Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood or its characters.
More sibling rivalry afoot. Diplomacy is on the cards in this issue. Katherina is in charge of the advice column. Child welfare activists on the move.
The Trinity Times
Issue 20
PAPAL VISIT TO ALBION
Vatican to Strengthen Diplomatic Ties with Albion
Londinium- For the first time in a decade, the pope visited the island nation of Albion. Pope Alessandro XVIII presided yesterday over the funeral service of the late Albion monarch in response to an invitation by the Council of Westminster Peers. The dignified service was well attended by most of the Albionian nobles, court and various foreign dignitaries. The attendance list read like a Who's Who of the European nobility. Duke Erin of Ireland and Duke Ludwig were also present, fuelling speculation on the ascension. When interviewed, Vatican spokeswoman, Sister Esther Blanchett, stresses that the Vatican will not be interfering in the issue of ascension as it will be grossly inappropriate for a goodwill visit.
However, Cardinal Catherina Sforza has announced that the Vatican looks forward to furthering diplomatic ties with the Albion nation to the mutual benefit of both Vatican and Albion. "Both the Holy City and the Albion nation have enjoyed a cordial relationship for decades and we hope to maintain and further these ties. There have been some unfortunate misunderstandings in the past months, but the difficulties have been resolved." Recent difficulties included last year's Tristan incident that left 65 dead. The Albion inquest has raised questions about the alleged presence of two Vatican airships in the vicinity of the hijacked vessel and the alleged firing of a missile at the Tristan. The investigations have not found any concrete evidence implicating the Vatican in the incident.
A free technology trade agreement is expected to be discussed between the papal envoy and Captain Mary Spencer. The Vatican has long expressed interest in cooperating and development of Lost Technologies with the most advanced nation after the Empire of the New Breed. Many of the Albion computer chip developments and technologies are closely guarded by the Ministry of Technologies of Albion, under the direct supervision of the monarch. Minister of Technologies, Count of Manchester, Sir Virgil Walsh, is also expected to be present at the discussion.
The Vatican's ambassador-at-large, Cardinal Sforza, will not be present. The cardinal has turned down an invitation by Westminster on the grounds of her current ill health. She insists that her current headache was not the result of an alleged free-for-all scuffle with her brother on the steps of the St Peter's Basilica over the decision to allow the Pope to travel without an Inquisition legion in tow for security. Security for the pope will be provided by the Albion Security Forces.
Rumours of Diplomatic Outreach to Empire Denied
The Vatican is beleaguered by rumours of a possible treaty with the Empire of the New Breed, the sworn enemy of the Church since the Apocalypse. "Nonsense! Hogwash! No churchman will ever entertain such heresy! This is sheer blasphemy!" Cardinal Francesco declared from his hospital bed after an unfortunate accident involving his sister's cardinal's staff. While discussing security measures for His Sanctity's Albion visit, Cardinals Francesco and Catherina allegedly slipped on the wet steps of the basilica. Eyewitness reports claimed that Cardinal Sforza accidentally hit her brother on the head in the process. Cardinal Sforza has no comments on the rumours.
She acknowledged that while she will not be travelling to Albion, she will be receiving various Vatican allies and diplomats in the Holy City over the next fortnight. Expected visitors include Archbishop Lazarus of the Greek Eastern Orthodoxy, Archbishop Vladimir of the Russian Orthodoxy and Grand Master Matthew of the Order of the Hospitaller Knights.
(Cardinal Sforza schedules a dinner appointment with some very special guests from the Kiev region)
SHOCK R(A) RATING FOR CHILDREN'S FAIRYTALE
Londinium- Parents did a double-take when the Londinium Royal Puppet Theatre announced that their latest play, Sleeping Beauty, will be released with a R(A) rating. The producers promise artistic violence and erotic scenes in this twist to this old favourite. Child welfare groups have raised protest against the theatre's decision to proceed with the play. "We cannot allow such filth! Not even with a R rating!" Nanna Darling, chairwoman of one of the nation's leading child welfare organizations vowed. "Think of the all the innocents who will be irreparably traumatized."
What is more shocking is the revelation that it was the child prodigy puppeteer, Dexter Longman, who suggested the dark remake. When interviewed, Dexter Longman only smiled and replied: "Doing things the old way is sooo boring. So I decide to jazz things up a bit with some good old sex and violence. This is not for tiny tots, though I will not stop any tiny tot who wants to stick about for the show. Just don't go howling to your mama when it is over. Perhaps I will do Red Riding Hood next…"
Ask Leon
Due to certain unexpected and unfortunate circumstances, I, Katherina, will be covering this issue's advice column with HC-IIIX. Leon, Father A and the other regulars are currently away on urgent business in Albion. If you are reading this, you better bring my kid brother home safe and sound. And stay out of trouble. I mean it!
Dear Leon
Everyone thinks I am sleeping with my supervisor. The whole company is gossiping about it. So what if I do spend loads of time in his rooms. We always have to work extra hard because our boss is a slave-driver and a demanding SOB. Also the other guys are bums! I crash out on his sofa and he crashes out in his armchair (if vampires like him still require their sleep). We have some office ladies writing us into Yaoi fantasies on the office blog! I am gonna strangle the lot of rumour mongers at the company night puppet show!
- Disturbed Puppeteer
Dear Puppeteer
Strangling your colleagues will not improve your popularity. Why is it only you two wind up on overtime? This reeks of mismanagement. Perhaps you and your supervisor can rope in your other colleagues to assist you. More hands make light work.
- Katherina
Dear Leon
I can't believe I am writing in to you given your track record for bad advice. Maybe it is because of my concussion from the basilica incident. My sister is a BITCH! She is probably hankering after MY post at the company. She is not fit to hold her current post! She is irresponsible and reckless! She consorts with delinquents, felons and other dubious characters of suspect origins. Somedays I feel like locking her up in my dungeons where the sun doesn't shine and throwing the key down a volcano.
- Unhappy Brother Frances
Dearest Brother
The feeling is mutual. You are a stubborn fanatic of the worst kind. You obviously slept through the lecture: "Blessed be the Peacemakers". You are such a warmonger and an imbecile! Do you really think we can win any souls for God by declaring war on everyone else? Grr, and I have to clear up the mess after you let loose your Inquisition dogs on the people!
-Your ever-loving sister
Dear Leon
I considered it but then my girlfriend pulled out a bazooka and threatened to use it if I took a vow of celibacy. By the way, who's idea was it to come up with a vow of celibacy anyway?! sorry, off topic, my girlfriend's father has taken up residence in the guest room and is watching me like a hawk so I can't launch any bloody campaigns without alerting the old man! What should I do about the weapons I keep in the attic?? I managed to deter him from checking up there but I have a feeling that I won't be able to do that for long, any suggestions? I feel obligated to tell you that Contra Mundi is about to launch an attack on Albion and Father Nightroad is going to die, only telling you this because I owe Hugue a favor since he beat me at cards last week, that man can bluff like nobodys business!!. You'd best watch your back cause Contra Mundi will have some Methuselah made shield. By the way, can you tell me the best way to get bloodstains out of clothing?.
General Zargon, feeling sympathetic and still extremely worried
Dear General,
My records show that the word 'celibacy' does not ring any bells with Leon. In fact, Leon has been observed on 1440 occasions trying to chat up assorted ladies of dubious profession…
- HC-IIIX
(Katherina makes note to speak with Leon over certain clauses in the code of conduct)
Petition: Save our children's fairytales
The Albion Association for Protection of Children (AAPC) will be holding a petition signing session this weekend to safeguard the innocence of our children by protecting their fairytales. We will not allow classical favourites like Sleeping Beauty and Red Riding Hood be corrupted. The venue is Queen Brigit Rose Park, next to the Royal Puppet Theatre, from 8 am to 7 pm.
– Nanna Darling, Chairwoman
P.S. Please bring along a pillowcase of feathers. We will provide the tar.
Personal Ad
D, kindly explain why I went to Berlin to pay my respects to my recently departed sister, Greta, to find her coffin empty? You better not have her stashed away somewhere…
– Isaak (reading up on the application of painful torture methods)
Brother A, please, please be careful if you are going after him. I mean it! I promise not to rile the Vatican folks or let my people rile them. I am taking your negotiating thing seriously! Just don't get killed!
– Sister S
Advertisement
Ghet-Beauty Shampoo introduces new herbal formula extra strength for treatment of split-ends and dry, damaged hair. Why suffer unruly locks when you can enjoy supple, strong, healthy hair. Available at all salons and pharmacies in Albion.
Author's Notes:
Someone is making a lot of enemies in this issue. Imagine Dexter getting tarred and feathered. Maybe Greta gets the leading role in Sleeping Beauty. I don't think Isaak is amused. One puppeteer is not very amused about allegations of yaoi between him and a Magician.