Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood or its characters.

Someone wrote in to Ask Leon. I hope you get a good reply. Wonder what happened to the relics of St Mark? As group working for peace, AX members do carry a lot of firepower. What's behind that?

I am only acquainted with the anime series and part of the manga. I received a review informing me of my misquoting of Tres' name as HC-IIX, who appears as Duo Iqus in the novel (?), I will make corrections in future issues. Maybe Duo will write in to give his kid brother an earful? Or a touchy family reunion…

The Trinity Times

Issue 11

VENICE MASS DISTURBANCE

Failed Assassination Attempt

The Pope's visit to Venice was marred by an attempt on his life and a hostage incident during the Midnight Mass to reinstate the remains of Saint Mark. Undisclosed sources claim it was a case of a single religious fanatic acting alone. Shortly after the start of the Mass, the Pope was confronted by the fanatic. It is not known how the madman bypassed the strict security checks. He was thwarted by the alert members of the Pope's personal guard. A young choir boy was taken hostage but emerged unscathed after a tense standoff. The fanatic was shot dead by an alert guard. Church officials have declined further comment on this incident. Citizens and choir boys of Venice are reminded that this is a freak happening and there is no cause for alarm.

VATICAN SPECIAL REPORT

Gun-toting Clergy a Sign of Troubled Times Worldwide

The Vatican's statistics for clerical gun licenses has shown a marked increase over the recent weeks, the bulk of which are for revolvers, pistols and other small handguns. This is due to a spate of violent crimes targeting church representatives worldwide. Notable examples are the slaughter in a church in Amsterdam and the brutal attack on an abbess in Istvan. Church representatives claim they have the right to be protected as they go about spreading the Good News. Below are some excerpts from interviews with random weapon-toting members of the clergy in St Peter's Square:

"I have six months of training in marksmanship and self-defence. I hope I don't have to actually use (my gun), but it is good to have it at hand." – Sister Esther (showing off her semi-auto revolver)

"As God is my Shepherd, this staff is all I need…" – an anonymous (and very handsome) travelling priest

"Affirmative. I have 4 sixteen-shot pistols at hand. They have been utilized on exactly 1,236 occasions since my commission." – Brother Tres

"As a knight of the Inquisition Bureau, I am expected to carry a weapon. Meet my lance, the Screamer." – Captain of the Inquisition

"Pistols? I am talking about my bazooka here!" – Leon, a priest

RELIC FAKES!

Certification by Albion University Leaves Venetian Church Embarrassed

The alleged bones of St Mark have been declared artful forgeries after a suspicious lay brother sought a second opinion from the University of Albion. Concerns on the authenticity of the find last month was initially raised by a lay brother and zoologist in Rome. However, the artefacts were authenticated by a renowned Venetian relic expert and the suspicions were dismissed as groundless despite the zoologist's concerns. Lay Brother Martin Lightfinger then decided to take his own initiative.

During the removal of the bones from the cellar where they were found, Brother Lightfinger took a small bone and had it sent to his sister at the University of Albion where experts in pathology have found the bones to be those of an ape. Unfortunately, the Mass to reinstate the so-called relics was over before the DNA results were released by the Albion labs. The Cathedral of St Mark officials were left red-faced when the results were disclosed by the Vatican officials after two days after the Mass. The Vatican has declined further comment on this incident. Rome has ruled that all future relics need to be verified by at least two independent sources before the church will recognize them as holy relics. The artefact appraiser who had certified the fake remains was coincidentally the victim of a brutal murder.

Ask Leon

Leon here. We have with us today Father A, who has finally deigned to honour us with his wisdom after partying out all night with a hot blonde chick at the Venice Summer Carnival. (nudge, wink)

Father A: Leon! It wasn't that way!

Dear Leon

I responded to an ad for to be a groomer to a noble lady's cats. What she did not tell me is that her cats are Caspian tigers! Help! I have signed the employment contract and I am not looking forward to tendering my resignation as the lady has a fierce temper.

- Scaredy Cat Groomer

Dear Scaredy

A mutual dialogue with your employer will go a long way to easing your concerns. I am sure you can work out a win-win solution to your troubles, unless the said lady is a noblewoman from Odessa, in which case, I assure you that the tiger is the better bet.

- Yours in prayer, Father A

Dear Leon

I am currently leading an army on a bloody rampage but I think that one of my followers may be plotting against me but I have no solid proof, what should I do?

- General Zargon

Dear Zargon,

I hate to burst your bubble but are you sure it is only one? Normally, generals who lead their armies on bloody rampages often find a dozen or so daggers in the back, courtesy of their followers.

- Sincerely, Leon

Ano, I believe a decent dialogue with your follower may pinpoint the source of displeasure for you to rectify the situation. However, it may be advisable to conduct your dialogue from behind a sturdy piece of bullet-proof glass.

- Sincerely, Father A

Dear HC-IIIX

I know you are the one using MY name for your rotten advice column. I am not amused. If your data bank has not been scrambled by AX, you will know that contrary to popular myth, I survived that little incident at the Gun Metal Hut. So, my little brother, I demand you use your real name instead of hiding behind mine. By the way, what happened to HC-IX?

- The Real HC-IIX

Gah! I thought we shoved you in that furnace… er, HC-IIIX is currently away but I have notified him. He updates his database and promises not to use your name. First, he will be having a few words with his manufacturer. He invites you for a little reunion at the Gun Metal Hut after he returns from his current duties. By the way, your big brother HC-IX sends his regards recycled as our office coffee grinder.

- Sweatdroppingly yours, Father A

Recruitment

Ad for Choir-boys: The Cathedral of St Mark of Venice is currently seeking choir boys. Must have a pleasant (unbroken) voice and be between the ages of 8 to 14. Auditions are to be held next Monday at 3 in the afternoon at the cathedral's East wing.

Cat Groomer Wanted

Noble lady seeking personal groomer for her orange and black stripe cats. Must love big cats. My last groomer ran into a bad day, my bad day. If any party is interested, please contact me at the Grand Venus Hotel, Venice by tomorrow evening as I will be leaving for home shortly.

– Lady Arsan, Viscountess

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Personal:

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Author's Notes:

In the manga, Astharoshe's 'cat' is a huge tiger, who tries to chew up Abel when he calls on the Duchess of Kiev/ Visountess of Odessa.