Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood or its characters.
Welcome to Cartago, land of the Arabian nights… and Inquisition airships? I have been adding little nuggets for the humour. No offence. Pardon any bad quoting, or misquoting.
The Trinity Times
Issue 12
MILITARY RULE DECLARED IN CARTAGO BY INQUISITION
Blast at the Vatican's Embassy kills 5, Assassination Attempt on Cardinal Sofraz
The Inquisition Bureau has declared military rule in the free port city of Cartago after a bomb was set off at the Vatican's embassy to Cartago. The bomb went off in the grounds of the embassy at about 11 pm last night, killing 5 embassy guards and wounding 15 others. Sources state that a would-be assassin forced his way into the bed chamber of the visiting Vatican envoy, Cardinal Catherina Sofraz. The assassination attempt was foiled by the cardinal's alert bodyguard. The embassy was moderately damaged in the blast and the ensuing shootout. The assassin escaped capture and is believed to be wounded. Rumours hint that this brazen attack on the embassy and the envoy may be instigated by terrorist vampires.
The Duke Medici has despatched an Inquisition fleet to impose order in the desert port and protect his sister, the Cardinal Sofrza. The duke reassures all Cartago citizens that the Inquisition is there to protect them from further terrorist attacks, and not as some allege, a bid to impose Vatican rule by force in Cartago. The Vatican honours the autonomous rights of the port of Cartago and all business may continue as normal outside the curfew hours from dusk to dawn. Citizens of Cartago are strongly encouraged to cooperate with the Inquisition. All terrorist vampires and their collaborators will be severely dealt with.
Hawaii Court Rules Misadventure in Methuselah Deaths
Hawaii high court rules misadventure in the unfortunate deaths and casualties in the Hawaiian Methuselah Surf Club at the annual Surf-Up competition last month. Prompt action by Terran lifeguards saved the lives of at least twelve club members. Tragically, six members of the club perished from their burns. Coconut-Kool Pte Ltd, the sponsor for the event will be charged with gross negligence in failing to provide the competitors with adequate waterproof sun block. The county regrets this tragic incident and hopes that the Terran and surviving Methuselah communities on the islands will continue to co-exist in harmony.
– Aloha Press
WARNING by TOTAL Skin Care Products
All consumers please be informed that TOTAL UV protection sun block creams do not provide UV protection adequate for Methuselah skins. Our company will not be held responsible for any accidents arising from misuse of our products. – TOTAL management
Ask Leon
Blanche, Father A and HC-IIIX have been despatched to the bannocks in some sand-swept wilderness and the Prof is tied up with some business in his lab with an old friend. So I guess it is up to me, Leon, to reply to your letters. Rest assured that I will provide my best as advice columnist.
Dear Leon
I have a problem. I have this superior in a military organisation I have a major crush on. However, he only thinks of me as his capable lieutenant. Help. I want him to look at me in a different way, like maybe his girlfriend?
- Frustrated Lady
Dear Lady
I would suggest ditching your uniform for a sexier get-up. Maybe figure-hugging black leather to emphasis your curves? No man will miss that. – Leon
Dear Leon
I took your advice, Father A, and had a long chat with the follower mentioned in my last letter, however things soon turned ugly as the follower pulled out a machine gun, he is to be executed at dawn but now I have another problem, it seems that I have more followers against me than I thought, what should I do about this?
General Zargon
Dear Zargon
I am sorry but Father A is unable to advise you today. About the other chaps, I told you so. Have you considered changing your management style?
- Leon
Dear Leon
I am in this huge mess. I have this very good friend; he's like a blood brother to me. However, I am dedicated to a cause that requires my pal to be killed in a manner that will plunge the known world into open warfare. My superiors are not taking no for an answer. So I set up a little shootout for him to die in. Except he manages to limp out of it, very much alive. I should have done things myself except I can't bring myself to kill him when he's got that silly 'I-trust-you-with-my-life' look on his face. Maybe a little tip-off… Gah! Why the hell am I writing in to a Terran?
- Rebel with a Cause
Dear Rebel
With a pal like you, who needs enemies? It sounds that you have dug yourself in real deep this time. I remind you some things. One, blessed are the peacemakers, warmongers wind up in a toasty place known as Hell, or at least Inquisition cells. Two, what is more important to you? Some flaming cause or your blood brother and pal? Search your heart (assuming you still have one left) and I think you will find the answer, and tell those other rebels to (bleep)
- Disgusted, Leon
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Cartago Ibelis Inn Puppet Stage presents the well-loved Germanic fairytale, Sleeping Beauty. Child prodigy master puppeteer to perform for the matinee. Rose Cross Club members are eligible for free house drinks.
Personals:
Yo, Abel, return me my speedboat! I need it for my dive-party! – Slyvie
Sword Dancer, please kindly contact Iron Maiden pronto. You were last seen taking a raft in the direction of the Atlantic Ocean during hurricane season. We do not want to arrange a premature funeral for you, again, like the last time. It is embarrassing for all of us and a waste of time.
Author's Notes:
Someone has gone AWOL again. I can't get over that idea of Hugue going to sea solo on a raft in the manga. No prizes for what the Rose Cross Club is. I never figure out who Slyvie is. Radu is really, really in a dilemma about Ion.