Akatsuki: Attack of the Tobi
Proud to announce that this is THE SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER!!
'cuz I KNOW you're all getting pretty tired of the fanfic.
Chapter 23: The Meeting
"Hello, I'm here for the meeting." Orochimaru said to the guard. "Uh… let's see… Orochimaru… uh… nope." The guard said. "Excuse me?" Orochimaru asked. "You're not on the list. You're not invited." The guard explained. "But I'm the SECOND evilest guy in Naruto!" Orochimaru yelled. "no… you're the 11th." The guard showed him the clipboard he was holding. "Hmm… let's see…"
Leader of Akatsuki
Mystery Member
Itachi
Hidan (FOR KILLING ASUMA!! Oh sorry… kinda spoiler)
Deidara
Kisame
Sasori
Kakuzu
Zetsu
Tobi
Orochimaru
"TOBI BEAT ME!?" Orochimaru yelled. "Yes. But let me raise your hopes by saying that you're the one voted 'Most Likely to Molest A Child'" The guard showed him the piece of paper. "Thanks… a lot." Orochimaru said sarcastically. "Mm-hmm! Oh! Here come the real guests!" The guard pointed to the limo driving towards them. It had a huge "XIII" printed on the license plate. It was Organization XIII. "Welcome Organization X-I-I-I." The guard read off the clipboard. "It's pronounced 'Thirteen' dumbass. Got it memorized?" Axel said. "Uh… y-yes. Welcome." The guard opened the door, as Orochimaru got trampled on by the Organization XIII. "GHAAAHK!" He yelled. The guard looked down. "Awesome. We have a red carpet now!" He said cheerfully.
WITH SOUL SOCIETY
"OH!! CRAP! WE'RE IN THE SLOWEST LANE!!" Renji yelled. All the soul society captains and Lieutenants were carpooling in two different vans. "HEY! YOU! YOU! IN THE FRONT!! LET US IN!!" Renji ordered. The guy just flipped him off. "OH MY- YOU ASS!" Renji flipped him off as well. "Renji…" Byakuya said annoyed. "YOU!! HOW 'BOUT YOU!! LET US IN!!" Renji yelled. He was flipped off again. "WHY IS EVERYONE FLIPPING ME OFF TODAY!" Renji yelled. Again. "RENJI!! SHUT UP!! NO MATTER WHAT WE DO WE'RE GOING TO BE FLIPPED OFF! SO SHUT THE F$# UP!!" Byakuya yelled. "Woah Byakuya… never heard you lose it before." Kenpachi said. "Argh… sorry… the first time I've been in traffic in the HUMAN world since… well... ever." Byakuya said, calming down. "HEY LOOK!! THERE'S AN OPENING!!" Renji pointed to the open spot in the sea of traffic…. Which was soon replaced by a blue Mustang. "WHAT THE-WHY'D YOU LET HIM IN!?" Renji yelled at Gin, who was driving the car. "I HAD TO!! It's common courtesy!" Gin protested. "IS IT COMMON COURTESY TO MOLEST CHILDREN!?" Renji yelled. "ARGH!! I DON'T MOLEST CHILDREN!!" Gin yelled, pressing the gas pedal but letting go of the wheel. "HEY! HANDS ON THE-"
CRASH
They crashed into the other van full of Soul Reapers. "WHAT THE- WHY'D YOU DO THAT!?" Hitsugaya yelled through the driver's seat. "Are you even supposed to be driving?" Renji asked. "They don't know that." Hitsugaya said. "sigh… what do we do now?" Byakuya asked. They were all stuck in a battle that they could not win:
RUSH HOUR.
WITH AKATSUKI
"Homunculi from FmA… check… Apostles of the stars from Black Cat… check…Organization XIII from KH… check… Orochimaru…not check… good. Soul Society… not check… not good. WHERE THE F$# ARE THEY!?" The leader yelled. "Who? Soul Society? I have them on the phone. They say they're stuck in Rush Hour so… they might be… late." Itachi said. "How late?" The leader asked. "Uh… a day or two-" "WHAT!?" The leader yelled. "They're in a car accident! They don't know what to do!" Itachi explained. "Argh… ok. Well… find out where they are." The leader ordered. "They're on the road between Suna and Konoha" Itachi said. "Isn't that where Tobi's castle is?" Deidara asked, overhearing the conversation. "Ok forget it. We're not going to-" The leader was interrupted when a large crash was heard at the door.
"WE'RE HERE!! WE MADE IT OUT ALIVE!!" Renji called through the debris. "We got fed up with waiting so we started smashing random cars and grabbed the biggest van we could find." Byakuya explained, dusting off some dirt from his cloak. "Oook… well… welcome. –ahem- Ok, let's all go to the meeting room!" The leader led them there.
AT THE MEETING.
"Welcome all Evil villains." The leader announced. Hitsugaya raised his hand. "Yes?" The leader asked. "Technically… the Soul Reapers aren't evil." Hitsugaya explained. "Uh.. well… you're already HERE. So… might as well stay." The leader scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "Anyways… This is Tobi's Castle."The leader saw Itachi's mom bring the projector and stopping to wash Itachi's face.
"Moooooooom!! You're embarrassing me in front of my friends!" Itachi whined.
"…anyways… This is Tobi's Castle- WHAT IS IT NOW HITSUGAYA!?" The leader asked angrily. "Who's Tobi?" He asked. "HE'S THE BASTARD WHO CLONED HIMSELF AND TOOK OVER THE WORLD BEFORE WE COULD! NOW PAY ATTENTION!!" The leader yelled. "Ok. This is Tobi's Castle. It is very well-guarded due to all the Tobis. He's been Conquering worlds left and right. He's using the same strategy over and over, surprising his opponent and overwhelming them. Now, if we use this same strategy on him, we might be able to-" The leader explained. "Might?" Hitsugaya asked. "YES, HITSUGAYA, MIGHT!! THERE'S A CHANCE WE MIGHT TOTALLY SCREW UP AND RUIN EVERYTHING! BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY! HE'LL JUST TAKE OVER YOUR WORLDS TOO AND YOU'LL BE RIGHT BACK HERE AGAIN!! SO SHUT UP!" The leader yelled. "That's not true!" Hitsugaya protested. "YOU KNOW WHAT!? TIE HIM UP!!" The leader was ordering Kisame. "MRRRRMFFF!!!" Hitsugaya tried to yell. "That's MUCH better." The leader got in Hitsugaya's face. "NO MORE QUESTIONS!!" He yelled. Then he heard the phone ring. "WHAT. IS. IT. NOOOOOOOOWWWWW!?" The leader asked angrily.
"Mr. Zaraki, you have a phone call. It's from someone named Ikkaku Madarame." Mikoto said. "Put him on speaker." The leader said.
"THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!! THEY JUST KEEP ON COMING!!! WE NEED BACK UP NOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!! NOOWWW- NO WAIT!! GET AWAY FROM ME!! AWAY FROM ME!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
"TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!!"
"NO HE'S NOT!!"
"WHAT!? –deep evil voice- I'LL… CRUSH … YOU…"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-
-LINE GOES DEAD-
O.o' "You see! That's what I'm talking about!" The leader said. "Well? What do you have to say?" The leader asked. "What do we get?" Byakuya asked. "Uh… free doughnuts from Crispy Cream…?" The leader said. "KILL THEEEEEEEEEMMMMMM!!!" The soul Reapers cheered. "THAT'S THE SPIRIT!!" The leader yelled.
"So, who will lead the first assault?" Renji asked. "Ok, Creed's group Will attack from behind, crushing anything that isn't us. And when they're distracted, Organization XIII will attack the 2nd tower and kill them there. And then We'll be there at the entrance, finding the head Tobi!" The leader explained. "Sounds cool!" Everyone said.
"wait…" Someone said. "What?" The leader asked. "What about us?" The homunculi asked. "Oh right… you guys… well… oh… gosh… uhm…" The leader was thinking. "YOU NEVER HAD A POSITION FOR US AT ALL DID YOU!?" Envy yelled. "uhhh… Anyways, You guys can… attack with Creed's group." The leader said, nodding. "THAT'S IT!?" Envy asked. "Hey, hey, hey! You get to destroy stuff!" The leader said, trying to calm him down. "Argh… fine." They all said. "Good." The leader.
WE ATTACK AT… DAWN!!
So enjoy you're time until then, We have a 360 in the corner over there, beverages and treats over there, and the rest you can talk in the center… I guess. See you until then.
KISAME'C CORN
ER
KISAME: AWWWW MAN!! I'M SO DRUNK –hic- ON PUNCH!! –burp- ANYWAYS… OUR GUEST STARS ARE…SASORI, ITACHI, RENJI, AND BYAKUYA!! –barfs- -passes out-
ITACHI: I never knew someone could get so drunk on 5 cups of punch…
SASORI:… ewww….
Renji: Aw SICK MAN!!
BYAKUYA: The first question is…
KISAME: -punches Byakuya- My question! Anyway…
Kisame, Do you think Itachi's mom is hot?
From: lilly-kun
ITACHI: Of course he doesn't… RIGHT Kisame?
KISAME: -nervous- U-uh… o-of COURSE NOT! Y-yeah! In Fact, I think she's UGLY!
ITACHI: WHAT!?
KISAME: I uh… mean… uh… I MEAN… SHE'S… HOT…?
ITACHI: Is that so…? –cracks knuckles-
KISAME: Uhh… uhhh!
BYAKUYA: -punches Kisame in the face- 'DAS RIGHT… PUNK!!
ITACHI: Aww… man! I was gonna do that!
BYAKUYA: Oh well too bad! Anyway, the next question is-
KISAME: -PUNCHES Byakuya and puts him in headlock- NO ONE… SUCKER PUNCHES… ME!! OUR… NEXT QUESTION.. IS…
Who would win in a fight? Ishida or Sasuke?
From: purplenekomata
KISAME: -Still has Byakuya in headlock- Hmm…-argh- to be honest, I think Sasuke would because I don't know who this Ishida person is. –starts punching Byakuya continuously-
RENJI: -pulls Kisame and Byakuya apart- H-HOLD ON! THIS IS NO PLACE TO FIGHT!
BYAKUYA: -has a black eye- 'I'M GONNA KILL THAT SONE OF A BITCH!! –pulls out Zanpakuto-
RENJI: NO! CAPTAIN! NOT HERE! NOT NOW! YOU CAN TAKE IT OUT ON THE TOBI CLONES LATER!!
BYAKUYA: -sigh- you're right… -gets punched by Kisame-
BYAKUYA: OH IT'S ON NOW!! SENBONZAKURA!! (name of Zanpakuto)
-blows up half the house-
LEADER: MY HOUSE!!
SASUKE: NO YOU IDIOT!! MY HOUSE!!
MIKOTO: Oh dear… Itachi's friends sure like to rough house… don't they…?
KISAME: F$# YOU BLEW UP HALF THE SET!
-technical difficulties please stand by-
KISAME: -in cast and wheelchair- Ok… Welcome back… This did NOT go as planned.
SASORI: -eating popcorn-
ITACHI: -stealing popcorn from Sasori-
BYAKUYA: -in same condition as Kisame- It's all you're fault, fish man…
KISAME: NO IT WASN'T AND YOU KNOW IT!! YOU AND YOU'RE ZANPAK-WHATEVER IT IS!!
BYAKUYA: Listen here you stupid little-
RENJI: Sir! Please! Not again!
KISAME: Anyway… our next question is…
SASORI: Mrfmen
ITACHI: What?
SASORI: Sorry, I was eating popcorn…
KISAME: -gives him a 'wtf' look-
SASORI: Anyway, we still haven't answered the last question.
BYAKUYA: Yeah Fish man!
KISAME: -holds up two fingers- THIS CLOSE MAN!! This close to kicking your ass to next Tuesday!
BYAKUYA: I'd like to see you try…
KISAME: OH! OH!! YOU WANNA SEE ME TRY!? I'LL DO IT RIGHT NOW-
ITACHI: KISAME!! SHUT UP AND ANSWER THE QUESTION!!
KSIAME: Uh… eeny meeny miney mo… etc…. Well, eeny, meeny, miney, and moe say Sasuke. NEXT!!
Hey Kisame! Did Sakura die? Cuz I really hate her. Also, can I have Sasori? I promise to feed him and take care of him and walk him every day! Please? I'll give you money if you do!
From: nekomaniac13
KISAME: I don't know… well, let's see! We'll tell her to come here!
-5 minutes later-
SASORI: -takes gun and shoots her- yes, she's dead.
KISAME: as for the second part… although we need the money… the last time… we had this 'incedent' and the Akatsuki member came back in bad shape. The Akatsuki will remain nameless, but we'll call this the 'Hidan Incedent'. Next Question.
HIDAN: -gives a 'wtf' look-
Hey Kisame! One of my friends was just crazy for Itachi, and he used to be at the top of her favorite Akatsuki list. The problem now is that she's dumped Itachi for Hidan, and Itachi is at the bottom of her list. So, can someone please check if hell froze over? Cuz I'm really scared now
From: nekomaniac13
KISAME: I dunno, I'll call them.
SATAN: HEEEEELP ME!! HELP ME!! THE TOBIS!! THEY'RE COMING!! OH GOD!!!
KISAME: Well… it didn't freeze over… but it was Tobified.
ITACHI: If that's where I'm going I'd better make up the good guy points real fast…
SASORI: I agree.
BYAKUYA: -blacked out-
RENJI: -went to get coffee-
KISAME: Well, thanks for watching!
ITACHI: -pokes Kisame-
KISAME: huh? Oh right! This is the second to last chapter, and also the second to last Kisame's corner. So… the Author was thinking… Would you like Kisame's corner to be a full-length fanfiction? There, you can ask Kisame questions that have recently come to mind. If yes, say so in your review! Bye!
BYAKUYA: ooooohhhhhhhh… that hurts…
KISAME: Shut up or I'll punch you.