I know, I know. But none of you were volunteering to write all my massive term papers or write my final exams (which RAPED ME, in case you were wondering) so I had to do it ALL MYSELF.

I didn't even have time to procrastinate.

Besides, I think that only about 10 of you can actually follow this story. I realize that it is rather Lost-esque with random jumps in time with no really rhyme or reason, but that is how I roll these days.

XXXXXXXXXX

Addison

XXXX

She could do this.

She could.

She could do this.

She wanted it. She needed it. It's not that she didn't think she could do it, because she was certain she had at least made the right decision about this. It was all the decisions that led up to this that she was seriously doubting and regretting.

This was her wake up call.

"Montgomery. Addis…" There was a long pause.

Addison stood up and took a step towards the woman holding the clipboard.

The woman looked at her curiously. She recognized her. "Okay," she said finally, "Follow me."

Addison followed her down the long hallway. She wasn't sure what possessed her to give her maiden name; it just didn't seem right to use her married one. But she knew all these people, so the lie about her name was making her feel even guiltier.

"You need too…" the woman started.

"I know," Addison interrupted, "I know what I need to do."

XXXX

"What about the father?"

"The father," Addison considered this for a moment, "He's not a father. He's an unwitting sperm donor living in a fantasy world. He thinks that biology is destiny."

"You're financially independent, you have a secure job; did you ever think of keeping the baby?"

"I've had the counseling," Addison smirked sadly, "I've given the counseling. I can't have this baby. I know I'm being selfish, and I know that I could do it; I could have it and love it and raise it and be happy with it. But I don't want to. Because I would either be alone or be living out destiny induced by biology."

"Addison…"

"My husband," she paused, " He could raise another man's child like it was his own. Love it unconditionally. He could do it, I think. But I could never do that to him. And I know that he will never forgive me, and that it doesn't matter if he would raise a baby that wasn't his or not, because it will never matter. He walked out on me, rightly so. But I could never face him or myself if I had his best friends baby."

"Have you talked…"

"When can I travel?" She interrupted.

"Travel?"

"I'm flying to Seattle late tomorrow evening. Is that going to be a problem?"

The doctor sighed, "It shouldn't be if you are careful. But I would advise against it."

Addison nodded.

"Are you sure you want to proceed?"

"Positive," Addison said quietly. She lay back and positioned herself before the doctor could give her any instructions.

She slipped her headphones in and pressed play, gripping her ipod tightly in her fist. She traced the movements of the doctor and her assistant out of the corner of her eye, playing over in her mind the steps that they were going through and processes that they were carrying out and why. Finally she covered her eyes with her forearm. She'd rather not know from minute to minute what they were doing.

When she heard the low hum of the suction she squeezed her eyes shut and turned up the volume.

It took 2 songs.

"We're finished," the doctor gently touched Addison's arm.

Addison slowly took her arm away from her eyes, "It takes longer when it's you," she reflected. She was silent for a long moment, "Thank you."

XXXX

"Hey, I'm pulling in your driveway, come let me in."

Addison stomach clenched.

"Oh. Found my key. Never mind"

Addison stared at the phone as the line went dead.

Moments later she heard him bounding up the stairs and calling her name.

She closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable.

"Why are you in bed?"

She didn't reply and pressed the heating pad harder against her stomach.

"Morning sickness finally hit you?" He teased, picking up a bottle of pills he assumed to be pre-natal vitamins, "Painkillers…?"

"I couldn't do it," she choked out.

"Do what?" Mark edged.

"I couldn't have it," she whispered, biting down hard on her lip.

"Addison!" Mark grabbed her upper arms, "What did you do?" He gave her a hard shake, "What did you DO?"

"I couldn't do it," she sobbed.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?" he demanded, his fingers digging into her arms.

"I tried," she cried, "I tried to want it."

"WHAT DID YOU DO ADDISON?" he shook her again.

"I had to," she continued to sob, "I couldn't do it. I could feel it, inside of me and I hated it. I HATED IT!" She screamed, "I HATED IT! It was growing inside of me and it made me SICK."

"THAT WAS MY BABY TOO!"

"THAT'S WHY I GOT RID OF IT!"

He gripped her arms tightly for a moment, then pushed her away and grabbed a lamp off the table beside her and hurled it against the wall.

Addison watched in dumb silence as Mark started punching the wall. She was to shocked and frightened to cry. Blood began to smear on the wall as his knuckles split open from the impact of the blows.

The tempo of the punches slowly started to decrease, until finally he leaned his forehead against the wall and simply hit the wall in sadness.

"I'm leaving," she explained quietly, "I have to go to Seattle for a case. I'm leaving tomorrow."

Mark didn't move, simply continued to hit the wall.

"I'm not coming back to New York," Addison continued, trying to absolve herself, "I can't be here anymore. I can't be with you… I'm not sure where I am going to go. I just can't be here anymore. Not by myself…"

"Why?" Mark asked evenly, "Why did you do it?"

He hadn't heard anything else she had said.

She swallowed hard, "Because I love him."

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek

XXXX

Derek smiled as he heard the front door open and the murmur of voices in the entryway.

He was hoping to have supper ready when they got home, but he still had the salad left to toss.

He turned as Addison marched by him, carrying a crying, protesting 6-year-old. Addison glared at him without actually looking at him, and disappeared into the laundry room and started stripping off the little girls clothes, which were covered in sticky red juice.

"Celeste!" He heard her warn as the little girl started to struggle and scream.

Derek winced and returned to his salad as the sounds of a struggle intensified from the laundry room.

"Celeste!" Addison exclaimed in exasperation.

Derek smiled as the little girl came bolting through the kitchen wearing only her undershirt and panties, "Slow down princess," he cautioned.

"Celeste!" Addison exclaimed, emerging from the laundry room. The little girl was nowhere to be found.

Addison stormed off in a huff, intent on finding her.

Derek smirked as Celeste emerged from around a corner and immediately sandwiched herself between his legs and the cupboard door, "You better not let your mother catch you," he said to her in an exaggerated stage whisper, handing her a chunk of carrot.

She shook her head vigorously and sank to the floor at his feet.

"Upstairs. Now." Addison instructed, reentering the kitchen with her arms full of bags.

Celeste didn't budge,

"Celeste. Now." Addison exclaimed, dropping the bags loudly on the counter, "Pajama's on, and wash your hands for supper. With soap," she called after her as she scampered from the room, "Emille too. And I will know if you just run your hands under the water."

Derek smiled at her as she turned to face him. She looked exhausted.

"Long day?" he asked as he watched her unload her purchases onto the counter, "Didn't we just buy a new blender?"

She glared at him.

"Retail therapy?" he joked.

"Don't talk to me," she seethed.

Derek gaped at her curiously.

He watched her unpack rolling pins and muffin trays, towels and DVD's. Along with some candles, perfume, shoes and what looked like a new set of curtains that didn't match a single room in the house; and he couldn't think of a single reason why she would be mad at him.

"What did I…"

"Girls! Supper is ready…"

XXXX

"Can we watch Ariel again?"

"No! Belle!"

"Nooooooo," Emille narrowed her eyes at her sister.

Celeste narrowed hers right back.

"Moooooooooooooommmmy," they said in unison, turning to Addison.

"No movies tonight," she replied sullenly, her jaw set.

They gasped, "Daddy?!" both heads snapped over to Derek.

"Well it is Friday," he teased, they always watched movies together on Friday nights. He glanced curiously at Addison.

She gapped at him in angry disbelieve. He realized then that he shouldn't have gone against her.

"Fine," Addison huffed loudly, "Fine. We can watch a movie."

Derek sat, his fork poised over his salad, and watched Addison stab viciously at her supper, "Add?" he questioned, not expecting a response.

She glanced up at him briefly, and then dropped her eyes back down to her plate, "Celeste stop kicking your chair please," she said coolly.

Derek cleared his throat, "Did you have fun at school?" he asked, glancing at one twin then the other.

The girls looked at each other then at Addison. Addison didn't acknowledge them.

"What?" Derek asked, smile still in place but starting to wane.

"Mommy picked us up at lunch."

"She did?"

"Celeste stop kicking your chair," Addison said again.

Derek shot her a quick look then turned his attention back to Emille and Celeste, "Why?"

Emille shrugged. Celeste continued to kick her chair.

Derek tried another approach, "What did you and Mommy do all afternoon?"

Emille pushed a meatball off her plate and on the tabletop, her nose wrinkling in distaste, "Shopped."

Celeste giggled at her sister and kicked her chair harder.

"Did you have fun?" Derek reached over and attempted to wipe up the spaghetti sauce off the tablecloth.

"We had ice cream for lunch," Celeste started bouncing in her chair and banging her feet excitedly against the rungs of her chair, "And rode the spinning ponies, and…"

"Celeste! Just stop okay? Just stop!" Addison leaned her elbows on the table and buried her face in her hands.

Celeste froze. She refused to look at Addison, just stared down at her hands. The room was motionless until giant tears began escaping the corner of Celeste's eyes and fell one by one off the end of her nose.

Emille began sucking her thumb earnestly and had already started inching her way off her chair and towards Derek's.

"Addison," Derek said quietly, scooping Emille up into his arms and settling her on his lap.

Addison glanced up, her eyes landing first on Emille who was staring at her wide eyed, and then on Celeste who sat crying at the dinner table.

He watched as Addison buried her face in her hands again. This time she was crying too.

XXXX

He wasn't watching the movie. He was watching Addison.

She was watching the movie, or at the very least staring at the screen and ignoring him.

"Bedtime," Addison spoke the moment the credits started to roll. She didn't bother to wake up Celeste who had fallen asleep clinging to her chest.

"I'm not sleeeeeeeeeepy," Emille whined rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling above her parents' bed, "Can we sleep with you?"

"No," Derek spoke quickly. He wasn't taking any chances; with Addison's current mood she probably would let them just so she wouldn't have to talk to him.

"Come on," she instructed Emille, not once glancing at Derek to indicate that she needed his help or assistance.

He sighed and stared at the wall blankly. They had been getting along fine that morning. In fact, she had woken him up a full hour and a half before they had to get the girls up just so they could 'get along' a few times before breakfast.

Something must have happened between then and lunch.

That or she was crazy.

Which in Derek's opinion was quite possible.

"You lied to me!" Addison exclaimed the moment their bedroom door was closed behind her.

"I did not," Derek replied automatically. He knew that he hadn't lied to her; he was 100 percent certain. Relieved that whatever was driving her crazy was not his fault, Derek shifted his weight and maneuvered between the blankets on the bed. In his experience when Addison got in moods like this it did not matter at all if he was actually conscious.

"You told me that you had that vasectomy after the twins were born," she ranted, "You promised me that you had it done. You swore."

"Addison," Derek sighed, she always got upset about the silliest things," You knew I didn't. I know you knew I didn't because you went back on the pills."

"I didn't know you didn't. I didn't want to take any chances on one of those little buggers getting through."

"Okay," Derek relented, "I lied to you. I'm sorry."

"47, Derek. I am 47," she paused, "Or 48. I already have 6 year old twins that I can barely handle, …"

"What does that have to…" Derek stared at her, "Wait… Are you…"

"I can't do all this again Derek. I'm too old. I was done…"

"You're having a baby?" a slow grin spreading across his face.

"Yes," she exclaimed sharply, "Because I forgot to get that damn prescription filled."

"We're having a baby?"

"See, I knew you would be happy about this. I hate you."

"You," Derek continued to smile at her, "Are the most ridiculous woman…"

"Mommy?"

Addison glared at Derek one last time before turning towards the door, "What are you doing out of bed?" she demanded.

"Emille won't stop talking," Celeste whined between yawns.

"It's only been a few minutes," Addison reasoned, "Give her a chance to get sleepy."

"But I want her to be sleepy nooooow."

Addison scooped her up and kissed her on the cheek then the forehead; "Sleep here with Daddy," she said gently, setting her on the bed next to Derek, "I'll go sleep with Emille."

"Addison," he couldn't quite wipe the smile from his face.

"I'll be happy tomorrow. Tonight I'm still pissed off," she snapped, grabbing her pajamas and leaving the room.

Derek smiled softly at the closing door. Addison had never been a fan of surprises. He for one was certainly surprised to be having a baby at 50. But at times he was also surprised to be sharing a bed with Addison again. Seems one surprise led directly to the other.

Derek glanced over at Celeste. She watched him intently, her eyes big and bright despite being sleepy.

"Have happy dreams Princess," he whispered, kissing her temple before turning out the light.

"Have happy dreams Daddy," she whispered back.

3 hours later Derek dragged his eyes open. He watched Addison kneel on the edge of the bed and settle Emille in next to Celeste, then crawl into bed herself. Derek propped himself up on his elbow, careful not to wake the girls fast asleep between them. "We are having a baby," he grinned sleepily.

"I know," She sighed, relaxed, and smiled, "You better pray there is only one this time."

XXXXXXXXXX

What I learned from watching Grey's Anatomy: True love is hard to find. But you can narrow it down by understanding that if you dread them completing the challenge that you laid out in order to 'prove himself' he is probably not your V.I.Penis. Also, if he is boning his bff on the side and lying about it and giggling and shoveling cake in bff's face, probably not your V.I.Penis. AND if you tried to kill yourself, but didn't die cause a show is named after you but instead are brought back to life by your V.I.Penis, but then he complains that he had to save you and you are kind of a pain in the ass and you are preventing him from moving ahead in his job, well he might not actually be your V.I.Penis. On the other hand if you find someone that is genuinely willing to accept the fact that you are seriously messed in the head and they are willing to either overlook it or embrace it, you may have found your V.I.Penis, or at least you are getting warmer.