Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi

I don't own Naruto. And you should know that. WHY DON'T YOU KNOW THAT!?

Chapter 18? Or 17… well whatever: Fundraiser

WARNING: POINTLESS BUT FUNNY PARAGRAPH AHEAD.

As the days went by in their jail cell, they realized that they were in the same one from the beginning of the story. Then, they began to be a little… "on the edge." "Ok… we're stuck in this jail cell, with no food or water for the months to come. So the important thing is, to just sit tight, and not do anything too extreme to waste our energy." The leader said. "You know… this is exactly what the leader would say if… HE WERE WORKING FOR TOBI!!" Deidara yelled, pointing at the leader. "Deidara, that's stupid. Why would I work for Tobi?" The leader asked. "Because you wanted power! YOU WANTED THAT POWER AND WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GET IT!! EVEN TRADE AWAY OUR OWN LIVES!!" Deidara yelled, squinting his eye. "Ok, since that is completely retarded, anyone who has any common sense will not believe you. Right guys?" The leader said, turning to the group. Everyone was staring at him suspiciously. "WHAT!? YOU DON'T BELIEVE THIS GUY DO YOU?" The leader yelled. "I don't know… but Deidara is one of the only people who actually tried to bring Akatsuki back together. While You just sat back and watched." Itachi said. "W-well… yeah… but… Oh I get it…" The leader said, getting a bright idea. "What?" Itachi asked. "YOU'RE Working for Tobi!!" The leader exclaimed. "Ok, now you're trying to cover your own Ass." Itachi said. "Am I Itachi? AM I!?" The leader questioned. "Ok, 'leader'! Let's assume, you ARE right. Why would I work for Tobi?" Itachi said. "Well, you used to work for Tobi! Who's to say he isn't working for him now?" The leader explained. "But… he let us out." Kisame said. "Maybe he got sick of working for Tobi! That guy's an idiot! Itachi's probably trying to overthrow him! That so called 'Life long journey' he took? He might be planning something to take over the throne! See that look on his face? He's probably thinking up an elaborate scheme to DO US ALL IN!!" Hidan yelled. "YEAH!! THAT LOOK ON HIS FACE TELLS US THAT HE'S PLANNING SOMETHING!! WE'RE ALL JUST PAWNS IN HIS TWISTED LITTLE GAME!!" The leader supported. "You know what I'm thinking now? I think this is FLOWER-CHAN'S IDEA!!" Kisame yelled. "What?" everyone asked. "Think about it! She's always been part of the scenery, acting all natural, you know what? SHE'S PLANNING SOMETHING!! EVEN BEFORE TOBI TOOK OVER!!" Kisame explained. "…….OH MY GOD YOU'RE TOBI'S GIRLFRIEND! So… this is all a scam, being a mystery, a member of Akatsuki, ALL OF IT WAS PART OF A HUGE PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD BY YOURSELVES!!" Kisame yelled. "No. comment." Flower-chan said. "BEAUSE YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE." Kisame lowered his voice. Suddenly, A Tobi guard was at the door. "The head Tobi wants to see you. Oh, and he says that Zetsu can stop spying for him now." He said. "ZETSU!?" everyone yelled. "So it all makes sense now…" Deidara said. "SHUT UP!!" Everyone slapped Deidara.

"Where's Zetsu-san? I wanna talk to him too." Tobi asked. Suddenly, they heard chainsaws outside. "COMING TOBI-SAMA!!" The Tobi gardener said. "TIMBER!!" he yelled. Zetsu fell through the roof. "OOOOOOOWWWWWW!!! AH GOD!!! WHY THE CHAINSAW!?" Zetsu yelled. "Anyway… Me and the Tobi council…" Tobi started. "Oh great, a Tobi council…" Deidara murmured. "… to sentence you all to death!" Tobi cheered. "Starting with…" Tobi put his hand in a hat. "So… uh… Tobi, nice mask you have on!" Deidara said. "Don't try it, man. But thanks! I put a lot of money into this golden mask. Anyway, the first to die will be… DEIDARA!" Tobi cheered. Deidara just stared wide-eyed at the piece of paper. He reached into Kakuzu's pocket. "TOBI!! YOU CAN KILL THE REST OF THESE LOSERS! BUT YOU CAN LET ME LIVE IN EXCHANGE FOR… THIS RIDICULOUSLY HUGE WAD OF CASH FROM KAKUZU'S WALLET!!" Deidara held up the wad of cash. "He did what now…?" Kakuzu asked. "I'm sorry Deidara-Sempai but I've crapped better offerings than this." Tobi said "I don't think you heard me I said WAD OF CASH." Deidara held the wad of cash even closer. 'like I said not gonna work. That's old money, we use Tobi dollars now. TD for short." Tobi said cheerfully. "so you're saying I was broke the minute you changed the currency?" Kakuzu said "yup, I changed it 6 months ago!" I'm p-p-poor? Kakuzu thought and looked at the others, he was hallucinating that they were all saying "one of us….. one of us…" " NO I'M NOT LIKE YOU!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" He screamed. "What's his problem?" Itachi asked "GODDAMMIT YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE F& I'M OFFERING YOU MONEY, NOW YOU'RE GONNA TAKE IT AND LET ME GO!!!" Deidara yelled "Shut up you idiot, you're making it worse. Let me handle this" Zetsu whispered to Deidara. "Tobi I admit that our time spent together in Akatsuki was… crap, complete and utter crap. But it was also fun crap (dramatic music begins to play) that we could experience together as friends and lets face it, the way you do things is.. just crap. Normal everyday crap. And no one wants to be a part of. So whaddya say? Let us go, for old time's sake!" Zetsu said. (dramatic music stops). "Beautiful… just Beautiful!" Itachi said, clapping. "Hmmm….. I'll let you go… on one condition. You raise 1000 Tobi Dollars in 10 days. If you do you get to go free. If you don't…" Tobi looked out the window. He saw a Tobi clone with a black mask, like a medieval execution… dude, holding an Ax. "uh…. Ok. We'll do it! IN FACT! WE'LL RAISE 2000-" Itachi started, before being pulled back by the leader. "SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!!" The leader screamed. "well, we'll be seeing ya!" Deidara said, walking out the door.

"Ok, we are ROYALLY SCREWED!! HOW THE F# ARE WE GONNA GET 1000 F# DOLLARS IN 10 F#$ DAYS WITHOUT GETTING OUR F$ HEADS CUT OFF!?" Deidara yelled. "I DON'T KNOW!! WE CAN START BY NOT SWEARING OUR F# HEADS OFF!!" Kakuzu yelled back. "CALM DOWN IDIOT!! WE CAN DO THIS!!" Kisame cheered. "No we won't…" Itachi said. "YES WE WILL!! PULL! YOURSELF! TOGETHER!" Kisame yelled, slapping him with every word. "YEAH!! WE CAN DO THIS!! ITACHI! DEIDARA! YOU HAVE LOTS OF FANGIRLS RIGHT? ASK FOR DONATIONS!' the leader exclaimed. "In the mean time, Me and Hidan are going to Safeway to sell goods! While you get torn apart by fan girls!" Kakuzu said. "YEAH!... wait… WHAT!?" Itachi and Deidara said.

ITACHI AND DEIDARA FANGIRL BASES

"Ok… uh… ATTENTION ALL DEIDARA AND ITACHI FANGIRLS!!" Itachi said through a megaphone. "WE ARE IN DESPERATE NEED OF HELP. AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE PLACED A GUNPROOF WALL BETWEEN US. THIS IS TOTALLY OFF-SUBJECT, BUT TO ALL YOU FANGIRLS, THIS IS MEANT TO KEEP YOU OUT. IT'LL ALSO SHOCK YOU IF YOU TOUCH IT. Should've told you that sooner… some of you are already dead." Itachi said. "we… love you… Itachi!" the dead fangirls murmured. "of course you do…. well, We need all your help! All of you have heard of the new currency… right?" Itachi asked. "YEEES!" They screamed. "Ok, well, Akatsuki needs … uhm… 1000 Tobi dollars… from you… if possible. So… all donations, please put in the glass box… down there." Itachi pointed to the empty box beside them. "Donate and sign your name, and Deidara will do whatever you say for 2 hours!" Itachi said, sealing the deal. "WHAT!? WHEN DID- WHO DID- WHAAAAAAAT!?" Deidara yelled. "OK!! DONATING… START!!" Itachi announced. All the fangirls ran towards the box.

About a day later…

"So Deidara, how'd it go?" Itachi asked. "….I…I'm (twitch, twitch)…" Deidara stuttered. "Anyway… we made… $200." Itachi said. "You mean after all that we only made 200 F#$ dollars!!!??? There were 200 girls in that room!!" Deidara yelled "yeah and each of them gave $1.00, I never said that they had to give a certain amount." Itachi explained. "but still, you'd think that they would donate more to there idols!" Deidara complained "Hey why don't you call your mom? She got resurrected right? Ask here for a loan." Deidara asked. "yeah great idea" Itachi said and called his mom on his Cell phone.

WITH MIKOTO UCHIHA(Itachi's and Sasuke's mom)

RIIIING!! RIIIIING!! RIN-

"Hello? Uchiha… residence." Mrs. Uchiha answered the phone. "Hello? Mom? Listen… first, I'd like to say, sorry for the whole killing the whole clan along with our hopes and dreams, and traumatizing Sasuke into an emo." Itachi said through the phone. "Alright." She answered. "What? Y-you mean you're ok with that!?" Itachi asked. "Well, these things happen I guess…" She replied. Since when…? Itachi thought. "Anyway, can I have …uhm… say… $1000?" Itachi asked.

WITH ITACHI

"Well? What's she say?" Deidara asked. "I… she was… laughing… a lot. I think I heard a 'No' under all of it. Then she said I had to mow the lawn if I really wanted it. And… I said no." Itachi said. "Wait… your mom… was about to give you $1000 for mowing the lawn!? AND YOU TURNED HER DOWN!?" Deidara yelled. "OH THIS IS JUST F# PERFECT!! CALL HER AGAIN!!" Deidara ordered angrily. "I forgot her number." Itachi said. "WHAT!? Ugh.. fine… I wonder how the other Akatsukis are doing…" Deidara wondered.

WITH HIDAN AND KAKUZU

"WAIT!! WAIT!! THIS WAS ALL A MISTAKE!!" Kakuzu screamed through the car window. "Yeah, yeah. TELL IT TO THE JUDGE!!" The Tobi officers said. "HIDAN!! COME ON!! YOU CAN BAIL ME OUT RIGHT!?" Kakuzu pleaded. "Uh… not without making things even worse than they already are." Hidan replied. "Hey… you're public enemy #1 on this list!! GET 'EM!!" The Tobi guard yelled. "crap…" Hidan murmured. "DAMMIT!! NO!! THOSE DRUGS WEREN'T MINE!!! NOOOOOOOO!!" Kakuzu yelled.

Money Earned: none

WITH ZETSU, KISAME AND SASORI

"I ALREADY TOLD YOU ZETSU!! YOU CAN'T DRAW IN MILLIONS OF FANGIRLS!!" Kisame yelled at Zetsu. "I don't know if that's good or bad… our lives are already dangerous with the police on our tails… And if we have more fangirls, they'd have to be our #1 enemy…" Sasori said. "I HAVE FANGIRLS!! YOU'LL SEE!! I'LL BRING THEM ALL IN TOMORROW MORNING!!" Zetsu yelled, walking off. "Aw great… he's going to be disappointed again…" Kisame said. "Better get ready with the tissues…" Sasori said.

THE NEXT DAY

"LOOK AT ME NOW BABY!!" Zetsu cheered. "HOLY GOD!! DUDE!? YOU GOT THIS MANY FANS!?" Kisame yelled. "Actually… only one… BUT SHE'S FILTHY F$ING RICH!" Zetsu yelled. "How much money's in there!?" Sasori asked. "Last I checked… $1,500!!" Zetsu said. "THAT'S GREAT!! WE HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH TO PAY OFF TOBI!!" Kisame cheered.

AFTER THEY FOUND OUT THAT KAKUZU AND HIDAN WERE IN JAIL AND BAILED THEM OUT…

"Ok… adding together the remaining money… and Itachi and Deidara's money… we have $1,000.50." The leader said. "Great! Now Kakuzu, I'm trusting You with the money since you know the most about… money." Kisame said. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" Itachi asked. "Of course! I'm trusting our trustworthy friend Kakuzu with this Ridiculously huge sack of money (camera closes in on Kakuzu) alone (closer) and unsupervised (closer), which we trust that he won't spend it on something completely useless and damn us all (the closest" Kisame said, handing Kakuzu the sack of money. "Ok, we're spending the night here in this warehouse! Good night!" The leader turned out the lantern.

THE NEXT DAY

"Hey guys! Wake up! Look what I got!" Kakuzu said, waking everyone up. "I bought a Ferrari!" Kakuzu pointed to the car beside him. "Where'd you get the money?" Itachi asked. "Oh I used our savings!" Kakuzu said. "I'm sorry… but I thought that you said you used the money that we were going to use so that we won't get executed." The leader said trying to hold back his rage. "uh… I did." Kakuzu said meekly. "OH THIS IS JUST GREAT, JUST F#$ING GREAT!!! NOW WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?" Itachi yelled. "Oh we are so dead man! YEAH!" Deidara moaned. "Maybe he'll spare us!" Hidan said. "DUDE!! IT'S TOBI!! HE'LL KILL US ON THE SPOT!!" The leader yelled. "Come on, what's the worst we've done to him?" Hidan asked.

Flashback no jutsu!

#1

"Hi guys! Ready for that water balloon fight!?" Tobi cheered walking into the room. "GET HIM!!" Hidan yelled, throwing water balloons (filled with rocks) at him with a cannon. "HAHAHAHAHAHH!!!" Itachi laughed.

#2

"WATER GUN FIIIGHT!!" Kisame yelled. Everyone immediately fired at Tobi. For some reason, Tobi was the only one who had a real water gun. The rest had AK-47s. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" Itachi laughed again.

#3

"Ok Tobi! Time for baseball!" The leader said. "Yay!" Tobi cheered in a wheelchair. "HERE IT COMES!!" The leader pitched a baseball-colored grenade at Tobi.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!" Itachi laughed out of nowhere.

#4

"Time for the 1 meter dash! Yeah!" Deidara cheered. "ARE YOU READY TOBI!?" "YES SIR!!" Tobi saluted. He then started running. That is… until he stepped on a conveniently placed mine field on the track. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Itachi laughed from the bleachers. He laughed so hard he fell off the chair, still laughing. "AHAHAHAH LOSER!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

#5

"Happy Birthday Tobi!" Zetsu said. "Wow! A big cake! And what unique candles! All red and sparkly! And it says… 'Deena mite!' " Tobi said. "Yeah… They're… uh… Sweedish candles! Deidara went all the way to Switzerland to get them!" Kisame said, behind a huge glass shield. "Cool! And… why are you behind there?" Tobi asked. "N-no reason!" Hidan reassured. "And Itachi's video taping this moment for future reference!" Kisame pointed to Itachi. "Ok!! 3…2…1!" Zetsu counted. Tobi began to blow the candles. "ah….

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! HE BLEW UP!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Itachi laughed hysterically. The only thing left of Tobi was his mask.

End Flashback

"Oh god… He's gonna murder us baaad…" Kisame said. "Hey guys!" Tobi came up from behind them. "Uh… H-hi Tobi!" Hidan said. "We kinda… forgot your money." Kakuzu said. "What money?" Tobi asked. "You mean you don't remember?" Kisame asked. "Remember what?" Tobi asked again. "N-nothing…" Itachi said. "Oh I almost forgot!" Tobi said, kicking Itachi in the balls. "Good day!" Tobi walked away. "GAAAH!! AAHH!! OW F!$#!! GAAHAH!!" Itachi groaned. "Now you know how I feel." The leader said.

KISAME'S CORNER

KISAME: This was a horribly long chapter, and I hope we didn't kill you. Itachi has severely injured his balls, Deidara's running away from Tobi, being threatened to being kicked in the balls, so… Here's Hidan.

HIDAN: Hi how's it going?

KISAME: Anyway, we got a few questions.

Why do you have gills if you breathe air?

KSIAME: Ok… when a guy and shark get freaky with each other, a lot of the laws of nature are broken. And I have gills because… I don't know it must be genetics or something. Look, I don't even know why I was even conceived in the first place, next Question.

HIDAN: You're a spawn of the devil.

KISAME: SHUT IT!! NEXT!!

What is your favorite sandwich meat?

KISAME: Uhm… due to recent circumstances, anything is good.

HIDAN: What about Tuna?

KISAME: TUNA IS OUT OF THE QUESTION!! I NEVER EAT MY FELLOW FISH!!
HIDAN: You ate sushi!

KISAME: THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT! Hold on. (throws up on purpose)

HIDAN: OH MY GOD!! CAN YOU LET THAT GO ALREADY! YOU ATE THE FISH, AND NOW THEIR CORPSES ARE MIXED WITH YOUR SHIT!! LIVE WITH IT!!
KISAME: NEVER!! (looks at camera guy) WHAT'RE YOU LOOKING AT HUH!?

(shakes camera) (static)

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES

KISAME: sorry folks… next Question…

Which brand of goldfish food is your favorite?

KISAME: I haven't had fish food in a long time. I just want you to know, I DON'T EAT FISH FOOD ONLY.

I MEAN, I GO TO THE MARKET, TO BUY PUDDING, MUSTARD… WHATEVER! I EAT STEAK, RICE!! HECK, I GO TO McDonalds for GOD'S SAKE!!

Dude, every time I go into a store, some mall cop questions me! It's always:

"What the F#$ are you? Or

"What the hell's wrong with your parents? Or

"DUDE!! HE HAS GILLS!! (shoots himself)

I'VE BEEN PUT IN JAIL 5 TIMES FOR BEING A FREAK OF NATURE! "AND I KEEP TELLING THEM "I DON'T KNOW!" And when they really want to know, I say

"MY DAD HAD TO GET FREAKY TO A SHARK!

"YA HAPPY NOW!? NEXT QUESTION!!

WHAT'RE YOU WAITING FOR!? (does the finger)

Why don't you get another HDTV?

KISAME: HAVE OYU NOT BEEN PAYING ANY ATTENTION TO THE FAN FICTION. KAKUZU SPENT ALL OUR F$$# MONEY!!!!!(STARTS SMASHING EVERYTHING WITH SAMEHADA) WE'RE POOR, WE'RE POOR!!!!RAAAAAAAAAGHHGHGHGHGHGHGH F!#$$$!#

HIDAN: GET THE TRANQUILIZER!

DEIDARA: (shoots tranquilizer)

KISAME: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH…aaaaaaaahhhhhhh…aahh…ah…blagh

HIDAN: Thank god that's over… now get him in a stray jacket. Next Question.

And can you ask Deidara and Itachi if they want to go to the anime expo with me and my friends this year?

From: Kage no Kyuubi

DEIDARA: I can't. Itachi can't. We've been put under HOUSE ARREST and some fangirls were Terrorists, and they wanted me to participate in the next 9/11!! THANK GOD WE GOT OFF THIS EASY!! So no, me and Itachi can't be there. WHO KNOWS!? YOU COULD BE THE TERRORISTS!!
HIDAN: Dude… you're acting a little paranoid…

DEIDARA: Well the answer is NO.

HIDAN: Next.

Why does Deidara blow stuff up?

From: lily-kun

KISAME: Ok, I'm calm now. YOU HEAR THAT HIDAN!! I'M CALM NOW!! GET ME OUT OF THIS JACKET!!

DEIDARA: (readies tranquilizer)

KISAME: Anyway, the reason Deidara blows shit up, is because… it's fun. This is probably the calmest question yet.

HIDAN: You're really stressed out man..

KISAME: DON'T GET ME STARTED MAN!! (looks at Deidara)

Uh… anyways… next.

What is your favorite pet?

Well… my favorite pet was the puppy from the beginning… but Itachi ate it. Next.

And do you think that Hidan is a cannibal normally?

From: FearTheFan

No, Zetsu ids the cannibal. Hidan's just a crazy zealot.

HIDAN: F!$# you man.

KISAME: Anyway, recently, yes, I think he might be cannibal sooner or later.

I am very sorry for the horribly long chapter.