Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi

I don't own Naruto. And that sucks.

Chapter 20: YOU. SUCK.

"Fellow Naruto Characters." The leader announced. "IT Has come to my attention that YOU ALL SUCK DICK!!" He yelled. "Now. The only way to overthrow Tobi is to PERFECT EVERY FLAW IN OUR BODIES, LIVES AND SOULS!! I WILL BE HOLDING A 'NOT SUCKING DICK SEMINAR' TOMORROW NIGHT. BE THERE OR I'LL FIRE YOU!! ANY QUESTIONS!?" The leader said. "YES! YOU! RANDOM NINJA #2" The leader pointed at said ninja. "There's no such thing as perfect…." He said. "THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG!! NOW DIE!!" The leader pulled a lever out of nowhere, dropping him in a bottomless pit. "Anyone else?" The leader asked calmly. Everyone shook their head. "Good. Now I'll be seeing you all tomorrow night, no questions." The leader was about to leave the stage when someone spoke up. "But what if-" The leader then shot a gun straight through his head. "See you later!" The leader continued to leave. "I have a bad feeling about this…" Kisame said.

THE NEXT DAY

"Welcome friends… and enemies… unfortunately." The leader said. "The first step to being …uhm… not not perfect… is for someone to say what sucks about you. Let Me be that someone." The leader explained. "The following is a list of all the people I've deemed WORTHY of my opinion." He held out a list.

Naruto Uzumaki

The rest of Rookie 9

Konoha Senseis

Sand Siblings

Team Gai

Most of the Akatsuki

Tobi

The author

Team 7

"Ok. NARUTO!! YOUR CATCH PHRASES SUCK!! BELIEVE IT!!" The leader said in a mocking tone. "AND, HOW CAN YOU BE THE STEALTHIEST NINJA IF YOU'RE WEARING AN ORANGE TRACK SUIT!? YOU STICK OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB!! WHEN YOU RUN FAST, WE SEE A FLASH OF ORANGE AND THINK 'OMG!! IT'S NARUTO!!'" The leader yelled. Naruto was taking this surprisingly well. "NEXT!! SASUKE!! GET OVER YOURSELF!! YOU FREAKIN' EMO!! IT'S LIKE NOTHING WILL EVER GET YOU TO SMILE!!" The leader yelled. "NEXT! SAKURA!! GET RID OF THAT INHUMAN FOREHEAD!! I MEAN, EVER HEARD OF 'HAIR CUTS'!? THEY CAN GET YOU BANGS OR SOMETHING!! MY GOD!! INSTEAD OF BITCHING ABOUT IT, DO SOMETHING!!" The leader yelled at Sakura. She ran crying. "THAT'S RIGHT!! CRY!! CRY BECAUSE YOU'RE TO RETARDED TO THINK!!" He yelled after her. "AND KAKASHI!! WHY DO YOU HIDE YOUR FACE!! IS IT SO SENSITIVE THAT IT'LL EXPLODE IF YOU REVEAL IT!? TAKE OFF THAT DAMN MASK!!" The leader went to rip off the mask, only to find that it was merged with his face. "Give it up. It's permanently attached to my face. Only I know how to remove it." Kakashi said, walking back to his chair.

Team 10

"SHIKAMARU!!" The leader yelled. "STOP SLEEPING!! WAKE UP!!" The leader woke up Shikamaru. "YOU NEED TO GET OFF YOUR F#$ ASS AND DO SOMETHING THAT MATTERS!!" The leader yelled. "INO!! QUIT BEING A BITCH!! ASUMA!! QUIT SMOKING!! YOU'LL DIE IF YOU DON'T!! OH WAIT, HIDAN ALREADY GOT YOU!! CHOJI!! STOP BEING A FATSO!!!" The leader quickly covered his mouth. Choji then Pounced on him. "OMG. GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!" The Leader yelled as he pulled Choji off.

Team 8

"HINATA, GET SOME FREAKING BACKBONE YOU STUPID BITCH YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO GET ANYWERE IF YOU DON'T STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!! NOW GET OUT OF MY SIIIIIIIGHT!!!" The leader pointed to the door. Hinata started crying and left. "YEAH!! JOIN SAKURA!!" He yelled after her.

"Dude… I'm Not that mean…" Itachi said.

"SHUT UP ITACHI!! YOU CAN'T EVEN GET A GIRLFRIEND!!" The leader yelled.

"Shut up…" Itachi said.

"Anyways… KIBA!! TAKE A BATH ONCE IN A WHILE!! AND SHINO!! GOD GAVE YOU A MOUTH FOR A REASON!! USE IT!!" The leader said. "KURENAI!! WEAR MORE CLOTHING!!" At this rate, his voice will run out… "NEXT GROUP!!" He ordered.

Team Gai

GAI!! I will not even acknowledge your presence… ROCK LEE!! GET A HAIRSTYLE THAT DOESN'T REMIND US THAT WE ARE BETTER THAN YOU! TENTEN, THIS IS A PICTURE OF A PANDA AND THIS IS A PICTURE OF YOU!!!" He held up two pictures. "I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE!!!! NEJI, 'YOU ARE A LOSER. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A LOSER BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT A LOSER WILL ALWAYS BE… A LOSER!! BELIEVE IT" The leader said mockingly again, glaring at Naruto.

Sand Siblings

"GAARA!! STOP SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE!! I CAN'T GO TWO STEPS WITHOUT YOU KILLING SOMETHING!! WATCH!!" The leader took two steps and Deidara's arm landed on stage. "SEE!?" The leader held up the arm. "GAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAAA!!" Deidara screamed. "SHUT UP!! AKATSUKI'S AREN'T SUPPOSED TO WHINE LIKE BITCHES!!" The Leader yelled. "TEMARI, YOUR WEAPON IS A FAN… WHATS THAT GOING TO DO? FAN ME TO DEATH, KANKURO YOU HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM WITH SASORI WHATS WITH THE CREEPY PUPPETS YOU FREAK. AND MAKE UP YOUR MIND WITH HOW YOU DRAW YOUR FACE!!!" The Leader yelled

Akatsuki

"I already mentioned some of you so KISAME YOU ALWAYS GET MAD WHEN SOMEONE CALLS YOU A FREAK, CONTROL YOURSELF, ZETSU TRY NOT TO GIVE PEOPLE HEART ATTACKS WHEN YOU TELL THEM YOU'RE NOT WEARING A COSTUME ON HALLOWEEN, KAKUZU STOP COUNTING YOUR MONEY ALL THE TIME I CAN'T GET YOUR VOICE OUT OF MY HEAD ANYMORE, HIDAN WHEN YOU MAKE HUMAN SACRIFICES PLEASE CLEAN UP AFTERWARDS, FLOWER-CHAN ACTUALLY STEP FORWARD ONCE IN A WHILE YOU PRACTICALLY BLEND IN WITH THE BACKGROUND." The leader yelled. "TOBI GET SMARTER AND MAYBE PEOPLE WILL LIKE YOU!!"

The Author

"WHY DID YOU MAKE THIS HAPPEN TO US WE NEVER DID ANYTHING TO YOU(directly) SO WHY!? WHY!? WHYYYYYYYYY!?" The leader fainted due to too much screaming. "Dude… is he ok…?" Deidara asked. "I don't know… I never knew someone could shout that loud… or for so long…" The author said amazed. "Yeah… I'll just take my arm back now…" Deidara said, reaching for his arm, only to be grabbed by the leader. "Hey… let go man… YOU'RE SQUEEZING MY OTHER ARM MAN!!" Deidara screamed. "Help… me… UP!" The leader ordered. "OK, OK! FINE!! JUST LET GO!!" Deidara yelled. The author and Deidara helped the leader to his feet and left.

KISAME'S CORNER

KISAME: Why do I feel like a useless person…? Any way today my co host is…Zetsu!

ZETSU: hi very bo-

KISAME: Back to me, this is my show

If you had to kill Itachi or Deidara which one would you kill (you'd have to eat them afterwards)

From: Theteacher

KISAME:…..Did you say eat? (almost barfs) well if I had to kill either of them it would be Itachi because he never seems to appreciate anything I do. WHAT DOES A SHARK-MAN HAVE TO DO TO GET APPRECIATED AROUND HERE HUH? WHAT? The second part will be answered by Zetsu

ZETSU: BOTH OF THEM!!!

KISAME: Thank you, Zetsu. Next Question!

Is Deidara a Guy or A Girl?

From: Lily-kun

KISAME: (grabs Deidara) DO THESE LOOK LIKE BOOBS TO YOU!? NO OF COURSE NOT!! 'CUZ DEIDARA'S A GUY!! NEEEEXT!! (kicks Deidara away)

DEIDARA: AAAAAAAH WHAT THE HELL!? AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

ZETSU: WAIT!! THERE WAS A QUESTION THAT REQUIRED ME TO EAT YOU!!!

DEIDARA: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK!!

KISAME: ZETSU!! STOP TRYING TO EAT THE GUEST STARS!! NEXT QUESTION!!

Will Akatsuki ever be Akatsuki again?

From: Moto Moon

KISAME: That all depends on how the story unfolds…

HIDAN: (out of nowhere) GET THE DEATH NOTE FROM LIGHT YAGAMI AND KILL TOBI!!

KISAME: SHUT UP HIDAN THAT'S BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT!

HIDAN: WHATEVER!!

KISAME: GAAAAH!! I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!

ZETSU: (starts eating Deidara's arm)

DEIDATA: LET GO!! (punches Zetsu)

ZETSU!! COME ON!! JUST THE HAND!!

DEIDARA: NOOOO!!! GO AWAY!!

HIDAN: ……….. Do I want to know…?

KISAME: no… next Question…

Kisame, If you're a shark, doesn't that mean that fishes are part of your diet? Especially if you're a great White?

KISAME: Who said I was a great white?

Anyway, if you're a shark, then it's ok for you to eat fish and shrimp (Picture of Edward Elric appears) and other small creatures of the sea… right?

From: Klutzilla01

KISAME: I joined that "Finding Nemo" cult. "FISH ARE FRIENDS. NOT FOOD.

Hidan: (Starts eating sushi)

KISAME: Uh….. (stupid Hidan) Anyways, I have a few things to say for the next chapter. We already have plans for it, and it will explain how and why Itachi does the things he does. And maybe it will settle the differences between Sasuke and Itachi. Well, see ya! (waves) …………. Are they gone…? Good. (Smokes cigarette) "What? WE'RE STILL ROLLING!? Uh oh… (continues to wave). Turn off the camera idiot!

KAKUZU: oh right…

Static

KISAME: I SAID TURN IT OFF!! NOT MURDER IT!! WHAT DID YOU DO!?

KAKUZU: I TURNED IT OFF!!
KISAME: NO YOU KILLED IT!! GAH… NEVERMIND… FORGET ABOUT IT… WE'LL GET A NEW ONE… JEEZ… we're all idiots…