Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood or its characters.
In this chapter, someone tries his hand at the advice column. And someone's been naughty in the dungeons. Oh, yes, the Asran ladies are scary.
The Trinity Times
Issue 17
Letter from the Editor
In light of certain difficulties in the advice column, we will be bringing back one-time advice columnist: Knight D. He will be working with Leon as part of the new initiative to improve the public image of the Vatican's Inquisition army. Also, my Vice-Editor, and big brother, has strongly encouraged this joint advice column based on allegations that advice given previously was unfeeling, if not outright criminal. The Church does not encourage acts of vandalism, reckless endangerment of lives or attempts to cause hurt. Why can't we all get along?
- Chief Editor Alessandro (crosses fingers and prays frantically)
EMPRESS DEAD IN CRYPT BLAST?
Speculation rife over Succession
Byzantinum- The capital city of the New Breed Empire was rocked by speculations that the Empress was a victim of a mysterious blast at the Moldova crypt outside the city. Tragedy has plagued the family recently with the violent death f its matriarch, the late Duchess of Moldova, Mirka Fortuna. The Duchess was also a close confidant of the Empress and it was officially released by the palace that the Empress had indeed visited the crypt with the intention of paying her last respects to a dear friend at the time of blast. The crypt was totally destroyed and no official reports have been released to the outside press as yet. The palace has been ominously quiet regarding the fate of the Empress.
Some eyewitness reports state that the Empress' procession to the crypt was stopped shortly by a young Terran female and the late Duchess' grandson for reasons unknown. As the prime suspect in his grandmother's murder, the boy and his companion were taken into imperial custody. Duke Baybars, chief of palace security, has declined to comment on the arrests. The Empress has presided over the Empire for 900 years but is not known to have any surviving relatives or children to succeed her.
Tension is high in the empire and at the Vatican as the question of succession arises. Though Cardinal Francesco claims that a new ruler will in no way affect the Vatican's line on foreign policy with regards to the empire, his sister reluctantly acknowledges that a power vacuum in the Empire will threaten the long-term relations between the Terran and Methuselahs. "Likely candidates to the throne include high ranking imperial nobles who have a hardline attitude towards negotiations between the Empire and humans," the Duchess of Milan was quoted. "The peace we have now is shaky at best, and the wrong kind of emperor may plunge this fragile truce into chaos."
It is hardly surprising as a favourite nominee for the throne is Duke Suleyman of Tigris. Suleyman is one of the three nobles closest to the Empress in her life, the remaining two nobles being the late Duchess Mirka and Duke Baybars. Duke Baybars has voiced that he would not put any claim on the throne. On the contrary, the duke asks the Empress' successor to grant him early retirement. "I have failed my Empress. I have no wish to sit on the throne or to serve another ruler," the Duke announced to his men after the blasts. He was still directing a search of the debris during press time.
No other claimants have come forth yet, though there was dissent at Suleyman ascending the throne. The Barvon family has been slated as a strong supporter of Suleyman's claim despite recent difficulties between the families as a result of a failed marriage arrangement. On the contrary, the Arsan family has opposed the claim vocally. "He may have been like an uncle to my children, but that doesn't mean I agree that he is the best candidate!" Lady Anastasia, Duchess of Caspian, declared.
It is unlikely that the Asrans would nominate one of their own as a candidate. The womenfolk of the Asran household are known for their outspokenness. If they had a candidate in mind, the competition would be joining the folks in the crypts shortly. However, unconfirmed sources claimed that Lady Anastasia's daughter, Duchess Astaroshe of Kiev, has been missing since the blasts and may have eloped with a Terran priest. When questioned on her daughter's alleged elopement, Lady Anastasia smiled sweetly and promised to provide us with a juicy headline item once she gets her hands on those rumourmongers. Duchess is fondly known to her fellow nobles as the Caspian Tigress.
Notice from the Vatican
For the last time, the catacombs are for the dead to lie in, not the living! The catacombs of Rome are the sacred resting places of martyrs, please treat them with respect. Pilgrims and other persons are to note that you should not neck, grope, French-kiss or engage in any hanky panky while in the presence of God. The same thing goes for the churches!
-Cardinal Francesco
P.S. Will the two Inquisition members caught in a compromising situation in the dungeons please report to my office. The explanation better be good.
Reply:
Dear Cardinal, I assure you that we were not engaging in any hanky panky. My long hair simply got in one of our medieval instruments of torture during a routine inspection and she was trying to disentangle it. I apologize that we are unable to report to you in person I am engaged on His Sanctity's orders and you gave her marching orders to Malta regarding some vampire trouble there.
Ask Leon and Knight D
Leon: HC-IIIX is at his servicing. I must confess that I don't like the idea one bit of having to pair up with an Inquisition man. Sugar with your coffee? (Pours a cuppa)
Knight D: Well, tough. It is His Sanctity's orders… This coffee tastes like dishwater! God grant me the strength and patience not to knock off your (bleep) block…
Leon: Really? I never noticed any weird taste. (Tosses away old-sock-turned-coffee-strainer under the table and drinks his instant 3-in-1 coffee)
Dear Leon
My child is planning treason and regencide. He used to be such a darling boy. I gave him and the children the best chances at education. I was so pleased when he got a civil service position. He has always been a good servant to the Throne for many years, 300 to be exact. Suddenly, he has his immediate superior murdered, is plotting to kill our monarch and take over the kingdom. Just tonight, he actually dropped me off a cliff into the sea. Where did I go wrong as a mother? If you are going to advise me to spank him, I must remind you that he is too old for that.
- Concerned Mother
Dear Concerned Mother
The Bible instructs all to honour thy father and mother. Also the commandment states that "Thou shalt not kill." I will be more than willing to help you discipline your wayward child. Hang on, did you say he is 300 years old? By any chance are you Methuselahs?
- Suspiciously yours, Knight D
Did you say he has a civil service job for the past 3 centuries? Don't you know that rots the brain? A fine example is my colleague here…
- Leon (dodges the Screamer and whips out his bazooka.)
Editor's note: While Leon and Knight D engage in a friendly sparring match, I hope, we will refer your letters to a young man who has volunteered to help us via HAM short-wave radio. He has identified himself as Dexter Knight from Albion.
Dear Leon
I broke up with my girlfriend some time ago and now she is seeing someone else! Help! I can't stand seeing them together all lovey-dovey like. To make matters worse, it is so unnatural. She's a human and he's a vampire, even if he is a duke or somewhat. Currently, I have the pair locked up in my dungeons in my island castle but they are still going on the lovey-dovey. It's making me sick!
- Thwarted Lover
Dear Thwarted Loser
Dear me, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Oops, you are a gent, aren't you? Well, how would you like having them at each other's throats? I recommend you starve the bloodsucker and then turn him loose on her. Then hand her a silver dagger and watch the fun. I hope you are not that keen on your ex.
- Dexter Knight
(Chief Editor faints in horror. HC-IIIX returns from his fortnightly servicing and blasts the HAM radio into smithereens before sitting down to answer the next letter.)
Dear Leon
I was entrusted with the care of two young ones but they have gone missing. Help! I think they may have run out into the cemetery and it's pitch dark and crawling with things that go bump in the night! Would you believe the size of the cemetery they have here?
- Babysitter
Dear Babysitter
Use your GPS tracking system to locate the targets. If targets are in the vicinity, strongly recommend using heat signatures. For a low-tech method, use sniffer dogs.
- HC-IIIX
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