Chapter 4 – Hurt

She opened her eyes. It was morning and there was sunshine and blue sky and birdsong. It was perfect, like something in a nursery rhyme. It was too perfect. Covering her eyes with one hand she shaded out the worst of the harsh light. Bright, it was too bright. She considered how she felt, her back was killing her, it was more sore than her ankle, perhaps because she'd laid on it all night. Her ankle hurt too. She rolled onto her side, to ease her back. But there was another discomfort too. Not her raw skin, not her pulled muscle. And however she lay down, or sat up, or rolled over, nothing could get her comfortable against this pain. And she didn't want to consider it right now, because it hurt so much.

So she went right ahead and considered it. Because it was her whole world now.

She lay there looking at the wall of ferns a few yards from her bed and the freshly lit campfire in front of her, a fire he must have prepared this morning when he'd got up. She looked at the space he'd slept in. Empty. He'd gone – for firewood maybe, or for food or to fall in that stupid stream again and pretend he cared about her feelings.

He was pretending wasn't he? He must be because I've not met the woman I want to marry yet of the things he'd said last night. Or rather the things he hadn't said. Last night they had talked a lot, more than any other time since they'd met. Even more than two nights ago when they'd shared the poncho together in the Tiger Moth's cockpit. But of course then she had been full of worry about Laputa and they had a lot on their minds. Last night was different. The adventure was over wasn't it? The magic and excitement and worry and fear that had brought them together. All over now. The reason they'd come together, was over. The battle was over. She had no idea what had happened to Muska after he'd staggered out of the throne room but she thought he must have been killed. He couldn't have got off the island, he had no flying machine and without the crystal and the machinery in the island's huge belly he could do nothing. He was either dead or trapped up there. He couldn't come after her anymore, and if by some miracle he could, there would be no point, Laputa would no longer be a means to dominate the world. So now, that fear of Muska gone, there was no longer that bond keeping her and Pazu together.

Which meant that last night they could have talked…

Of other things.

Of their plans. Of the future, of what they would do…

Together.

But they hadn't. She had tried to get a reaction from him I'm sorry I don't taste very nice but he'd not risen to her bait. She couldn't get him to say anything which gave her an indication of how he felt. She couldn't just come out and say it, could she? She was a girl. Girls didn't do such things. Girls weren't forward like that, only the wrong sort of girl behaved that way. Men made the first move, they always did. It was traditional. But she'd tried to lead him, to give him an indication of how she'd felt you'll just have to promise me you'll shut your eyes then but he had either been too dim to see her offer absolutely. I promise or he wasn't interested.

"No, Pazu, not absolutely. I promise but well, if it hurts that much perhaps you'd let me bathe you?"

That was what he should have said, there was his opportunity to answer her. And he'd not taken it. And it was that possibility that he wasn't interested which made her hurt. Not cut skin or twisted muscles but deeper down. Inside. She put her hand to her chest. In here.

"Yes. Pazu, that's what I want. Bathe me. Wash away this dirt, these hurts. Bathe me here. Touch my heart."

But instead you'll have a lovely bruise there and I think it'll be sore for a good few days he was right about one thing. She would have a bad bruise. And it would be sore, but not just for a few days.

"Sheeta!"

Over the bracken she saw his head coming up the slope, he grinned at her, raised an arm. She didn't feel like grinning back. She didn't feel like seeing his face at all. She felt like crawling back under the cockpit, knocking that stone away, shutting herself inside and crying.

I've not met the woman I want to marry yet

Really Pazu? Is that so? Well I've met the man I want to marry, so it's my heart that's hurting.

Pazu. Please don't come up here now. Don't see me like this.

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3 – 4 March 2007

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