Author's notes:
I know I promised you another chapter of hilarious mishaps and mayhem so here it is, I hope my readers will enjoy this chapter and as promised this is the chapter where the boys get their new female identities and their poor commander discover the shocking truth that his beloved men are now his beloved men. Read and Review!
Chapter VII
Meeting Kondou's Nieces
Flashback
Kondou Isami despite suffering a terrible headache from last night's festivities awoke groggily from his peaceful slumber, the jolly commander after folding up his futon and arranging his chambers headed out the headquarters in the early hours of morning. This was a daily routine the commander did; he'd wake up, he'd fix his belongings and head out to town and buy some supplies he or his bookkeeper might need.
"Good morning commander" A soldier greeted as he saw his beloved commander depart from his chambers.
"Good morning, did you happen to see Hijikata or any of the captains?" Kondou asked with a hearty smile
"No sir"
"Hmm…they still must be out cold from all the sake, well if you see them tell them I'll be going out for a bit"
"Yes Sir"
End of Flashback
Just outside the Kondou Isami's chambers nine looming shadows hid behind one of the bushes, apparently the bush was too small to hid everyone especially Harada Sanosuke who was a giant of a man or in this case woman.
"Heisuke that's my freaking foot, get off it you bastard!"Shinpachi spat
"Ouch! Someone just stung me!" Heisuke yelped
"Who would want to sting you? You're walking poison" Shinpachi retorted with a devious grin
"Sumo get off my hand, you're foot is on my hand damn it!" Tetsu protested
"It was? I didn't see it" Susumu replied in his usual bored demeanor
"Bastard, you did that on purpose didn't you?"
"Maybe…"
"Wait until I become a man again then I'll kill you"
"Shut it puppy you were never a man to begin with" Heisuke stated
"At least I'm way manlier than you'll ever be"
"Are you implying I'm gay!?!" Heisuke screeched
"No…Takeda-san is gay…but you…you're a weirdo with an unusual fetish for cute things" Shinpachi said (AN: Takeda was a shinsengumi who was rumored to be gay, you'll be seeing him in my later chapters)
"I can't believe I'm stuck in a bush with a bunch of ahous….kami-sama take me now…" Hijikata murmured
"This is kind of fun ne Hijikata? Its like we're on a mission" Soji implied happily
"On second thought…kami-sama kill me now!"
As they continued to argue, unbeknownst to them a certain eerie captain had already checked out their target to find the room absolutely empty.
"He's not here" Saitou called out with droopy eyes
"What do you mean he's not there?" Hijikata demanded as he knocked over everyone else
"You mean I hid in a bush with a weirdo for nothing!" Shinpachi growled as he walked over to Saitou and Hijikata.
"Shinpachi you're such a mean hearted person" Heisuke said as he pretended to cry
"Where could he have gone" Tatsu asked
"I believe Kondou-san is on his routine trip to town" Susumu implied as he brushed off the leaves and twigs stuck to his garments.
The rest turned to him with malice in their eyes, the young ninja faltered back.
"You mean….you mean…YOU KNEW HE WAS ON THIS FREAKING TRIP!" Tetsu screamed
"Commander always goes to town early in the morning to get supplies…I was presuming vice commander knew"
"That slipped my mind…" Hijikata groaned
"So what do we do know?"
"There's only one thing we could do…we follow him"
"Wait a second!" Heisuke announced
"Heisuke what now?" Shinpachi grumbled
"We can't just follow him, I mean look at us…just what exactly are we going to tell him if he asks who we are?"
"He's right…well I supposed we could wait for him here" Hijikata said
"Um…excuse me?"
The girls turned around to face 2 soldiers with bewildered expressions plastered on their faces.
"Who do you think they are?" One whispered
"They look oddly familiar…" the other responded, "Um…can we help you in anything, you happen to be trespassing in Shinsengumi property and we advise you to leave"
Hijikata twitched, if he had not been in this strange predicament he would have wringed their necks by now.
"Um…um…we're here for the commander" Heisuke said with a girlish grin
"May I ask your purpose of visit?"
"We're um…we're um…"
"HIS NIECES!" Sano declared as the others slapped their foreheads
The 2 soldiers looked at them and began whispering among themselves, "I never knew commander had nieces…let alone…a giant niece who freakishly resembles Harada-san"
"Their suspicious" Hijikata hissed wanting to kill Sano so badly
"Relax…they belong to Heisuke…so like him they're pretty dense"
"What the hell was that supposed to mean?"
"Shut it!"
"Could they really be his nieces?" one soldier asked
"There's more to the commander that we may never know" the other whispered back, the two then turned to face the girls.
"Kondou-san is currently in town shopping for supplies but seeing that you're family I suppose it would be alright to let you wait here."
"Arigato…you boys are so sweet" Heisuke said with a giggle and a wink causing the two soldiers to blush madly
"Anything to help beautiful ladies such as yourself" With that said the 2 soldiers departed
The rest turned to face Heisuke, "Heisuke…did…did you just wink at your own men?"
"Can't a girl tease?" Heisuke said with a pout
"Yeah girls can not a man who's turned into one…baka!" Shinpachi spat
"Don't be jealous because he called me beautiful"
"He did not call you beautiful" Shinpachi cringed
"Yes he did…he was looking directly at me when he was saying it"
"Here we go again" Sano said as he rolled his eyes
"Okay shut it!" Hijikata snarled, "First things first as Yamazaki-kun suggested we have to change our names"
"Hijikata-san is right, we can't increase the chances of being found out" Soji stated
"I'm already Hisaki now remember?" Heisuke said
"Ugh" Shinpachi said as he rolled his eyes
"I got it! Hijikata-san please let me give you the names! Please oh please" Heisuke pleaded
"If you give us weird names I'll kill you" Shinpachi threatened
The men thought for a while until finally…
"From now on as I am in this dreaded woman form you shall call me as Toshimi-chan" Hijikata stated as the rest turned to him, their jaws dropped. "Did I just tell these idiots to call me Toshimi, oh lord the world is coming to an end"
"Um…how did you…" Tetsu stuttered
"Don't you dare ask how I conjured that name…I'll kill you if you do"
"Okay…Never mind" Tetsu gulped
"Okay Hijikata-san is now Hijikata Toshimi and I am Todou Hisaki and you guys are?
"Okita Sonomi"
"Not bad Sonomi-chan" Heisuke or should I say Hisaki winked
"Yamazaki Sumi" Susumu replied bluntly, his hands itching to grab the nearest katana and lop off his own head for even thinking up of such a name
"Yamazaki Sumo would have been better!" Tetsu said slyly earning him a punch from the said ninja
"Don't listen to him Sumi-chan, the new name so fits you!" Heisuke rejoiced
"Hajime Saiko" the eerie captain said nonchalantly
"But doesn't that sound too much like Saitou?" Tetsu asked
"The spirits told me to name myself Hajime Saiko"
Everyone backed away from the demented captain
"Okay…how about you Tatsunosuke-kun?"
"Well…I'm not very good at names…" The bookkeeper said as he scratched his head
"Then let me name you then!" Heisuke said with a smile
"Tatsu don't do it! Unless you want your name to turn out like an idiots think of your own…" Shinpachi warned before he was silenced by Heisuke's shoe
"Tatsunosuke from now on you'll be known as Tatsuki"
"Oh…um…alright…it's actually…um…nice"
"BAKA! IT RHYMES WITH HISAKI!" Shinpachi screeched
"Lets see now, and what about you puppy-chan? What name would you like Hisaki-chan to come up for you?"
"No thanks I already have a name…"
"Nonsense let me name you"
"I ALREADY THOUGHT OF ONE"
"But yours will be ugly"
"Heisuke leave him alone"
"No you be quiet Shina"
Shinpachi twitched; he twitched very madly, "FOR THE LAST TIME STOP CALLING ME THAT!"
"I got it! Tetsunosuke-kun your new female name is Tetsuna-chan"
"But…but"
"Awww…he loves it so much he's in shock"
"BUT I HATE IT"
Heisuke turned around with teary eyes, "sniff…y-you…sniff…hate…sniff…it?" he said as he started to cry
"Baka…fine I love it…"
"I KNEW YOU'D COME AROUND!" Heisuke rejoiced as he hugged Tetsu tightly
"Why do I have a feeling the bastard was faking it" Tetsu groaned
"Sano…got any names?"
"Um…Sana?"
"There is no way I'm letting my friend be known as Sana besides I've already thought of one…Harada Sanosuke you're new name is Sanayumi-chan!"
"Um…I rather take the Sanada name you gave me"
"Suit yourself….now last but not least…Shinpachi"
Shinpachi's eyes turned demonic the moment Heisuke looked his way, "I DARE YOU TO SAY THAT DAMN NAME"
"Nagakura Shinpachi…you are now Nagakura Shina…" Heisuke grinned devilishly, "Okay everyone we have new names now here it goes…"
Toshizou-Toshimi (Hijikata twitched madly and cursed to himself for even thinking of such a name)
Soji- Sonomi (Soji was fairly content)
Saitou- Saiko (Was too busy too care)
Tatsu-Tatsuki (liked it nevertheless)
Tetsu- Tetsuna (Was still upset since he wanted a better name)
Susumu-Sumi (Was upset at Tetsu for insulting his choice of name)
Sano-Sanada
Heisuke-Hisaki (Was extremely happy)
Shinpachi-Shina (Wanted to commit seppuku as soon as possible)
Hijikata who had been watching from the sidelines cursed silently, "Okay now that we've got our names we need to devise a plan about Kondou"
"Well we can…"
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In the front gates of the Shinsengumi compound, Kondou Isami returned with a couple of bags filled with supplies and necessities.
"Ohayo" Kondou greeted to the two guards stationed at front
"Ohayo taichou"
"Anything new while I was away?"
"Nothing much sir"
"That's good to know"
"But…your nieces did come to visit"
Kondou stopped midway and looked at the soldier with curious eyes, "My nieces?"
"Hai…there were a lot of them and I told them to wait at your quarters"
"Are they still there?"
"Probably…they insisted on waiting for you"
With that said Kondou speed walked to his compounds.
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"Okay here's the plan, seeing that Kondou won't believe us when he gets here Harada and Saitou grabbed the man by the arms and force him down. Todou and Nagakura tie him up with this rope, Soji you make sure no one is around to see us do this and Yamazaki make sure you shut him up before he causes us more trouble. Any questions?"
"Eh…Hijikata-san what do I do when all this is going on?" Tetsu asked sheepishly
"The older Ichimura stands guard while you just sit and watch"
"UNFAIR! I want a job!" Tetsu whined
"No time he's coming!"
The girls assembled to their stations as they heard the rustling of footsteps, Saitou and Sano hid behind the shoji doors ready to tackle their commander.
"1…2…3…GRAB HIM!" Hijikata ordered as Saitou and Harada grabbed the defenseless Kondou, knocking the poor commander on the ground. "Nagakura and Todou get the rope! Yamazaki shut him up!"
"Sorry for this taichou, but we need you to listen up…" Susumu apologized as he gagged the commander with a cloth
"Soji, were there any witnesses?"
"Everything is clear sir" Soji said as he saluted
"Ichimura close the shoji doors…"
"Um…Hai…"
Kondou Isami was shocked and appalled that a bunch of women had managed to catch him off guard, but he had to say that these were no ordinary women these women had the strength of men.
"Just who the hell are these manly women?"
"Are they Choshu kunoichi?"
"Kondou, we'll take that cloth out of your mouth if you promise to listen to us" Hijikata said, "Do you promise to not scream, not struggle and just listen?"
The commander nodded his head, "Take the cloth out Todou." Finally free from that vile cloth which he used by the way to blow his nose the commander looked at the unfamiliar faces before him.
"Who the hell are you?" He demanded coldly, as expected from the father of the mibu wolves.
"Even if we told you, I'm sure you wouldn't believe us" Hijikata uttered as he sat before his commander, "It's a story you would laugh at and would never believe"
"I've heard a hell lot of crazy stories young lady…just try me…"
With a sigh Hijikata looked around the room, the rest gave a nod in approval to tell the story to their commander. "Kondou…it's me Hijikata…"
Kondou Isami felt his soul depart from his body there and then, "T-toshi?" he stuttered
"Yes"
Instead of hearing an intelligent response Kondou's response had been nothing but a loud laugh, "Sure you are miss! So…care telling me who set you up to do this? Are you some woman from Shimabara hired by Toshi to make me look like a fool?"
"Damn it Kondou listen!" Hijikata fumed finally getting the attention of the laughing commander, "It's us alright! This isn't a sick joke, it's me Hijikata and that over there are Harada, Nagakura and Todou. The two over there are the Ichimura brothers and those two are Saitou and Soji and the one who gagged you was Susumu."
"Sure they are…Toshi..." Kondou scoffed
"Kondou-san…I know you don't believe us but it really is us, Hijikata-san is telling the truth" Okita implied softly
"First of all, the men you just mentioned are men to begin with. As I said I have no clue who told you to trick me into believing this but you better get your money back because I am not convinced"
The crowd sighed heavily, "It's no use…he's too dense to understand" Heisuke muttered
"We should have done Plan B" Sano said
"There was no plan B you moron" Shinpachi retorted apparently annoyed
"I thought…oh never mind"
Kondou noticing the tension the room softly spoke to the women, "It was some joke you tried to pull but if you don't mind I have men to run and a war to plan so please untie me"
Suddenly Hijikata's eyes widened, an idea had struck him. "You still won't believe it's us?" He stated simply
"Not one bit my dear"
"Well would you believe that I am Hijikata if I told you that for fun you like to stuff your fist in your mouth?"
Kondou looked on with bewilderment, "H-how…how did you know that?"
"I caught you once doing that and you said you were practicing your caligraphy but i know you do crazy things"
The others looked on with hopeful faces as the idea struck them as well.
"Kondou-san…look at us and who do you see?" Shinpachi declared with a grin, "Don't we remind you of a group of comedians?"
Kondou gasped as he noticed the sudden resemblance to his three comedians, "Oh my…you three look a lot like…"
"Shinpachi? Heisuke? Sano? Yeah that's because it is us" The three comedians grinned
"Kondou-san! Kondou-san! It's me Tetsunosuke…remember how I snuck out with Saitou-san to get some soba and Hijikata-san went demonic and you told him to forgive me since I was just a child"
"Tetsu…you….it's you? And is that… could those two be Tatsu and Susumu?"
"Hai" The two said in unison
"And…and…and that's Saitou!" Kondou exclaimed in disbelief
"So do you finally believe us?" Hijikata smirked
Kondou trying to take in all the information at once gave three quick nods, "How the hell did you turn into women?" he demanded
"Apparently …this is a curse…" Saitou said as he began to untie the commander
"A Curse? From what?"
"Apparently Heisuke's the one to blame as of now…"
"DON'T START SHINPACHI!"
"Actually it all started this morning when we woke up…the older Ichimura says that there was a strange vengeful woman we encountered last night"
"So…if you…if you're who you say you really are…then…THEN WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?" Kondou panicked
"Being that we've turned into woman at the most crucial of times…I guess you'll just have to run the Shinsengumi without us" Hijikata sighed
"But…but…but the men…did any of them find out?"
"No, as of now they think we're your nieces and its better that way"
"Good…that's good…I don't think any of them would want to believe their beloved vice chief and captains have turned to women"
"That's true"
"So…um…what's the plan now Toshi?"
"Actually while we're in our women forms you'll have to call us by our female names and about the plan…I have no plan…"
"Um…here's an idea…how about we get rid of these clothes…wouldn't people wonder why the heck women are dressed as men…" Heisuke stated
"Looks like we'll have to visit Takeda-san" Shinpachi sighed
"Takeda-san? What about him?" Kondou asked
"You didn't know?"
"Know what?"
End of chapter
Finally I made female names for them...and I hope you liked them...I like Heisuke's its funny...anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I think its longer than the others since I was trying to combine to events in one chapter. Anyways people read and review and stay tuned for chapter VIII...
CHAPTER VIII
Our poor boys in blue or should I say gals in blue visit a certain captain with a deep secret, more tensions rise when a certain inn pays the headquarters a visit and guess what it's Heisuke's fault once again.
"We've come to visit the shinsengumi, they owe us big time..."
"Heisuke why is it every bad thing that happens to us traces back to you?"
"Why the hell are you blaming me for?"
"When I transform to my old self I'm killing you"