Chapter Four

"Tell me…do you have any regrets…about becoming a Jedi I mean," Padmé whispered softly as she drifted on her back in the warm pool of gleaming water.

Obi-Wan shuddered involuntarily, "I honestly don't know. I don't think I do at any rate. What about you? Do you regret the choice you made to go into politics?" he was quick to try and turn the focus from him.

She pondered gaze floating over the remarkable works of the cave, "No, I don't suppose I do. I mean I missed so much as far as traditional adolescence goes but I love what I do. I've always wanted to be this; I have become exactly what I've always desired. Though I haven't reached every goal…and I hope I never do. If I were ever to get everything I'm afraid I would become tepid, and I never want to be that…" she unconsciously made a face.

He nodded. Never had he ever wanted to be anything but what he was, until today. He had never been given the option, he realized. Nobody asked him if he wanted to be a Jedi, he had known nothing else. He had never questioned his role or fought his place, it was destined he was told. How was one to fight destiny? But did he believe Jedi was his destiny? Obi-Wan almost laughed aloud, what was destiny? Did he know what it was, did he believe in it? …Did he even believe in the Force?

"I think it's time to go," he said suddenly standing on the bank. It was dangerous these thoughts that were suddenly taking over him.

Padmé stood in the water that came to her shoulders and stared blankly at him, "What? Just like that?"

"Sorry to be abrupt, I hadn't realized it was so late, we must return before we are too missed," he shook the cobwebs that had cluttered his mind, brushed aside the doubt and questions. Being around her was not a good thing, no, she caused too much trouble, made him feel too many things, made him think too little…and open too much of himself. No, it was time to go.

"Okay," she didn't argue but climbed from the water ringing what water she could from her clothing. She peered at him and found it more then curious the way his face stoned, his demeanor iced. Something changed in him while she wasn't looking. She cursed silently, she wanted to see him turn Jedi, she wanted to see him pull the walls up, she wanted to know that she had touched the inside of him…she wanted to know that she had indeed affected him as much as he had her. But no, transition had passed, finality complete.

"Here, you're cold."

She blinked looking to his hands on her shoulders where he left his heavy brown robe to his face. She had let her mind wander off…as she had let her heart.

For the briefest of seconds, an understanding passed between them. Their eyes connected and their souls spoke.

"I'm not what you need…don't count on me I'll fail you," his soul caressed hers in a motion that felt as real as his hands upon her shoulders.

"I don't care, I'm yours…though I know I've already lost you," she answered back tears weeping down in the facets of her soul.

He was the first to break away feeling her hurt and knowing that there was no way he could hurt or understand the depth of hers. She was naïve, he was seasoned. She was human…he was Jedi.

"Let's go," he led her from the paradise, he led her back to reality, back to sanity.

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"Master Qui-Gon…where is Obi-Wan?" Anakin asked settling on his cot in the nearly empty nursery wing of the Jedi student housing. Qui-Gon had him sleep there because he didn't believe he was ready to join the other boys his age in the adolescent wing, he would be soon though.

"He is in his quarters I am sure, go to sleep Anakin you have a long day ahead of you," Qui-Gon smiled placing the worn backpack Anakin carried with him under the boy's bed.

"He doesn't like me much does he…" Anakin obviously not ready for slumber turned on his side to watch the older man sigh and pull up a low stool.

"You have to understand Anakin…it's not that he doesn't like you, it just that he was my student for a long time and now that you are here and now my student he is adjusting to finally becoming a Jedi Knight. Do you understand?" Qui-Gon's face was pained, never had he had to try and explain matters to a child before, Obi-Wan came to him at fourteen already having the mentality of someone nearly twice his age with maturity to match. Anakin was going to be something entirely new.

"I guess so…" Anakin frowned, "I hope he likes me though because I really think he is great. I've never seen someone work a lightsaber so good!" he was all smiles now.

"Yes, Obi-Wan is great a Jedi…he is one of the best. He'll come around," Qui-Gon ruffled the boy's hair. Yes, this was going to be something entirely new…

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A month later…

"I love you."

Words that never should have been spoken now could never be taken back. Padmé Amidala Queen of Naboo stood behind the full Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi as he watched the embers of his Master slowly burn away.

Obi-Wan didn't turn. The battle was over, victory was theirs…or rather hers. His Master had been laid to rest on the planet that seen his death. Time, time had played an evil game, no one left untouched by it. He never should have come back here…when he said goodbye to the Queen that while not so overly long ago at her hotel after showing her his secret should have been it—that should have been goodbye. He never should he have come back to Naboo with his Master…and the boy. All was done changed, rearranged—so very, very different.

"You don't…you just think you do," he sighed still not turning.

"No! I do love you and you love me too!" she wouldn't relent. She knew, oh she knew! She felt it in her like a fire, a burning raging fire! She knew it when he fought next to her, for her…she knew it when he held her as she wept for her fallen brethren…She knew, oh she knew that he loved her!

"Padmé…what ever transpired between you and me was something akin to need nothing else," Obi-Wan turned finally with his eyes tired and body weary, "You are little more then a child and I…I am a Jedi Knight. We used each other, nothing more. You wanted to discover something beyond your knowledge…I was that something. Me? Well I used you as my soft place to fall. I was at a crossing point in my life when you came into it, I doubted my purpose, and was fighting my fate and I needed a release. I found it in you. I perhaps took advantage but I needed your naïveté, your true gentleness to show me what I was fighting for. Padmé…you are so beautiful, smart, and kind and a Queen in every sense… You don't know what you love, not really. I've been running on for miles and you're just learning to feel, to try out your heart. This too like stages before will pass…" he shook his head sadly.

Tears pooled behind her eyes and she fought to swallow, "You are telling me that what I feel…this feeling so much like an ache and yet like embrace so fierce and warm is nothing more then a child like infatuation? That what I feel is something is nothing more then a phase like teenage acne or gangly limbs? That this, this love for I know that is what is, is little more then something developed from my need to explore? How dare you! How dare you berate this!"

"Please, that isn't what I mean do, not at all. What we had was beautiful and you should cherish it, but it's over. We're at such different places, I've been around the galaxy and back again, you've barely been a stones throw away from home. I've been around the suns a thousand times over and you've only stared to test your legs. I now know my place, my path for sure and you are at brink of discovering your riches. You don't love me…not really," he hurt just saying the words. He wanted her to love him because he loved her. But he couldn't encourage a love he couldn't return. She was young, she would love again, truly love. She would find a handsome young man with the world to offer and she would thank him for what he was doing now…if she even remembered him that is. No, he couldn't tell her…

"That isn't fair! You can't tell me…" she choked on her anger, her hurt.

"I'm telling you that I was your chance to fly…and you were my place to fall. Go Padmé, discover everything, fly! If I have in anyway helped you find your wings then I'm glad but I have to do this. One day you'll understand, one day years from now you'll meet someone and you'll look at him and see what I see in you now. You'll then understand the difference in wisdom and knowledge. I crossed a line during this battle, I became the teacher when just the day before I was student it's a line you don't know is coming till you've already crossed it and are looking back to the other side. You are here, I am there. Please understand…"

She balled her fists and willed back the hot sticky tears, "Alright…you say I am a child, I say I am not. You say we're done, I say we're not. You say goodbye…I say I'll see you again."

Obi-Wan shuddered a breath and nodded. She returned the gestured and turned stiffly walking away. Both wept inside, both felt their souls wither. It was goodbye no matter who fought it or why. No matter what though, each would carry fond memories of their respective moments of flight and flashes of serenity as they fell—the safety of the net that caught and held tight. Memories of a love squashed in its infancy.

One found her wings; the other found a safe place to fall. Challenging boundaries, questioning destiny, each with a fate unchanging but sure…

AN: There is part one, it is shorter then I anticipated but I've a very hefty jump on part two which is looking to be at least longer then this one. I hope you've enjoyed! Any and all feedback is just awesome! Thanks so much! Much love, RaeAnne ---(-