A/N:

Me: Well, I am watching the ninth episode of FMA. I'm inspired.

Ed: Everyone's calling me short. -sulks-

Me: Aw. Shorty.

Ed: GAH! -spazzes-

Me: Yeah. It's fun!

Alexandra: .
Ed: ALEXANDRA:DD

Alexandra: FullMetal Alchemist characters, references, and other related indicia © Hiromu Arakawa. Only Alexandra, Jonathan, Alan, Sophie, and Yuki belong to her!

FullMetal Alchemist

Chapter 9: Next Time, Check Your Calendar!

Alexandra clenched her teeth, gripping Ed's shoulders tightly. It hurt. Her arm hurt. Missing her brother hurt. Her heart hurt.

"Ed," she whispered.

"What is it, Alex?" he asked.

"Those auto-mail mechanics you mentioned…do you…do you think you could get them to come here? To fix my arm?"

Ed paused. He exhaled. "What exactly happened to you? Why is it so…mangled?"

"Halfway through the operation my auto-mail mechanic died from an explosion."

"What? An explosion? From what?"

"A group of Philosopher Stone hopefuls were bombing our town in hopes of finding it. My brother and I were the only ones that were left." She stopped and sniffed. "We met Torre that day. I sent him flying into a wall with my stupid freak powers. I actually went to a hospital to ask about them…they said it might have been because of the half-attached nerves on my arm. Said that they could have messed with my system or whatever…even mentioned that it could be alchemy. I didn't believe them. I just want to get my arm fixed." She was close to crying again.

"Don't worry, Alex," Ed whispered, hugging her closer. "I'll get them to come. I'll get your arm fixed."

xxXxx

Roy leaned back on the couch, stretching his legs over the coffee table and yawning. Al was looking out the window, staring in the direction of the park. Yuki was standing over Roy, staring daggers at him.

"Get off my furniture!" she yelled. "Get out of my house! I hate you! Leave!"

"Hey, what's your trouble? I'm just relaxing. Besides, technically, this is Alexandra's house," he said boredly. "You can't throw me out into the cold. You don't have the heart."

"Try me!" she yelled angrily. When Roy didn't respond, she started jumping up and down in fury.

Roy opened one eye. "Jeez, don't hurt yourself."

"I hate you! I hate you I hate you I hate you I-"

"Oh, just shut up already!" Al shouted, finally looking away from the window. "God! Yuki, your best friend just ran out of her own house. She's an emotional wreck! All you can do is shout!" Roy smirked. "You too, Lieutenant! You could be doing something constructive instead of pissing everyone off by being a lazy bastard!"

Roy was stunned. He had never heard Al say something like that. "I…"

"Oh, cut the crap. Just get off the couch and do something worthwhile."

Roy's eye twitched. "What do you suggest?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"I don't know, go wash the dishes or something." Vein in his head throbbing, Roy stood up and walked off to the kitchen. Yuki sniggered.

"And you can go fix up the mess downstairs," he told her pointedly. She stopped laughing.

"Fine," she muttered, walking off sulkily.

Not too long after that, Al exclaimed that he saw Ed coming back, and Alexandra was with him. He ran and opened the door, letting in a gust of cold wind and snow.

"Ed! Alex! You're back!"

Roy wiped his hands and walked over. "What took you so long?"

Suddenly there was a loud bang and everyone spun around to see Yuki lying on the floor beside the trap door. "Hey guys!" she said into the floor. Obviously she had tripped over the last step. "You're back! And guess what I found!" She fumbled around under her and pulled out four picture frames, and waved them above her. "Alex, who are these people?"

Alexandra looked at her for a few seconds. More tears welled up in her eyes. "I…I'm going to bed," she said feebly. Breaking free from Ed's grip, she ran off up the stairs. Everyone heard the distinct sound of a door slamming. They all looked at Yuki like they wanted to kill her.

"What?" She blinked. "What?! What did I do?!"

The Next Day.

Alexandra was shaken awake by the annoying sound of someone pounding on her door. She stirred groggily, rubbing her eyes and glancing at her alarm clock. It was…6 AM.

6AM? What the fuck?

"Who the hell is waking me up so early?" she asked loudly.

"Come on, Alex! I'm hungry! Please?" Ed's voice rang out, whining and pleading.

"Come back in three hours and I'll see what I can do," she mumbled into her pillow.

"Oh, no! No way! I'm hungry now!" He stamped his feet on the ground and Alexandra groaned. A few seconds passed, and it seemed like he was gone.

Thank God, she thought. Now I can get some-

"HA!" Ed screamed triumphantly. There was a loud bang, followed by a crash, and Ed burst into the room, grinning. The door lay broken under his feet.

Alexandra spoke, her face still in her pillow. "I hope you plan on fixing that later," she muttered, very annoyed by this point.

"Yeah, yeah…come on!" He walked over to her bed, sat on it, and grabbed her arm, trying to make her sit up. He succeeded, sort of – he ended up with Alexandra leaning against him, still half-asleep. He realized she had been sleeping in his shirt. So that's where it went! No wonder I couldn't find it, damnit.

"What do you want?" she whined. "I just want to sleep…" Ed's eye twitched. She was straddling him so that she wouldn't fall off the bed.

"Uh…breakfast would be nice…"

"But I'm tired, and I don't know where my clothes are," she mumbled into his chest, starting to doze off again.

Ah, why does she have to do this to me? She's too cute! But I'm still hungry. "If I get your clothes for you, will you make me something to eat?"

"Deal," she muttered, falling back on the bed. Ed hopped up and ran over to her chest of drawers. He pulled open the first drawer and fell backwards.

There was nothing in it but panties and bras.

He lay on the ground, his eye twitching. Alexandra opened an eye lazily and looked down at him from the bed.

"Hey, if you can't get my clothes, go make yourself some toast or something. I'm going back to bed."

"No, no! I can get them!" Ed shouted, jumping up. He grabbed whatever pair of undergarments came into his hands first and threw them at Alexandra. Then he pulled a random shirt and pair of pants from her closet and threw those at her, too.

"Oh, Ed, a fashion expert you're not…" She looked at the panties and bra. "They don't even match!" She threw the bra at him. "Give me my black one. And, come on, this shirt? It has to be three times too small! Give me that sweater…no, not that one! That one! Yeah, no, yeah, that one! Moron! The blue and gray striped one! No, not that one! The other one! Are you colorblind or something? Yeah, that one!"

She sighed. Men. They couldn't even choose something as simple as clothes. He handed her the revised choice of clothing and she grabbed it, standing up to go change behind a screen.

"So, Ed, what do you want for breakfast?" she asked with a yawn, starting to change.

"I don't know. I'm just hungry. I'll figure out what for when I get downstairs."

"Thanks for being decisive, Elric."

"Yeah, no problem." Alexandra groaned behind the screen. "What is it?" he asked.

"Gah, I can't clasp this…do you think you could do it for me?"

"Huh? Yeah, sure," Ed said, not knowing what she meant.

"Okay, come on, you can't do it from across the room, stupid!"

Ed shrugged to himself and walked over behind the screen. His jaw dropped.

Alexandra wasn't wearing a shirt…just a lacy black bra. His eye started to twitch again.

"Well?" she asked impatiently. "I thought you couldn't wait!"

"Uh, yeah, right…uh, what do I do?" he asked sheepishly.

"Take one side…yeah, and see the little hooks? Put them through the loops on the other side. There." Ed succeeded in helping Alexandra clasp her bra, and she slipped on her top and kicked him out of her room. "I'm going to the bathroom. Go downstairs and figure out what you want." She walked into the bathroom and locked the door. Ed had no choice but to go downstairs.

xxXxx

"Okay, Ed, I'm here. What do you want me to-"

Alexandra stopped suddenly. Her jaw dropped as she stared wide-eyed at her kitchen. At least, at what was left of it…

Pots and pans were all over the floor, food was spattered on the walls, cloths were scattered on the counter, and Ed was standing in the middle of the gigantic mess.

"EDWARD ELRIC, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?" she screamed. "YOU FUCKING DESTROYED MY KITCHEN! IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN FIVE MINUTES"

Ed started backing up.

"Hey, I was hungry! You were taking too long!"

"FUCK IT! I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU!" she shouted at him at the top of her lungs, walking towards him and cracking her knuckles.

"H-hey now, don't do anything you'll regret later…"

"I'm not going to regret this, you fucking moron! I'm giving you to the count of FIVE! You better start running!"

"Shouldn't we talk first?"

"ONE!"

"Wait!"

"TWO!"

"No, wait!"

"FIVE!" she screamed, and started running after him. Before either could take two steps, though, a crashing sound came from the direction of the stairs.

"Ahh! Fuck! I'm going to be late! Ahh! Fuck!" Yuki was yelling and running down the stairs three steps at a time, falling and tripping all over the place.

Alexandra grinned and held out a slightly charred piece of toast and a coffee mug. "Here you go, Yuki!"

"I can't stop! I have to go! Fuck!" she ran by Alexandra and grabbed both things. "Fuck!" She ran towards the door. Alexandra, her work done, started running after Ed again, who opened the door. Both Yuki and Ed ran for it at the same time, and they got stuck. Alexandra ran over and kicked them through it; they flew into Roy.

"Okay," he said slowly. "I think I missed something. Have I come at a bad time?" he asked, looking down at Yuki and Ed.

"Can't talk! Going to be late! Fuck!" Yuki yelled, standing. She looked at Roy. "I'll spazz at you later! Fuck, I'm going to be late!" She ran off.

"So what happened to you?" Roy asked Ed.

"Messed up Alex's kitchen," he mumbled, lying face down in the snow.

"Ah. I see." He stepped over his body and into the house. "Does Yuki know it's Saturday?"

"No," Alexandra replied.

Roy grinned. "I guess you aren't planning on telling her."

"Nope."

Suddenly the door banged, and a furious Yuki stepped inside.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME IT'S SATURDAY?!" she screamed at Alexandra.

"It must've slipped my mind," she said casually, winking at Roy. They burst out in laughter.