Life as a SOLDIER

Disclaimer: It's advent Christmas! …in the fanfic, at any rate.

A/N: Whee, I love Christmas! What better way to spend time with the people you love then to spend money on gifts for people you love dearly! WHEE FOR CHRISTMAS!

Muses: Whee!

Oh, someone wants Cloud to be broken! HAH! Me too. But not until later on. The broken Cloud will come along with the Cloud killing someone(s). Just be a little patient, as it's not coming for a while.

…I never played Kingdom Hearts. At least not that far into the game. Did something awful happen to Cloud in Kingdom Hearts? If it did, please tell me:3 Let's move on! CLOUD TORTURE GALORE! WAAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!

Chapter Forty-Three: Infatuation
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Cloud walked back to his room, his head full of thoughts. He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he walked right into Zack. "Oof!"

"Oh, Cloud! What's wrong?" asked Zack, noticing Cloud's expression right away.

"Nothing's wrong," said Cloud. "Really."

"Then why were you all spaced-out when you walked into me?" Zack crossed his arms. "There must be a reason."

"Do I need a reason?" asked Cloud. "I'm fine." He was about to enter his room, then stopped. "No, I'm not fine," he said, turning around. "Zack, I--I feel so different…sometimes I act different! I forget bits and pieces of my old personality. You can see it, right?"

Zack thought about it for a second. He's beginning to realize what Hojo did to him…! When he finds out, Sephiroth is sure to find out as well… What should I tell him!

"Zack? Tell me what's wrong with me," said Cloud despairingly. "I… Ever since Hojo took me to that lab to try to fix the stigma, I haven't felt normal at all! I feel like…I'm carrying something. Something really heavy, on my back. Sometimes, I feel like…" Cloud trailed off and backed up against the wall. "I feel…like…" he slid down the wall, staring at the floor.

Zack saddened, and knelt down to Cloud's level. "Cloud, I know the problem, but… I can't tell you yet. It'd be best if you didn't know."

"But I want to know!" cried Cloud. "What happened to me?"

"…you…about that day--"

"Then again, you're right," sighed Cloud dejectedly, standing up. "Maybe it's best if I didn't know…"

"Where're you going? You need rest!" called Zack, standing up. "You can take the day off, you're still tired from the MAXIMUM test, remember?"

"I'll go training with Sephy," said Cloud as he went down the stairs. "I need to think a few things over."

"But…Cloud…"

Cloud stopped at the foot of the stairs, clenching a hand on his shirt. I want to be with you, Zack, but…I can't stop myself…I want your love with all my heart, but something inside me is trying to push you away… He looked up at Zack and smiled. "I'll be fine, Zack. Really. See you later."

Zack watched sadly as Cloud left to Sephiroth's room. "…what'll happen to Cloud…when he fully becomes Sephiroth's clone…?"

With Sephiroth…

Sephiroth stood on the balcony. Waiting. Watching. He should be here soon, he thought to himself. He couldn't help but smile at that thought. Come on up, my little Cloud…more lessons today… He perked up at the sight of Cloud heading for his room. Ah… he's here…

Sure enough, a few seconds later, the door opened and Cloud came inside, taking the boots off and putting the light blue slippers on. "Sephy, I'm here," he announced.

I know you're here, said Sephiroth to himself, looking back at Cloud. "Go ahead and take a seat then. We'll spend the rest of winter teaching you to resist pain."

"The rest of winter?" repeated Cloud, looking surprised. "I-Isn't that a little much?"

"Nothing's ever a little much," said Sephiroth with a smile. "Pain can be a good friend, Cloud. You just have to learn to get along with it."

Cloud looked down at the floor. "If you say so…"

"All right, then, let's begin," said Sephiroth, walking over to Cloud. He stopped in front of Cloud for a few seconds, a strange feeling overcoming him again. Why…do I feel so strange again? Everytime I'm near Cloud, I get that feeling. It's that lighthearted feeling, isn't it…? Sephiroth shook his head, trying to shake these feelings.

Cloud, noticing that Sephiroth wasn't doing anything, looked up curiously. "Sephy?" he asked. "Is something wrong?"

And everytime he calls me that, I can't help but want to smile, thought Sephiroth, a small smile on his face.

Oh, dear, what is he going to do today? thought Cloud worryingly, interpreting the smile as a malicious one.

"All right, we'll begin the lessons," said Sephiroth. "And remember to tell me what you remembered. I'm very curious about the kind of things that live in your memory."

"Why are you so curious about my past?"

Cloud had given Sephiroth a tilt-headed questioning face, making Sephiroth feel that feeling he had just shaken off. Look at his hair…why is it so spikey and messy…? his fingers itched to ruffle that hair of only to make it even more messier. How come I never noticed before how messy his hair was…?Sephiroth shook his head again, and answered, "I want to know everything about you. If we can figure out your strengths and weaknesses by revisiting you past, it'll make training you a whole lot easier."

"Oh…"

"Anyway," said Sephiroth, "roll up that sleeve."

"Okay. But why?" asked Cloud, rolling up the sleeve. "It's not much to look at," he said with a bitter look at the stigma.

"I think it looks fine," said Sephiroth. Especially on your arm… He shook himself firmly, and pulled out Masamune. "Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit."

"What are you going to do with Masamune?" asked Cloud, inching away a little.

That fearful look on his face…priceless! "This!" answered Sephiroth, using the edge of Masamune to make a slit in the stigma.

Cloud let out a loud a gasp of pain as memories flooded his mind again.

Flash: Zack and Aeris smiling at each other in the church, and Cloud watching, feeling jealous and trying to tell himself to not be jealous…

Flash: "There's nothing wrong with you," said a brown-haired woman, stroking the hair of 5-year-old Cloud while hugging him. "You're perfect in my eyes, even if no-one else sees it…"

Sephiroth smiled, a sadistical feeling coming over him. "What did you remember?"

Cloud put a hand over the stigma. "I…I remembered the first time I met Aeris, the way she and Zack smiled at each other…"

"Is that all? There must have been more."

"No, no more then that," said Cloud, wincing a little. "Do you have a bandage or something? I--I don't like it when it bleeds, it hurts…"

"Does it now?" asked Sephiroth in mock surprise. "Well, then I think I'll leave it like that! Pain is good." Especially inflicting pain on others…on you.

Cloud bit his lip. "But…"

"Wait here really quick, I need to grab something," said Sephiroth, standing up and heading for the door.

"What are you going to grab?"

"Some salt, some lemon, sour things."

"It's doesn't have anything to do with the lesson, does it?"

"You'll find out soon enough, won't you?" asked Sephiroth, glancing back at Cloud. "Don't move, I'll be right back."

"Don't move?" repeated Cloud as Sephiroth left the room. "Yeah, right, I'm not going anywhere," he thought aloud bitterly, rubbing the stigma to stop the bleeding.

Back with Sephiroth again…

Sephiroth closed the door and headed for the cafeteria slowly. "He doesn't like pain. That has to change." He looked up at the sky. "…For some strange reason, I feel an odd connection to him, almost as if we're the same person. I even saw what he saw. He saw Aeris and Zack smiling at each other, true enough…but who was that brown haired lady in his flashback? His mother? Or was it his sister? Was she related to Cloud in any way…?" He sighed and entered the kitchen. "Hey, cooks, I need some salt, lemon, and anything else that'll sting a cut."

The cooks looked up. "Uh…sure, Sephiroth," said a cook, bustling to the spice rack and pulling out the salt, lemon, and pepper. "Will these do?"

"They're just perfect," said Sephiroth, smiling evilly. "I'll take these now. Bye," he called, leaving with the spices.

All the cooks exchanged glances, shrugged, and continued what they were doing.

With Cloud…

Cloud had taken off the tattered red cloth he was wearing and was using it as a sort of bandage. I don't like ruining the outfit Aeris made for me, after she worked so hard on it… The door opened, and Cloud looked back to see Sephiroth enter, carrying some spices. "You found some good ones, huh?"

"Yes, I did," agreed Sephiroth, putting the fuzzy silver slippers on.

"I wonder how much this'll hurt…?" asked Cloud quietly, taking the tattered red cloth and wrapping it around his head again, letting a majority of it fall loose.

Aw, why are you covering half of your face? asked Sephiroth silently, setting the spices on the table. He read the labels on all three of them, pretending to decide which one to use first. "Oh, which one shall I use first?" he asked, tilting his head side to side. "Salt can really sting, but lemon lasts longer, and pepper can cause tears…"

"Take your time," said Cloud. "No worry over here."

Sephiroth gave Cloud a sideways glance. His voice is slightly muffled. I didn't notice before… "I'll just go in alphabetical order," he decided a few minutes later, taking the lemon. "Ready?"

Cloud stared uneasily at the lemon. "I--I guess."

"Good," said Sephiroth, peeling the lemon and squeezing a lot of drops of it's juice onto the slit.

"Ah…!" cried Cloud.

Flash: "You're…inviting me?" asked Cloud cautiously. "To the barbeque?" he was standing in front of the free bullies, talking to the lead bully…

Cloud bit his lip to stop himself from making any more pained sounds, and Sephiroth smiled. "You remembered the day they invited you to the Thanksgiving barbeque, right?"

"…! How did you--?"

"I read minds," said Sephiroth, not ready to tell Cloud about the "odd connection" he felt between himself and Cloud.

"You can…?" Oh, no, that's bad news… If he can read minds, how long before he finds out about…?

"How badly did it hurt?" asked Sephiroth.

"It didn't feel great," muttered Cloud. "A cry of pain generally means that something caused pain, right?"

"Right," agreed Sephiroth. "And there's no reason for you to cry out in pain. Let's try again," he said, and before Cloud noticed, Sephiroth twisted the lemon to let a whole lot of juice spill onto the wound.

Cloud winced, a small gasp escaping him.

Flash: Kids are laughing and watching as Cloud was being bullied by the bullies and being called "Chocobo"…

Flash: Cloud looking into the window of Tifa's house, where he could see Tifa telling her father something…

My, what an unpleasant memory, Sephiroth thought to himself. "You surely did have an awful past," he remarked. "Did you know what Tifa and her father were talking about?"

"I…yes, I do, Tifa told me that she and her father had discussed letting me stay at her house, seeing as I had nowhere else to go…"

"Did they let you stay at Tifa's house?"

"Her father didn't like it, but he agreed."

"What happened to Tifa's mother?"

"Uhm…I don't remember. She must have died or something before I showed up, as I never saw her."

"Ah… So is that why you dislike being called 'Chocobo'? Because that's what the kids would call you when they bullied you? Where was Tifa during that memory?"

"She…was out of town… Her father had to check affairs and such in Midgar and took Tifa along with him."

"Oh. Well, they do say that bullies are the most cowardly of people." Sephiroth placed the spent lemon on the table and picked up the pepper. "Let's see how well you do with this."

Cloud didn't wince or make a sound, but it was still a hard effort.

A few hours later…

"I think that's enough for today," said Sephiroth, setting the salt on the table. "You're getting better, but you still gasp or wince. We'll continue with these lessons through the end of winter, remember."

"I will," said Cloud quietly, rubbing his left arm and rolling the sleeve back down. "Can I have the doctor bandage it?"

"If you want," shrugged Sephiroth. "It's all the same to me, I'll just make a slightly deeper slit tomorrow."

"…oh… Okay then," said Cloud sadly, standing up and heading for the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, Sephy."

"Yes, tomorrow," said Sephiroth. "And Cloud?" Cloud looked back, one hand on the doorknob. "You…can eat. And sleep. Do whatever you like, okay?"

Cloud looked confused, but nodded and said, "I--I will. Thanks, Sephy." He left the room.

Sephiroth walked to the balcony to watch Cloud return to his room. Ah…now I get it. Now I know what this feeling is, realized Sephiroth as he watched Cloud.

Cloud must have felt Sephiroth watching him, for he looked up at Sephiroth. He looked uncertain for a second, then smiled and waved.

Sephiroth hesitated slightly. But…I can't be feeling this…How could I, the great Sephiroth, be falling for Cloud? He smiled. Who cares…? I…like this feeling. He waved back to Cloud. The smile that was on his face wasn't an evil smile, or a sadistical smile, or even a fake smile. It was a real, true smile, one that convoyed happiness and love. (Aaw…) And whoever thought that a smile like that would come from Sephiroth? I'm…infatuated…with…Cloud.
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AAAAW! I love cute warm little fuzzies like that! Sephiroth is falling in looove! Ooh, I'm soo naughty:3 Don't forget to review now. See you next chapter!