IT!! IT'S AN AIR RAID!!" a womanly voice called. "MAMA!? YOU ALIVE!?" Itachi said (like a gangsta). "NOT FOR LONG!! IT'S AN AIR RAID!! GET TO THE SHELTERS!!" Itachi's Mother called. Itachi looked out the window to find that he was in WWII era. "Aw damn…" Itachi murmured. He jumped into the shelter. He saw Sasuke there. "SASUKE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!?" Itachi asked. "No. One minute I'm wandering around in the land of GIANT TURDS and now I'm about to experience how CRAZY Hitler was!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" Sasuke yelled. "WELL I WAS ABOUT TO FIGHT OFF A MOB OF ZOMBIES AND NOW I'M HERE!!" Itachi yelled. Sasuke pointed towards the sky. "That's a missile… right?" Sasuke asked. "WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE IDIOT!!" Itachi screamed. "Take cover, boys!" Their mother said. "Yeah. Why didn't I think of that!? OF COURSE I'M GONNA TAKE COVER YOU STUPID BITCH!" Itachi yelled. "DON'T CALL MY MOM A BITCH ASSHOLE!!" Sasuke yelled. "SHUT UP YOU MOMMA'S BOY!!" Itachi and Sasuke started fist-fighting. "HEY!! WAIT!! IT'S COMING!!" Their mother yelled. They were strangling each other now. But Itachi and Sasuke took a minute to look at the sky. "Son of a-"

BOOM.

WITH KISAME

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! NUCLEAR MISSILE!!! MY SKINS MELTING!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH… aaaaaaaahhh… ehh…huh? I'm alive!" Kisame said. "Was it all a dream?" Kisame asked himself. "No it wasn't you fish man wannabe." Church said. "Church!? You're here!?" Kisame said. "Along with the rest of the blue and Red teams. Where are we anyway?" Church asked. "We're in… my world… I think. GAH!!" Kisame screamed at the TobiVille billboard out his window. "WE'RE IN TOBIVILLE!! AW SHIT!! SHIT SHIT SHIT!!" Kisame yelled. "Wait… then Zetsu must be a tree again…yeah!" Deidara pointed out. He looked out the window seeing a familiar tree. "Zetsu!! Is that you!?" Kisame called. "Yes, and the Red and Blue Teams have set up tree houses in my branches." Zetsu replied. "How Big IS your tree?" Kisame asked. "Bigger than TobiVille… THEY'RE SCREWING EVERYTHING UP!! MAN!!" Zetsu sobbed. "Hey… ARE YOU CRYING!?" Kisame asked. "N-noo!! (sob) N-NOT P-POSSIBLE!!" Zetsu cried. "It sure seems possible. Right now. I can hear you." Kisame said. Zetsu closed up his Venus Fly Trap. "NO I'M NOT!!" He called through the wall. "Ugh… whatever." Kisame closed the window.

WITH ITACHI:

"What the… are we alive…?" Itachi asked. "You're talking aren't you?" Sasuke said. "What the hell happened…?" Itachi said. "Haven't you EVER paid attention to History class? AIR RAIDS!?" Sasuke asked. "Think Sasuke… It's me. Me plus History equals MANGEKYO SHARINGAN!!" Itachi yelled. He tried to activate the Sharingan. It didn't work. "WHAT THE HELL!!" Itachi yelled. "Maybe our… 'NINJA ULTRA JUTSU POWERS' don't work here…" Sasuke figured. "MANGEKYO SHARINGAN!! MANGEKYO SHARINGAN!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Itachi yelled. "Nope. Not gonna work." Sasuke said. "NOOOOOO!!!!!" Itachi yelled.

Little did Itachi know that they weren't in WW2, they were in another village that Tobi decided to bomb. The nuclear explosion managed to place everything back where it was and resurrected some people for some unknown reason. Mrs.Uchiha being an example.

WITH KISAME

"Hey guys look! There's something on the news!" Kisame pointed to the T.V.

We have just bombed another rebel city! we are now one step closer to achieving Tobi WORLD DOMINATION!!

Everyone just stared at the screen. "We're screwed… yeah. This is it… man! GAME OVER MAN!! GAME OVER!!" Deidara panicked. "You got that line from the movie 'Aliens". Now go ahead and say something original!" Zetsu said Through the window. "I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ORIGINAL MAN!! WE GOTTA LEAVE MAN WE GOTTA LEAVE!!" Deidara yelled. "Ok, all we have to do is find a city that's not conquered by Tobi and make a Base there." Kisame said. "Kisame, we are public enemy NO. 1 in EVERY VILLAGE. WHO, IN THEIR RIGHT MIND, WOULD ACCEPT US AS THEIR HEROS!?" The leader yelled. "AND WHY ARE YOU TALKING!? ARE WE JUST GOING TO LEAVE OUR LIVES IN THE HANDS OF A FISH MAN!?" The leader continued. "That's exactly what the leader would say if he were… WORKING FOR TOBI!!" Deidara said, pointing to the leader. "WHAT!?" The leader yelled. "GET HIM BEFORE-" suddenly, Itachi and Sasuke crashed through the window. "WHAT THE F#$!?" Deidara yelled. "Itachi!? How'd you get here!?" Kisame asked. "Well, after being reunited with my mother," Itachi started. "You're mom's dead, right?" Kisame said. "She must've been resurrected by some freaky jutsu magic whatever. Anyway, she doesn't remember a thing. Which is good. I would've been grounded big time." Sasuke gave him an angry look. "Anyway, I tried to build a kick-ass motorcycle after saying goodbye to mom, but it blew up on us mid way and we got flung over here." Itachi explained. "It was all Sasuke's fault, he forgot to attach the brakes!!" Itachi pointed at Sasuke. "Ok, that's bullshit. You're the one who spent ALL OUR MONEY ON PAINT and not for the important parts!!" Sasuke yelled. "You wanna start something lil' man!?" Itachi taunted. "Hey hey hey! No fighting, if you do, take it outside where the Tobi police can arrest you. Anyway, Itachi, did you try to kill your mom again?" Kisame said. "What was the point? I figured that she'd come back again, only even worse like… I don't know Michel Jackson bad or something…" Itachi said. It was then that they noticed that Sasuke was gone.

"Where'd Sasuke go?" Kisame asked. Sasuke was at the door. "HEY!! WAIT A-" Itachi started. "Let him go Itachi, he's not worth it." Kisame said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Grrr… FINE! So what do we do about the Tobis…?" Itachi asked. "Oh I was just getting to that! We know that Tobi has the cloning machine that the leader had. But That has nothing to do with our plan. Instead, we will try and grab Tobi's Time machine watch, and go back to the time when he was born! Making no Tobi exist! PERFECT RIGHT!?" Kisame said. "How does going back in Time make Tobi not exist?" Deidara asked. "Duuuhh!! We kill his mom!" Kisame said. "Oh… Can I do it?" Deidara asked. "Of course! Any questions?" Kisame asked. "Yes Itachi?" "Yeah, uh… a Tobi guard was listening through the window." Itachi pointed to the now running Tobi. "SHIT! Any more questions?" Kisame said. "Yeah! How about we go to the world of Death Note, and write down Tobi's name in it!" Hidan suggested. "That is so retarded, it might work as a back-up plan! Anything else?" Kisame asked. "The Tobi guards are on their way." Itachi said. "WHAT!? SHIT!! Oh well, uh.. get ready guys!" Kisame ordered. "YAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" The Tobi guards were ramming towards the Door.

When they finally got it open, everyone was gone. "Huh? Are you sure they were planning against us number 1004?" A Tobi clone asked. "Uh… yeah! I'm sure of it!" He replied. "Oh well… let's report them missing then! Tear the place down!" The head Tobi said. "Wait a minute! Zetsu-san's still here!" A Tobi pointed out. "Huh? W-WAIT! WHAT'RE YOU DOING WITH THOSE CHAINSAWS!? AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Zetsu screamed. "Hey I found the rest of them! In the bushes!!" Another Tobi said. "I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A BAD HIDING SPOT YOU SHITHEAD!!" Kisame yelled at Hidan. "Don't worry; I'm sure the gods will protect us!" Hidan said confidently.

The Akatsukis were put in jail. "AW F#$!! WE'RE BACK WHERE WE STARTED!!" Deidara yelled. "Maybe I should go on another life long journey-" Itachi said. "NO ITACHI!! YOU'RE STAYING HERE!!" Kisame yelled. Suddenly, the light spirit appeared. "ITACHI UCHIHA." He yelled. "What do you want now? Can't you see that the next mission you give me will be the end of time?" Itachi said. "YOU HAVE FAILED EVERY MISSION. YOU'VE ACTUALLY MADE THINGS WORSE!! YOU MADE EVERYTHING SCREWED UP IN THE SPIRIT WORLD!!" The light spirit yelled. "That's what you get for trying to make a VILLAIN to do GOOD THINGS!!" Itachi said. 'well I just decided to skip giving you a complicated lecture and I'll show you were you're going if you don't change your ways." The light spirit said and teleported himself and Itachi to hell and came back a few seconds later. Itachi was in a fetal position "my god…what did you do to him?" the leader said. "I simply showed him his punishment in hell." The light spirit said. "And that was..." Kisame asked. "an eternity of doing ANYTHING his fan girls tell him to do. I'm surprised he hasn't gone completely insane." The light spirit said. "so much…yaoi related… 'activities'" Itachi said. "That's great! Now I can give you the final trial to get the meaning of life!" The spirit said. "Really!?" Itachi said, snapping out of his fetal position. "Yes!" The light spirit handed him a unicycle. "What's this…?" Itachi asked. "Oh. You have to eat the unicycle." The light spirit said, smiling. "What?" Itachi asked. "You have to eat the unicycle!" The spirit said. "NOOOOOOO!!! NO NO NO NO NO!!" Itachi yelled, as flashbacks of him eating a unicycle a first time. "That poor puppy…" Itachi murmured. "What's wrong with him?" The light spirit asked. "He ate a unicycle before is all." Kisame said. "Along with a puppy. That poor puppy…" Kisame said again. "Ok… Itachi… you don't have to eat the unicycle… I can just tell you…" The light spirit tried to calm the now twitching Itachi. "OH YES I DO!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Itachi yelled, eating the unicycle whole. "Holy god…" The light spirit said. Itachi ripped open the bars and went free. "Look what you've done you JACKASS!!" Kisame yelled, pointing at the running figure killing and eating little puppies.

KISAME'S CORNER

KISAME: Hey everyone! I'm filming from the Tobi prison! Anyway, Itachi isn't here, so he won't be bothering us! So as a guest star, we have our very own, Deidara!

DEIDARA: (waves)

KISAME: Look he's the best we've got ok? Anyway, I got a few questions.

Kisame, have you ever seen how to kill a ninja on ask a ninja? And if you have, you got to agree with the method.

From: Theteacher

I have no idea WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. But I'm sure that whatever method they have of killing, is not as good as mine. Deidara, anything to say?

DEIDARA: (snore)

KISAME: DEIDARA!!

DEIDARA: WHA- oh… next question… (Starts snoring again.)

Kisame, if you controlled Godzilla, What would you destroy?

From: Gforce member45

Well… if I controlled Godzilla… I'd destroy… pretty much everything… Deidara, how about you?

DEIDARA: I'd make him shoot exploding clay out of his mouth to kill more people faster and it will eventually be his downfall.

KISAME: o-ok… I s-see… Ok then, well… next!

Oi Kisame, Where were you born? Me and my friends were wondering that… and how do you pronounce Deidara's name? cause we have no idea… yeah.

DEIDARA: HEY THAT'S MY LINE!!

Deidara, DIE! Yeah…

DEIDARA: DAMMIT!! I TOLD YOU THAT'S MY LINE!!, YEAH!!

Please Note, I am not a Deidara fan.

From: Bloody Oracle

DEIDARA: NOT A DEIDARA FAN!? WHAT THE HELL!?

KISAME: Calm down Deidara… anyway I was born in Bikini Bottom. I was sent to the land Hidden in the Mist at age 5.

DEIDARA: My name… you pronounce it "day-dara" NOT "Die-dara" Understand…yeah? Deidara day-dara.

Kisame: I never knew that… anyway, next question!

What would you do if you weren't in Akatsuki? What would the other members do if they weren't in Akatsuki?

From: FearTheFan

Well… If I weren't in Akatsuki, I'd still be living with my mom under the sea, The leader would still be the fourth Hokage, Itachi would not be rampaging Konoha eating unicycles and puppies, Zetsu would be … I don't know… not a plant or something? Anyway, Tobi would be teaching the new generation of Genin, and not wearing the mask, and NOT BEING A TOTAL JACKASS BY CLONING HIMSELF!! Hidan would… probably start a church worshipping his little triangle within a circle… and Kakuzu would own a Casino, killing everyone who won, getting more money… Sasori would be starred in the new "Pinocchio movie, Flower-chan would be a normal social outcast…. I guess… Deidara?

DEIDARA: I'd open my own Art shop and blow things up. Then I'd join the military to blow MORE things up.

KISAME: Aren't you the normal one! (said sarcastically)

Anyways, next question.

Who Would win In a fight, Edward Elric or Itachi?

From: purplenekomata

Edward Elric or Itachi Uchiha… I'd say Itachi because he has the… uh… "upper" advantage. If Ed tries to attack him from below, MANGEKYO SHARINGAN and he'd be dead before the first blow….Deidara? What do you think?

DEIDARA: ITACHI WILL WIN!! NO MATTER HOW TALL YOU ARE, ITACHI WILL WIN. HMM!

KISAME: finally you show some enthusiasm! Next Question!

Why Did Tobi clone himself?

From: lily-kun

Tobi cloned himself because-(Gets pushed over by Deidara)

DEIDARA: TOBI CLONED HIMSELF BECAUSE HE'S A BASTARD AND HE CAN'T BE TRUSTED!! END OF STORY!!

KISAME: Come on there's got to be a better story than that!

DEIDARA: THERE IS NO BETTER STORY!! CUZ THERE'S ONLY ONE!! IT'S BECAUSE HE'S STOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDD!!!

KISAME: Ok… well… that's all for today!... eh heh… oh god… DAMMIT!! F#$$$$!!!!!