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The Trinity Times
Issue 18
SHOCKER: The Empress is Alive!
Head of Secret Service Alive and Well Too
Extremist Network Busted
Byzantinum- The Imperial Court of the New Breed Empire is pleased, and slightly embarrassed to announce that news of the Empress' demise was highly premature. The Augusta is very much alive and well as evidenced by her recent appearance at the trial of Count Ion Fortuna. The empress presided over the highly publicized trial heavily veiled as is her usual practice. Duke Baybars was also in attendance at the court.
Accused of the murder of his grandmother and high treason, the Count was cleared of all charges except one count of resisting arrest and challenging an officer of the court. He was sentenced to three hours of community service in light of his recent contribution in bringing about the arrest of several radical faction leaders. The murder victim in this case was very much alive. The Duchess Mirka Fortuna was seen picking up her only grandson in her horse carriage outside the Court of Justice. The pair later partook a light lunch at the popular Mint-leaf Café with Lady Astaroshe of Kiev. Regarding recent rumours about her elopement, Lady Astaroshhe denied this allegation vehemently and states that she will never accept a mere Terran as a partner, much less a husband, especially if he is Vatican priest with bad table manners and a dorky attitude. She emphasised her point by threatening the reporters with her spear.
Official reports from the court state that the Empress had left the Fortuna mausoleum secretly and earlier than scheduled after receiving warning from unnamed sources regarding possible attempts on her life. She has since been heavily guarded by her trusted bodyguard and trusted nobles of the court, including the Duchess of Moldova. Rumours of her demise in the explosion were spread in an attempt to flush the radicals out of hiding. The ploy proved successful with the netting of two dozen extremists, some of whom were killed while resisting arrest by the Yeniceri.
The dead included the Deputy Chief of the Secret Service, Duke Suleyman of Tigris, and Baron Radu Barvon of Luxor. Several members of the Barvon and the Suleyman households are placed under house arrest pending investigations. The extremists have confessed to plotting the attempted murders of the Duchess of Moldova and the Empress. The Empress states that she is greatly shocked and saddened that trusted members of the Byzantinum nobility are embroiled in this coup attempt. A major re-shuffle of the court is expected.
Mix up in the Identification of Murder Victim
The Byzantinum forensic department was caught off guard with their misidentification of charred remains recovered from the gutted Moldova Mansion as those of the Duchess Mirka Fortuna. Further DNA tests have revealed the true identity of the victim as the Duchess' housekeeper, Mara Morvini. Cause of death was verified as major trauma due to a bomb being set off in the bedroom where she was changing the sheets. Mrs Morvini, a widow survived by two sons, was coincidentally the same physical built and age as the Duchess.
The housekeeper was allegedly a casualty of an attempt on the Duchess' life. The bomb was timed to go off before breakfast. The Duchess has testified that on the day in question, she had broken her long-standing habit of sleeping in late on Sundays by leaving her house before dawn to get some rest and relaxation away, and alone, in the Moldova summer villa in the Urals. She was only aware of her alleged death and her grandson's detention after her return from her vacation.
ALBION QUEEN ILL: Succession Unresolved
Albion – The palace authority has confirmed recent rumours about the failing health of Queen Bridget XI. Since last summer, the Queen has been absent from council meetings in Westminster and other official functions. She has, however, maintained control over the affairs of state from her palace with the aid of her trusted councillors, Count Virgil Walsh of Manchester and Captain Mary Spencer of the Albion Security Forces. Last week, sources alleged that the Queen had collapsed during a meeting with her two aides and has been bedridden since.
Speculation is rife regarding the succession in light of the Queen's failing health. The throne of Albion has no heir apparent since the tragic assassination of Crown Prince Gilbert, the only child of Queen Bridget, fifteen years ago. The Prince and his wife were killed instantly when a car bomb planted by extremists went off. The bombing was carried by conservative radicals protesting against the Queen and state's recognition of the couple's marriage. The intended target of the blast was the Crown Princess Bianca. Prince Gilbert had, in defiance of royal protocol, married a Hungarian commoner in secret.
The palace has denied that the Queen had considered her distant cousins, Duke Erin of Ireland or Ludwig XI of Germany as likely heirs. Albion parliament has declared an emergency council regarding the succession. To add further to the situation, the Queen's decision to legitimize the late Prince Gilbert's union fifteen years ago was rumoured to be inspired by the existence of a child. The existence of this child has never been confirmed by the palace. Gossip has it that the baby was spirited to safety shortly after the deaths of its parents. The press speculates that Her Majesty may reveal the whereabouts of the heir to the throne shortly.
TRIVIA: Votes for Best Places to Initiate Romance
1) Dark creepy place like a catacomb or dungeon – not for the wimpy or faint of heart. Avoid being locked in. Scaring your date is also a definite no-no.
2) Dark underground river- a boat trip in the dark speaks volumes of romance, if you do not have the sewer stench and the creepy monsters on your tail.
3) Gardens – Flowers, birds and sunshine. Best for those who are afraid of the dark. Good for starting a gentle romance for first-timers. Just get rid of the gooseberry following your date in the nearest fountain.
4) Market street – too shy to walk with your loved one alone? Do it in a crowd on market day under the pretext of shopping. Hold her/his hand on the pretext of not getting lost. Don't get too lovey-dovey or be prepared to have the tea-girls singing naughty rhymes about you.
5) Gardens at night – For the adventurous, an illicit indulgence in the dark of the night may put sparks in your love life. Just beware of the bugs and things that go bump in the night. And that tiger…
Ask Leon
Leon here. I apologize for last issue's incident on the HAM radio. Dexter Knight is never gonna air his advice on my column ever. I regret to inform all that Knight D has quit the column in favour of chasing down vampires in Malta with his girlfriend. My colleagues, Prof WWW and HC-IIIX will be assisting me with the column today.
Dear Leon,
Due to health reasons, I may be handing over the reins of power a lot sooner than I wish. My distant relatives are already sending their condolences (although I am still very much alive) and they are waiting for me to die so they can get down to dismantling the empire I oversaw for the last fifty years. Actually, I may have an heir somewhere that will scuttle my relatives' ambitions to the bottom of the English Channel. You see, my late son Gil may have had a daughter. Due to threats to his family's safety, he left her in a safe place 15 years back. Unfortunately, he was assassinated before he could tell me where my grandchild is. My trusted aides are working to find my grandchild before it is too late but they have all turned up blanks. Help.
- Granny Bridie
Dear Granny
I am pleased to offer our aid in locating your missing grandchild. The Vatican runs about 70 percent of all orphanages in Europe and we can start from there. Please have your aide send us more information regarding your grandchild, such as place and date of birth, or distinguishing characteristics so we can run a check on our files. However, I regret to notify you that due to lack of manpower and the large number of babies left at Vatican orphanages, we may only be able to give you a reply in 10 years.
- With apologies, Leon
(Prof WWW: Actually, we can do it in less than an hour if we feed all that data into my latest invention here…
He feeds files into a weird machine. The machine bursts into flames, reducing the files to ashes. Leon grabs a fire hose and puts out the flames.
Leon: Nice going, Prof. There goes a thousand sisters' chances of being reunited with their families.)
Dear Leon
My employer intends to send me abroad to seek a long-lost kin of hers. However, I am faced with a dilemma here. I suspect my kid sister is hanging out with the wrong crowd. She's the only family I have left. If I go abroad on my employer's urgent business, I fear that my sister will get into a whole mass of trouble. Last week, I discovered that she has been caching guns and ammunitions in our family boathouse overlooking the Thames. I don't want my sis to get into trouble…
- Worried Brother in Albion
Dear Brother
Recommend that ammunitions be stored in a cool, dry place away from water. Please advise your sister that damp ammunitions can be a liability in an emergency.
– HC-IIIX
Persuade your employer to allow your sister to travel with you on business. A tour of Europe while searching for a missing person may do wonders for you and your estranged sibling, if you don't kill each other on the train first.
- Leon
Dear Leon
My big brother is a stubborn stick-in-the-mud and an old fogy! He does not understand or support me one whit! Recently, I attended an eye-opener of a discussion with some friends. It really opened up my eyes to the unfairness in our society. So I suggest to my brother during dinner that we do something big to make things better for our people. He goes off on a lecture on not upsetting the status quo and all that trash. And he calls my ideas foolish! Needless to say, the dinner ended with us throwing plates at each other. Gah! What can I do to make him understand my beliefs are right? Our people cannot continue the way they are!
- Frustrated Sister in Albion
Dear Sister
In out youth, we tend to feel our beliefs more strongly. Your brother may have a point in his argument. Albion is, after all, a somewhat conservative society. I am speaking as a fellow Albionian and from experience here. Changes can only be effected gradually in such a society. Cchanges that are too radical may work against your cause eventually. I got booted out of the Albion University over some radical experiments against university protocol. It took me a good five years before I could get back on my research and inventions. Speak with your brother. This time, try t reach a workable compromise.
- Yours with understanding, Professor WWW
Say, by any chance are you related to Worried Brother?
- Leon
Memorial to the late Baron of Luxor
Radu, rest in peace. I never really understood you. Was power and the all that worth blowing our friendship over? Anyhow, since your father's still mad at you for getting your brothers and him arrested, we can't get you buried in your family crypt. I hope a plot in the Commoners' Cemetery is to your liking. You could see the sea from here and the sunrise too.
Personal Ads:
Family seeking long lost child. Expected age is fifteen. Red haired, blue-eyed. The family believes she may be in Germany, Bohemia or Hungary, possibly in the care of the Vatican Church. No recent picture of the child exists. Please contact Londinium Missing Persons Bureau if you have information on this girl's whereabouts.