Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood or its characters.
Poor Leon, no one noticed that they left out the Ask Leon Advice Column in the last issue. Not even the editors, or did they?
Anyone wants to write in to Leon for advice?
The Trinity Times
Issue 10
Vice-editor's Letter from Prague
Dear Faithful Readers,
I humbly apologize for the unbecoming behaviour displayed by our advice columnist. It has never been our intent to replace the column with the Inquisitions Most Wanted list for petty felons. As such, the Advice Column will be returned to its original team led by Leon, for now.
- Catherina, Duchess of Milan
For my dear brother: I am currently on the central European leg of my diplomatic tour. I would like to wake up to find no Inquisition airship hovering outside my hotel window. Your concern for my safety is touching but my bodyguard is more than enough to drive off any hostile intentions.
RELICS TO BE RETURNED TO VENICE
Midnight Mass Tonight
The remains of St Mark, patron saint of Venice, will be returned to the city during a special midnight Mass to be presided over by His Sanctity, Pope Alessandro XVIII. The venue will be at the Cathedral of St Mark. Due to security concerns, attendance will be by invitation only. However, the city council has prepared a fireworks extravaganza for Venice's citizentry and her visitors in celebration of this event.
HORRIFIC MURDERS IN VENICE
Renowned expert on relics and family slain
Venetians are shocked by the discovery of the brutal murders of a local artefact appraiser, Macro Corleone, and his family in their home on Vespers Canal. The family's mutilated bodies were discovered by their housekeeper when she reported for work. This is the fourth in a spate of brutal murders in the city. Like in previous cases, the motive is believed to be burglary. However, police are at a loss to explain the senseless violence. The public has raised concerns that the murders may be a sign of increasing violent crime that has been linked to the summer carnival in recent years. The city council has has taken steps to beef up security in light of the Pope's upcoming visit.
Venetian Street Gang Trashed by Would-be Victim
A local Venetian street gang known to prey on carnival visitors was soundly trashed by a would-be victim. They have been implicated in petty thefts, harassment of young women and rioting. The gang allegedly tried to pick up a foreign young woman at a local bar. Failing to elicit the attentions desired, they then trailed the lady to a bridge where a heated confrontation ensued. The woman was seen leaving the scene with a white-haired priest. Witnesses describe the woman as in her late teens to early twenties, tall, slim, beautiful with blond hair and red highlights, and a slightly haughty air. She was last seen wearing an overcoat with a figure-hugging halter-top. Police hope that this lady will come forward to assist with investigations.
FIREWORKS EXPLOSION AT CARNIVAL
Tragedy leaves 30 dead and many injured
The reputation of Venice's Summer Carnival has taken a severe beating with a spate of recent accidents. The most tragic of which was a fireworks display gone awry at the packed Grand Canal Leonardo Bridge. The bridge has always been popular with carnival revellers for its stunning view of the famous fireworks displays on the canal. The bridge was severely damaged in the explosion and crashed into the canal below. Hospitals were overwhelmed by the onslaught of wounded, some of whom were pulled out of the canal. Estimates put the toll at 30, with most casualties drowned or crushed by falling masonry.
Wayward firework rockets have been blamed for damage to assorted buildings and bridges throughout the city last night. The city council reminds all revellers that only certified fireworks technicians with approval from the council are allowed to set up such pyrotechnic displays, even for private parties during the season. Illegal firework displays by unqualified technicians have always been a safety concern in Venice during summer. The council has proposed passing a new Bill to tighten the sale and distribution of fireworks and pyrotechnic materials. Penalties for the wilful firing of rockets will also be revised.
Ask Leon
It's good to be back! Who needs that sourpuss, stick-in-the-mud Petros and his gal anyhow? Now when you have yours truly, Leon, and his cute assistant, Miss Blanchett. Bring on the letters, Blanchie!
Blanche: Blanchie? (pops vein)
Dear Leon
My employer and I are currently on a business trip round Italy. It is gruelling and hectic. However, we are used to this and it is all for a good cause. However, one thing really, REALLY fries my fuses. There is a large airship from a certain acquaintance in Rome that has been blocking her view from the window every morning. Will it be socially acceptable to blow that ship out of the sky? My circuits are itching for some nice morning sunshine.
- Brother Gunslinger
Dear Brother
Go for it! If your pistols are not up to the range, I will gladly loan you a bazooka. – Leon
Dear Leon
I met this really hot chick at the pub. I mean really hot. She's feisty, the way I like them. But she wouldn't even gimme the time of the day. So I go get me buddies, like so to soften her up a bit with some macho talk. But this hot babe trashes all of us, big time. Call me crazy, but I cannot get her out of my mind. How can I meet up with her again (and score this time, know what I mean?)
–Romeo
Dear Romeo
The sounds like some chick. Where's this pub? We could use someone like her. – Leon
I think your Juliet has been so totally offended by your clumsy attempt at seduction and reluctance to take no for an answer. She will probably move out of your neighbourhood if you persist. Women do have a mind of their own and you may not always like what they think of you. Since the lady has trashed you and your buds, I advise you do not aggravate her for your own health reasons.
- Blanche
Recruitment Drive for Inquisition Guardsmen
Want to serve the Almighty? Not squeamish about pitched battles with vampires? Like a honourable, disciplined career with good possibility of knighthood? Do not hesitate! Join the Vatican Inquisition Bureau today. For more details, please go to your nearest VBI branch office. The Vatican needs YOU.
Personal Ads:
Dear Brother A, I know that child is a fair handful at times. However, she has been through a lot since that tragic incident. I hope you will be patient with her and provide the necessary assistance with her mission. I hope that you will find the leisure to visit me at my place some day for a cuppa tea. I will put 13 cubes of sugar in yours this time and no cream, promise. – Your loving kid sister
Reply to Ad: Dear Sister, I didn't know you read this publication. Since you are reading this, I must inform you that currently, I have my hands full trying to keep her out of trouble. It's like she is a live fuse. Have you sent her for anger management therapy? Rest assured I will do my utmost to aid her in our common mission.
Issak, you better keep your side of the bargain after tonight and settle your outstanding debts at my casino. Otherwise, I will have that cute little puppeteer ward of yours strung up with a piano-wire. Oh, by the way, said puppeteer has jacked up your debts by about 10 grand at the roulette table. - Count Zagreb
Dear Uncle Issak, please advise if it is advisable to have the dealer shoot himself in the head over the roulette table. I feel a little keen on witnessing some Russian roulette. - Dieter
Dear D, I know you are reading this rag. I am not amused by your escapade at the casinos. Get over to Cartago. One of our business partners is feeling unsuitably nostalgic and needs a little pep talk from our motivator. - Issak.
Author's Notes:
Finally got the complete box sets of the series. And I reading the Trinity Blood manga while I am at it.