Author's notes:
Hello everyone, how is your Saturday going so far? Anyways I was going to write earlier but I had to brainstorm some ideas for this wickedly weird story you are currently reading and just for reading it, here's a cookie or make it two! So here it is the 6th chapter of Switched! Hope you like this one and don't forget to review okay?
IMPORTANT CHANGES: I know I was going to give the boys I mean girls new names in this chapter but I wanted to torture Heisuke so here it goes! Don't worry they'll get their new names next chapter and they also meet kondou-san next chapter
Chapter VI
It's all his fault
"I may have a lead" Susumu declared as the men or shall I saw women huddled over as close as they can; apparently Heisuke had huddled too close for comfort.
"Um…Todou-san…you're too…you're too close…" Susumu said uncomfortably
"Heisuke move your ass" Shinpachi ordered as he grabbed the latter by the collar causing Heisuke to fall flat on his rear end.
"Its Hisaki now remember?" Heisuke grinned slyly
"Whatever…Susumu go on…"
"Well as I was saying…I think the culprit to this is…"
"Yes" Hijikata said his eyes brightening, which was unusual due to the fact his eyes only brightened when he was in the mood to kill.
"It's…"
"Yes…Yes…" Tatsu and Tetsu chimed in merrily
"It's…"
"Yes…" Shinpachi asked his eyes sparkling
"The one who cursed us is…"
"A MAGICIAN!" Heisuke declared proudly, "IT WAS A MAGICIAN WHO CURSED US THIS ILL FATE…which by the way isn't that bad since I'm gorgeous…I don't know what happened to Shinpachi but come on look at me don't you agree that I'm the picture of perfection?" Heisuke grinned madly from ear to ear earning him a terrible beating from the group.
"That'll teach you to spoil the moment" Hijikata said coldly as he left the poor captain lying on the floor, "Who is it Yamazaki and for crying out loud hurry up before this Ahou decides to wake up from his concussion."
"Um…Todou-san was on the right track…" Susumu said bluntly
"…and that's the thanks I get for stating the obvious…you guys are cruel…" Heisuke grumbled from the floor
"A MAGICIAN!" The crowd exclaimed in disbelief
"How the hell could it be a magician eye brow freak?" Tetsu asked cockily
"Tetsu what did I say about calling your friends mean names?" Tatsu said as he punched his brother upside the head
"You said nothing about it…anyways go on Sumo…"
Susumu's eye twitched, "Did...did that ball of fire just call me Sumo? He better watch it" Susumu thought
Susumu cleared his throat and spoke, "I'll ignore that remark you just made…anyways seeing that we've mysteriously turned into women then who else could have done this but a being with magical powers"
"B-b-but that doesn't make any sense!"
"Nothing ever makes sense to you, ahou"
"What did you say?"
"I called you an ahou…want me to spell it too…A-HOU…A-HOU…A-HOU…"
"THAT'S IT YOU'RE DEAD!"
"Ok both of you shut it before I lock you in a room with Heisuke" Tatsu threatened as he pulled his little "sister" by the collar.
"What's so wromg about being trapped in a room with me?" Heisuke asked asked he got up from the floor
The rest sweat dropped, "Well...oh...I don't know...EVERYTHING!" Shinpachi stated
"Oh I'm sorry could you define everything to me, my beauty was overpowering your statement"
"Shove that last statement up your ass Heisuke..."
"What was that? Heisuke has a sexy ass?"
The rest twitched as Shinpachi grabbed a lock of his hair and yes he wanted to pull it out so bad, "Heisuke..you've said enough...shut up...just shut up for our sake and Kami's sake...got that?"
"Whatever you say...Shina-chan"
"You freakin' bastard"
Okita simply smiled at the scene before him and said, "As hard it is to believe Yamazaki-kun could be right, what do you think Hijikata-san?" The group turned to see their demon vice commander smacking his head on the wall apparently muttering profanities.
"H-Hijikata-san?"
"I think Hijikata-san's off his rocker" Sano whispered
"Eh...wasn't he always a bit loopy to begin with?" Tetsu said in a hushed tone
"Oh yeah...true...but I think he's steps away from cracking"
"He's cracked before, don't you remember the little Haiku stunt?" Shinpachi stated
"Oh yeah...he's been nuts before..."
"Looks like he's going back to maniac mode" Tetsu pointed out as they watched their vice commander smack himself silly
"You…you…you expect me believe that a freaking magician turned me into a WOMAN!" The demon commander screeched
"My apoligies for stating something far fetched..." Susumu bowed
"Hijikata-san you shouldn't be so harsh, look now you've made Yamazaki-kun upset" Okita scolded
"Its alright Okita-san, Hijikata-san is right..."
"Well I think he's wrong...Hijikata-san just tell me who else you think it could have been…do you by any chance know anyone with magical powers?" Okita asked sarcastically
Hijikata shook his head, "A magician is too far fetched...I mean do they even exist!"
"I thought so, anyways Saitou-san what do you think of this assumption?"
The 3rd division captain who apparently had been sleeping cracked a sleepy eye open, "Ghosts did it" he muttered before going back to his peaceful slumber.
"OH CRAP!" Sano exclaimed
"What now big bones?" Tetsu said in a bored manner earning him a punch on the head from the giant captain, "Damn it that hurts you know!"
"Then that'll teach you what happens when you call people unwanted names" Tatsu hissed
"I THINK I KNOW WHO IT IS!"
"Here we go again..."
"If Hajime said ghosts then I think...YOSHIDA'S SPIRIT CURSED US!"
"Oh great one maniac says that a magician turned us to women and this bigger maniac says that some freaking ghost turned us into this" Shinpachi complained
"Aside from his assumption anyone else got anything to say?" Shinpachi asked, no one replied.
"I GOT IT!" Sano exclaimed
"Sano if you give another remark as stupid as Heisuke's you'll end up on the floor like him" Shinpachi threatened, "Trust me it will be your hell on this earth"
"Jeez, Shinpachi you're mean and how many times do I have to say its Hisaki now…"
"If you don't shut up it won't be Hisaki now or ever because you'll be dead!"
"You guys! Girls! Whatever we are…I think I know what turned us into women!" Sano said excitedly
"Give it a shot Harada…and if it's stupid…I'll kill you with my feminine hands" Hijikata said demonically, before slapping himself menatally. "I'll kill you with my feminine hands? Kami-sama I'm turning into that ahou...take me now kami-sama"
"Well…uh I was going to say the dango killed us but eh…never mind…I'd like to live to see my manly self back" Sano said as he scratched the back of his head.
Tatsu who had been deep in thought suddenly realized a possible truth, "Wait a second…Saitou-san do you think that the one who cursed us was that woman we encountered while walking back here?"
"Woman I don't remember a woman" Sano declared
"Of course you wouldn't you were too drunk to remember a thing" Shinpachi said coldly
"What do you think Saitou-san? Could she be the reason that we've turned like this?"
The 3rd division captain thought carefully, "From what I can remember she seemed the most vengeful that night, the question is, who was she vengeful at"
As the memories suddenly came back, the rest of the crowd angrily turned to look at Heisuke, who was now busy twirling strands of his newly gained dark brown locks while humming, "What did I do now?" He asked defensively
"HEISUKE YOU'RE DEAD!"
"Grab him before he moves!"
"What? Hey stop that! AHHHH…careful damn it I bruise like a peach!" (AN: I got this idea from one of my guy friends, when someone smacks him he says this it's funny and I laugh like a derranged maniac...ok back to the story)
"Ichimura are you stating that Todou is the cause of this?" Hijikata asked
"W-well, as far as I can remember you, Yamazaki-san and Kondou-san were out cold, while Todou-san had been drunk but awake and so were, Nagakura-san and Harada-san"
"BUT WHAT THE HELL DOES THE CURSE GOT TO DO WITH ME!" Heisuke demanded as Shinpachi restrained him
"Apparently if I'm not mistaken while we were walking back to the headquarters we encountered this woman and she was saying how troublesome men were and how they were like pigs."
"BUT THAT STILL DOESN'T PROVE IT'S MY FAULT!"
"That woman appeared mysteriously after Todou-san made that comment about women being the same…as far as I can remember Todou-san had been saying some degrading things about women then that old woman came and told us off but we weren't listening since Todou-san had been butting in the conversation"
Angry eyes turned to face Heisuke who now smiled sheepishly at his mistake, "I was drunk…can't you let me off for that…"
"Being drunk can get you into trouble, that's why I never drink" Okita implied with a smile
"Yeah but too much candy does" Hijikata muttered to himself
"You see even Soji agrees and he says I'm innocent!"
"But Todou-san if you hadn't insulted that woman she wouldn't have gone all vengeful and curse us like this" Tatsu said
"SO IF IT WEREN'T FOR HEISUKE'S BIG MOUTH WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS!" Shinpachi growled
"SO IF IT WEREN'T FOR TODOU'S BIG MOUTH WE'D BE LIVING OUR NORMAL LIVES" Hijikata snarled as he cracked his knuckles one by one
"IF IT WEREN'T FOR THAT PERVERTED FREAKS BIG MOUTH I WOULDN'T END UP LOOKING LIKE SAYA'S FRIENDS!" Tetsu screeched
"YEAH AND IF IT WEREN'T FOR HEISUKE'S BIG MOUTH I WOULDN'T END UP LOOKING LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN ME AND KONDOU-SANS MOTHER!" Sano screamed
Heisuke who had now realize the truth behind his mistakes laughed nervously as his friends began to tower over him, their eyes set to kill mode.
"Hey guys come on…c-can't we…c-can't we just forgive and forget…come on…let's just act as if this never happened…" Heisuke stammered
"The only thing that we'll forget is your existence! SANO GET YOUR SPEAR!" Shinpachi demanded
"RIGHT AWAY!"
"WAIT! WAIT! Just…just…just… what the heck are you going to do with that freaking spear?!?"
"Seppuku is too honorable for you…we'll skewer you to death" Hijikata stated bluntly
"Yeah…like tempura and dango!" Tetsu said evilly his eyes hinting malice, "Tempura and Dango...yummy..."
"B-but…BUT I'M TOO GORGEOUS TO PRUNE UP LIKE TEMPURA!" Heisuke shrieked
"Too bad...look at it this way, you'll be the prettiest one in kami nows where he'll take you"
"Shinpachi that's not funny! HELP ME! MUTINY ITS MUTINY I TELL YOU"
"Aw Shit, now I feel guilty for telling Todou-san off but he is an idiot and maybe if they do skewer him things will get quiet but wait that's not right why am I even thinking that. I guess I should help him, he does deserve a little bit of justice and him dead would only cause more troubles" Tatsu now feeling guilty did what a man of righteousness would do or in this case woman of righteousness would do, he helped the idiot.
"Wait! Just wait! It may be Todou-san's fault but he was too drunk to distinguish right from wrong" Tatsu defended but in his mind he was slapping himself silly
"Apparently even when he's sober he still can't tell the difference…Tetsu move before we skewer you too!" Shinpachi demanded
"Nothing can be solve if we kill him!" Tatsu said earning him a teary eye from Heisuke
"TATSU NOT ONLY DO YOU LOOK LIKE AN ANGEL BUT YOU ARE MY ANGEL" Heisuke declared as he hugged the twitching bookkeeper
"Um...Thanks..."
"Awww...sorry to ruin this tender moment between two men transformed into women but uh we have an idiot to kill...in oh I don't know...NOW!"
"Please don't hold Todou-san liable for some wrong actions he didn't know were wrong because he was drunk"
"He started this mess Tetsu...its either you're with us or you're siding with the idiot!"
"Listen what if we drop the whole intent to kill and just try and figure this out together!"
"Tetsunosuke-kun is right, nothing can be solved with Todou-kun dead" Okita said with a smile
"YOU OKITA ARE AN ANGEL FROM HEAVEN..." Heisuke said happily as he tackled the young captain into a bone crushing embrace
"It was only fair to save you and besides I don't think Harada-kun and Nagakura-kun have it in them to kill of one the members of the three comedians" Okita giggled
"Actually him in this woman state wants me to kill him more...as if he weren't bad enough as a man he has to be worse as a woman!" Shinpachi groaned as he sat unhappily on the ground, "You cheated death this time Heisuke...but I'm on to you"
"Fine! We won't kill the bastard but listen up! If we don't change back to our normal selves again the firsts one to die are you and Heisuke!" Hijikata grumbled
Tatsu nodded as he pried off the captain off his arm, "Now first things first…we tell the commander."
"Just one problem" Susumu announced
"What's the problem?"
"How do you expect the commander to believe that we're who we are"
"Good point"
"Aaaahhhh!!!! It never ends! We'll be stuck like this forever!" Tetsu groaned
"Kondou could be dense at times, we could try and trick him"
"Good plan as always sir" Susumu stated
"Trying to kiss up aren't you?" Tetsu sneered
"But that won't work either...to hell with it, no matter what we'll just have to tell the man and besides he'd be wanting to know what has happened to his finest men"
"Finest men? by that you mean excluding Heisuke right?" Shinpachi grinned
"What the hell is that supposed to mean!"
"Yes...excluding the ahou"
"WHAT!"
End of Chapter
So did you guys like the chapter? I hope you did, I was going to make this the chapter where they get new names and stuff but I decided last minute to just add a Heisuke being stupid chapter to make things fun and abusive to him...anyways once again you know the drill, read and review and stay for the next chapter to come...