Author's Note: I think sometimes that I have waaaaay too much time on my hands. Too much. I should get on with my school work…
Disclaimer: Everything that revolves around Final Fantasy belongs to Tetsuya Nomura, and his evil alter-ego, Liz.

Reno had a lot of free time at work nowadays, because Rufus went on an extended vacation with Tseng as his bodyguard. Rufus would have no one else. Reno thought Rufus was secretly gay and was whisking Tseng off to paradise in the world of homosexuality.

The redhead would walk around the halls, check his matches online, grab the ass of a pretty secretary and run, and add rubber bands to a rubber band ball the size of a chocobo egg. Damn, that thing was big.

But our favorite alcoholic was running out of ideas to keep himself occupied. So in one of his wandering journeys, he wandered to the basement of basements; where Hojo kept his experiments. It was a cold, dark place laced with the sickly sweet scent of death.

He scanned his ID card to gain access. Being a Turk rocked sometimes.

With a small sound of the door unlocking, Reno pushed the door open slowly and shut it behind him, listening to it lock. To his left was a long hallway… and the same was at his right. When Reno was younger, he'd have nightmares of never-ending hallways. Here it was.

The fluorescent light flickered every minute or so, and it bothered Reno a lot while he walked down the corridor; the one to his left. He whipped out a pair of sunglasses he stole from Rude, and put them on. He felt stupid, for some reason.

His footsteps were starting to drag, something that Reno tried to fix over the years. The steady hum of the generators nearby mixed with the water dripping and his footsteps made quite the odd orchestra.

OHH… WE'RE HALFWAY THERE… OOHHHH! WE'RE LIVIN' ON A PRAYER… TAKE MY HAN-

Reno quickly scanned his ID on the side of one of the doorframes and swung the door open. There was a (really attractive) woman in a white lab coat, singing her lungs out while doing some lab work. At the sight of Reno at the door, she shut her music off.

"Can I ask what you're doing here?" She asked, a pipette in hand, halfway full of a clear liquid she was going to pour into a small vial. The centrifuge cover was open.

Reno pointed one thumb behind him. "Should I be going?"

"No, you can stay if you want." Her tone mellowed a bit. "You're the rogue Turk, aren't you?"

He was the bad guy now? Reno felt a bit proud. "Yeah. Yeah, that's me. Reno."

"Dr. Paige Mercutio. I work the dayshift."

"So what do you do here?" Reno looked around the room at various little bottles on a rack.

"A bit of everything." She placed the full vial in the centrifuge and shut its lid. Paige turned the speed up to high. "Oh," She remembered, "I have to perform an autopsy. Want to come with me? It's kinda boring when you cut open a dead body by yourself."

He was a bit excited and a bit nauseous at the idea of it, but put on a lab coat and some latex gloves and followed Paige to another room across the hall. A body-shaped lump was on the metal dissecting table.

"Who is this guy?" He asked when she began to take a liver temperature.

She stopped for a bit and looked at his face. "He was the Director of Sales. Co-workers said he just slumped over in the middle of a meeting."

"We have sales?

"…you're a Turk and you don't know that? Pity."

"What do we sell?"

"Hah. We sell a lot of things. Of those things, we also sell drugs."

"As in the type you get high off of?"

"No, more like prescription. Like anti-convulsants and anti-histamines." Paige wrote down his LT. "Seventy-two… the dude's been dead for about ten hours."

Red-Hot: Guess what I did today!
ShakenNotStirred: Get your ass whipped by a girl.
Red-Hot: Naah, I saw a coroner cut up a dead guy.
ShakenNotStirred: Oh, EW.
ShakenNotStirred: So you work in the medical field.
Red-Hot: Naaaaaah, I work in government. Well, sorta.
ShakenNotStirred: …
Red-Hot: What, did you break the law and you're afraid that I'm gonna come after you now?
ShakenNotStirred: You can say that.
Red-Hot: You afraid that I'm going to handcuff you and pat you down for any weapons?
ShakenNotStirred: …
Red-Hot: Oh baby, I'm on a roll now.
Red-Hot: And then I'm going to blindfold you and have my way?
ShakenNotStirred: ..;;
Red-Hot: What, do you want me to stop?
ShakenNotStirred: Yeah. Perhaps too many tequilas have gotten in the way of your common sense.
Red-Hot: How do you know I was having tequilas before?
ShakenNotStirred: I know a lot of things.
Red-Hot: Are you stalking me? ARE YOU? HUH?
ShakenNotStirred: If I was stalking you, would I need some cheesy instant messaging program to contact you?
Red-Hot: …right.