"Shut the hell up Hidan! I've counted the money 7 times and every time it's 2 thousand five hundred dollars." Kakuzu and Hidan were already arguing and they had only been on the road for 4 hours.
"Kakuzu, you aren't counting the checks! You keep leaving out those three checks the leader gave us." Hidan argued.
"No I don't! I have counted the money that is our….shit….I am leaving out three checks."
"God! If you would just listen to me you wouldn't be such a moron!" Hidan yelled at him.
"Hey, Sasori I think Tobi is getting car sick yet again so you're going to need to pull over again whenever you get a moment." Zetsu said.
"Why didn't he take that motion sickness medicine?" Sasori asked.
"He was so excited about the fresh scent of the Fabreze in the van that he forgot." Zetsu told him.
"Well, that is understandable. This van is fresh." Sasori answered.
"Oh yeah, you might as well pull over Sasori Tobi's going to throw up and I need an diet Pepsi real bad." Kisame said. Sasori sighed.
"Fine." And he quickly signed and slowly pulled the van over. The door quickly slid open and Tobi went running to the grass for the third time. Kisame went digging through the cooler.
"Hey, anyone want something?" Kisame called through the van.
"Yeah, will you make me a ham and cheese sandwich?" Zetsu asked.
"I'll take an iced tea." Hidan called back.
"Get that bag of pretzels and a Pepsi for me." Sasori said.
"I'll take a bottle of water and you know stupid Tobi will want those Finding Nemo fruit snacks the minute he gets back in here." Kakuzu said.
"Wow, everyone actually wanted something." Kisame said to himself. He had actually asked out of politeness. However, he would gladly take everyone something. Tobi slowly walked back to the van feeling much better. Sasori really hoped that Tobi would stop this throwing up thing. He wanted to get to the beach in time to have a beer on the balcony and overlook the ocean.
"Alright, here is everyone's requests, let's get back on the road." Kisame said.
"Oh! Fruit snacks. Gimme, gimme gimme gimme gimme!" Tobi obviously wasn't sick now. Sasori started the van again and once more they were rolling down the highway.
"God! This car kicks so much ass. I am so amazing." Itachi said mainly to himself.
"Itachi! You are going a little fast, yeah. The speed limit is clearly posted as 65 and you are like totally going 75, yeah."
"Deidara, I have to keep up with the traffic. If I slow down the traffic will run me over." Itachi insisted.
"Hey, Itachi sweetie we are really hungry back here are we going to stop somewhere, yeah?" Dana asked.
"Sure we will baby, I take the next exit."
"Oh my god! I want to order, yeah!" Deidara said.
"No, no no. There is no way in hell you are going to order. Deidara the last you ordered at McDonald's in the drive-thru you confused the woman taking the order and you kept changing your mind." Itachi said. Deidara pouted.
"Fine, yeah." Itachi took the next exit and the closet place to the highway was Taco Bell. Fortunately there wasn't a huge line in the drive-thru.
"Oh my god, I am like so panicking because I have no damn clue what I want, yeah." Dana said nervously.
"It's okay baby, take your time." Itachi said.
"Marisol, what are you getting, yeah." Dana asked.
"Hmmmm I think I'll get 2 soft tacos and a split a large diet Pepsi with Deidara." Marisol said.
"Oooh split something with me, yeah." Dana said.
"Okay, that's fine. I'll split it with you." Marisol reassured her.
"Dana, sweetheart, what do you want?" Itachi asked her.
"Ummmmmmm….A large diet Pepsi and 2 soft tacos, yeah."
"I want the same thing Itachu, well without the large diet Pepsi." Marisol said.
"Yeah, uh, I would like 4 soft tacos…" Itachi was interrupted.
"I'm sorry sir I can't hear you." The drive-thru operator.
"Oh okay, sorry." Itachi spoke louder. "I would like 4 soft tacos, a chicken fiesta border…" Itachi was interrupted again.
"Sir, can you hold on a moment…" Itachi sighed. "Deidara I hope to god you know what you want. Because this bitch is going to hear an earful from me." Itachi was getting enraged. "Okay sir, anytime."
"Okay I want 4 fucking soft tacos, a chicken fiesta border bowl, one double…"
"Sir could please repeat your order." Itachi was interrupted yet again and now Sharingan was burning like fire.
"Here, here I'll do it, yeah."
"NO GO TO HELL DEIDARA! I WANT 4 FUCKING SOFT TACOS! A CHICKEN FIESTA BORDER BOWL, AND A DOUBLE DECKER TACO! I ALSO WANT 2 FUCKING LARGE DIET PEPSI'S!" Itachi was clenching the steering wheel.
"What was that last part?" the cashier person asked.
Let's hope they get through this, because things are not looking good right now. Meanwhile, back in the van…
"So, I'm a little nervous about this whole Miami Beach thing because Miami is supposed to be like……where the beautiful people are. I won't fit in there." Zetsu said.
"Man, don't sweat it. Miami beach will be like all other beaches. I mean sure there will be the occasional girl wearing one of those thong bikini things and some guy wearing a speedo being all buff. But all in all, we have nothing to worry about." Kisame reassured him.
"Hey! Check it out we just crossed the South Carolina line!" Hidan said. We only have Georgia and 90 percent of Florida to get through!"
"What do you say we get a little bet going." Sasori said. Everyone in the car moaned.
"Sasori, what are you wanting to buy now?" Non-carsick Tobi asked.
"Oh nothing, nothing. I just think this trip would be even more interesting if we started betting." Sasori said.
"I'm in, I love money." Kakuzu said.
"I bet you 25 dollars Itachi and Deidara get lost on their way to the condo."
"Hell, I am so not in on that bet. You know they'll get lost." Kisame said. And so the pooling began. Sasori knew he would win this one.
"Itachi, baby it's okay, yeah" Dana said reaching around the back seat and putting her arms around Itachi's neck. "Maybe, Taco Bell employees don't understand things as well as other fast food places, yeah." If it hadn't been for Dana's hands on Itachi's neck, he may have flipped out and killed everyone in Taco Bell.
"I'm not going to yell, I'm not going to kill anyone, I'm going to calmly hand things back to you Dana and then I'm going to fucking floor it out of this damn parking lot!!!!!!!!!!!!" Itachi said as he distributed all the stuff from Taco Bell. "Now, everyone hold on." Itachi slammed the gas pedal down and they all squealed out of the Taco Bell parking lot.
"Dana, you are really going to have to calm him down tonight if you know what I mean." Marisol told her quietly.
"Well….yeah. Marisol, we're going to Miami. Miami IS sex, yeah." Dana told her.
"You are right." Marisol agreed. The drama with Taco Bell wasn't over yet.
"Oh my god! Oh my god, yeah! I just dropped sauce on these white pants, oh my god! What do I do, what do I do, what do I do, yeah? WHAT DO I DO!?" Deidara panicked.
"SHUT THE HELL UP DEIDARA! IT'S NOT A BIG SPOT!"
"Hold still. Hold still baby. Relax, I'm going to lick it off." Marisol had a solution. Itachi slammed the brakes into a red light. He looked at Marisol.
"You're going to….what?" he asked her. Of course Marisol was already half way into the front seat.
"What like I haven't licked there before?" She asked Itachi innocently.
"Oh! Oh! Oh! Marisol! I have my shout wipes, yeah! I just found them, yeah!" Dana proclaimed handing her a moist stain removing towlette.
"Great! Then I'll just rub the stain out!" Marisol was delighted that the stain dilemma was solved.
"What, what what the hell!? Whys is everything sexual with you?" Itachi asked curiously. Marisol gasped.
"It is so not, Itachi stains are a serious thing. If you dropped that whole bowl in your lap right now, Dana would be up here to save the day." Marisol said. "now, hold still baby, the stain will be gone in just a minute." Deidara watched in horror as the awful sauce stain was lifted from his pristine white pants.
Meanwhile, the AKTSUKI conversion van was pulled over at a rest area for Tobi….again. This trip was entertaining indeed. Although Itachi, Deidara, Marisol and Dana were not making good time. They were only in North Carolina…an entire state behind the van….