Life as a SOLDIER

Disclaimer: A six-part mini comedy upon the new year. And then we return to drama. Hopefully.

A/N: Hey, the world needs laughter now! I'll provide some laughter. For now. But yes, I'll be doing a six part funny episode-thing line up. I hope you enjoy. :3 Read on!

Chapter Forty-Six: The Advent of the New Year! Part 1
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It was the day after Christmas. And Cloud was still fainted dead away on the wall when Tifa came downstairs. "…?! Cloud?" she asked, hurrying over to Cloud. "Hey, are you all right?"

Cloud stirred a little and opened his eyes slightly. "…Ah…Tifa…"

"What happened to you? Did somebody sneak you an alcohalic eggnog?" asked Tifa, putting her arms akimbo.

"No, nothing like that…" said Cloud absent-mindedly.

"…you know what, I don't wanna know," sighed Tifa, heading for the kitchen. "Sit at the table, Cloud, I'll make us some breakfast."

"Sure…" sighed Cloud, crawling onto a chair. Wow…I still feel so dizzy…

Cid came trudging downstairs slowly. "Mornin'," he mumbled to Cloud.He noticed Cloud's expression as he sat down at the table, and remarked, "Look's like somebody's on cloud nine."

Cloud stared at Cid. "That's not funny," he said.

"No, really, you look really dizzy and giddy. What happened to you?"

"Oh, a little something…"

"A little something," repeated Cid. "Right…"

"Good morning, my peeps!" said Zack cheerfully. "What a beautiful Post-Christmas morning!" He sat down next to Cloud. "I see you're cheerful this morning too!"

"A bit dizzy, actually," said Cloud, staring at the table.

"Dizzy?" repeated Zack concernedly. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," assured Cloud. "I'm only a little dizzy."

"Hmm…if you say so," said Zack, eyeing Cloud. I heard Sephiroth mention the mistletoe and the kiss as he got ready to go to sleep…Did Sephiroth seriously…?

Tifa stuck her head out of the kitchen. "Just Barret, Marlene, Sephiroth, and Aeris left to awaken, huh? Someone go wake them up?"

"They can wake themselves up," said Cid.

"In that case, you go wake them up. It's well past ten AM."

Cid scowled at Tifa and went upstairs to wake up the sleepys.

Tifa watched him go and looked at Cloud. "Zack, is this a SOLDIER thing I need to be wary of, or is Cloud seriously dizzy now?"

"Uh…it--yeah, it's a SOLDIER thing," stammered Zack. How on earth am I gonna tell Tifa that Cloud's dizzy now because his feelings are seriously confused… Any SOLDIER will start acting like that if something happened to them to make their feelings confused…I suppose that means that Sephiroth really has…?

Cid came downstairs leading a parade of sleepys. "I've awoken them, but I wasn't thanked for it," said Cid.

Tifa eyed Cid. "It's just a paper cut, a slap mark, and a grazed ear. You'll be fine."

"Millions of people in all the worlds have died by a simple paper cut," retorted Cid with a scowl. "Don't you know that?" Muttering to himself, Cid pushed past Tifa to the kitchen.

"…no, I didn't actually, but I think you're being melodramatic," muttered Tifa back, entering the kitchen.

Aeris, Sephiroth, Marlene, and Barret sat at the table. "I slept in this morning…" yawned Aeris politely. "I stayed up to late last night."

"Tell me about it, I slept in something fierce," said Barret.

"I enjoy sleeping in during and after Christmas day," said Sephiroth. He glanced down at Cloud and asked with a smirk, "You sleep well, Cloud?"

Cloud glanced up at him a little, then thunked his head on the table, feeling himself redden a bit. What--What a jerk…asking me a question like that after what he did last night…

Zack looked between Cloud and Sephiroth, and asked, "When are we leaving? After breakfast, I suppose?"

"Yeah, after breakfast," agreed Cloud.

"Leaving?" repeated Marlene. "But you three just got here…"

"We weren't supposed to be here," answered Zack. "We kinda snuck here from Shinra Company to spend Christmas at the 7th Heaven Bar with you guys."

"Why weren't you supposed to be here?" asked Barret curiously. "Last time I heard, SOLDIERs were allowed to visit family and friends outside Shinra for holidays."

"When did you last hear that?" asked Cloud.

"Uhm…about three and a half years ago."

"Wow, you're sure running on outdated software," remarked Zack with a grin.

"Outdated software?" repeated Barret indignantly. "I'll have you know that this metal arm is not computer."

"What--No, that's not what I meant," said Zack hurriedly, waving a hand. "It--It's just SOLDIER humor there….you know what, never mind."

"SOLDIER humor?" repeated Barret.

"Just drop it, man, I'm sorry."

"Fine, sure," shrugged Barret.

Tifa came out of the kitchen with three plates of pancakes. "One for me, one for Cloud, and one for…" she held the plate uncertainly before her, then smiled and said, "here you go, Marlene."

"Hey, what about the rest of us?" asked Sephiroth.

"Yours is still cooking, be patient," said Tifa. As she came into the kitchen Cid walked out of the kitchen, a band-aid around his finger. "You're evil," he said to Sephiroth. "And so are you and you," he said to Aeris and Barret.

"You shouldn't try to awaken me when I'm still sleeping," said Sephiroth.

"How can you call me evil when you were the one who was all over me?" asked Aeris.

Zack glared at Cid and Cid said hurriedly, "I was shaking you awake! Tifa told me to wake you all up!"

"You can't surprise a 23-year-old Corel man from his deep sleep or you'll get shot. Didn't you know that?" asked Barret.

Cid sighed wearily. "Fine, fine, harp on Cid! Cid was only trying to do a good deed, and listen to his employer obediently, but noo, instead, Cid is surrounded by ungrateful sleepys…" muttering to himself (in the third person) Cid walked outside with a packet of cigarettes.

"…he'll be fine," said Cloud reassuringly.

"Okay," said Marlene, eating her pancakes.

Tifa came out five minutes later with the rest of the pancakes. "Hey, where's Cid? He was in charge of dishes this morning."

"He went outside to smoke," answered Barret.

Tifa sighed. "I told him to break that habit, it'll get him killed one day. Oh, well, then his pancakes can go cold until he comes inside.

"Yum!" said Zack, taking his plate of pancakes. "These are good!" he exclaimed after taking a bite. "Aeris can't cook like this."

"I can cook," argued Aeris.

"Yeah, cook things that need to be boiled, like pasta, eggs, and oatmeal," teased Zack.

"What about you?" asked Aeris. "I never see you cook anything. You SOLDIERS get your food pre-made, don't you know that?"

"So? I never have to worry about cooking. It's a pointless life skill anyway."

"If you had to cook your own food in your own house on your own life without anyone to help you, I'm sure you'd feel differently," said Aeris calmly, taking a bite of her pancakes.

"Yeah, yeah," said Zack nonchalantly.

Everyone else finished their breakfast as Tifa turned the radio on. "They're still playing Christmas music," she commented. "Huh, that's odd…"

"What radio station is that?" asked Barret. "If it's Corel's station, they don't stop Christmas music until New Years Day."

Tifa checked the station. "…oh. I see."

"I like Christmas music," said Marlene.

"Me too," said Aeris.

Sephiroth sighed. "Aren't we leaving yet?"

"But you didn't even touch your food," said Tifa. "Any friend of Cloud's is a friend of mine, and if you haven't touched your food, then something must be wrong."

Sephiroth sighed impatiently, took off his gloves, and patted his hands all over the food. "There. Now I've touched it. Happy?"

Tifa made a "I was just trying to help" face and sat down at the table.

"Speaking of happy," said Cid, coming back inside, "I was thinking that we could do a happy hour for the next 6 days. You know, as a New Years special?"

"I'll consider it," sighed Tifa.

"We--we should get going," stammered Cloud. Sephiroth had just turned a staring gaze onto Cloud, unnerving Cloud.

Zack looked between Cloud and Sephiroth, and said, "I guess we'll go then. We'll see you later, Tifa, Aeris. Barret, Cid, Marlene. Bye."

"See you later. And Happy Early New Years," said Aeris, waving to the three.

Zack waved over his shoulder and followed Sephiroth and Cloud to Fenrir. "You all have your presents?"

"Yes," answered Cloud.

"Let's go then," said Zack cheerfully, hopping on Fenrir.

Cloud hesitated, glancing up at Sephiroth. Sephiroth smirked and said, "We must get going, yes?"

"Y-Yes," agreed Cloud, hopping on behind Zack. Sephiroth hopped on behind Cloud and Zack sped off (slowly) back to Shinra Company.

A few hours later, when they get back…

Zack parked Fenrir and the three of them hopped off. "It's about lunchtime now, so let's hurry on to out rooms and then come down for lunch. They can't see the presents, otherwise they'll know about where we've been."

"Okay," agreed Cloud and the three hurried to their own rooms. Cloud closed his door and emptied the bag of presents. "Let's see…the T-shirt, the photo, the seeds, the Chocobo and Moogle dolls, the collar…" Cloud paused, staring at the collar. Sephy said he'd tell me about the collar when we got back… Maybe he'll tell me tomorrow or something… he looked at the presents and noticed that something was missing. "…! The dolly of me that Zack gave! It-It's gone!" Cloud frantically searched the bag up and down. "Oh, no! Did I forget it at the bar?" he hurried to his laptop and entered his e-mail.

To: fists (underscore) of (underscore) fury (at-symbol) yahoo (dot) com

From: cs (at-symbol) yahoo (dot) com

Tifa! It's horrible! I lost the present I got from Zack!

It's a doll, a dolly of me. I showed it to you, remember? I think I might have left it at the bar. If you find it, tell me, all right? I'm sorry to have to trouble you like this, but I don't want Zack to know I lost it. Thank you for understanding, Tifa. Cloud Strife

After he sent the e-mail, he sighed. "I hope Tifa or I find it soon… Or maybe it got mixed up n Zack or Sephiroth's bags… I'll ask them later…"

With Sephiroth…

Sephiroth set the bag of presents down on the table and walked to his room. He sat down on the bed and pulled out Cloud's dolly from under his shirt. "What a fine gift this is," he remarked. "Maybe I'll keep this with me for a while…" he set it down on his desk, and pulled out Cloud's black ribbon. "It makes a very fie addition to my room…" he tied the black ribbon around the dolly's neck and left the room with a self-satisfied smirk.
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MWAHAHAH!!! Part one of six is complete! See you in part two!