Author's Note: I've just been caught up in a lot of things. My friend broke his leg, I'm cutting classes and detentions, and I'm losing weight faster than Nicole Ritchie back in the day.

Disclaimer: Everything FFVII-centric belongs to Tetsuya Nomura.

Apparently, after he eliminated "NaughtyxVixen" from his match list, he learned that "Au Courant" was a woman six feet tall and was a left-wing democrat who didn't shave to show her radical side. Reno could tell that her picture was PhotoShopped. Looked too… pixilated in some areas, to say the least. Reno thought that she was a giantess wearing a skirt that exposed her gorilla legs to the public, so they would somehow make them become democrats… Reno needed to organize his imagination.

But before he could get to see the profile of "ShakenNotStirred", there were five new melodic sounds, signaling that he had five more matches. A picture of some well-defined pectorals sure brought in women by the bucketful…

Reno ditched the computer after a while because his eyes began to water, and took a nice long nap. It was a Saturday, and should be spent in the best way possible- either sleeping, drinking, or screwing.

Well, with the absence of a person, there was no fun in drinking with yourself. Only anti-social trolls and women like Au Courant who didn't shave to show her radical, left-wing side drank alone. Au Courant was probably drinking alone right now. Reno could just imaging her, hairy gorilla legs and French armpits and all, sitting on a balcony overlooking Costa del Sol with a nice beer in hand, emphysema and formaldehyde rolled up in a small bundle in the other.

Speaking of which…

Where was his nicotine salvation in times of need?

After a few shots of nice tequila and some drags on his cigarette, he got comfortable in the black vinyl barstool. The clink! of an empty glass was a signal for Tifa to get another. "So I was bored one day, right?" Reno began speaking, perhaps in monologue. "And I sign up for this online dating," he took a gulp, "thing. Couldn't think of a name so I picked my favorite candies…"

Tifa froze, dark hair swaying over her face as she did so. Luckily, Reno didn't notice because a new customer ordered a scotch on ice.

"Reno, Reno wake up," Tifa tried nudging the pathetic drunk redhead off the barstool. "It's closing time."

He looked at her through one eye, the bright blue Mako inside faded a bit. It reminded her of aquamarine earrings she used to own. "Mmmrrrghhh… Teeeeeefffaaaa, the nursing home is two miles awaaayy."

Yes, Reno was drunk. No doubt about that.

"Officher? I'm not driving under ze influence."

Tifa slung one of his arms over her shoulder and half-carried, half-dragged him to the door. "Reno… come on, what's your address?" She planned to get a taxi to dump him off at his place.

Reno probably took Tifa as a ruffian, and told her to shove it. She gave him a swift punch to the face and he sobered up a bit.

Red-Hot: I got my ass handed to me by a girl Saturday night.
ShakenNotStirred: Oh, really? I bet she was really ugly and buff.
Red-Hot: Naah, she's really hot. And top-heavy. Damn, she's really hot, when I think about it.
Red-Hot: No offense to you and all but you didn't put up a picture so I don't know what to say.
ShakenNotStirred: You'll see me soon enough, Reno.
ShakenNotStirred has signed off.
Red-Hot: How do you know my name?
The following message: How do you know my name? Could not be sent to all recipients.