Chapter Twenty Six – Following

Pazu watched her and as he did so he thought about things. He looked particularly at her legs, her hips and how she moved. He wasn't thinking improper thoughts as he watched her from behind, although he would have been quite entitled too. It was, after all, a very pleasant view. But no, as they negotiated this steep hillside and came out of the treeline onto the sunlit uplands of gorse and curlew, Pazu had been thinking not of the shape of the girl he was following but the why of her movements. Why did she move like this? They had been walking an hour since dawn and it had grown light. A little longer and they would have to stop, find a large gorse bush and crawl under, seek shelter, have breakfast and rest. They had worked their way off the lower lying fields yesterday, the day after leaving the farm, and struck out across the ribs of a series of ridges that ran north to south down the land. Their route towards the east took them across these ribs. On the upper slopes of each the soil was thin and limestone outcrops speckled the spines of the land. The trees didn't grow up here, the soil was too thin, only gorse, bracken and sometimes pewlet grass. Pewlet grass was good, Sheeta would pick handfuls of it, boil it in water and it would break down into a glutinous mass that reminded him of Judd's pea soup from the canteen in the Ravine. A little sour and earthy tasting but full of something, some goodness that kept them going.

They would stop soon. Get to the crest of this ridge and see over, see what the next bound would require of them. The path was narrow, just a sheep track, and they could not walk side by side. She had worked her way ahead, forty feet or so. The hillside was steep and they walked bent a little forward, leaning into the slope. Her bottom stuck out a little and yes, while he had noticed that, it was something else he watched now. The way she planted her feet and her hips rolled that he noticed. He'd seen this before quite recently and he'd been racking his brains trying to remember when. That gait, gentle, slow and sure, never hurrying. The placement of the feet.

It came to him, in a flash it came. Tanner. Tanner walked like that, as they walked the rows of potato plants or down the plough ruts of the barley fields, Tanner's hips and back had rolled in that same easy way, a walk that saved energy because you needed to keep up a pace like that all day, working out in the fields. A walk that placed one foot in front of the other so you only stepped down one plough rut, not two. Pazu stopped and stood, eyes wide.

A farmer. Sheeta walked like a farmer. And the sweet revelation that crashed over Pazu caused him to stop in sheer surprise and wonder. She didn't walk like a princess, no. Not a princess. However it was that princesses walked, they didn't walk with both feet placed easily into one plough rut with a gait designed to allow them to walk, while working, for hours. And if Sheeta walked like a farmer, then… well it was obvious wasn't it? Why hadn't he seen this huge obvious thing before? Taeg-dhu, Paetsu, she walked like a farmer because she was one. Taeg-dhu, taeg-dhu, TAEG-DHU!

She was a few tens of yards ahead now and he called to her. She stopped, turned and looked back down the slope. She lifted a sleeve to her forehead and wiped there, smiling back down at him. She tossed her head, bent forward at the waist and threw her mane of hair forwards, running her hands up through it, getting cool air, the cool breeze on her neck. She stood upright again and flipped it back, such a feminine motion. She adjusted her hair band. In profile she looked less like a farmer, no big farmers bosom, no wide spreading derriere, no ruddy, sun worn cheeks. No, from the side – or the front – not a farmer. Definitely not. Just from behind was she a farmer, and then only when she walked. From the side, or the front she was something else. An angel. A spirit who had come down from heaven to save him. The earth mother whose touch would raise him in rebirth. Just Lucita. That was all. And he followed her. He knew now. The wonderful hot wave of revelation flowed and swirled around him, submerging him so that he gasped for air.

"Come on slow coach! I want breakfast!"

She turned again and went on, he could see her face scanning the ground before her, she had noted the pewlet grass too. Pewlet slime for breakfast. Mmm…

She had provided him with enough clues. That very first night when she'd named the constellations. Farmers knew the night sky didn't they? And the next day, at breakfast, she'd known all about wild plants and again with Morwen's hounds. Farmers were good with animals. She could drive a wagon, lead a horse, milk a cow. She had been named after the earth mother, the spirit of growing things, as a farmers daughter might be. He stood, recalling her words in the yard at the Cross Keys Inn when they'd slept in Hamar's wagon. Why on earth hadn't that sunk in? She couldn't have spelled it out to him more clearly, the picture he'd built up of a princess in a palace with a court and all that, it wasn't true. Was it? How could it be true? Where on earth had he got that from in the first place? She lived on a farm, cared for animals, grew crops. She wasn't a princess.

Well, yes, she was, but…

I want to marry someone special. a person I've liked quite some time. he's really noble

Noble, yes, but she hadn't said a nobleman. What had that meant? If she had a suitor at home why was she acting like this with him? Being so wonderful, teaching him, showing him things, leading him by her hand around that corner? And kaesu. If you showed a boy that, you didn't have a suitor at home did you? She was telling him something wasn't she? And until now he'd not been listening.

you idiot, pazu. you great big oaf. look, dammit! look at what she's showing you!

From that evening on, when she'd led him round that corner it had been different. They had been different. Kaesu om-e, Paetsu, kaesu om-e. Something inside Pazu suddenly glowed hot. It was hope. Near the top of that ridge, lost he knew not where, walking towards a war, surely into danger, even there hope filled him.

He looked at her tiny receding figure. He had thought he was leading them, taking her home. In charge. Protecting her. Defending her. But he wasn't was he? He understood now. Ever since the night he'd flown back with Dola to rescue her from Tepis, and later at Laputa, when he searched for her and found her in the throne room. And now, even now on this hilltop. He wasn't the leader. He wasn't taking her home.

She was leading him, not just here, not just on this journey. In the barn, by her hand she had led him, with her lips she had led him, shown him how to do things. When she had stood up dripping and naked and beautiful in her bath, she had been leading him then. Gently, by small steps that even slow, stupid, steam engine driver Pazu could manage. He wasn't taking her home. She was taking him. And it wasn't to her home she was leading them. It was to his. She was taking him home.

It was windy up here, the sharp breeze burned his cheek. Even so, he knew it wasn't the wind that was making his eyes water.

He turned and looked behind him over the valley they had crossed, over the distance and the fields and their footsteps in the grass. At their days together, their sharing, their experiences. All the time, she had led him. He simply hadn't seen it. His heart was hurting, it was too big inside him, it had swollen up and now filled his throat so that it ached and he couldn't breathe. It hurt so much that tears came into his eyes. He sniffed back wetness in his nose, wiped his face on his sleeve. Men don't cry unless they've earned the right to do so.

She had stopped at the crest of the hill, the breeze here was strong and her hair blew behind her, the collar of her jacket fluttered and flapped. Sheeta looked at the view. Pazu came up the slope behind her, she turned at the sound of his approach. He strode up quickly and surprised her, walked right up to her, reached for her and putting his hands on her waist he came to her and in one fast movement his arms came strongly about her and he hugged her. She reached round, in surprise and pleasure and hugged back. He squeezed hard. For a moment neither spoke.

"Pazu? What is it?"

He held her away at arms length, she saw small beads of moisture at his lower eyelids. Then he came to her, full of need, and strongly. His mouth on hers, so sudden she was shocked. He kissed her. He drew back then held her against him again.

"Thank you, Sheeta. I understand now. I know what you're doing. Let me follow you. Lead me home."

The girl in his arms let out a sigh and snuggled closer.

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18 – 21 March 2007

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