Author's Note: I got food poisoning from bad sashimi! AAAAGH! I've lost more weight than before and I think I'm anorexic now.
Disclaimer: Not. Mine.

Red-Hot: There's this really, really hot girl I know.
Naproxenne: Do I know her?
Red-Hot: Well, you probably heard of her.
Red-Hot: But then you've probably seen her, and when you do realize who she is, you're gonna think she's hot.
Naproxenne: Reno, you're kind of stupid.
Red-Hot: Why?
Naproxenne: I'm a lesbian, I'm half-naked in front of the computer, haven't had sex in nine months, and desperate for a girlfriend.
Red-Hot: Paige… omfg I hate it when you do the lesbian thing on me.
Red-Hot: It turns me on so much.
Naproxenne: Men are such pigs. Especially Turks.
Red-Hot: Wait, I'm the only Turk you know!
Naproxenne: Why don't you go ask Tseng why I'm a lesbian now?

Red-Hot: Hey dudemeister, what happened to Paige?
Taciturk: MERCUTIO?
Taciturk: HOW THE HELL OD YOU KNOW HER?
Taciturk: do
Red-Hot: Well, we met yesterday.
Taciturk: DOING…?
Red-Hot: Well, I found her singing in the basement.
Taciturk: Let me guess, it was Bon Jovi, right?
Red-Hot: Yeah.
Taciturk: I hate that guy.
Red-Hot: What happened with Paige?
Taciturk: I'm not telling.
Red-Hot: TSENNNNNGGG TTELLLL MEEEEEEE
Taciturk: Only if you promise not to tell anyone.
Red-Hot: Fine.
Taciturk: Turk's honor.
Red-Hot: Yeah, yeah.
Taciturk: Uh… how do you say this…
Red-Hot: HURRY UP IM GONNA PISS IN MY PANTS HURRY UP
Taciturk: I'm…
Red-Hot: YOURE WHAT? WHAT IS IT, TSENG?
Taciturk: I'm bad in bed.
Red-Hot: AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA
Taciturk: 1 in 10 men have E.D.!
Red-Hot: YOU HAVE ED? AHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!111111!11111
Red-Hot: OMFG HAHAHAH!11!1!
Taciturk: And I kept saying that I wasn't in the mood.
Taciturk: Or I used Cialis.
Red-Hot: OMG HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA I FEEL BAD FOR YOU ROFLS LOLOLOLOLOLOL!11!1!
Taciturk is unavailable because Taciturk is offline.

Red-Hot: As much as I don't wanna talk to ya, I have some news on your little loverboy Tseng.
313N4: Uhm, wat?
Red-Hot: Tseng has ED.
313N4: Wats ed?
Red-Hot: Oh God, you haven't fucked him yet.
313N4: he has an std? omg omg omg omg omg omg
Red-Hot: No, you idiot, he has an erectile dysfunction.
313N4: He cant get it up? U serious?
Red-Hot: That's what made one of his ex-girlfriend go lezzie.
313N4: Wow. Imma go bang rude now.
Red-Hot: YOU'RE BOINKING RUDE?
313N4: Juss playin with ya, homie.
Red-Hot: Oh good. Since when were you all 'ghetto-fab'?
313N4: My sister calls it a phase.

Red-Hot: So what do you think Tseng's doing on his little private job with the big man?
Naproxenne: Well, probably giving him a blowjob and getting promoted to something.
Red-Hot: I think Tseng's been giving blowjobs because he's at the top of his… thingie.
Naproxenne: I can so see Tseng as a gay man, having butt sex, fun with lube and all those weird things.
Red-Hot: I think I just threw up in my mouth.

Red-Hot: TSENG HAS ERECTILE DYSFUNCTIONS PASS IT ON TO WHOEVER WORKS IN THE SHINRA BUILDING!
Ritalinne: Do I know you?

Red-Hot: TSENG HAS ERECTILE DYSFUNCTIONS PASS IT ON TO WHOEVER WORKS IN THE SHINRA BUILDING!
EnDurance: Hey, I dated Tseng once.
Red-Hot: Really? Was he really bad in the sack?
EnDurance: He. Was. Pathetic.

Red-Hot: TSENG HAS ERECTILE DYSFUNCTIONS PASS IT ON TO WHOEVER WORKS IN THE SHINRA BUILDING!
KINGSEPH: …
Red-Hot: Is this Sephiroth?
KINGSEPH: No, this is the little voice in your head that keeps repeating, "Kill yourself… do it now…"
Red-Hot: And I thought Sephiroth died.

Red-Hot: TSENG HAS ERECTILE DYSFUNCTIONS PASS IT ON TO WHOEVER WORKS IN THE SHINRA BUILDING!
Ibuprofenne: If you can tell me what radioactive isotopes are, I'll pass it on.
Red-Hot: Hey, do all lab techs have screen names dealing with pills?
Ibuprofenne: You don't think so…

Red-Hot: TSENG HAS ERECTILE DYSFUNCTIONS PASS IT ON TO WHOEVER WORKS IN THE SHINRA BUILDING!
Taciturk: You sent one to me, you dumbass?