Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood or its characters.
Cardinal Francesco rains on someone's column. And more fun with Ask Leon and team. My connection's still wierd, so I thank all readers for their reviews here as I seem to be having problems replying by the usual way.
The Trinity Times
Issue 16
Vice-Editor's Notice:
This paper will not be an outlet for blasphemy! From this issue forth, we will not publish any more letters promoting co-existence of humans with vampires! It is heresy to even contemplate a relationship with a vile monster as a vampire! All vampires should be dealt with in the usual method, namely executed.
- Vice Editor, Cardinal Francesco
(Catherina: That is so uncalled for, brother... )
SPORTS FEATURE
Annual Byzantinum Roof Race: Backstabbing and Scandals Galore
The annual Roof Race of Byzantinum was held yesterday with more than its usual share of spills, slips and backstabbing surprises. The rules are simple. Each competing Methuselah family sends one representative to race 20 km from the East neighbourhood to the Palace gates. It is also rumoured that this event is a prime excuse for feuding families to settle their scores. Before the start of the race, foul play was hinted at when a leading favourite in the race, Duke Baybars, suddenly withdrew from the race due to whispers of unauthorized intrusions into the palace.
Another shocker was the ambush and hamstringing of the Fortuna representative by the Barvon family competitor. Some witnesses went so far as to claim that the victim was almost pushed off the roof while incapacitated. The Fortuna family was forced to withdraw from the race as its representative was unable to continue. Both families have competed in previous roof races as allies and this incident has grave implications for Imperial politics. Count Rashid Barvon denies any rivalry between his son and the Fortuna heir over the affections of a certain young lady as alleged in Byzantinum tabloids.
True to form, the volatile Asran family representative has destroyed another steeple this year trying to slow down the competition. To preserve the architecture of the city, judges will consider banning all weapons not part of the competitors' bodies in future races. In addition to a charge of wilful vandalism, the Asrans are expected to face charges of causing grievous injury to various nobles.
The Suleyman family was disqualified for sending in two competitors in violation of one of the few rules. Duke Suleyman maintains that he has only intention was to retrieve his daughter. Lady Latifa Suleyman refuses to comment on why she was participating in the race armed with a silver-tipped lance, in another violation of the rules. The family will be banned from the race for the next 10 years. There are whispers that the engagement between the Suleyman and Barvon clans is on the rocks and may be called off in the near-future.
Surprisingly, for the first time in 30 years, a Terran participated in the race. The competitor, known only as Abel, did not finish the race due to reasons unknown. Competitors racing alongside the Terran reported he displayed an astounding speed for a Terran. The winner for this year's race is surprisingly, a young Methuselah commoner. The young lady identified herself simply as Seth, a humble tea-seller. She clocked a new record of 32 minutes 4 seconds, 10 minutes faster than the previous record.
Merchant Killed: Verdict of Burglary Gone Wrong
Renowned Byzantinum medicine trader Mimar was found murdered in what is believed to be a bungled burglary. Byzantinum investigators believe that he was taking a siesta after and woke up to surprise the intruders. Neighbours note that the old man has returned from his latest trading trip to Cartago three days earlier than expected. Investigators believe the burglars may not have been expecting him to be home as the burglary was committed at midday, a time of much activity in the Terran district. The culprits are still at large.
The brutal nature of the crime evoked memories of the mass murderer Endre of Zagreb, who is held responsible for the deaths of more than 300 Terrans in the Empire and Outside. Endre is currently held in a secret high-security prison pending sentence.
Ask Leon
Hi ya readers! A big thank you for all the lovely fan mail. Oh, hate mails will be used to light pipes. The team will continue to serve you to the best of our ability. With me today is the Prof and HC-IIIX. We three old chaps hope we can lend a helping hand to all you folks.
Dear Leon
My Methuselah neighbours keep running about on my roof all hours in training for the annual Roof Race and it is keeping me awake!
-Sleepless in Byzantinum
Dear Sleepless
For 4 dinas, I will send you my WWW heavy-duty ear plugs for that pattering of feet on your roof tiles. A peaceful night's sleep is a guarantee. My neighbours have not complained about my late nights in the lab since they purchased them.
- Professor WWW
Recommend defensive action by installing silver spikes on your roof. Also keep a pistol loaded with silver bullets handy. If silver is not economical, use holy water on your roof.
- HC-IIIX
Grease up your roof tiles, kick back and watch the fun start.
- Yours in mischief, Leon
Dear Leon
For some (bleep) reason, I find myself playing babysitter to this kid. All he does since coming here is sit and mope in the corner. I understand that he has lost family suddenly and can sympathize with him. But that glum face of his is starting to piss me off. He does not sleep or eat. It's like he has given up on life! The wimp! I feel like tossing him to my house-tiger just to check if he has died from despair yet.
- Unwilling babysitter
Dear Babysitter
You sound like you are under stress. I recommend my pal Kate's de-stressing flower tea for your nerves. A pinch of lavender, camomile and rose hips with your tea will ease your headache. For your grief-stricken charge, I suggest a warm milk tea to encourage sleep. In the meanwhile, our team will pray for your charge. If your charge fails to recover from his depression or sinks deeper in, please contact a professional counsellor.
- Yours in prayer, Professor WWW
Attach electrodes to the subject to track heartbeat, respiration and brainwaves to confirm life. Do not use tigers to confirm life. To provide nutrients, an IV glucose feed is recommended.
- HC-IIIX
Dear Leon
I took your advise and got the silver bullets and silencer for the vampire in my living room and then put them to use, D left but now I have bullet holes in the walls of my living room! do you happen to know a good contractor to hire who'll be able to fix them before my girlfriend sees them? by the way, can you tell Hugue that I have received his letter and am willing to take the 3 favors instead of the 400 dinars?
General Zargon
Hey, Hugue! Do you mind helping your pal with DIY home repairs?
- Leon
Dear Leon,
I am INNOCENT! I did not kill my grandmother, and I did not kill the former butler and I sure am NOT planning high treason! I'm being set up! But the Imperial guards are after my neck and so are the real traitors. I have received information that someone is in danger and I need to inform them. Help!
- Totally Innocent
Dear Innocent-till-proven-guilty
I really hate to be in your place. A dungeon is a lousy place to be. Try calling on your trusted friends for help, I refer to those you can trust to watch your back in a fight, and are willing to keep you company in prison if your luck runs out on you.
- Sympathetically yours, Leon
Notice from Noble Swordsmiths Union
After careful investigation, we are proud to announce that our blades meet the standards set by the Empire. In fact, the Yeniceri, Imperial bodyguard, was renewed their contract with us this year. Our swords can stand up to any fight, unless for some suicidal reason, you decide to take on the chief of the Yeniceri himself.
Personal Notice:
Dear Isaak, I am doing well with my pet projects and will be taking a side-trip to renew some old acquaintances. Send my regards to Lord Cain. I do hope he is holding up well. – Dietrich.
Reply: Dear Dietrich, one day you will get killed for real and we will all be wondering why. – Isaak.
Personal:
Methuselah noble lady seeking deserving Methuselah nobleman as husband. Must be younger than 250 years old, be at least 1.8 m tall and have a minimum title of Count or Earl. Must NOT hail from the family of Barvon as I am not keen on running into my ex, ever.
– Lady L. Suleyman
Seeking Lost Family: I am seeking my long-lost brother, Abel for a joyful family reunion. Sister Seth is welcome to join in as well. – Cain
Big brother A, wherever you are, don't call on me in my mansion. I prefer a less formal setting like the Central Square. – Little sister S
Missing: My beloved sister Anis de Watteau. Last seen being snatched by (bleep) vampires from our manor 10 years ago. Has our family's striking good looks, even then. Blond. Expected current age is seventeen. If you have any information on her whereabouts, please send to PO Box 12, Vatican City.
- Hugue
Author's Notes:
The idea of a roof race is inspired by a fictional city called Hav. All the unfriendly competition is an add on. Radu's engagement is well on the way to kaput. Diet doesn't watse time with females he has no use for or used on one of his pet schemes.