Life as a SOLDIER

Disclaimer: …that was kinda dark and depressing. Not up to our usual standards, are we, Fairy Red?

A/N: …I suppose not. Oh, well, dark enough for me. And yes, my angst is gone… for now. But… wait a minute, what number is that?
Muses: -checks chapter number- It's a twenty!
Me: Sweet! Celebrate quickly and greatly, we've reached chapter 20! 2-0! Twenty! I've never made it this far before! And its all thanks to you all! -makes bunny smile- Thanks for your support, all of you reviewers!

Oh, bad news, I'm afraid… Cloud won't give up on Zack for a while… I find that sort of thing cute… Really. If it's any consolation, I'll give something away: Zack won't fall for Cloud in this fanfic. I hope that clears things up. And Cloud is gonna kill someone in this fanfic Someone in the plural. But not now. Not for a while now. Thanks as always for your suggestions and comments.

Anyway…onward!

Chapter Twenty: An Unfortunate Set of Nightmares and Flashbacks
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When Cloud woke up, he was laying in his room in Shinra. "…?" He sat up and looked around. Tifa was to his left, sleeping soundly; Cid was on the other side, snoring slightly. "…it did happen…" said Cloud to no one in particular. "It all…" he got out of the bed carefully as to not disturb anyone, and walked to the window. "…happened…" Cloud slumped against the wall and looked out the window with a sad expression, holding his left arm unconsciously.

Meanwhile…

Zack was wondering the hallways of Shinra, trying to think of something to say. What should I say to Cloud…? I could make him forget it ever happened, but… Even if I do, the vision will be in the back of his mind, and it could arouse the stigma again… And Sephiroth, he'll never let Cloud forget… I guess that's Sephiroth's idea of friendship… He sighed, reaching a stop at the foot of the stairs. The rest of the SOLDIERS were doing their own free things while eighteen first class SOLDIERs were still killing in Midgar.

"Oh, hey, Zack!" said one SOLDIER cheerfully. "I forgot that you were here too! Do you wanna go dueling or something?"

"Yeah! I got a new move I want to test out," said the other SOLDIER.

Zack shook his head sadly. "No, I'm afraid not," he said. "I…want to be alone for a little bit… to think things over."

"Think things over?" they repeated simultaneously. "Like what?"

"…Cloud came back early from field training," said Zack, looking up the stairs. "He… well, Sephiroth showed Cloud death for the first time."

"No!"

"He did," said Zack, bowing his head slightly. "And Cloud didn't take it in very well… I'm afraid that he might not recover from this…"

"You don't have to worry about Cloud," said the other SOLIDER consolingly. "With you around, he's sure to cheer up! You have this magic ability to cheer anybody and everybody up, no matter the situation!"

"It's not as simple as that," said Zack. "I'm not sure if I can…"

"Why not go see if he's awake and try?" asked one SOLDIER. "Who knows, he might have gotten over it by now, and if you talk to him, he might recover quickly."

"…you're right," said Zack, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, I'll go see him now. You two go on and train without me, okay? I'll catch up with you later."

"Sure thing," said the two SOLDIERs and they hurried to the dueling room.

Zack watched them go and hurried upstairs, and went inside Cloud's room. "Oh, you're awake already?" asked Zack.

Cloud glanced back at Zack, and looked out the window again, not answering.

"I guess you are," said Zack, standing next to Cloud and looking out the window too. "It's a beautiful morning."

"But for some people, it won't be… They might not live to see the sun rise again…" Cloud looked down at the ground, tightening the hold on his left arm. "Because they were killed…"

"Cloud, let's sit down and talk about this." Zack sat down at the table, and patted the seat next to him. "We need to talk."

Cloud nodded wordlessly and sat down in the seat next to Zack, staring at the table. He bit his lip, and he said quietly, "Zack, maybe Sephy was right…"

Zack blinked in astonishment. That certainly wasn't what he was expecting. "And--And what do you mean by that?"

"I shouldn't be so weak about it… I shouldn't let myself be dragged down after something like that. I should toughen up."

"No--no-one was expecting you to be so quick about death!" said Zack hurriedly. "Your secrets out in the universe, and you're young, Cloud! Way too young to be seeing death already!"

"How can I expect to become stronger for Tifa if I can't even overcome this first obstacle?"

"Cloud, getting used to death isn't becoming stronger! It'll turn you into a killer! I don't want you to become a killer! I care about you and your future, Cloud! Your future lies away from becoming a cold, heartless killer!"

Cloud blinked in surprise and looked up at Zack slowly. "You…care? You meant it when you said…?"

"Of course I meant it, Cloud," said Zack with a smile. "Why would I lie to you?"

"…the last time someone said that, I…" Cloud trailed off, looking down at the table. "I guess I don't…really trust anyone…"

"You trust Tifa. And you trust me."

Cloud's hand twitched for a moment, and he didn't answer.

"…wait, you mean…? You don't trust me or Tifa?"

"…I need to be alone," said Cloud, standing up suddenly. "I'll be down in the garden with Kumo."

"But Cloud--! Wait!" said Zack, standing up too. But Cloud had already reached the door; he glanced back and hurried out of the room. Zack sighed sadly. "Why does he do that? If he would just tell me what's wrong…"

"He was always like that," said Tifa.

Zack jumped and turned around. "Tifa! You scared me! I didn't know you were awake!"

Tifa sat up on the bed cross-legged, glancing at her own hands for a second. "Cloud was always this scared, quiet little kid… Nobody seemed to like him that much… I think everybody knew except him that he had one of Jenova's cells inside of him…"

"Oh…" said Zack, sitting back down. "Am I about to hear Cloud's life story through the eyes of his best friend?"

Tifa nodded, glancing quickly at Cid to make sure she hadn't awakened him. "Yes, I'll tell you the story if you like…" she stood up and sat down at the table across from Zack. "The day I first 'gained his trust'…well, it wasn't a very eventful day for Cloud, you see…"

Flashback…about 7 years ago…

Tifa looked into her mirror, fixing her hair. "It never stands up straight," she muttered as she tried to work her bangs away from her face.

"Hey, Tifa, are you almost done in there? The other kids are waiting for you!"

"Sure, I'm coming!" called Tifa, rolling her eyes as she continued to fix her hair. Men, she thought. Sheesh, you'd think a father would give time for his daughter to fix her hair… Someone has to impress all those kids in this town…

"Tifa!" yelled her father again.

"All right, all right," said Tifa, giving up on her hair and walking out of the room. "I don't see why I have to go with all of those boys," she said to her father as she tied her shoe laces.

"It's good public getting-used-to!" said Tifa's father proudly. "After all, your ten years old now, and you're mature for your age! They'll listen to you!"

"Sure, sure," said Tifa, standing up. "Well, I'm off then. See you later!" she called as she hurried off to the park.

"Good bye, and good luck!" called her father.

Tifa arrived at the park a few minutes later. A whole crowd of kids, boys and girls, were gathered around the monkey bars. "Tifa! Hey, Tifa, how are you?" chorused all the kids together. Some were older then her by a year or so, but the majority was young kids.

"I'm good, I'm brilliant," said Tifa with a smile. "So, what were you all planning on doing today?"

"Can we play tag today?" asked one kid.

"No, we play tag everyday! Let's go jump-roping instead!" yelled another kid.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down all of you! We can do all of that today," said Tifa. "We have all day to play, since it's summer time!"

"Can we play hide-and-seek?" inquired one kid to many shouts of agreement.

"All right," said Tifa. "The lot of you go and hide while I count to 100. Okay?"

"Okay!" said all the kids, and they all scattered, chattering excitedly.

Tifa laughed to herself, glancing around the whole park again for possible hiding spots she could search. Her eyes fell upon the swing set, and she saw him sitting on one of the swings. Oh, it's that Cloud again, thought Tifa. Why is he always sitting there? Why doesn't he come join the other kids? Tifa blinked as Cloud looked up slightly, met Tifa's eyes, and quickly looked back down, swinging slightly. She shrugged it off. It doesn't matter, he's always like that, she thought, though she bit her lip and started counting.

Cloud, meanwhile, was sitting on the swing set, letting himself swing a little, staring at the ground. He didn't notice three other kids stand behind them. "Hey, Cloud, how are you?" asked one of them.

Tifa stopped in her counting. It's those three bullying kids… They better not pick on Cloud… she resumed her counting.

Cloud gave the three kids a sideways glance, and stared at the ground, not answering.

"What's wrong? Can't you talk?" asked the one kid. "I bet your sad because no one wants to play with you. Is that right?"

Cloud tightened his hold on the swing's chain, and he didn't answer again. Tifa looked up at the swing set.

"Why won't you talk to us?" asked the second kid. "You think you're too good for us, don't you? You think we're too lowly for you to even glance at us!"

Cloud continued to stare at the ground, and still gave no answer.

"We'll play jump rope with you, if you like," said the third kid, pulling out three jump ropes. "We're not stuck up, unlike you."

"…I don't want to play jump rope," said Cloud in a voice so soft it might have been a whisper.

57...don't bully him…58...59...60...don't pick on Cloud…61... Tifa tried to concentrate on her counting, but the bullies were beginning to look serious.

"What was that? I didn't hear you," said the first kid. "Why don't you speak up? Let us little people hear you!"

"I don't want to play jump rope," repeated Cloud in the same soft voice.

"It doesn't matter if you don't want to play or not," said the second bully.

"We'll make you play with us," said the third bully, handing each of his friends a jump rope. "Jump rope is much fun once you play it with us!"

Cloud didn't answer yet again.

"I said play jump rope with us!" yelled the first kid, and he pushed Cloud roughly off of the swing.

Cloud cried out as he hit the ground and Tifa looked up sharply. "Cloud!"

"You'll see our version of jump rope is much fun!" said the second kid, and he used the jump rope to whip the side of Cloud's head.

"…!" gasped Cloud, holding on to his head. "No, leave me alone!"

"Not until we've had our fun with you!" said the second kid.

Tifa gasped in horror as the three bullies used the jump ropes to hurt Cloud. Now they've gone too far! she thought angrily, and strode over the scene.

"See, we won't let you destroy us," said the first kid. "Our parents told us what you were, and what you came from. So we'll make sure it doesn't happen!"

He raised his hand and was about to strike Cloud again when Tifa grabbed his wrist. "Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?" asked Tifa.

"Hey, let me go," said the first kid, trying to break free from Tifa.

Cloud seized his opportunity at once; he got up staggeringly and hurried off.

"Hey, we're not finished!" yelled the third kid, and was about to give chase when Tifa tripped him. "Oi! What was that for?"

"For bullying Cloud!" said Tifa angrily. She threw the first kid onto the ground, and demanded, "Why do you pick on him? It's not his fault that he is what he is! You shouldn't shun him or hurt him for that! He's as normal as the rest of us!"

"He's a weirdo, that's what!" retorted the first kid. "He's always quiet and solitary, he never comes over to us! He must be planning something!"

"Don't be stupid, he would never!" said Tifa, taking the jump ropes away from the three bullies, she added, "And if I see you using jump ropes or anything else to harm anyone around here again, I'll teach you a real good lesson! You got it?"

"Ugh… come on, guys, let's go!" said the second kid, and the three of them trottled off quickly with angry glances back at Tifa.

"Phew… that solved the problem," said Tifa, dusting off her hands. She looked around. "Cloud, where are you…? Ah, there he is!"

Tifa was about to run over to Cloud when a small kid asked, "Tifa? Aren't you supposed to be counting?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I lost count," said Tifa. "I was going to sit by Cloud and start counting again. Is that okay?"

"Sure!" said the kid, and she hurried off to hide.

Tifa saddened slightly. She didn't even ask if Cloud was okay… she realized, and walked over to Cloud, who was slumped against a tree, hugging himself tightly, staring at the grass around the tree. "Hey, Cloud," she started, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Cloud flinched immediately, not noticing it was Tifa. "Leave me alone," he hissed. "I don't want you to hurt me again…"

Tifa withdrew her hand quickly, and said softly, "Cloud, it's me, Tifa. May I sit by you for a little bit?"

Cloud raised his head cautiously to check if it was Tifa. He scooted closer to the tree, not answering.

"Cloud, don't worry, those bullies won't bother you again. I'll make sure of that."

"That's what they said last time," said Cloud, holding on the tree with one hand. "And the time before that…"

Tifa blinked in surprise. "You mean this has happened before!" Cloud's silence was answer enough. "Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded in shock.

Cloud bowed his head, not meeting Tifa's gaze. "They told me not to tell anyone, otherwise they'd continue to hurt me…"

"But you told me that they bullied you before!" said Tifa. She softened her gaze as her eyes trailed to the red line on the side of his head. "If they hurt you, why don't you say something?"

She reached out a hand to feel it but Cloud flinched away from her. "I can't trust anyone," he muttered, looking away from Tifa. "Who can I trust? Nobody here seems to like me…"

"I do," said Tifa, gently reached out a hand to turn his face towards hers. "I like you a lot, Cloud. You're my best friend, okay? If someone is threatening you, then you come tell me, all right?"

Cloud stared in shock at Tifa. "…really?"

"Really, really," said Tifa, releasing Cloud's face. "From now on, and forever."

"…ok--okay, Tifa… We're best friends, right?"

"Of course," smiled Tifa, putting an arm around Cloud. But even as she did so, she could feel Cloud tense underneath her arm, as though he were afraid that she might attack him too…

End flashback…

"That's Cloud's life story through your eyes?" asked Zack. "I…I had no idea he was bullied as a kid. His profile said that he had hardships as a kid, but I never imagined anything like that…"

"I know," sighed Tifa sadly. "I don't think he ever trusted anyone… It's…kinda sad in a way, you know? But I do care for him," said Tifa earnestly, though she reddened a bit. "But the care I have for him is much different then the way you feel for Cloud."

"So when you say 'care', you mean 'love'," said Zack. "How'd you know I want to be a father figure to him?"

"I can just tell these things. I'm pretty good at understanding people, and reading their emotions." Tifa looked towards the door as though hoping Cloud would come in. "I know how he feels for you, too…"

"Everyone keeps on mentioning something like that," said Zack in confusion. "What do they keep talking about? Surely Cloud feels the same way about me that I feel about him. I make it pretty obvious that I view him as a son."

"Cloud… interprets things differently," said Tifa with a slight apologetic glance at Zack. "…I'll miss Cloud when Cid and I have to leave again…"

"I know, me too," said Zack. He blinked. "Wait a minute, I already live here!"

"So you'll keep an eye on Cloud for me, won't you?" asked Tifa, standing up. "Please tell me that you'll see no harm comes to him!"

"I…can't promise that," said Zack slowly. "It's hard for anyone to not get hurt around here… But I'll do my best not to let him, okay? He's safe in my hands!"

Tifa smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Zack. That means a lot to me…"

With Cloud…

Cloud had wandered aimlessly to the Chocobo Garden, and sat on one of the benches. All the Chocobo were asleep, so Cloud didn't have to worry about seeing Kumo yet. I don't want to admit it… I never wanted Zack to find out… thought Cloud, grabbing his left arm with a pained expression. The stigma was acting up again…

Flash: Kids were laughing at Cloud, who has climbed a tree to escape them, and they started calling him "Chocobo"…

Cloud winced at the painful memory, but he didn't utter a sound.

Flash: Cloud sitting at the park swings at night, glad to be away from the other kids…

Cloud opened his eyes and stood up, heading for the Chocobo feeder.

Flash: Sephiroth smiling cruelly as he shakes blood off of his Masamune…

"It does no good to think about it," he hissed to himself, placing a scoopful of seeds into Kumo's food tray. He set the scoop down and rubbed his left arm again. "It does me no good to have pain like this…"

The sounds of vans pulling in were heard, and some excited chattering started as the rest of the SOLDIERs came back from field training.

Cloud looked up and saw Sephiroth among the ranks. …he's right, thought Cloud, clenching a fist. I can't become stronger if I don't face my fears…

Flash: Tifa laughing while playing tag with the kids, and Cloud's sitting by a tree in the shade, watching sadly because no kid invited him to join…

He released his left arm, and ran over to Sephiroth. "Sephy! Oi, Sephy!"

Sephiroth stopped, closed his eyes, and turned around slowly. "Yes, Cloud, what is it?" he asked.

"Um… Can I talk to you for a few seconds?" asked Cloud.

"Why?" asked Sephiroth, staring at Cloud weirdly. Then his eyes narrowed suddenly. "Is this 'talk' you want to have about the field training by any chance?"

"Yes, it is," said Cloud.

"Fine, then let's talk in my room," said Sephiroth, beckoning for Cloud to follow him. They arrived at Sephiroth's room, and Sephiroth took off his leather boots and put on his fuzzy silver ones, sitting down on his recliner. "You talk first," he said, gesturing to the other seat.

"I… I won't be here long," said Cloud, standing by the door. "I… Please don't think that I hate you after seeing that event." Sephiroth blinked but he didn't answer. "I don't! Not at all! I'm sure you were trying to help me become stronger," he went on. "So… You don't have to apologize or remind or anything like that. I forgive you."

Sephiroth was silent for a few seconds, and sat up on the recliner. "You…forgive me?" he asked, looking slightly surprised. "Who'd forgive someone like me?"

Cloud smiled. "I would. That vision will haunt me forever possibly, but I… I can't blame you. That's all I wanted to say!"

"…okay," said Sephiroth slowly.

"I'll see you later," said Cloud with a wave, heading for the door.

"Don't think that this means we're finished!" warned Sephiroth. "I still will try to make you kill. So will Shinra. You can't escape death."

Cloud stopped at the door with one hand on the knob. He looked back and said, "I know that, Sephy… But I'll never blame you for it."

Sephiroth stared in half-amazement, half-curiosity as Cloud left the room. "You… really are an unusual person," he said to himself, walking to the balcony to watch Cloud walk back to his room. "Yes… Very unusual person…"
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Mwa ha hah! Chapter twenty is a SUCCESS! HHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHA! 20 is a VERY big number, isn't it?
Muses: It sure is!
Mario: Especially coming from YOU, Fairy Red! 20 IS a big number!
…leave now.
Muses: -leave-
Anyway, I'm glad you're still reading! Don't forget to review now! Bye! See you later! Oh, and I'm sorry about the lack of updates. I've been slightly busy, and couldn't get to my computer. Heh heh... Here, sorry for making you all wait. Read on!