Chapter Thirty Six - Bleeding
Weak winter daylight apologized at the window.
The bed was empty, her side was not even warm. He got up, threw on clothes and went down to the latrine across the yard. He washed at the water pump and came in. In the inn the smell of fried food reached him and his mouth began to water, they'd not eaten for two days and had drunk only hot water. He made a quick decision that if they were going to spend their precious money then spending it on bacon and eggs was probably an acceptable use of it. He went back to their room but wherever she was, she wasn't back yet. He looked around, all their clothes were gone, she had taken the laundry. He glanced out the window and saw her, she was in the back yard. People were clattering about, preparing for journeys, saddling up horses. Two men on horseback, splashed with mud, were with her, talking. She was wearing the green dress again, which seemed odd but then Pazu realized it was probably the only clean thing she had with her. He watched, a small twisting worry curling in his stomach as one of the men dismounted, walked up to her and hugged her. That was enough, he went downstairs.
"Where have you been?" the man asked.
"Traveling, to Numenaor."
"Numenaor? Why? Everyone has been so worried. Search parties have gone out for you."
"Because of the stone. The stone wanted someone and took me with it. I found them, we are coming home. I'm sorry you have been troubled."
"That is good news. You look well, has it been a hard journey?"
"No. It has been good, my traveling companion has taken good care of me."
"We must meet him. Or is it a female?"
"No, a him," she smiled at Shuna, "I think he is someone you will want to meet."
Sheeta brushed her hand through her fringe, her hair really was getting out of control, it needed cutting. Shuna and Keya saw the mark.
"Oh, our sincere apologies, we didn't know you were bleeding."
Shuna bowed, his palms pressed together, a posture of submission. Keya, still mounted, bowed from the saddle.
"Don't worry, it's nothing, I don't mind. Where are you traveling?"
"We are just here to buy supplies and then leaving tomorrow, home."
Keya, the younger of the two men, leaned forward from the saddle,
"Ride with us, we have two pack yaoko(1) and you and your companion can share one saddle."
"That is very kind of you. I will ask him… Oh, Paetsu!"
The two strangers shared a look, a look that said "Him? Here?"
Pazu came into the yard. He wore yesterday's filthy shirt, his old blue engineers breeches, stiff with dirt, he was barefoot.
"Sheeta, who is this?"
"Paetsu! This is Shuna and Keya, two men from my village, they are here buying winter supplies and they are going home tomorrow. Can we travel with them?"
Sheeta had a basket under one arm, their clean laundry, with her other hand she kept rubbing her stomach as though she had a tummy ache. Pazu looked at the two men. Their clothing made them look like animals, they wore leather skull caps that had long ear flaps and were lined with fur, and their coats were of shaggy animal pelts giving them a bulky, comical appearance. They didn't wear breeches but tight leggings made of long grey cloth strips wound round and round their legs and a kind of animal hide skirt down to the knee. Soft fur lined boots and a bow across the shoulder completed the outfit. They both wore bushy beards and moustaches of dark red-brown hair, similar in colour to Sheeta's. Pazu thought they looked like a cross between trappers and beggars. They smelled odd too, of lanolin and animals. He eyed them warily and moved to stand beside Sheeta, his shoulder a little in front of her. This protective gesture wasn't lost on the bigger man, he nodded once to Pazu and took a step back from her.
"Shuna, Keya, let me introduce you to Paetsu, he is from the far south, in Numenaor. He is coming home. Finally."
Pazu looked at her, she had a smile in her voice. A little different from yesterday then. Keya dismounted and then the strangest thing happened. Both men stood in front of Pazu and went down on one knee in the mud of the yard. They discarded their bows from their backs and reaching under their fleeces drew out, and placed on the ground, long knives. They brought their hands together as though in prayer and bowed their heads. The older man looked up.
"Paztsu, Paztsu Fuhmonhir, we welcome you, it is a great honour to finally meet you, this day has been talked of for far too long, and it is with humility that we offer you one of our horses so that we may accompany you to Bruaendell.(2) It would be an honour if you would journey with us."
On their faces were expressions of wonder and astonishment.
"Uh, please, please, get up. Thank you. You're welcome. When are you leaving?"
"We planned to return tomorrow but we will change our arrangements to suit you, if you wish."
"Uh, yes. But let me discuss this with Sheeta please."
The two rose and put away their weapons.
"Of course, we understand. Paztsu we have been traveling all night, we shall eat and rest, would you care to eat with us?"
"I was going to have breakfast in the inn."
"In that case we will not trouble you…"
"No," Sheeta interrupted, "we would love to take food with you, please, wherever you are camped, we will eat with you."
"Thank you, you honour us. Our he-ayerth is in the field behind the inn. Kindly allow us half an hour to prepare."
"Half an hour, then. Thank you."
Sheeta took Pazu's hand and led him away.
--I--
---o-o-oOo-o-o---
I I
"Alright, what's going on?"
They were back in their room.
"This is a great opportunity. Today, you really start to learn."
"I just said I didn't want to eat with them, didn't you hear me?"
"And I just gave you a lesson in good manners. Our society is based around the community, it's very strong. We welcome travelers into our homes and when we do it is an insult if they refuse, it's like you saying the person inviting you isn't good enough for you. When someone invites you to dine with them, you always say yes, even if you've just eaten. You don't have to eat much, a mouthful or two is enough. It's the act of accepting the offer that is important. It's one of our main customs."
"Alright, I get that. Do they know me?"
"They know Paetsu Fuhmonhir, many Gondoans believe he will one day return. What I told you in the cave, it is a legend. Some of us don't want the prince back, but some do. The old fears hold many of us back, while others want to embrace the spirit that Paetsu Fuhmonhir represents. Embracing the man is part of that."
Pazu sat on the bed, his head spinning.
"I never knew it was coming to this? I mean, I can accept what you said about my ancestors but I didn't know I was going to be welcomed home like… like a prince."
"Why shouldn't you be? You are one."
"The people who don't want me back. What will they do?"
"To begin with, watch you carefully I expect, to see what you do and how those who welcome you home react."
"Well, this is going to be interesting."
"Yes, I'm looking forward to it. And Paetsu?"
"Hm?"
"Don't worry, you're not alone. I'm with you."
"Thanks, but I'm still concerned. People's expectations…"
"Oh."
"What?"
She put her hand to her gut again. Now she pressed both hands there, grimacing with discomfort. Then Pazu saw it, a trickle of blood on her leg. It ran down the inside of her calf to her ankle and onto the floor. He noticed for the first time she was barefoot.
"You're bleeding! You're hurt!"
the spell. the spell hasn't worked properly. she's still ill, something has gone wrong with my spell, I didn't do it properly!
"No I'm not. I'm not injured."
"Don't be silly, there's blood running down your leg."
"It's just me bleeding, that's all."
"What do you mean? Just you bleeding? People don't just bleed unless they've been cut."
"Girls do you idiot!"
"What?"
What she did next completely shocked him. She put her arms behind her neck, undid the catch at the top of her dress and lifted it over her head, dropping it on the bed. Underneath she wore nothing at all. Pazu looked away.
"And you can stop that nonsense right now. Look at me. Don't you like me?"
"Don't say that. You know I do. You know I more than like you. But it's hard to get used to the way you behave."
"I've told you, don't be ashamed or embarrassed."
"I know, but I'm not a steam engine, Sheeta, I can't shut the pressure off by just turning a valve."
"I'm sorry, well, I suppose the more I do it, the more you'll get used to it."
"Is everyone in Gondoa like you? About this?"
"Nearly everyone, we're just more comfortable about it. I mean we don't go around with nothing on, it's far too cold for that, but with our beliefs in nature and the beauty of living things many people are just not ashamed of their bodies, or other people's."
"Well, its so different to what I'm used to. Please don't have a go at me for not being comfortable about it straight away."
"You seem different to me too. Your shyness, your habits."
"Well, about the beauty of living things, I could get used to it."
He was looking at her, she smiled back at him.
"I didn't mean like that. That is not the expression you should have on your face."
"Can't help it. I'm not a steam engine…"
"…you can turn the valve off. I know."
He looked at her legs, down the inside of both of them were long smears of blood.
"But, you're not well – look at you."
"Actually, I am perfectly well, completely healthy."
"How can you be? You must have a bad cut."
"How does your village treat women then?"
"How do you mean?"
"When they bleed?"
"I don't understand."
"Every month. Their cycle, they bleed."
"They do?"
"Don't you know?"
"No."
"You don't know about a woman's cycle?"
"No, what is it?"
"Oh, my. Oh, wow."
She stood, dripping blood and staring at him, complete surprise on her face.
"Don't you know anything?"
"Yes, thank you, I do. Do you know how to drive a steam engine? Or build an aircraft?"
"Can you milk a cow, ride a horse?"
"What's your point?"
"We each have skills, Paetsu, things we have learned. What I'm talking about is life. The way a woman is, just… well, I just can't believe you don't know about it."
"Well, I don't. My mother died when I was eight. Since then I've worked with men, known only men. Coarse ignorant miners if you like. The girls I tried to talk to didn't seem to be interested in talking back. How would I know about them? You tell me. You go ahead, I'll follow."
"Wait, this is getting messy. Let me do this first. Pass me my bag, the cloths in it."
She got a small leather bucket out from under the bed, reached between her legs and pulled out a dripping wet bloody cloth. There was a lot of blood, Pazu was shocked, how could this be normal? It must really hurt. She disposed of it in the bucket and then filling a bowl with water from a jug she washed herself, her legs and in there where he had been that night in the cave. She was completely at ease in front of him.
"You obviously don't mind me watching."
"No, not one bit. Should I?"
"I don't know, this is all new to me. But if I was injured in a place like that I'd want to keep it private."
She wrung out the cloth, freshened it with clean water and carried on wiping.
"First of all, I'm not injured. You just need to completely forget about thinking like that. This blood is not coming from a wound, it's coming out of me because I'm healthy. Normal. That's the first thing. Second, I don't mind you seeing this because where I live women who bleed are held in awe, they are the first in society, very important. They take precedence over men and young girls. The only people more important are those with growing bellies, carrying children."
"Young girls don't do this?"
"No, girls start doing this when they are about ten years old, maybe not until fourteen for some," she paused, looking at him, gave him a long serious gaze, "This, Paetsu, is beautiful."
"It is?"
"Don't you think it is?"
"No, it just looks painful."
"This, Paetsu is a sign that Lucita is with me, watching over me, guiding me, close by."
Sheeta finished washing and took the bundle of cloths from Pazu. She selected one, rolled it up into a cigar shape and squatting down, knees apart pushed it up against, into herself. She grimaced a little, pressed it home and stood up.
"There, all done. That will hold the blood for another few hours."
She washed her hands and picked up the dress.
"Wait. Don't."
She stood, arms by her side, dress in one hand. He looked. He loved to look. He took a step forwards and put his hands on her waist. He came close and she closed her eyes. He kissed her, holding his mouth pressed to hers for just a little longer than was necessary. He moved back. Calmly, they looked at one another for a moment.
"Thank you. You're lovely."
She lifted her arms and pulled the dress over her head. He watched the shape of her changing as she moved. Sheeta sat on the bed.
"Now then, come here."
She patted next to her and he sat there.
"When a girl reaches a certain age her body changes. She grows breasts, her hips change shape, lots of things change in her insides, all sorts of things happen that turn her from a girl into a woman. The most important thing is, she is able to make babies, to bear children. Paetsu most of the body you see before you is like this so that it can bear children. My shape, my hips, the way my legs and arms are shaped is due to that, my chest, I'm a walking baby factory. Women are. They can do anything a man can do, and more. The child bearing aspect of a woman is beauty at work, creation in front of your eyes, it's Lucita at work in me, turning me from a child into a person who can herself create life.
"Every month, eight times a year, once every forty five days, my body, inside my tummy, makes an egg."(3)
Pazu still thought about chickens.
"It moves around inside me from the place it's made to a place it stays for a while, about three weeks. When it's there, about… hm… here," she took his hand and put it against her stomach, low down, "I am fertile. If a boy lays his seed inside me, there is a good chance his seed will reach the egg and then the egg will grow into a baby inside me. The baby takes six months to grow, three quarters of a year. Three seasons. You've seen women big with babies haven't you?"
"Yes. Um, Sheeta?"
"Hm."
"A boy's seed. How does that get in? Is it what we…?"
She turned to him, placed the palms of her hands either side of his face, and kissed him.
"I love you so much, and do you know why? Not only because of the wonderful things you have done for me, not because you saved my life, more than once, not only because you make me laugh and because you're a beautiful friend, and not only because you look like heaven walking, but because you are so gorgeously innocent. You know nothing about so much. And yet you still get by; you are brave, clever, resourceful, willing and you turn my insides to water. But it's your innocence I love the most. Paetsu Fuhmonhir, yau al-dhu' ulve om."
He said nothing but drew her to him and hugged her. For a while they rested in each other's hearts.
"To answer your question, yes. What you did in the cave was lay your seed in me."
"Are you going to make a baby then?"
"No, not this time, Lucita chose to not let it happen. This bleeding is caused because after about three weeks, if the egg isn't fertilized, my body gets rid of it along with the lining of the tube it lives in which contains nourishment for the baby to feed on when it gets made. So once a month, for a few days I bleed, blood and some dark tissue comes out and the egg is in that, it's very tiny, you wouldn't see it. Then, for about three weeks I can't conceive. I think when we were in the cave my body was so close to getting rid of this egg that it wasn't able to make it into a baby."
Pazu sat and thought about that. A baby of his, and hers. She would be its mother and he would be a father. It might have been a beautiful little girl, or it might have been a boy and would have grown up to run and jump and ride on his shoulders and build flying machines. It was a strange sensation to think that a chance thing like the time of the month they lay together would decide if life happened or not. It felt a little sad to him.
"You said you bleed for several days?"
"Yes, usually three or four, but occasionally longer."
He shook his head, more than anything he was impressed. How did she simply put up with it?
"Wow, how do you cope?"
"Like this. Cloths to hold the blood, washing often. But if it's hot weather I just wear a loose dress, go barefoot outdoors and let it flow. I'm proud of it. All women in Gondoa are."
Pazu was stunned. How could a person walk around for four days, just bleeding?
"In Gondoa, Paetsu, women who are at the bleeding part of their cycle are really important and honoured above all others. They bear the outward sign of Lucita's life force, so that makes them special."
"I'm sure I'll get used to it one day. Anyway, my stomach's rumbling, come on, let's go and eat."
"Wait."
She wiped her forehead with the damp cloth, put a finger into the leather bucket and dipping it in her own blood she put a dot of it on her forehead. She brushed her hair back, and held it with her hair band, making sure the mark showed.
"Now I bear the mark. I bear it with pride. It's easy for me. I just have to cope with being special four days a month. What's it like for you, putting up with it all the time?"
"When you're around, it's easy. I just be like you."
She smiled at him, all he could do was smile back.
"Oh, and there's one other thing. I owe you an apology. I'm sorry."
"Oh?"
"The last two days I was horrible to you. I'm really sorry. Part of my body doing what it does makes me really short tempered and grumpy and well, not very nice to be near. I get bad pains in my stomach, and in other places. Especially here," (she put both hands to her chest, covering herself), "these can really hurt, especially the ends, they get sore and sensitive, particularly if I'm cold. It's horrible and every time it happens I get very cross about it all."
Pazu looked relieved.
"I thought it was something I'd done and you were annoyed with me. I was trying to think what it was."
"Oh, Paetsu, I'm so sorry. I'll be extra nice to you now. It's my fault, I should be aware of it starting and tell you but I just didn't think and once I get wrapped up in my grumpy mood I can't break out of it, it just has to work itself off."
"Next time, I'll know."
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26 – 30 March 2007
(1) Yaoko, the Gondoan mountain ox.
(2) Bruaendell is the name of Sheeta's village. There are numerous villages and towns in Gondoa, although no large cities.
(3) Because I gave this world two moons, the female cycle is not 28 days as on Earth, but 45 days, the length of the combined lunar month in this world, that is, from conjunction to conjunction of Tahro and Ptamos, (the two moons being together in the sky). So this planet has 360 days in a year made up of eight 45 month days. The female cycle on this planet is still matched to the lunar cycle, so women ovulate every 45 days, being fertile for approximately half that period. The week is still seven days of 24 hours. Because I love women so much, in my universe I cut them some slack: they endure PMT and period pains only eight times a year, instead of twelve and they have a far longer infertile window in their cycle when they can have fun without the worry of pregnancy : )
The downside is that with a 45 day cycle, when women menstruate the blood flow and cramps will be heavier.
For author notes about Chapter Thirty Six, please see my forum (click on my pen name)