Life as a SOLDIER

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A/N: …yeah. More updates coming soon. Thanks for reading, as always. Carry on.

Chapter Twenty-Three: A Completely RANDOM Experience
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Zack never thought he'd see another program for him to test after the whole BERSERK incident. But no, there was an unread e-mail from shachoo in his inbox.

To: zack(underscore)wolf(underscore)lover(at-symbol)yahoo(dot)com

From: From: shinra(underscore)electric(underscore)company(at-symbol)shinra(dot)company(dot)com

I have just received a new program to be tested right away. It's completed, and it was created by Vice President Rufus. You know who Rufus is, and when he has a program, he doesn't fool around with it.

Meet me in the room outside the waiting hall, where we'll witness the testing of all 130 RANDOMs, and the 4 DeadlyRANDOMs. Cloud Strife, of course, will be the test subject. I trust you won't hold any objections to these tests. Be there by 1:30 PM, all right?

Shachoo no Shinra Company

"…RANDOM?" repeated Zack, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "Why would Rufus make a program as silly-sounding as 'RANDOM'…?" he sighed, closing his laptop. "As silly as RANDOM sounds, it also seems ominous… What could RANDOM possibly do?" Zack stood up and walked out of his room to go to Cloud's room. "Cloud," he said loudly, knocking on Cloud's door. "Wake up, it's time to wake up!"

"No, go away," moaned Cloud from inside.

"…are you okay?" asked Zack, opening the door. "Are you just tired or something? I warned you about staying up too late at night."

Cloud sniffled and hid his face in the pillow. "No, it's not that… I don't feel well today…"

"You don't!" gasped Zack, running over to Cloud. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," sniffed Cloud giving Zack a sideways glance from the pillow. "I felt a bit woozy last night, but this morning, I feel worse…" he sneezed loudly.

"Oh…let me take your temperature," said Zack in concern, taking off his glove to feel Cloud's forehead.

"…!" went Cloud, blushing greatly. "I--I feel fine!" he said quickly, sitting up. "Really! You--you don't have to trouble yourself with things like that!"

Zack blinked with his hand held in midair where Cloud's forehead once was. "But Cloud, you're running a fever…" Oh, what am I going to tell him now? thought Zack sadly. If Cloud's catching a cold, I shouldn't tell him about the RANDOM tests…

Cloud sneezed again and said hurriedly, "I stayed out too late with Kumo while it was snowing. But I'm fine, really! Please don't worry about me."

"But, Cloud, you're hot to the touch," said Zack, putting his glove back on. "Didn't you know that if you spend too much time in the snow, you'll catch a cold?"

"I don't have a cold!" insisted Cloud with a pout. "Let's just go to breakfast, Zack!" he stood up, stumbling a little as he headed for the door.

"Cloud, really, just in case let's head for the infirmary! You said you weren't feeling well, remember?" said Zack.

"I was just exaggerating how tired I was," said Cloud with a wave of his hand. "A good writer loves to exaggerate."

"You're not a writer," argued Zack in confusion.

"That's not my point!" said Cloud loudly. "I mean to say is that I'm not sick, and you don't have to worry about me."

"What's this all of a sudden?" asked Zack in even more confusion. "One time, you would have jumped at the opportunity to have me take care of you… I thought you didn't mind…"

"…let's just move on," said Cloud, walking down the stairs.

Zack, however, stopped at the foot of the stairs. It's as if he's becoming more like Sephiroth every single day…no, he is becoming more like Sephiroth… Or he will, realized Zack. The cloning process would have ridden Cloud of his original personality… little by little…

Cloud stopped at the bottom of the stairs, putting a hand on his forehead. My head aches… Maybe I should do as Zack says…What made me change my mind…? that woozy feeling was returning, causing Cloud to sway on the spot slightly. What was I thinking…? I feel awful… he put a hand on his head to steady himself, but it was to no avail; he started to fall over backwards…

Zack caught Cloud easily. "Yep, we're definitely taking you to the infirmary," he said happily helping Cloud stand straight.

"Za--Zack!" stammered Cloud, looking up at Zack. "I… no, really, I'm not sick, okay? I feel fine…"

"Which is exactly why you're running a fever, you're a bit clammy, your eyes are glazed with weariness, and you nearly fainted on me."

Cloud tried to respond but ended up coughing terribly instead.

"Come on, let's go together," said Zack kindly, holding Cloud up as he walked him to the infirmary. "We gotta to something about that cold, huh?" asked Zack, giving Cloud's cheek a soothing yet quick stroke.

Cloud blushed slightly, then decided (silently) that it'd be no good to argue anyway. "Ok-okay, Zack, I'm not feeling well…"

Zack opened the infirmary door and called to the doctor, "Hey, doc, Cloud has a cold! Do something about it!"

The doctor looked up from his desk notes. "A cold? Cloud? Sigh," sighed the doctor wearily, standing up and heading for the two. "How many times am I going to see Mr. Strife in here, Zack?" he asked, placing his wrist over Cloud's forehead.

"As many times as necessary," said Zack matter-of-factly.

"It--It's no big deal," said Cloud, feeling kinda embarrassed right now.

"He has an intense fever," stated the doctor. "I'd say about 108 degrees! He has no cold; it's a bad case of the flu!"

"The flu!" repeated Zack and Cloud in shock.

"You're really sensitive to snow and cold, Cloud, it said so in your profile. What were you doing out in the snow on a cold snowy night?"

Cloud shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "I was…seeing Kumo, my Chocobo."

"You're going to have to stay here for a few days," said the doctor, shaking his head. "It'll be no good if that flu spreads around to the other SOLDIERs…"

"But… But I…" started Zack. Oh, how can I tell him now? thought Zack despairingly. He has a terrible flu, and I'm about to tell him that he has an appointment to test a new program on him…?

"Zack, what's wrong?" asked Cloud, looking up at Zack with worry.

"…Cloud, I can't lie to you," said Zack sadly, sitting down on one of the infirmary beds. "I received an e-mail from shachoo earlier this morning, and he says he got a new program to be tested on you. The 130 RANDOMs and the 4 DeadlyRANDOMs."

"RANDOM?" repeated Cloud, sitting down on the bed across from Zack.

"Shall I go get your medicine then?" asked the doctor to no one in particular, making his way to the medicine drawer.

"Oh, Cloud, I'm sorry!" wailed Zack suddenly. "I shouldn't have to tell you that I'm going to force yet another untested program on you when you have the flu, but… I--I have no choice! Shachoo ordered it!"

"Calm down, Zack!" said Cloud, waving a hand wildly. "I'll go ahead and just be tested on. You don't have to worry about me."

"But that just makes it worse!" yowled Zack. "No one knows what these combined total of 134 RANDOMs do! It could even kill you! It could make you feel pain worse then the stigma! It might make you do something you'll deeply regret later! It might make you unhappy, and the last thing I want is for my gift to be unhappy!"

Cloud opened his mouth in protest then closed it again, smiling shyly at the bed. "…that's right, I'm your birthday gift…" he remembered, putting a hand on the black ribbon.

"Exactly," said Zack, leaning over so he too could feel the ribbon. "That's why I can't let you test it today…"

"But I have to, or you'll get in trouble!" said Cloud in worry. "I don't want shachoo to get mad at you on my account!"

"But you have the flu!" said Zack sadly. "Surely shachoo will understand and let you off the hook today…"

"That's not very likely," said the doctor. "If I were you, Cloud, I'd just get those RANDOM tests over and done with, and come back here later when they're done."

"But that's--" started Zack.

"It's okay, I'll do it," interrupted Cloud. "It's better to just let the whole thing get done at once. Really, Zack, I'll be fine."

Zack could see that there was no changing Cloud's mind. He heaved a resigned sigh and said, "Fine, Cloud, if you say so… Let's go…" he led Cloud to the waiting hall. "Wait here," said Zack as he went to the room that was next to the waiting room. "Shachoo and I will be in that room, watching the progress of everything. If something goes wrong, I'm here. Don't forget it."

Cloud smiled up at Zack. "I won't ever forget you, Zack. Please don't worry about me so much."

"Why not? You do that to me," retorted Zack, giving Cloud's hair a ruffle. "Like I said, we'll be sharing each other's feelings from now on." he placed a hand on Cloud's forehead. "Everything, okay?"

"…" Cloud nodded. "Right, Zack…" he turned and entered the room. "…!" he went suddenly.

With Zack…

Zack didn't notice Cloud's gasp of surprise, as he was closing the door at the time and heading for the room next door. "Well, shachoo, shall we begin the RANDOM tests?" asked Zack.

"Oh? I don't have to give the orders, it's straight to the tests, is it?" asked shachoo. He shrugged. "Eh, doesn't matter. Just type 'RANDOM 1' and see what it does. All 130 RANDOMs do something different. We'll catalogue all the useful ones to the un-useful ones."

"And… the DeadlyRANDOM, shachoo?" asked Zack, sitting down and opening his laptop.

"There are only four, we'll test those later. But first…"

Zack was about to type when he noticed that Cloud wasn't the only one in the room. "Shachoo? What are Reno and Rude doing in there? Aren't they Turks? Shouldn't they be researching, not goofing off? I'll send them on their way right now."

"Oh, no, don't worry about them," said shachoo, waving an airy hand. "They're there just in case Cloud needs to do something to someone. Rude and Reno are expendable, even for Turks."

"…if you say so, shachoo," said Zack slowly, getting ready to type up "RANDOM 1" on his laptop.

With Cloud…

Cloud stared at Rude and Reno, and they stared back. "What are you two doing in here?" asked Cloud after a few seconds.

"Shachoo has asked us to wait in here for Cloud," answered Rude.

"Why would he do that? I thought all the Turks were the researchers of Shinra."

"Oh, no," laughed Reno. "We Turks do most of the dirty work in all of Shinra's dealings! We're the proud -beep-'s of Shinra!" Rude nodded in agreement.

"The proud -beep-'s of Shinra?" repeated Cloud, sitting down on the couch across from them. "Huh… Odd name. I wouldn't want to be called a -beep-…"

"Do you wanna know what we call the SOLDIERs?" asked Reno, eager to carry on the conversation. "They're the--"

"Reno, Reno, we'll have to censor out that one! This fanfic is rated T for Teen, not M for Mature!" exclaimed Rude, holding a sign that read "CENSORED" over his mouth.

Cloud stared at them; then he sighed and looked down at the table between the two couches, not saying anything more.

With Zack…

Zack sighed, and hit the enter button on his laptop.

With Cloud…

Reno rubbed his mouth. "Ouchie, you didn't have to hit the sign so hard," he muttered. "I was just carrying on the conversation."

"Reno, buddy, there are some things in life that are never to be said. Remember that." Rude removed the sign and shifted his position so he could sit more comfortably.

"HAHAHHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHA!" laughed Cloud suddenly.

"JC!" yelled Reno, "What was that for!"

"AHAHHAHAAHAHHAA!" laughed Cloud some more. He rolled off of the couch, pounding the floor with hysterical, uncontrollable laughter.

Reno and Rude exchanged glances. "Well, at least he thinks I'm funny," said Reno as the two Turks watched Cloud laugh like crazy.

With Zack…

Zack raised an eyebrow as shachoo chuckled to himself. "Hah, how funny. Okay, so RANDOM 1 makes you laugh…" he wrote that down on his clipboard. "Very well. You can cancel that one out, and get ready for number 2."

"Okay, shachoo," said Zack, canceling the program. I didn't know Cloud could laugh like that, Zack found himself thinking. He has a cute laugh… kinda like a Chocobo. How cute, thought Zack with a bunny smile as he got ready to type RANDOM 2.

With Cloud…

Cloud suddenly stopped laughing. "Oh, my god…!" he gasped, sitting up. "I'm all out of breath…!" panting slightly, Cloud shuffled back to the couch.

Rude and Reno exchanged glances again, and Rude asked tentatively, "Hey, are you okay?"

"What?" asked Cloud, looking up.

"I didn't know I was that funny," said Reno.

"No, it wasn't you," said Cloud. "It was the RANDOM program…"

"Wha?" asked Reno. "Random?"

"No, RANDOM. It's all capitalized."

"That doesn't make sense," muttered Reno, scratching his head.

"Oh, that's right, shachoo said we'd be the test subjects for a new program he got from Rufus," said Rude. "Remember, he told us that during breakfast."

"Oh! Now I remember!"

"I think he used the word 'expendable', but it could've been my imagination. Because we're not expendable!"

"Damn right!" agreed Reno.

Cloud sighed again, leaning back on the couch. I hope this doesn't take a long time… he thought as he watched Rude and Reno talk to each other. I'm feeling very woozy again…

With Zack…

Zack typed up "RANDOM 2" on Cloud's program and hit enter.

With Cloud…

"Are we gonna get lunch?" asked Reno. "I'm hungry!"

"I think I have some blood sausage in here, you like blood sausage?"

"I love blood sausage."

Neither of them noticed Cloud slowly lifting his head to glare at them. He looked between Rude and Reno, sizing up one who would be weaker then the other.

"It would taste better with some ketchup," said Reno.

Rude was about to agree when he noticed Cloud's expression. "…? Uh, Cloud? You angry about something?"

Cloud was indeed looking quite angry, glaring at Reno, then at Rude, then at Reno, then at Rude, muttering something under his breath.

"What's he saying?" asked Reno.

"…eenie meenie miney moe…" muttered Cloud, pointing alternatively at Rude and Reno.

"I think he's trying to decide something," said Rude quietly.

"What does he need to decide?" asked Reno quietly.

"…I don't know, but he looks a bit scary now…"

"…and you are not it…" muttered Cloud, pointing at Rude. Slowly he pulled out his sword and stood up.

Rude and Reno exchanged glances, and looked at Cloud to see what he would do.

Cloud let out a war cry and charged at Rude.

"JC!" yelled Rude, quickly moving out of the way. "What's your problem!"

With Zack…

Zack gasped in surprise as shachoo chuckled to himself again. "I like this," he said approvingly. "I like this very much." he made another note on his clipboard. "Go ahead and cancel the program. Get ready to use number 3."

"S-Sure, shachoo," stammered Zack, quickly canceling the program. My, that one was scary, thought Zack shakily.

With Cloud…

Cloud had managed to corner Rude and was about to stab him when the program was canceled. "…a-re?" he asked, looking around. "What was I doing?"

"You were attacking me, you crazy Chocobo!" yowled Rude, fixing his necktie.

Cloud glared. "Don't call me Chocobo," he hissed, sheathing his sword and sitting back down on the couch.

Reno ran over to Rude. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked, holding out a hand.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," said Rude, taking Reno's hand so he could be pulled up. "Thanks for worrying about me."

"Hey, for you, it's anything," said Reno, sitting down on the couch.

Cloud put a hand to his forehead. Now I have a bad headache…

With Zack…

Zack looked down at Cloud, saddening slightly. Poor kid… he should be resting now… Oh, this had better be worth it… Zack typed up the next RANDOM and hit enter.

With Cloud…

Rude dusted himself off and sat down next to Reno. "What do you suppose he'll do next?" asked Rude.

"I don't know, maybe something funny like running around like a Chocobo."

Cloud stood up and ran around the room, flapping his arms and cawing like a Chocobo. "Caw, caw, caw!" he went.

Rude and Reno blinked and exchanged glances. "How did you know?" asked Rude.

"I didn't it was just a wild guess…" said Reno, staring at Cloud weirdly. "But he does Chocobo pretty good."

"Yeah, cause he looks like one," remarked Rude.

With Zack…

"Aaw! That is soo cute!" squealed Zack as shachoo made another note.

"Okay, so RANDOM 3 makes you act like a Chocobo… that's an odd program," said shachoo. "Well, you know the drill now."

"Right, shachoo," said Zack, canceling the program sadly. But he's soo cute when he acts like a Chocobo…

With Cloud…

Cloud stopped running, flapping, and cawing, and looked around. "What was I doing just now?" he asked.

"You were running to and fro like the Chocobo you are," said Reno. "It was kinda cute."

"I'm not a Chocobo," insisted Cloud, stomping his foot in frustration. "I wish people would quit calling me Chocobo!"

"But surely even you know that you look like a Chocobo," said Rude.

Cloud growled and sat down on the couch, crossing his arms huffily and looking away from Rude and Reno.

"Yep, Chocobo-like behavior, all right," laughed Reno.

"I wonder what he'll do next," said Rude.

With Zack…

Zack typed up "RANDOM 4" and hit enter.

With Cloud…

"You know, even though there's a chance we might die, these RANDOMs are kinda fun!" said Reno.

Cloud glanced at Reno to say something, but he stopped suddenly.

"Ooh, he's about to do something," said Reno excitedly.

"I wonder what he'll do?" asked Rude, leaning over the couch arm casually while tapping the rod he was holding against the couch.

Cloud stood up and slowly walked towards Reno.

"What, you got something to say to me?" asked Reno.

Rude dropped the rod. "Oh, oops," he said, reaching over the couch to get it.

Suddenly Cloud grabbed Reno by the face and gave him a large kiss.

"Hah! Got it," said Rude, sitting back up. He noticed what Cloud was doing, lowering the sunglasses slightly to get a better look. "Oh! That's not right!"

With Zack…

Both Zack and shachoo were gaping lightly at the scene below them. "…ok-okay!" said shachoo, makin another note on his clipboard. "RANDOM 4 makes you a romantic sort…"

"I'll cancel it right away!" said Zack, quickly canceling the program.

With Cloud…

Cloud had just pulled away when he realized that he was pretty close to Reno's face. "Awa!" he yelled in surprise, backing up.

"I could say the same thing!" yowled Reno, wiping his mouth. "Oh, no!" he yowled again.

"Are you okay!" asked Rude, trying hard not to laugh.

Reno burst into hysterical tears. "That--That Chocobo… STOLE MY FIRST KISS! WAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

Cloud stiffly walked to the couch, sitting down in shock and horror. Oh, man, he thought suddenly. It should've been Zack…!

"There, there, it's all fine now," said Rude, patting Reno on the back.

"I WAS SAVING MY FIRST KISS FOR ELENA!" wailed Reno loudly.

Cloud looked down at the floor. Sigh… we're gonna be at this all day…

A few hours later…

Cloud was shuffling a deck of cards while Reno and Rude watched interestedly. "He's pretty good at that," remarked Reno.

"Yeah, he shuffles cards like there's no tomorrow," remarked Rude.

With Zack…

"Okay, then," muttered shachoo, writing it down. "The final RANDOM, number 130, makes you shuffle cards…"

"That doesn't seem very useful," commented Zack, canceling the program. "What about the 4 DeadlyRANDOMs?"

"Oh, don't worry, we'll do those tomorrow," said shachoo.

"Why not right now?"

"Because," started shachoo, stifling a yawn. "I'm… busy right now. We'll continue the test tomorrow, same time, same place. You got it?"

"Fine, shachoo," said Zack. "I hope it won't be that deadly…" he closed his laptop and hurried into the room Cloud was in.

"I shuffled all of these cards?" asked Cloud.

"Yeah, you were a shuffling machine you were!" exclaimed Rude.

"It was cool, the way you shuffled those cards!" added Reno.

Zack looked at Rude and Reno to see what other damage they suffered. Rude's sunglasses were taped in the middle, his necktie was shredded slightly, and he had a bandage behind his ear; Reno's hair was a slight mess, one of his pant legs were torn up, and his electronic rod was bent in half. Someone had fun writing this program, thought Zack as he headed for Cloud.

Cloud looked up at Zack and ran over to him. "Oh, hi Zack!" he said happily.

"How are you feeling?" asked Zack concernedly.

"I feel a bit woozy," admitted Cloud. "But I'm really glad to see you again! We've been in there for about seven or eight hours!"

"We were?" asked Rude and Reno at the same time. "We'd better get going," added Rude.

"Yeah, you're right!" said Reno, and the two of them hurried out of the room, calling over their shoulder, "See you later!"

"So tomorrow we'll continue?" asked Cloud as he and Zack walked p the stairs.

"Yes, sadly, we will," said Zack.

Cloud held Zack's arm. "As long as I'll see you again too…"

"I know, don't worry," said Zack, and he and Cloud entered Zack's room.
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Wow, this was a long chapter… Phew. See you in a little bit! Thanks for reading, and don't forget to review!